Brunching Ashley Greene

(Get ready to pee your pants of the laughter and the epicness, then get ready to tweet @AshleyMGreene because this really needs to happen. Aren’t in luff with White Yorkie yet? Remind yourself here.)
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Brunch with White Yorkie?! Where do I sign up???

Well hello there, Ladies (and gentleman).

White Yorkie here, everybody’s favorite unicorn…  Well, everybody’s favorite other than the Font, but I lost him in the crowd at BronyCon (trust me, click on that link) this year, so you’re stuck with me.As you may be aware, Ashley Greene is near and dear to my heart.  Soon after writing this post yesterday, I looked at my clock and realized 9 hours had passed.  And then I looked at my screen and realized I had 25 ¾ pages of meandering (yet heartfelt) love sonnets.  I’ll spare you that and instead say this:

If it were up to me, all the films would focus on Alice and not this other chick Blecha or whoever-the-crap.  At the very least she should get her own Saturday morning cartoon spinoff series:  The Adventures of Alice Cullen & Friends.  It would be Masters of The Universe meets Muppet Babies.  Or Darkwing Duck meets Eek! The Cat.  Or The Snorks meets NYPD Blue.  You understand.

The real point is, this week both me and Ashley Greene will be at San Diego Comic-Con.  Now some might look at this situation and say to themselves, “Yeah, sure.  I could possibly maybe might see the love of my life from like a brajillion feet away.  We’re only separated by 5,000 sweaty mouth-breathers.  What a good day.”  But no.  White Yorkie ain’t having that shit.  I see this as the perfect opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream.

Hmmmmm pancakes… smoothies…. eggs…. what do I want…

I’m gonna make breakfast for Ashley Greene.

And trust me…  you (talking to Ashley now) are in for a treat.

Girl, I can make you eggs.  Sunnyside up?  You bet.  Poached?  Ain’t no thang.  Scrambled?  Child, please.  You like ‘em a little runny?  I got you covered.

Girl, I can make you toast.  I’ll be slicing a loaf of whole grain (gluten free if you’re into that sorta thing) to the beat of Father John Misty like it’s my J-O-B.

Girl, I can blend the shit out of fresh fruit and greens.  Yeah, I’m talk’n smoothies.  Mangos?  You bet your sweet ass.  Kale?  I ain’t scurred.  You like ‘em super green with Dandelion Greens and Chard?  I’m your huckleberry.  (Plus I’ll bring my Vitamix 5200 so you know I’m not messing around.)

We can talk about “movies” versus “films.”  The intricacies of Robyn.  Even the implications of the God Particle if you’re feeling especially sciency.

Alright, so here’s the deal LTTers.  I need your help.  You might be asking why I deserve it.  The truth is, I don’t.  But what mere human really deserves the company of this beauty?

The real answer to that question is “none alive.”  But today’s answer is “White Yorkie.”

Basically what I’m asking you to do is to spend the next few days leading up to Comic-Con twitter-bombing Ashley Greene.  Just a little note letting her know that I’m ready and willing.  Something like:

White Yorkie wants to make you breakfast at Comic-Con!  He’s so dreamy and junk!

Or

I really wish I had guys the caliber of White Yorkie wanting to make me breakfast!  Swoon!

Or

When White Yorkie makes you breakfast pretty please take pics!  OMFGROTFLCOPTER!

Just be sure to #brunchingashleygreene

You can also take a picture like this one and throw it on the ol’ Instagram and tag Ashley in it.

I will return from my adventures with extensive writings, photos, and perhaps even video.  And I will also be forever in your debt, Interwebs.  That means I owe you Italian food and at least a trip to second base the next time you’re in town.

Okay, here’s all the important details:

When: Comic-Con 2012 in San Diego.  Thursday-Sunday.  My schedule is flexible.
Where:  LTT headquarters in the Gaslamp District.  It’s legit swank.
Who:  White Yorkie, Moon, Ashley Greene.
How:  twitter:  @ashleymgreene
Instagram: ashleymgreene
#brunchingashleygreene

Please help me in my quest to brunch Ashley Greene.

White Yorkie out.

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**Yup, that’s right White Yorkie along with me and BrookeLockhart will be at Comic Con tearing it up on your behalf at all the Twilight events as well as all the other bizarro crap we’re into and will report on over at That’s Normal. So make White Yorkie’s day and tweet the crap out of Ashley Greene cause really, ya never know what will happen. Also if you’ll be at Comic Con stay tuned to our Twitter @Letter2Twilight because we might just be going something cool and what you there! **

28 Commented


White Yorkie Reviews Breaking Dawn – So much wrong, so much right!

