They’re at it again, first Michael Sheen had his way with Unexpected Circumstance and now VH1 has Elizabeth Reaser reading from A Pair of Emerald Earrings. If we had access to these cast members and had no shame and no embarrassment we’d totally ask them to do the same thing. Who cares about their new movie or some dumb story from the set of Breaking Dawn about how Rob really loves fruity pebbles that we’ll hear a billion times, I wanna hear the cast of Twilight saying things like spank and hot and maybe do a little heavy breathing. It’s called method people, DO IT.
Watching this is giving me Vietnam style flashbacks from when UC and I tried to do a dramatic reading of Tara Sue Me’s The Dom and I scared myself so much with the Lucifer meets 10 packs a day chain smoker voice I created for “Domward” that I thought I was gonna flog myself at one point just for flubbing my own lines. Thank god this has never seen the light of day. Also my vocal chords have never recovered.
Since VH1 seems to be doing the Lord’s work and because we love Kate, I have a few requests for their next Twi-star reads fanfic edition…
For Your Consideration…
Robert Pattinson reading… The Office – I think he’d really get into the ripping and being called the “Beautiful Bastard”
Kristen Stewart reading… The Sub – Maybe next time UC and I attempt to tackle this one Kristen can join in… we just want to hear her read THE part… you know the one.
Runner up – KStew reading Wide Awake where she talks about “Unicorns.” Yup.
2nd Runner Up – Clipped Wings and Inked Armour
Jackson Rathbone reading… pretty much anything as long as he does it out of the side of his mouth in that weird affected country voice he’s conjured up for himself. But since the Jasper FF fanatics seem to prefer him in a slash situation, may we suggest “Tight End” for the sole reason that I (and some friends) NEED to hear him say “I meant what I said in that text…” And maybe a “welcome to Rathbonia!!” thrown in for good measure.
Kellan Lutz reading….Volition since we think he probably can’t do an Irish accent and it’d be awesome to hear him try (and fail) to be sexy.
Taylor Lautner reading… Any Edward/Jacob slash pairing because the whole time they could just intercut the clip of Rob kissing Taylor at the MTV Movie Awards. Presto 8 zillion views!
Peter Facinelli reading… Emancipation Proclamation. Peter as the mafioso Dad with the human trafficking? Cue the tears. Or for the more… “adventurous” reader how about HB: CEO of Skeky Flies the Friendly Skies? Carlisle in a menage a trois with Bella and Rosalie then Bella find outs Carlisle is her dad’s boyf? AWKWARD!!
And with Chaske Spencer’s Barry White-esque voice he could read anything… so maybe find some weird Billy/Charlie/Sue fetish stuff. That’d be awesome.
As exciting as our misguided attempt to read The Dom was, these dramatic readings by actual cast members is SO beyond classic I can’t even. If I had the power and connections, I’d have the cast members tackle dramatic readings of Tweets next… HINT HINT. I have a folder over flowing with the best and most embarrassing VH1, hit me up you know the addy!
TGIF and a beautiful bastard for everyone!
This post was only possible with liberal amounts of help from BrookeLockart, TXLiLi, VixinCali, VeddersGirl because I know about like 3 of these fics… and according to BL they’re “way old.” THANKS!