Speculation Thursday – Moon makes the case for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: NOT together!

We're actors

We’re actors

Dear Kristen and Rob-

Last week my pal UC put on a brave face, sucked up her pride and posted the Speculation Thursday (though it was on Wednesday) post that she thought you may be together. As much as it pained both of us to see that in writing, we had to present the Pro Robsten side of the argument. But never fear, I am here with this week’s Speculation Thursday (on Thursday!) where I’m going to present the Non Robsten side! Cause I look at you two and I’m like, they CANNOT be together, the stoner and the nerd? No way.

If you’ll indulge me I’d like to treat this as a trial, and court is now in session*! The honorable Stephenie Meyer proceeding. Today we will be hearing the case of:

Robsten vs NonRobsten, in the court of public opinion

Opening statement:
Much has been said and speculated about you two over the last few weeks and now having some time to gather evidence and look at the facts I think we can be certain about a few things: Kristen and Oregano are not together and Kristen and Rob are in fact, NOT together. Snogged and hooked up? Sure! But together? No! I ask that the jury keep an open mind as we speculate our way through another Thursday.

Enter into the court room the Evidence…

 

01. The Charlie Hotel / The Morning After – UC cited this story and these pictures as her main turning point. But I have a different take on this much bally-hooed “secret goodbye photos” and “secret rendezvous hotel bungalows” nonsense… I did some research too on The Charlie and there are multiple bungalows in which bungalows also have multiple rooms! Amazing how this works, huh? It’s not uncommon for stars to get ready for awards shows in hotel rooms, Summit’s footing the bill, why not? And you’ve got the room paid for for the night, might as well come back and party after the show, right? I know where you’re going to go with this: “but Moon they were in the SAME bungalow! Ron, the underpaid dude at the front desk, told the shady paparazzo from X17 who palmed him a 50 it was true.” Riiiight. And, if I even believe that they were in the same bungalow, my research tells me that again, SURPRISE, there are bungalows with more than one room in them. I’ve stayed in rooms with guy friends, it’s totally possible. And who knows maybe she was wasted drunk from the dinner beforehand when they decided to go back and party? Maybe they smoked a bol and she passed out on that cute striped chair from the pictures of The Charlie. And then the next day her Mom came to pick up her hung over self and hug Rob for being such a good guy and looking out for poor little Kristen. And no kiss was ever photographed.

Follow the cut to hear the rest of the case!!! (Seriously do it!)
Continue…

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Taylor Lautner and Selena Gomez come out. Officially.

Picture Source: Lainey Gossip

Dear Taylor-

Looks like someone had the DTR* talk recently!! I can’t say how excited I am for you two… you’re so cute I just want to squeeze you like a couple of cabbage patch kids!

As a girl with an ass ton of guy friends I can say with some authority that I believe a DTR talk has occurred because unless you two are underage drunk in broad daylight on the sidewalk in front of the paps, no one goes for the under the boob side grab. Not even good friends.

Have your fun and kick out the jams with Selena now because puppy love is fleeting but Wolfgirl love is forever.

Your older wiser faux sister something
Themoonisdown

*for the uninitiated or those no longer in High School, DTR= “define the relationship”

 

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The Twilosophy of fandom

Dear fans of stuff,

Today I want to discuss crazy fans. Boy do I have lots of stories! We shared a few of our favorite crazy e-mails we’ve received awhile back on LTR and since then have just been hoarding them for our own personal collection.  Every few days when we’re feeling particularly low, we open up that folder and read what the crazies have to say.  Then we pray and thank the Lord that we are not like them. (With all the praying we’ve been doing, we’re sure to get the best seats in Heaven!)

a

Hot girls bother them at dinner

Hot girls bother them at dinner

What I want to know is how a normal person turns into a crazy person.  I don’t need to understand why a crazy person acts crazy- it’s their nature! But how do you explain when an attractive, successful driven-woman loses her cool? I’m not even talking about the mothers who leave their families to stalk the Vancouver set(s) for days on end and think it’s a “coincidence” when they keep bumping into ALL the cast members (FYI- it’s not a coincidence when you’re purposely stalking their hotels, restaurants and hang out places) or get offended when security guards take THEIR picture with their cell phones (Which, by the way, was so that they could text YOUR picture to all the other security guards so that you are put on the “she’s crazy- don’t let her near Rob- list”)

a

Actually, no he doesn't...