Dear LTT,You know when you receive and unsolicited Breaking Dawn review from a guy in your inbox the day after the movie is released you need to reevaluate your life… that and your friend is a FAN! Ok, ok I kid… You all remember White Yorkie from his famous posts and past podcasts, well no surprise I (totally didn’t) wrangled him into seeing Breaking Dawn with us and then I was totally surprised when this did show up in my inbox…
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To: Moon
From: White Yorkie
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Well…. Shit balls, where to begin?Before I delve into anything detailed, I think I’ll just start with some rapid-fire initial thoughts:-The Stephanie at the wedding.  Ugh.  There’s way too many metaphors and junk to discuss concerning this, but I’m a dude.  And lazy.-Ashley Greene.  Girl, you know I’ll always love you.  You’re a beautiful, beautiful woman.  So stop letting whatshisnuts do whoopsidaisy dance moves on you where you reveal your undercarriage to undeserving eyes.  It’s just not becoming.

-The scene where BSwan reveals her ingenious plan to name her daughter Renesmee.  Edward’s all “bitch, no way” and Jacob’s all “I’d do you right now, bruised preggo belly and all.”  Bella, stop being such a puss.  Go for it.  Call your baby Renesmeward.  Done.

My daughter's getting married and I've still got it!

-That stupid sexy catwalk Bella’s mom does when she gets the wedding invite.  Stop it.  And stop wearing those shorts.  And just go away and die or something.  You have nothing to contribute to these movies.  Team Mustache.

– The end credits.  I hate to say this.  But they might be my favorite of the year.  Way too cool for this movie.

-The wolf barking/talking/chase/fight scene.  What.  The.  Tits?  After the dramatic fade to black I wanted to sing.  I wanted to recite poetry.  I wanted to stand and applaud.  I wanted to throat punch the nearest grandma.  Anything, something to convey my overwhelming joy that something like that exists in cinema.  I was just too slack-jawed at the time to do much of anything.

Show us the carnage!! Not these doofus's

-The birth scene.  Anybody who’s talked to me knows this is the reason I was pumped to see this movie.  And it was simultaneously completely satisfying and completely disappointing.  Hot: all the blood.  Nearly dead Bella.  The overall tone of the scene.  Not hot:  Bella’s POV during the pivotal vampire c-section.

-The dream sequence where a bloodied Bella and Edward stand victorious on a mound of the dead.  I mean what the whaaaaaaat.  Yes please.  Why can’t the movies be about stuff like that?  Forever confused.

-More Ashley Greene being awesome.  Less of her doing flippies and being a damsel in distress during the vampire vs doggies scene.

-Why can’t Bella ever look happy.  About anything.  Ever.  Oh wait.  She does.  When Jacob shows up hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

-The vampire “extra special effects” still look like they were done by a dude fired from a CW show.  Somebody pony up some more cash for that shiz.  Take a few skrillz from the wig budget heyoooo

-Charlie is totally boning that Native American lady.  Secret loooooooovaaaahs

Alright.  Time to get serious.  As serious as I can get about a movie that I loathe and love all at the same time.  That’s right.  I said love.  I think this is the first Twilight movie I would actually recommend for people to go see.  Not because I think it’s some masterpiece.  But because it’s a masterpiece.  Let me explain.

But first, I need to get a few things off my chest that I hated about this movie and all the movies in the series.

More back breaking less slutty Renee

All of these movies are so odd.  I wish there was a better word for it but that’s all I got.  They’re so damn odd.  Odd in tone, look, structure, overall story, script, everything.  They’re such a mish-mash of awkward.  Especially this installment.  In the same movie, you have a pre-sexy time montage with Bella, a hilarious wedding reception speech by Scott Pilgrim’s sister, vampire bros giggling and secret hand-shaking as they’re about to go on Edward’s bachelor party (why couldn’t that be told in flashback instead of Edward’s secret past as Dexter?), and a scene where BELLA’S BACK FUCKING SNAPS IN HALF BECAUSE OF HER DEMON (but actually really nice) BABY.

There are so many tonal shifts in this movie that it’s hard to take seriously.  Not that I could ever take it seriously.  Well, maybe.  I could if certain things were done.  The major one being: start telling a coherent story.  With a beginning, middle, and end.  One with a driving plot.  And yes, I know there’s all these scenes from the book that all you ladyz want to see.  I get that.  But I still think all that crap could be included and still tell a story that makes sense.

Hey guys we're getting to the major conflict of the story you should really leave cause you're going to be needed

Small example of nonsensical stuff:  Bella is pregnant with the spawn of Satan.  Awesome.  And she needs to drink blood to stay alive.  Great.  But they’re running out of blood and they need to get her more.  Got it.  SO WHY DID THE ONE DOCTOR IN THE HOUSE LEAVE TO GET THE BLOOD WHEN HE HAD FULL KNOWLEDGE THAT SAID DAUGHTER OF BELZEBUB WAS ABOUT TO CLIMB OUT OF BELLA’S DYING LADY PARTS?

I know it’s all there for dramatic effect and junk.  But come ON.  At least give me a good reason.  And yeah, it might all be there on the page in the book, but you got to have this reason in the movie.

But story wise…  it just takes so long to get going.  And once it does, I kinda got bored with all the conflict that wasn’t happening but should’ve been happening.  Which I feel is a problem in this movie and the last one.  It’s a lot of waiting around for unclear reasons while conflict is about to maybe, possibly happen.  Bored.

