Breaking it down: Preparing for the wedding and butchering meat

Dear LTT-ers,

There are some new stills from Breaking Dawn out, so you KNOW we were all over those like a Twifan on an Edward pillow. So here we go…
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You're so frugal Alice! You got both our shoes at the BOGO sale at Payless!

The one with THE Shoes
Moon: so it looks like most of these are like wedding planning type pics
UC: i don’t care WHAT designer they are.. they’re hideous
and so are Alice’s
Moon: clearly alice has already been at work because now bella’s wearing skin tight jeans and a pleather jacket from forever 21
 UC: right.. Good job Alice.. we’re getting her there
Moon: the shoes look vintage or just a bit worn
UC: just an odd heel. (bellas)
Moon: like alice took esme’s vintage original early 1900s wedding shoes and added some rhinestone appliqués from michaels to the top
Moon: bellas shoes are like the classier version of when people make their own wedding flip flops, only alice probably used swarovski on those shoes.
UC: I think Bella is saying “I get what you’re saying, Al.. the rhinestones are nice and all, but I really don’t understand why I can’t wear my smelly ol’ Chucks… No one will be able to SEE under my dress anyway.. and anything bad smelling on me just smells good to Edward anyway- so it doesn’st matter that they smell like I’ve warm them while damp since 10th grade”
Moon: do you think bella has to lie down to zip those jeans up? cause daaaamn gina
UC: THose are jeans? I thought that was body paint
 Moon: same diff… twilight brand jeans/jeggings/body paint coming to a hot topic near you. SYNERGY!
Moon:  look at alice’s hair line in the back, so is that a weird shadow or did the wig not fit right and they had to photoshop her REAL hair out???
UC:  hahahah you’re right.. WORST shadow.. or photoshopped hair.  I just.. don’t get Alice’s outfit… BLACK tights? alice would for sure be wearing tights with some sort of design on them and not that soccer mom “top” that covers birthing hips
Moon: i think its more the witchy-librarian shoes she wearing for me… sale at the Port Angeles Kohls yall!
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Belllaaa!! I just met a girl named BELLLAA!!

The with the musical!
Moon: do you think bella took edward to the “bad” part of town (graffiti!) to threaten him with his life if he shoved cake in her face?? cause i would/will SO do that. shes like if theres any cake near my face you will be the 108 yr old vampire virgin
UC: Yes. I also think they could have possibly gone to a dinner theater where they were performing West Side Story & their lucky numbers were pulled to come on stage & dance with the performers.

Does this mean we have to suck the blood of the Jets?

Moon: DUDE so weird how theres a big twilight/west side story connection
UC: what there is?
Moon: how many times have we mentioned it? and its been in that Rob photoshoot
UC: hahaha you’re right
 Moon: bella is going her best “in america” and edward is 100% antone
UC: So true!
Moon: even wearing the same outfit!!!
<—— Look!! —–
UC: hahahahah
Moon: make that belt bella’s wearing red and BOOM
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Follow the jump cause we keep going and it’s Friday and you want a laugh! Duh.
Continue…

52 Commented


Breaking it down: The Font and I talk Taylor, bare feet and DOWN THERE!

Dear Taylor,

Sometimes I end up talking to my guy friends about you and not because they want to but because I commandeer the conversation and we go there. I apologize in advance for talking about some sensitive subjects for both you, Jacob and whatever’s going on beneath the Jorts.

(suck it Chris Hanson!)

A first… breaking it down with me and The Font

Take this invite and shove it!

The one where I totally commandeer the convo
The Font: Moon
Moon: The Font…..
*lots of time passes*
Moon: i take it you saw the new jacob picture but you’re too shy to bring it up?? do you want me to start??
………………
Moon: ok… running barefoot?! wtf? am i right??? just because white bread vanilla snoozville bella and edward sent you an F You! wedding invite doesnt mean you need to risk a cold or worse yet needing a tetanus booster when you inevitably step on a nail from running without shoes.
Moon: you send them a F You! gift from their registry and by gift from their registry i mean a flaming bag of crap thrown onto the cullens front porch!!

What should really happen at Edward & Bella's wedding

Moon: or you streak the wedding, dump a bucket of blood on bella a la “carrie” then yell “they’re all vampires you idiots” at the crowd of dumbass townies who couldnt recognize a werewolf if it phased in front of them……
(it’s your turn to jump in…. anytime now….)
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The one where he finally gives in and jumps in
The Font: i go get a hot pocket and come back, and this is what happens?!
The Font: why is he BAREFOOT? is that a werewolf thing? or he does not have the twenty seconds to put on shoes?
Moon: i guess when you’re a werewolf in love with a vampire’s girl, pithy things like footwear doesnt matter. if he gets hurt it heals within minutes anyway so i guess he thinks fuck it, try to kill me tetanus!!!

