Influencing Stephenie: Bella’s Wedding Dress

Dear Stephenie Meyer

Last night I got home from being away for over a week. I spent a lot of time in the hospital and funeral home and cars so you can imagine what I was there for and how out of the loop I am. I didn’t know exactly how out of the loop until I was talking to my roomie last night and she asked me if I heard about you, Stephenie Meyer and THE wedding dress. And I was like WHHHAAAAATT?? Clearly, I really was out of the Twilight loop because I had NO clue what she was talking about and that hasn’t happened since like 2008. So she filled me in and told me that you would be the one choosing the wedding dress Bella would wear in the movie. And I thought well, duh… you should be, I mean this is your story and your Bella and you’re a producer after all.

That got me thinking though, what will this dress look like? From the description in Breaking Dawn it seems like some sort of ruffled, high neck, Victorian affair and not so modern. BUUUTTT with this being the movie I don’t see some Laura Ingles Wilder style dress translating well on the screen so I was hoping we could come up with a few options AND that also got us to thinking that if you occasionally, at your own admission, stop by this fair blog we thought we might be able to throw in a few ideas here and there.

Of course this got us scheming thinking (it was a lot of thinking) even more that since you’re a producer and can throw in ideas why not play with their minds a bit and see who’s REALLY committed to your vision and characterizations in Twilight. We all know Bella is kinda dowdy and not very flashy and Edward is a conservative guy so they probably wouldn’t be down for dresses like this…

This number is totally reusable on the Isle Esme honeymoon! After all the Krisbians do love Kristens legs and this is perfect showcase for them. Totally Bella! Nothing says Bella Swan getting married like a white satin romper!

Tell everyone that Bella and Edward are a couple that are being featured on MTV’s teen mom and because Edward is such a stand up, traditional guy he wants to marry Bella before Renesemee pops out so this will be the dress she wears before they are forced into a life of mediocrity, drama and being on the same channel as those sluts from Jersey.

Ok, so maybe Bella and Edward believe that sex can wait till marriage so what about trying to convince Kristen that Bella would really wear this cause she’s a woman of the world, she’s from Phoenix.

Seriously, Stephenie please please please start pranking the cast by suggesting stuff like these slutty wedding dresses or maybe tell Rob you were a huge fan of the extensions Cathi Hardi had Edward in before they settled on the bouffant hairdo. Then see if the cast tries to stick up to you and defend their characters. If Kristen doesn’t insist on a floor length khaki wedding dress with a train and royal blue (something blue!) top than you need to regulate!

But in all seriousness if Bella’s dress doesn’t turn out something like InStyle’s Twilight wedding dresses, forinstance this Monique Lhullier dress than we’re over!

Ok… ok we won’t be over but ya know… just don’t do the satin romper.

So what other topics should we start “influencing” Stephenie on? What’s your idea for Bella’s wedding dress?

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Twilight cast member endorsements!

Dear Twilight Stars-

I’ve been thinking about you lately (shocking, I know) and I’ve thought about some ways you can parlay this popularity into cash money in your pockets! You’re seen daily with a variety of products and all without an endorsement deal! And it struck me, you guys need to be spokeswhores for your favorite products! Talk about making a little mad money on the side and all for doing what you normally do!

I’m sure you’re skeptical of attaching your name and likeness to any product so I’ve drafted up a couple proofs to show you the possibilities!

Now Wolves, you guys are a little less known that the main characters currently but together as a group you have more star power, so when I saw these pics…

Hot men in UGG-ly boots!

Hot men in UGG-ly boots!

I knew you’d be the perfect spokesmen for UGG boots! Over the last few years the boots have gone from must have to must only wear at home but with you guys sporting them you can boost the demand for not only the women’s line but the mens! And you’re already doing it, all you have to do is walk around on set, flash a little chest, look whimsical and presto, instant spokeswhores!

I vant yo suck yo blood

I vant yo suck yo blood

I just saw these pictures of you in dracula/goth/vampire shiz for some MTV show and thought, wow you would be the perfect spokeswhore for America’s favorite psuedo parent scaring (except Moon Mom) store in the mall.  Goth kids everywhere would weep black smudged tears of relief to see someone who really “gets it.” Cure and Joy Division albums not included.

Follow the cut to see more Twilight spokesperson opportunities

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Kristen Stewart in Bella's new wig!

Oh crap, those were real scissors

Oh crap, those were real scissors

Dear Eclipse Wig Dept,

Since Eclipse started filming last week and no one’s seen Kristen Stewart in her new Bella get-up everyone’s been well: wigging out. Heh. Clearly fans have been flipping out since they saw Kstew’s Runaways hair and wondered what the crap you were going to do with it for Eclipse. Wigs? Tracks? A weave? Extensions?! The mind spins with options! Ok, maybe that’s the 2 “big girl” drinks I just had, but spinning none the less.

So maybe we weren’t so kind to your New Moon counterparts a few months ago when we saw poor Jackson in that god awful poodle wig that was designed for Jasper. I still shudder even now when I see it and don’t know if I’ll be able to overcome it when I’m watching the movie, but well, I guess that’s something you have to live with and not me. Just don’t be surprised if I have Vietnam style flashbacks during the premiere anytime Jasper is on screen. But anyhow, what I’m now currently worrying about is what Bella’s wig will look like. I know we all let out a collective gasp and clutched our throats when we saw that KStew up and got crazy and cut herself a mullet for Runaways filming (you guys more than us I’m sure). Cause now you have to deal with that dead raccoon on her head and turn it into beautiful Bella hair. Sucks to be you all. BUUTT since we’re professional bloggers and total Twilight nerds around here, we’re here to help and I’ve got a few suggestions that just might work for The Great Mullet Fiasco of 09…

Since we’re in a recession and Jacob is now a werewolf you won’t need his old wigs, so why not reuse that for Bella’s wig? Almost the same color, just curl it up a little and presto long hair! We’re in a recessional yall and we all know how Summit likes to save a few clams so WIN WIN!
bellajacobwig bellajacobwig02

And since we’re talking about re-using why not try out the old Jasper poodle wig?! What, Bella’s not blond? Who cares, make her squirm a little for cutting it all off.

Follow the cut to see some more AWESOME wigs!

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