Dear Ashley, Kristen and Dakota-
I see that Kellan finally wore you down and you had a meeting of the girls accountability group of New Moon and decided to induct Dakota Fanning into the fold… how sweet of you gals!
First, Ashley decided to document the occasion because of course my BFF is like me and will inevitably scrapbook the moment for posterity to remember the day Dakota joined the league of girls “Praying and Fasting for a better New Moon.” The movement originally started by our dear Lula and continues till November 20 when we will find out if our prayers have been answered. Obviously you girls know how important this is so you started off the meeting with a round of prayer…
Kristen Stewart was just at a Women of the Word conference (obviously) and decided to begin after feeling the leading of the Holy Spirit and it went a little something like this…
KStew: Dear God we come to you today in front of the paparazzi and the crazy psycho set stalkers to say we are so thankful to be sweating our boobs off filming here in Italy and want to welcome our newest sister in the Lord the Meyer, Dakota Fanning. Let her light shine to all she comes in contact with, though not Rob because he should only be seeing MY light, but anyway we ask for a hedge of protection around Dakota from all the whacky Pattinson pants girls and scary Twimoms, keep her safe and away from their Chico’s daywear grasp…
Dakota: Dear God, thank you for these special girls and may we all become closer than fake lesbians now that NReed is out of the picture… oh and an extra special blessing for my agent and manager for making a teen girls dream come true by taking me away from Oscar potential scripts and getting me this two-bit part and bringing me this much closer to Robert Pattin-
*interrupting* KStew: Uh that’s enough Dakota, don’t want to wear you out the first time, ASHLEY your turn, NOW!
Ashley: Huh? uh.. OH! I’m up… Dear God, after this whole accountability thingy is over please please please let us find an open Sephora store here in Montepulciano because all of us are out of concealer! Seriously, look at us, we’re out in public praying on a rooftop looking haggard, we NEED some MAC ‘studio stick’ coverage stat. Oh and please impress upon Jackson’s heart that he should ‘kiss groupies goodbye’ and shack up with me instead. Uh and thanks for Dakota, her presence helps give this little dog and pony show we call New Moon some much needed credibility.
And we all said AAAAAAMEN!
Then the always classy Kristen gave the watching paparazzi a little one finger blessing…
Spoken like a true prophetess! Don’t miss KStew on BET’s Sunday Best and next year on tour with Juanita Bynum bringing the word like only SHE can!
Your sister in the Meyer,
Tags: , accountability partner, Alice, Ashley Greene, Bella, BET, concealor, Dakota Fanning, facebook, fangirls, fans, flipping off, haggard, italy, Jackson Rathbone, Jane, Juanita Bynum, kellan lutz, Kristen Stewart, make up, Montepulciano, New Moon, Nikki Reed, paparazzi, pattinson pants, pictures, Prayer, Rob, Robert Pattinson, Role Play, role playing, Sephora, sighting, Sunday Best, the bird, Twilight, twimoms, vampires, Women of the Word, youth group