How to be a fun celebrity

Dear Twilight cast members who are absolutely no fun (read: Kristen Stewart & Robert Pattinson),

What’s your problem? Can’t you have a little fun? Sure it’s annoying having people run after you so you can sign a book that you had absolutely no part in writing. And some fans (read: most fans) are absolutely crazy, but it’s your life. And it’s not going away. So why not laugh about it? Otherwise, you’re just going to be running away for forever. And while all that running may produce a kick-ass gluteus maximus, who needs tight buns when you’re just hiding away in a dark hotel room all day long? (if you’re doing something with those tight buns in the dark hotel room, that’s a different story…)

If you want to trade positions, I’m willing. (positions in life- I’m no longer talking about tight buns) I’d be such a fun celebrity.. like Fach- Peter Facinelli. That dude knows how to be a celebrity the right way. He joined twitter, started tweeting back & forth with fans and before you knew it, some dude he knows is in a bikini on the street in Hollywood! Peter’s a good time!

I’ve put together a list of ideas on how to be a fun celebrity. Take my advice & your life will be so much more joy-filled, less stressful and you’ll be able to show off that gluteus maximus in public, instead of hiding away in a hotel room.

  • Kellan, will you ask that pap to sign my book?

    Kellan, do you think that photographer would sign my book?

    When you’re running away from the paparazzi and you jump into a cab, kiss the cabbie.

  • Tired of people thinking you’re with so-and-so just because you were seen together near the used lingerie section of VanCity’s finest thrift store? Hold hands with your bodyguard. And skip. (if you’re feeling extra funny, slip your new, used panties over the bodyguard’s head)
  • Carry around a Twilight book and have one of your cast members sign it right in front of the paps. OR ask the paps to sign it.
  • Stop fearing the paps- LOVE on them. Carry around a notebook & write little messages for them. “I like it when you call me Big Papa” (tell Big Daddy Lautner about that- he’ll get a kick out of it) or ‘Breaking News! I’m a hermaphrodite” or something simple like “I love the paps.” If you’re not feeling up to risking ending up as the latest freak mentioned in the National Enquirer, write about a charity- “fightpovery.org”
  • Get an official twitter. You wouldn’t even have to tweet often. People would still write you every day and wait for you to say “Damn that steak was good” or “My dirty hair is starting to itch” (psst there is even a setting where you can turn OFF replies from people you don’t follow! Protection from the fangirls!) Plus you could tweet lies like “Headed to 100 monkeys tonight- Man i Love them!” and instead run back to that thrift store because you forgot to pick up matching flannel pajama pants.
  • Drunk Tweet. Billy Black Burke (that was not an intentional mistake) does it the best:

    Just sitting here in my hotel room with uncomfortable images of PFach and Lutz together in a tandem lotus position. mmmm, dreamy.

    What the…?

Kstache

I love little boys, and Twitpic

  • Once you have a twitter, get yourself a Twitpic account. Photoshop yourself with a mustache. Or photoshop your co-stars with a mustache. Upload the pictures.
  • Be touchy-feely with fangirls. Well, the hot ones anyway. I happen to think Kellan should be a lil more choosy with the fans he loves on. Pick the hottest ones (we do exist), get a lil smooch and maybe, if you’re feeling dangerous, even a lil’ more. Or kiss your co-stars who don’t get enough attention. Have you SEEN Christian Serratos lately? Dang…..
  • Put it out there on Craigslist like this guy. Don’t be ashamed if you have a strong want for a gorgeous Asian boy. And even if you don’t want a gorgeous Asian boy, pretend that you do. Cause you know that some pap will reply to the ad and set-up a date with you so they can catch you and sell the story. But the joke will be on them. Dress up like a vampire (I hear you may know somewhere you can swipe some clothes & make-up), set up some candles & romantic music, get your video camera ready with a live feed to your tinychat for twitter and open the door and say “Mama taught me how to make you ‘meow’ ” The pap might not get  it, but we all will.

Stop being a sourpuss couple. Be FUN celebrities! Learn from Fach, Kellan, TayTay and whoever is 26 and looking for a lil’ gaysian lovin’ to pass the time!

Happy to help!
UnintendedChoice

Who are your fav fun Twi-lebrities?

Discuss who wants a gaysian lover on The Forum
See if Rob did anything funny over on LTR

Pic Source and Thanks to Fatima for mustache-Kristen!)