Follow the jump for much much more from White Yorkie including who Breaking Dawn should really be about (spoiler NOT Edward and Bella) and more calling the Wolves, doggies
Continue…

81 Commented


Moon & UC’s Excellent Adventure Vol. 2: The Stephenie Meyer Interview

Dear LTTers,

UC POV

4:00 am, somewhere in Pennsylvania, an alarm clock is set to go off.
Silence
4:15 am, somewhere in PA, a back-up alarm clock is set to go off
Silence
4:30 am, somewhere, a “you’re an idiot if you’re not up by now, but I’ll set this just in case’ alarm clock is set to go off
Silence

Never drive faster that your guardian Larry can fly

6:30 am, Mr. Choice awakes to find me still in our bed, panic tears & wailing ensue. I rush, with teeth brushed (not hair) & no make-u applied, to the airport 1 hour away to try to catch a flight that leaves in ½ hour. After being told there are no more LA flights with room, oh wait, we found 1 seat in first class for $1500, oh no- sorry that flight won’t get you in until 7 pm, oh wait, just kidding we found one seat on the next flight to LA, I arrive in LA only 2 hours later than I was supposed to. Crisis Averted! I attribute it to one thing and one thing only- Larry411. The Twitter “celebrity” was on my flight and I feel as thought the universe knew that having me & Larry, two of the most important Twilight people EVER, on the plane was a necessity. (Yeah, it’s going to be awkward next time I run into him in Philly after I tweet him today showing him this picture I took while sitting 2 seats down from him, trying to work up the nerve to say “Hi, I’m UC, I like Twilight” but deciding against it b/c snot was pouring out of my nose due to previous crying spell.)

Moon POV

Being woken up at 5am by about 20 text messages is never a good thing. Unless the person sending them is Robert Pattinson looking for a booty call. This was not the case Thursday morning.

Since UC’s 2390429034 alarms failed and she missed her flight, I spent those extra hours running around doing errands, finding a blasted voice recorder so we could immortalize the interview forever and ever and make Stephenie Meyer saying “2nd hand embarrassed” (oh yes, she did!) our outgoing voice mail message.

After fetching UC from LAX we busted a groove over to Westwood so we could meet up with Twifans and Twilight Series Theories for lunch, which was deeeeeeeeeeeeelicious. And of course we debated what we thought would happen during the interview which was pretty much us saying we weren’t about to stay on topic (ie Bree and Eclipse).

*thinking* holy crap holy crap holy crap what are we gonna ask?!

So the countdown to SM time had begun and we hadn’t pow wow-ed about our potential questions for the NEXT day. So of course we ran down to the pool to get our sun on, which was conveniently behind a building thus making us shiver, and run through questions and potential scenarios. While we pondered what our first question would be: Jorts vs Tweed or Big Daddy vs Dick Pattz, some of the other sites came up to talk about how they thought it would go down and some of their potential questions. And well, you know us, we’re not exactly rules followers or the kind of people who want to know, in detail, what happened in Edward’s mind on page 78 so we got a bit spooked. Ok, we freaked!

It's everywhere!! We can't escape!

UC: You guys really put on the pressure! We knew that if we went in there asking when Fred’s birthday was (May 17, 1984, btw) you’d kill us. And rightfully so. We started having these joint, day-time nightmares of us asking a funny question and Stephenie saying, “I refuse to answer unless you somehow turn that really hilarious joke into a question about the intricacies of Bree’s life.” (If you think for one second I actually know what Fred’s birthday is, you’re fired as an LTT reader)

Moon: So we called an emergency dinner of the Los Angeles branch of the LTT family. We needed to be talked down by The Font and White Yorkie. Over sushi of course. Well, we ate sushi and the Font watched the Lakers and White Yorkie bailed on our asses.

UC POV

Since this was my first time meeting the guys, I’ll jump in to report that #1 they are huggers, #2 The Font wore some sort of 7 year old boys’ comic book or teenage-mutant ninja turtle t-shirt and #3 White Yorkie has action figure boxes on his bedroom walls. I assumed they were from Action-Figure Edward, but I didn’t ask.

The guys TOTALLY got us pumped up. They made us laugh, they reminded us that we’re not expected to be like any other site but ourselves & threatened to never do another LTT podcast or even SPEAK to us again if we weren’t absolutely cool. Oh, and they told us we better make Stephenie laugh.

Picture of us suitable for hanging next to your family members (that's what the note said!)

Later that night, after ordering a bottle of water from room service & being served Evian like it was Don Perignon, we wrapped our gifts for Stephenie, Moon finished up 2 mixed CDs she made her (Yes- she rules), and I said “I’m so tired I think I’m going to die” about 3,000 times.

OH NO IT'S TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!

Moon: And when we got in bed we got Twilosophical & talked about how we just wanted to be true to ourselves and to the blog. If the interview was going to be lame and controlled, we were still going to TRY to ask the questions we wanted and all the LTTers wanted to have answered!

THE BIG DAY (after the jump!) Continue…

302 Commented


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