My good pal nopaperkg has just recently begun reading Breaking Dawn and on our road trip back from the holiday break she turned on her copy of the Breaking Dawn audiobook. While the audiobook version is a whole ‘nother post for a different day suffice it to say it got me thinking again about the saga through new eyes. Something about hearing a woman imitating a man’s voice or maybe hearing the only book in the saga I’ve read once being dramatically read to me gave it new life. And it brought up some of my old questions I had that started back in the Twilight book. We listened to the chapter of Breaking Dawn where Charlie sees Bella for the first time since she’s been changed into a Vampire. He tells Bella that the less he knows the better. And so that got me to thinking…
Is Charlie’s (and for that matter Renee’s) parenting style a cop out? Now obviously, I’m not a parent, and who knows if I ever will be one, but I know from having a couple of really good parents of my own that none of this shiz Bella tries to pull would NEVER have flown. The “less I know, the better” would NOT have happened in my house. Especially if I supposedly came down with some tropical disease on my honeymoon that required me to go to the center of disease control. RIGHT. My mom would have beat me to the center before I ever got there. And the whole Renesmee is our maybe daughter/maybe niece who grows at an unnatural rate and has a betrothed that is a werewolf on the side. Nope, don’t want to know anything about it, TMI! YEA RIGHT.
Hey baby, I'll maybe see you in 2 years when you graduate. Oh wait, I won't.
Let’s take it back to New Moon. Had my boyfriend dumped me and left me in the woods which would lead me into a downward depression spiral my mom would have been on the first plane out. Especially if months went by where I became a zombie with night terrors and a penchant for dangerous after school activities. Is Charlie not sharing the whole truth with Renee? Is she too busy in Jacksonville with Phil the minor league baseball player to care about her child who is hurting?
Throughout this letter I’m going to use something called sarcasm. Unfamiliar? Read this. Many people hate Kristen Stewart because they are sadface that she is (apparently) with Robert Pattinson. I am one of them. I cannot judge Kristen Stewart fairly without thinking of her with Robert Pattinson. She does a commercial for cat litter and surrounds herself with 18 little white kittens? I hate it because all I can think about is how she gets to do Rob Pattinson after she gets to play with all those adorable kittens. In Adventureland she does a sex scene with a douche-bag married to a Woody Allen darling? She is an automatic awful fake movie sexer because she’s having the real sex with Rob Pattinson. Remember, Read this if you have any questions.
Dear Twilosophy Debate Class 101,
Today we’re going to have a healthy debate. Any questions?
Why are you opening THIS can of worms when we have had peace on LTT for awhile and Robsteners/Nonsteners/Swiftners/Non-Swiftnerers (Wait a second- WHO could be a Non-Swiftnerer? Seriously? Have you seen these two? So freakin’ adorable) have been getting along?
Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and when I think of stuff I like to share it with the LTT community. Also KStew411 tweeted this amazing video and I really needed a reason to post it
Kristen and I had a rocky beginning. First of all she kissed Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and that’s when I knew I would hate her for eternity. Plus that movie sucked and that pains me to say because I heart Adam Brody something fierce. I remember being very underwhelmed by all the performances in that movie, not just Kristen’s. I’ll have to break it out again to decide for sure what I think of her specifically, but I’d rather die than do that. So let’s just leave it at that.
Bitch! Seriously, I'll facepunch you so hard....