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Twilight Dirt – All the news that’s fit to print

Do your Twitpics look THIS GOOD? David Slade's do

Do your Twitpics look THIS GOOD? David Slade’s do

Dear LTT-ers and Twihards,

It’s about that time again, yup we need to do a news dump, since we can’t write letters regarding EVERY little news piece nor do you want to hear us TRY to wax poetic about Sarah Clarke’s suitcase. I tried. It doesn’t work. So let’s get to it…

XO
Moon

  • If you’re not following David Slade on Twitter you are missing out on some awesome shiz, like pictures of Taylor doing backflips and THIS DUDE! This is the guy you see in the mirror after you chant “Red Rum” into your bathroom mirror with the lights off at your 6th grade sleepover. Eclipse crew are SEXYtimes.
  • Are you ready to simultaneously pee your pants, puke into the DVD storage unit near your tv, scream like a 14 yr old girl and hyperventilate? Yea, we are too! The holy trinity (Rob, KStew and Taycob) will be premiering a new (read: legit) trailer at the MTV Music Video Awards. And yes, Russell Brand is hosting again, get your pitch forks ready.

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.3347131&w=425&h=350&fv=configParams%3Dtype%253Dnormal%2526vid%253D431558%2526uri%253Dmgid%253Auma%253Avideo%253Amtv.com%253A431558%2526startUri%3Dmgid%253Auma%253Avideo%253Amtv.com%253A431558]

  • I’m beginning to think these biotches aren’t even in Eclipse, they’re just hanging out, walking through Vancouver with their hoods up, drinking smoothies and working out 23 hours a day. Seriously, who owns THAT MUCH workout gear?

MORE News after the cut!
Continue…

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Breaking down pics from the set of Eclipse

Dear LTT-ers,

With the total lack of any real Twi news or pictures larger than 1 inch by 1 inch, UC and I decided to do a little break down of the pictures from the Eclipse set. We speculate what scenes they could be from, how the actors prepared for the scene and what kind of mood they would have to be in. Ok, ok… you know us better than that- we get started off with how hot Rob is and then quickly devolve into some nonsense about Full House or Big Daddy’s love of McDonald’s menu items. This break down is no different! So let’s get it on!

Perfecting our waffle recipes,
Moon & UC

 

The one where we make a $7.00 bet
moon:
ok SOOO lets start with some hottness
UC: if i didn’t know better, i wouldn’t know that wasn’t rachelle. sorry rachelle :(
moon: i know! totes looks like her
UC: and bryce has got a BOOTTAYYY
moon: riley likes big butts and he cannot lie
UC: so true So…. interesting about the kiss… wonder when it is
moon: so is that a wig shes wearing
UC: my guess is they probably show parts of seattle. it has to be a wig, that girl’s hair is stick straight
moon: yea im wondering about all this kiss/newborns/etc buisness since i dont remember it being HUGE in the book. i mean the movies gonna be long as ef already so then shotting all these other scenes is suprising to me but cool
UC: yeah… $7 it gets cut- please write that down somewhere
moon: noted
UC: so you don’t forget you owe me $7
moon: thats half a 2nd screening of eclipse on the following day since we’ll SO be seeing it AGAIN
UC: you could just buy me popcorn and 1/2 a drink
moon: ok we’ll share the drink diet coke and ill bring a LITTLE BOTTLE of rum. We’ll pour one out for our homie buttcrack santa. RIP
UC: RIP
UC: i’m gonna need the booze
moon: yea im gonna need it too, calm the nerves
UC: seeing rob roll around with HER doing the leg hitch. sigh
moon: we should make sure we’re packing at the midnight showing. GOD ill be thinking MULLET the whole time. hoping the wig falls off
UC: by packing do you mean our penis’ look big? cuz i don’t know what you mean
moon: yup, we’re defs stuffing our team jacob panties, so our packages scare the other bloggers, sorta like marking our territory. THIS theaters OURS bitches
UC: seriously.. take THAT “Letters to God

Follow the cut to apply for a job as a Twi-pap, learn about fish waffles and President Hamilton oh and Eclipse!
Continue…

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Blurbs about the Teen Choice Awards

Dear Twilight,

Another award ceremony is over huh? I’ll confess I didn’t watch it. But I plan to do no work and catch up on all the video clips I missed during the day today.

Don’t think I didn’t spend all Monday & Monday night breaking down people, outfits & gossip from the TCAs though. No no.. never doubt me.  Enjoy today’s Blurbs about the Teen Choice Awards from The Quad, Calliope & Brooke.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

The one with that girl we don’t recognize from Twilight

[vodpod id=ExternalVideo.859539&w=425&h=350&fv=]

EastFriend: I watched Mark Steines’ cute lil’ interivew with the Twilight cast after the TCAs ended, and could not, for the life of me, figure out why there was a little Asian lady tagging along with the Twi-crew.