Not exactly the Sports Authority

The Font: still. just for COMFORT’S sake
Moon: well maybe he’s realized it’s not worth it to lose another pair of shoes, because he’ll just get more pissed off, phase and the shoes will shread to pieces anyway. it’s a shitty economy still. he’s being economical and im sure new running shoes arent exactly cheap at newtons outfitters. its not like sports authority. they gotta put mike through community college somehow.
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The one where we discuss Jorts vs Stretchy Pants and modesty

Official uniform of the wolfpack and everyone in our neighborhood

The Font: aren’t there stretch shoes for these kinds of things? the hulk always has stretch pants
Moon: you’d think thatd be the way they’d go, but they like the denim jorts. hipster wolves?
The Font: let’s talk about THAT! if they have JEANS on, how are those not ripping? jeans are not exactly known for their give
Moon: ok, here it is… (twi nerd of the day award) they either take them off and stash them into the woods before the phase, or they shread off their bodies. thats pretty much how the explain it in the books and movies. in the books, apparently, they tie an extra pair of shorts or whatever around their legs, in the movies they stash them in the woods
The Font: so concerned with modesty, these wolves

Dude follow the cut, we talk about naked Jacob and SO much more after this
Continue…

121 Commented


Making my Comic Con list and checking it twice! Gonna find out if New Moon is naughty or nice!

Ready or not, here we come!

Ready or not, here we come!

Update: Moon really IS at ComicCon and she will really live tweet it. We’ll probably do an ongoing post here too. So check back lovies!

Dear Twilight cast and Comic Con attendees-

I’m sure you’ve been keeping up with our daily letters here and over at LTR so you know I’m going to be at Comic Con today to try and see you all. I’ve heard about the craziness from last year, people camping out, people screaming, the uber embarrassing ‘boxers or briefs’ question, yea I heard it all so I’ve been trying to prepare myself for the inevitable 2nd hand embarrassment I will have to endure and many moments of 2nd guessing the decision to go. But ya know what, I wouldn’t trade it for the world! Who else will be able to say they clawed and faught their way through hordes of Pattinson pants, Princess Leia’s or knocked out a kid in a YugeeOh costume and punched his dad, Spiderman? Oh the stories I will probably be able to tell… So to prepare for this momentous occasion I’ve created my Comic Con Preparedness Kit just like Homeland Security. They would be so proud!  So here we go…

My Comic Con 2009 Kit

These are the nerds I will be punching

These are the nerds I will be punching

  • Paper bag -  if I get “the vapers” or someone around me looks like they’re going to pass out, we’ll use this for hyperventilation
  • Xanax - for when Rob shows up and for when he doesn’t (hit it!). Bring whole bottle to pass out to Twihards so they will STFU with the screaming for 5 seconds
  • Slutty shirt – there won’t be any Cullen crests gracing these boobs
  • Power Bars and Energy Gel packets – This is an all day affair and we can’t be passing out BEFORE Rob even shows up. And of course we’re going to need energy for the “after” events. Uh huh.
  • Camel Pack Hydration System – See now most people would use this for water. We’re going to eskew normality and go ahead and fill this up with some Grey Goose. Trust! Doing shots in the 50th row of chairs while Peter Facinelli talks about Carlisle’s scarves will RULE
  • Steel toe boots – for the aforementioned kicking of costumed nerd ass

This guy too. Don't get in between me and the Cullens

This guy too. Don't get in between me and the Cullens

  • Rollie bag containing: Wedding dress, veil, hot roller set, Ring Bearer, Aqua Net, copy of Bella’s Engagement ring, Tuxedo in size 32 long. You know, just in case
  • Ear plugs – Uh duh

So are you can see folks we are ready to rock this Comic Con or punch someone out. Either way we’ll be trying our darndest to get in the middle of the action and bring you Live Tweeting, Live Blogging, pics, video, and Rob’s undying love and affection. All for you!

Lacing up my steel toes
Themoonisdown

PS Make sure you’re following us on Twitter for up to the minute reports as they happen! Oh and if you’ll be there I would love to see you! I’ll be the one in an exact replica of Bella’s wedding gown with a Camel Pack of vodka on.

Letters to Rob
The Forum

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2nd hand embarassed- it's getting worse, ya'll

Eddie-Beddie

Dear Edward,

I’m sorry. This is weird.

eddiebeddie

And Rob, babe….seriously you need a new lawyer. Don’t let your contract be allowing this kind of nonsense.

Love,
Us

Special thanks to JBell for finding this gem!

If you love this and want more, this special link is just for you- you can create your very own Twilight-inspired bedroom. But be sure to send us pics of the finished product so we can either laugh behind your back, or, if you’re lucky, post it on our site for all the world to laugh at.

Some crazy Twilighter got married

To the person who thought it would be cool to put a Breaking Dawn quote on their wedding picture,

Bella would never have those nails. And Edward’s perfect hands don’t look like that. I promise.


yikes

Love,
I’m not going to tell you who this is from b/c I’m so 2nd-hand embarassed that I’m hiding under a tree.

Big shout out to M-Styles for sending this to us! XO

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