Stuff that STILL shocks me about Twilight fandom

Dear Twilight,

Yesterday when I was hitting my midday wall and looking for something to distract me (so around 10:30 am), I got a chat message from my friend sending me a conversation HER friend sent her that she was currently having with a sometimes boyfriend. About Twilight. Confused? Just wait until you read the names I gave them:

Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: I’m reading that TwiMoms blog. Someone is saying “Oh my Jacob” like “Oh my God” Also, one woman’s signature is “Owner of one of Esmee’s tears” Okay, I’ve figured more of this out, if you have even a molecule of interest in hearing the explanation
Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: yes
Guy who can’t believe people have so much time to figure out names as complicated as this: Best I can tell, a lot of these women have signatures that say they’re the “owner” or something. From things like Esme’s tears, to weird, abstract things like “Charlie and Renee’s divorce” or “Bella being absurd” One woman is owner of Carlisle’s Hippocratic Oath, Elizabeth Mason’s deathbed, and “The fire that is Bella’s raw throat after her cliff-diving near-death experience.”

[My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: was it sad that i knew it was Masen not Mason?
UC: No, That's Normal. He also butchered the spelling of Esme's name. But I'll let it slide]

Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend Someone is the owner of “Edward’s anguish and resolve when he believes that Bella committed suicide”

UC: this is so embarrassing
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me: like, you think stupid shiny volvos and stuff are embarrassing. please.
UC: WHY is he reading Twimoms!?
My friend reading conversation sent by her friend the Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend and sending it to me
: She doesn’t know. killing time maybe? good place for it
UC: seriously

Twi-loving sometimes girlfriend: That woman is also the owner of “Carlisle’s amazement at Elizabeth Masen’s astute inference in her dying wish” Though this woman ALSO owns “Bella clinging to the side-mirror of her truck to avoid landing on her tush in the ice” you’ll love that one

UC: hahahahahhahaaahahahahahahahaha. this is blowing my mind

This shocked even me. Just when I think I have seen EVERYTHING in the Twilight fandom, I find out that there are people with names on forums so complicated from obscure, minute details from a book I clearly have never read that thoroughly. I thought naming myself “UnintendedChoice” was weird- it IS a line from Muse song, you know (I bet Stephenie knew that!).

Are there woman on a forum thread about the movie actors with names like “That one time Rob looked at Kristen & we knew Robsten was real” or “Back to December and that time when I could believe in the love of Swiftner?” Are there owners of “The Lautner family “preferred customer card” from the Olive Garden?” Does someone claim to own “The catfish farm where Jackson was born?” How about the “owner of the box where Dakota Fanning’s virginity is being held?” Has anyone thought of that? I think it’s time for a name change! Clearly I’m not crazy enough about Twilight!

Love,

Owner of “That one moment when Edward was like “Oh F*ck” after he realized he knock-ed up Bella and was probably gonna have a kid with a name no one could ever spell” (otherwise known as unintendedChoice)

What name do YOU wish you had thought of? Be like a Twimom & pick a new one (just for today though, ok? That’s just weird…)

I HATE MOON

REMINDER ABOUT THE WORST NEWS EVER ABOUT MOON GOING TO AFRICA FROM JULY 28-AUGUST 17 FML: If you have something burning you’ve been DYING to “talk” to Twilight about, please e-mail us a letter at letterstotwilight@gmail.com! You can include pics if you want (links or attachments are best) or I’ll find appropriate ones for you! The more emails we get, the more posts there will be while Moon is gone. I’m going away towards the end of Moon’s trip, so LTT will either have the occasional letter from me, bitching about how much I miss Moon, letters from YOU, or nothing but a “Gone Fishin'” sign, which would probably make the owner of “I wish they’d make a movie about the life of Jasper & Alice” sad. Don’t make that person any sadder than she already is sad.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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