And then came Twilight. I walked away consumed with the desire to FACE PUNCH her except I didn’t know it was that desire since FACE PUNCH doesn’t get referenced until New Moon. “SHE gets to DO Rob Pattinson!?” I thought. (Except I didn’t think that since I didn’t think they were DOING it then since I was underwhelmed by their on-screen chemistry and knew nothing of the off screen rumors.) I was confused. I thought her casting was SPOT ON for the character of Bella. But her portrayal of Bella….? Well, it took me awhile to put it into words, but let’s just leave it at- I wasn’t so crazy about it. (Refer to the above video for many of the reasons why)
I feared a Twilight repeat. I did. So much of that movie hinged on Kristen’s ability to make us believe in her pain. I came away from that midnight showing really happy with what I saw! I believed her! I felt her loss. I even shed a tear or two even though I knew that Edward would eventually come back and then they’d have some awesome make-out scenes complete with an EPIC Leg Hitch (Don’t do it and DIE, David Slade) and would eventually skinny-dip in the ocean after which they’d do it in probably the most talked about fade-to-black scene ever written, finally resulting in the birth of a half-human, half-vampire genius-child who would be imprinted upon by a werewolf. I cried even though I knew that would happen. (Actually, that’s probably why I cried. Couldn’t he just STAY and give her amazing birthday sex?) Also I didn’t cry until Lykke Li’s “Possibility” came on because I feel emotions through music. Plus, Kristen had my FAVORITE line in all of New Moon. Listen for it here in this clip, courtesy of Brookelockart’s pirated copy of the movie:
Click for awesomeness
So… why the sudden change of heart towards Kristen? Were my expectations SO low for the movie that surpassing them wasn’t that hard to do (That’s actually possible) Did she REALLY step it up a notch this movie? Was Chris Weitz a better director for her? Clearly I just forgot that she was banging Rob with his absence. Instead I thought about flowers, kittens and Swiftner. Or maybe Stewner- yes… that’s right! While watching the movie I invented, in my mind, a real relationship between Kristen & Taylor. She makes him homemade protein shakes while he improves his pectoral muscles. It’s a beautiful relationship. And an obvious one. How else would she know that Taylor carries around little baggies of meat patties? You know, I bet Kristen even bags Tay’s meat patties for him in NAME-BRAND baggies. She loves him that much. Best of all Rob is single & Taylor Swift writes an amazing break-up song that brings me to tears until the end when a wolf is mauled to death by a bear (because afterall, Kristen let us in on a little secret- “They’re Not Bears“) Continue…
This is my Monday night date. You should SEE who I get on Thursdays..
Something feels different. No, I don’t mean it’s been awhile since Ashley Greene was caught with some sort of Hollywood party boy (although it has been) nor do I mean that I haven’t cracked a joke about KStew’s mullet in awhile (although that’s true too). I just mean that this year, with the recent release of New Moon, feels quite different than lastyear after the release of Twilight. I can’t really put my finger on it exactly, but so far I’ve come up with this: Everyone is already a Twilight fan! Yes, my friends, Twilight has saturated the market. There are no new fans to be found. There is no one left who hasn’t tried out the books/movies and hated it (let’s burn them) or devoured the books in 36 hours and spent the next few months watching every clip ever mentioning “The Twilight Saga” online. It’s gotten as big as it’s going to get. Or…… has it? We received this letter the other day that had me questioning why I think something feels different:
It’s been just over a month since that fateful Thursday, November 12, when I picked up my reserved copy of Twilight at my local library and finally started reading the first book of your saga. I was merely curious as to what was causing all of the hype and why my sister-in-law’s ideal man was named Edward Cullen. I figured with the movie, New Moon, coming out in a couple of weeks, now would be a good time to read this curiously popular book. I didn’t expect to stay up until 2am reading the first 375 pages, only forcing myself to bed because of work obligations the next morning. As I drifted off to sleep that night, my mind swirled with thoughts of Edward, Bella and the rest of the intriguing inhabitants of Forks, WA. The next day at work I was thankful that it was a Friday, but even more so I was excited to go (rush) home and finish the remaining pages of Twilight. I cracked open a bottle of red wine, broke off a piece of Ghirardelli’s Twilight Delight dark chocolate (I couldn’t resist!) and finished reading the remaining pages of Twilight. And so it began…
In all truth, I didn’t expect to like you. I didn’t expect to love you so much, re-reading you multiple times while awaiting my hold for New Moon to be filled at the library. Like so many others before me (apparently), I voraciously read the remainder of the saga in the next two weeks (only taking so long due to the wait at the library).
I can’t quite explain my new infatuation with you, and to be honest, my husband, at first, was a bit confounded, fearing that he would come home one day to find me all gothed-out and wearing white makeup. I assured him I had no desire to be a vampire. I don’t want to be Bella. I just love the characters and the inexplicable way it makes me feel when I read their story.
