Time to admit our Breaking Dawn Fears

Today’s letter is brought to you by Bunty

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Okay I’ll come clean. I’m scared.

There I’ve said it. It’s the twilight-sticker-emblazoned-2nd-hand-embarrassing-elephant-in-the-room that no-one wants to mention. No I’m not referring to the prospect of Summit trying to make the shirtless one with the high-armed comedy run imprinting on a newborn baby seem normal to film critics in the way it is to us. No I’m not talking about how they can find enough interesting stuff to fill out part 2 with what is basically going to be a 2 hour film about vampires coming over to stay for a few days and then lots of vampires stood in a field glaring at each other before agreeing to go home after all. Oh no I’m talking about something much more important.

I’m talking about Edward’s clothes.

Is this the Cullens?

Now first let me make something clear. Stephanie’s knowledge of what hip and thin American teens wear was clearly wide of the mark in the books, even to my British sensibilities. I remember reading twilight and reeling (I say reeling – I mean climbing off the washing machine mid-spin cycle) at the mention of the white leather jacket and sleeveless shirts. Vampires are supposed to have lived through the 1980′s new romantic fashion era but aren’t supposed to dress like they play bass for a Duran Duran tribute act on a weekend. Given the dodgy material to work from therefore, Cathy the cougar was bang on the money when she came up with the Twilight wardrobe for our favourite sparkly one. People with anemia look brilliant in blue. People who aren’t people anymore and not technically anemic as they’re dead because they’re a vampire without blood full stop (but have a scrotum full of sperm apparently and the ability to have an erection without blood – are you following?) look brilliant in blue. Think classic tweed, think well-cut suits, handmade Italian shirts, basic wardrobe staples like a black t-shirt, plain denims. You’ve lived through every bad fashion era but are wise enough to recognise the best bits and tailor them to fit your 17 year old body in the current era. Marvelous. Thank you Cathy, job done, back on the washing machine we all hopped.

Good job Cathy. Must've put down the cougarita that day...

This is why women buy more clothes for men than men do. We’re good at it. We know what makes a man look mean and moody because we think about it all day long because we’re normal. Chris Weitz and David Slade – we love you, we do really but there is a reason your mom took you shopping instead of your dad. You just haven’t got ‘it’. Take New Moon for example, now I appreciate what you did with Edward wearing the same suit from Bella’s birthday party to getting his nips out in Italy. That was quite moving but his suit was crap frankly and the history teacher footwear looked like something Dick-the-dad would wear. I won’t even mention the three quarter length frockcoat from the dream sequence and knitwear/jacket combo in the proposal scene (I just did). In Eclipse you felt the need to dress him in a colour which can only normally found on white bra’s that have been through the wash too often. I believe it’s referred to as chewing gum white. This only served to highlight his pastiness rather than his marble-white lovely bits. Just because it’s sold by Gap and for some reason everyone in wardrobe thinks Edward would like Gap that doesn’t mean it’s not shite. I know you have to buff up the funny-running one with tight black t-shirts but please remember that they will stand next to each other in many scenes and that one will make the other look like he’s welfare dependent and overly fond of vitamin-deficient tinned goods.

A scene from a Duran Duran hit video?

Bill Condon you are giving me nightmares. I hope the stills released were a spoof and featured clothing superimposed from a 1987 Gap advert. What the hell is that stripy sweater he appears to be wearing in the honeymoon scene? A sweater, chinos and bare feet? Are we back on the whole Duran Duran trip again? Shove a straw boater on him and tell him to channel John Taylor? And the blue Rio shirt? You’ve tried to copy the Twilight blue shirt but you’ve made him look like a motivational speaker at an accountancy convention. I won’t even mention the comedy wedding morning suit (I just did). Morning suits were designed to be worn with silk cravats not bow ties.

Scaring women isn’t nice. You’re ruining it for me. Stop it. Now.

Lots of love,

Bunty xx

After the jump view a special Friday surprise that needs no commentary at all: Continue…

94 Commented


Where’s Daniel "Big Daddy" Lautner?