  • Did Ashley rescue her from a Taiwanese sweatshop and put her on Summit’s staff, thereby offering and encouraging a better lifestyle?
  • Was sweet lil’ Asian lady really a dealer in disguise? Cause some serious doobie could be hidden in the folds of that scarf!

And then it hit me. It’s Justin Chong. Dude…when did he come out? And where was Neil Patrick Harris?

The one where Rob channeled Ward Cleaver

Leave it to Rob-ver

Leave it to Rob-ver

EastFriend: Rob looked cute.  The scruffy beard was good times.  But the outfit?   What’s with channeling Ward Cleaver at the TCAs?  Even Mike Brady had better style than that.
4 hours later she still can’t get over it
EastFriend: 50 bucks says that plaid shirt Rob wore last night was STINKY. Marcus’ sweat all over it. You know he didn’t wash it. Just picked it up off Marcus’ hotel room floor. Thank God Stephanie prob had the foresight to say, “Let me press that for you.” Maybe she sprayed Febreeze on the arm pits. One can only hope…

Read all about classical music, twilight scandals & real lesbians after the jump! Continue…

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Twilight Twitterers

Dear Twitter,

Twilight has taken over your world. Seriously. I’m a social networking whore and have had Twitter since the beginning of Twitter-time when it sucked and was wayyy boring, so seeing it BLOW UP in the last year has been insane. And I think it has a lot to do with the Twilight saga. Even when we first started tweeting for our blogs (Letter2Twilight) it was kinda boring. We’d tweet about a new post, check out tweets from other blogs & media sites we follow and occasionally have some interaction with a follower, but now? Full-blown conversations are had on Twitter (yeah, you thought having a 140 character limitation would prevent that!) People spend hours upon hours in the twitterverse- and trends can be manipulated and are… often. (FYI- it was not a natural occurrence that SamBradley became a trending topic!)

You can thank (or blame) the Twilight world for this.  I bet, in a months time, we see 5 Twilight-related words as ‘trends.’ The Twilight fanbase is p-o-w-e-r-f-u-l.

And now, almost the whole Twilight cast is on Twitter.  I love when celebs tweet because it makes them more “real,” and kinda approachable (even though most probably turn off the option of reading the @replies from people they don’t follow) I was perusing the twitter accounts of the cast, and I realized you can learn a lot about people based on what they tweet. Stuff like: Jamie Campbell Bower is on vaca, has a blackberry and clearly drunk tweets. And Anna Kendrick is apparently not only very new to Twitter, but also to the world wide web, because she tweeted that she just found out that Bon Iver was going to be on the New Moon soundtrack- old news! and Justin Chon I don’t really get. Last I checked he was an actor who has had some small roles here in there, but- is he famouser than I realize?  The kid goes EVERYWHERE- Some days it’s “In Hawaii.” Then “In Paris.” “In London” etc. etc. etc. Traveling like that costs a lot of money, and last I checked small roles pay shockingly little!

Billy Burke slays me. I dunno what the freak he’s talking about most of the time:

Went AWOL again for a couple days. Got lost in the woods and made really good friends with some toothless banjo players. Don’t worry…

my virginity is still in tact.

I wonder how long it will take for it to come out that RPatz and I are dating. Apparently I’m completely captivated by him.

hmm, i see the burning question is already up on the Lexicon. the little hairy monster does indeed have a life of its own. and yes its REAL

Seriously, read his tweets- he’s hilarious and I can only assume quite often drunk tweeting. Love that his publicist clearly has bigger clients that he/she’s worried about and hasn’t noticed yet that Billy sometimes says stuff any PR person would freak out about.

So I’m just writing to say ‘you’re welcome’ on behalf of all Twilight fans. I’ve checked- and I’m not sure there is another “fandom” that uses Twitter the way the Twilight world does. We’re so happy to help you by using your free app while you sit in an office with your millions in venture capitalist money and try to figure out how to make a profit!

You’re welcome,
UnintendedChoice

Do you ‘tweet?’ Do you feel like following celebs makes them seem more ‘real?’ Who else do you follow besides Twi people? And seriously- have YOU seen other ‘fandom’ groups on Twitter to the extend the Twi-world is!?

All the Twilight twitterers after the jump Continue…

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