The saga is now #1 on my Christmas list this year, along with the special edition DVD.
Does her story sound familiar? Just maybe a year after yours? Read on after the jump! Continue…
Recently a girl I sorta know found out about the blogs and asked me “so you’re like the number one Twilight fan, huh?!” and I wholeheartedly and vehemently said NO! No I am NOT the number one Twilight fan cause in my mind number one fan is some crazy lunatic with Twilight tattoos, owns the entire line of tshirts from Hot Topic, sleeps on the sidewalk for days on end… number one fan brings to mind visions of that show, FANatic on MTV and how some crazy person deemed an artist’s number one fan went apeshit when they met SugarRay or Britney Spears and that’s about the farthest thing from what I’d do if I ever REALLY met any of these people in real life. In reality I’d pretty much look the other way while hoping they didn’t think I was staring at them. Far from having a fangirl freak out or even acknowledging that I know who they are and NEVER ever in a million years mentioning that I write a blog about them or the books every day.
Yup, number one fan, that's me!
But just because I’m not those things that make me think #1 fan does that make me any less of one? Maybe I really am a number 1 fan. I run this blog, I’ve been to more than my fair share of Twilight related events, heck I have business cards in my handbag with this blog’s URL on it… somehow in my mind this does not equate number one fan but to the outside world, aka the rest of the population, who only know Twilight as that thing “the kids are into” I probably look like the biggest fan that ever lived.
I shudder to think!
So what does it all mean? Follow the cut to see what I come up with… Continue…
*Spoilers all throughout, again. And seriously if you’re reading LTT but haven’t seen the movie yet you better have a GOOD reason. Swine Flu? Rob knocked on your door and said he’d be with you but only if you promised never to see one of his films? So if you haven’t seen the movie, best you skip on by. If you have, pull up your pencil & notepad, it’s time for a major New Moon-losophy:
I'm about to dissappear so that Chris Hansen can keep his career busy for the next few months
Okay- Be honest, how many more times did you see New Moon? So far the record I know of at LTT is @Brookelockart who saw it three times. I’ve only seen it once, and I’m pretty miserable about it. But I promised my best friends I’d see it with them on Tuesday, so I guess I can wait until then. In the meantime I’ve been thinking about New Moon a lot. I’d think that was weird except by now I know to just say “That’s Normal.” So at brunch today after I talked my husband’s ear off about what a great job I thought Taylor did and how I didn’t miss Rob at all but then loved him when he returned, I took the “I’m only listening to you now so that I don’t have to hear about it later, plus I know the more accepting I am of this the more guilty you’ll feel that we spent the whole time talking about you therefore you’ll be more giving in the bedroom” gaze on his face as totally normal, as well.
Since I finished re-reading New Moon on my plane ride home from Los Angeles and I can’t see the movie until Tuesday, I’ve been doing a bit of reading online to pass the time and get my New Moon fill. First I started with fan reviews. They were basically the same- filled with “OH MY GAWD Taylor’s abs” and “I think I might switch teams” and “I’m most DEFINITELY not leaving Team Edward but dayyyummmmm can I stare at Jacob’s abs one more time?” Not to forget “Cathy Hardi you suck” and “MARRY ME CHRIS WEITZ” sprinkled with a little “Kristen now that Nikki is out of the picture can WE be fake lesbians” and “THE ENDING.. AHHH” and “I can’t wait for JUNE!” (Does that basically sum up all the feelings?) But the critic reviews were a different story.
I stayed away from critic reviews before I saw the movie. I wasn’t going to, but then I remembered how I read a review last year before seeing Twilight that suggested that Cathy Hardi’s close up shots of Rob & Kristen’s faces were because they couldn’t portray the connection Edward & Bella were supposed to have well enough. I could never get that out of my head, and I think about it every time I see the movie (and tend to agree). So this time I stayed away from the reviews so I could form my own opinions. Obviously, I loved the movie and I’m looking forward to seeing what my 2nd-10th viewings show me (My husband said if I see it more than 10 times he’ll put me in an institution)
Read all about the reviews after the jump Continue…