Dear Taylor,

Where the HALE is your dad?! Every time a new photo of you comes out of you at an airport or running around town I hold my breath as I scroll through each image just waiting to see Bid Daddy’s face among them. Preferably off to the side, holding a to-go box wearing an XXXL polo shirt and some dad pants but alas he’s no where to be found. He’s been missing in action for weeks, maybe even a month since we last saw the man we’ve all come to know and love and refer to affectionately as Big Daddy.

bigdaddydreams

Hmmmm filet o fish

Where could be be? Did he get stuck in Rob’s old hotel room jail cell? Was Summit jealous of the coverage Big Daddy was getting from paps so they threw him in the same cell Rob was in for almost a month? Is Big Daddy jealous of Taylor Swift and all the face time she’s been getting with YOU? I mean, you took her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and didn’t take Big Daddy? That’s blasphemy! They serve red meat there! I would be hurt too. I’ve even started searching every McDonald’s in the Los Angeles area looking for a cuddly dad in a corner self soothing with a Filet-o-Fish while you’re out on the town with the other half of Swiftner, but he’s no where to be found! It’s as if he never existed! Tell him to stop taking Edward’s words so literally. I can’t take this anymore!

And now you’re off gallivanting through foreign countries with KStew with NO parental guidance? Is Big Daddy sitting at home in his easy chair when the newscaster says “It’s 10PM do you know when your children are?” and NOT KNOW where you are?! I shudder to think.

I’m worried Taylor! Please tell me Daniel “Big Daddy” Lautner is ok.

It’s 10PM do you know where your Big Daddy is?
Themoonisdown

Oh and Dear Kristen,

Nice outfits! No, I’m serious, I swear!

kristentaySAkstewSAgunshirt

Thank god for press tours! Oh and wanna share shoes?

<3 sometimes,
moon

What say you? is Big Daddy MIA? Where is he? And do you heart or hate KStew’s look in Mexico?

Find Big Daddy at The Forum
Rob’s doing something over at LTR
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!

181 Commented


This is how you found us? Vol. 4

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT/LTR’ers and googlers-

My how time flies! It’s already June and we missed one of our favorite reoccuring posts: “This is how you found us?!” in May. For those of us just joining in on the fun, WordPress (our blog program) allows you to see handy dandy stuff like numbers of visitors, which post is the most popular and what terms people searched for when they found our site. When we found this feature we would laugh so hard at some of the terms we knew we had to share them with you awesome readers! And May did NOT dissappoint, seriously these are some of the best we’ve seen. So without further adieu… This Is How You Found Us??!!

Where robert pattinson hangs out – You want to know my address? Or the 24hr taco joint down the street from his hotel?

Twlight edward eyes pillow caseIt’s creepy trust me, but also totally awesome to scare your visiting co-blogger with when they wake up!

The Tuck Pattinson – is this Rob’s new nickname? Forget spunk ransom, it’s now officially Robert “The Tuck” Pattinson

Abstinence – Well, you’ve come to the right place… we’re totally saving ourselves for our wedding night with Robert Pattinson… and Jackson Rathbone… and Kellan Lutz… aaaannnddd… ok well maybe abstinence isn’t the term…

Buy Pattinsons wardrobe – this will cost you all of 4.75, to get his look all you need is whatever you wore in 9th grade and then access to either a Goodwill thrift store or movie Wardrobe dept. for a couple extra holey tshirts every 6 months. (This might be in my favorite top 5 things anyone’s every googled and found us! What else can you say about the genius of this?)

Robert Pattinson birthday gift from Kellan – I’m guessing either a personalized copy of The Purpose Driven Life signed by Rick Warren, or an ex-small purple wifebeater

Wig for new moonNOT THIS ONE! If this is your New Moon Hair Dept, we are NOT happy. FYI

What is robert pattinson doing for his birthday – Well besides us, maybe about 29 shots of Jameson, smoke a whole pack and then hide in his room from you freaks.

www.jet-porno.ru – is this some kinky mile-high club shiz?? (check it at your own risk i have NO idea what that is)

funny lesbian birthday wishes – I’m not sure but maybe we can ask KStew and NReed for some ideas? Unless they’re not talking to each other now since that whole messy faux break up we’ve created in our minds happened.

Buttcrack school – Dude, Buttcrack Santa is teaching? Where do I sign up? Prof. Santa!

Follow the cut for more hilarious, scary and just plain weird googles! Trust me it just keeps getting better!
Continue…

43 Commented


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