Actually, no he doesn't... (click if you dare)

No, I’m talking about the people who seem normal in MOST areas of their lives, but it might just be one little thing.  They have great jobs, a great boyfriend or husband, maybe some cute kids and a dog, but their kids are named “Emmet Edward” and “Jacob Embry.” And what about the unicorn who is attractive and talented, yet keeps saying he was “touched real” by Twilight? Oh, and what does it mean when that normal woman whose young boys were mentioned above is pregnant and has named the little girl in her womb Bella Rose?

Seriously? What does it mean? Help me find out, after the jump Continue…

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Not alright with this New Moon Hair & Makeup Dept.

if I was one of these girls or Jackson, I'd be crying openly

if I was one of these girls or Jackson, I'd be crying openly (click to enlarge if you can handle it)

Dear New Moon Hair/Wig people-

I’ve never been more sad in my life.

This is just NOT alright. I am seriously sad and may think of boycotting you for making Jacksper look this ridiculous. His hair is poofy and NOT CUTE. What did you do wash and set it with sponge curlers ala 5th grade? I mean it must take a lot of work to take a normally great looking guy and make him look like a poodle at the Westminster Dog Show. In fact I think that’s where you must be going to get all the wigs that were in Twilight and now New Moon. Jacob’s half up, half down wig makes him look like a Native American My Little Pony. All he’s missing are the bejeweled eyes.

If this is the hair Jasper has when he kicks butt and draws blood at Bella’s birthday party someone will have to hold me in my seat because I may not be able to help myself. I need a bad ass Jasper taking a swipe at Bella and not some fancy boy with Shirley Temple hair.

I have no more to say about this. I’m going to act as if this never happened. I have my eye on you Wig wranglers!

The end.
Themoonisdown

PS girls in this picture: please do not frame this or make it your profile pic on Facebook. We need to forget this ever happened.

PPS UC, i <3 you and would never give you poodle hair if I was a hair stylist

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Weekend at Oregano’s

Dear Micheal (I won’t call you Oregano for this one)-

We saw some pictures on Lainey (where else?) today and just wanted to thank you for making Kristen smile! It seems like a long time since that ol sour puss has seemed genuinely happy and excited to doing something, even walking down the street with you! I looked at these pictures and thought, wow, she’s really pretty and having a great time with you! Unlike my usual reaction of annoyance with her.

So I was thinking what was the big deal about this weekend? Why are it so great? And I came up with these ideas… Cause this is what I sit around doing Michael, making up shiz like this… my life rules. Obviously… BUT back to the list!

01. Kristen is now 19 and you guys can party in Canada. I’m sure you two kids need a little liquid courage to get the good times rolling

02. Kristen spends all week staring at a buffed out Taylor and the Wolfpack and was ready to pounce when you showed up

03. Rob was outta town! And so was Nikki! For once you had her all to yourself, no conspiracies theories, no fake on screen vampire boyfriends, no fake lesbian lovers… just the two of you!

04. You brought up Kristen’s special bong for a visit. My how she’s missed it!

05.You two watched all the episodes of Will & Grace that you play Jack’s son. JUST ELLIOT! (does the *just jack hands*) Who could keep a straight face when Megan Mullally and Sean Hawes are on screen?!

And all those add up to create a recipe for a GREAT weekend! Am I right, Kristen? Am I right? (nudge nudge, wink wink!)

I mean Micheal, you must have some special motion in your ocean ifyouknowwhatimsayin’ to make her smile THIS much! I underestimated you Arangano… never again!

Nothings gonna rain on your parade!
Themoonisdown

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