Jackson is all of a sudden a side mouth talker? What’s up with that?

Dear Jackson,

Since when did you start talking out of the side of your mouth? I started noticing it when you were doing press for Eclipse and I couldn’t help but wonder wtf was up. When and why did you start talking like a stroke victim? Since I didn’t remember this from previous interviews I thought it must have been a one off incident. Then I saw Eclipse and noticed Jasper was doing it too! I get that he’s from Texas and all and supposed to be a southern gentlemen with a slow drawl but you’re NOT Jasper, sure you’re family may live in Texas now but you were born in Indonesia and went to school in Michigan. That’s not exactly the land of mint juleps and hot summer days with your ya-ya’s and cousins down at the “crick.” So I can only think that something’s wrong.

When did this start? Because I’m concerned for your health I took a look back through the annals (heh) of time to see if this is some sort of slow moving medical issue you should have checked out or just some sort of “method” character trait you’re adapting.

First up we have crazy Jackson as a plucky teen journalist on Disney 411 visiting Hilary Duff backstage at her concert. You really should list Hilary as a musical influence for the monkeys. How else do you explain the sound? So nothing here except maybe an intense addiction to speed or the product of like 5 red bulls from Hilary Duff’s craft service table.

Twilight

Next we have Twilight red carpet event… besides being the most bored interviewer ever she asks some dumb-awesome questions. Slow dancing with a vampire? And which actress do you want to suck?! WOAH there missy slow your roll this is a family show. Ask if again! Ask it again! But alas no paralysis or side talking here, just the ol crooked smile.

(ironic that Bryce Dallas Howard was mentioned?)

New Moon

Not even 8 months ago and there was no side mouth talking just creepy catfish facial hair. Please don’t watch the whole video if you’re scared. Just love the Twicon backdrop and how Jackson may have called Kristen “Kristina” at 128, he just may have been that confused fan at the Eclipse premiere.


And now we have one of the most recent things you’ve done. And the weird side talking mouth comes out. Hey cowboy, you’re not foolin’ anyone!


Of course we have our very own SUPER FAN interviewing you as you talk solely out of the left side of your mouth while giving ef me eyes… no small feat.

So obviously this isn’t some speech characteristic you’ve had forever and ever it’s new and a little bit put on, right? Or is it… Did you have some sort of mini stroke or is that paralysis on one side of your face from a rancid Botox injection you got at a 100 Monkeys/Botox/Pampered Chef private party in a cougar Milf’s house? Are you ok? Do I need to call a loved one or give you 2 aspirin while we wait for the ambulance?

Just let us know, otherwise knock it off.
Themoonisdown

Seriously, am I just imaging this or did anyone else notice this weird side mouth accent come out of no where during the last month or so? Oh and crazy Jackson fans save your breath I know he’s not paralyzed and his family is from Texas. Thanks.

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Characters that got the shaft in the movie Vol. 1: Jasper

Jasper_Cullen

Dear Jasper -

I’ve been thinking about this for a while now since I first saw the movie and now that I’m rereading Twilight (again). I’ve come to a conclusion Jasper: I think you got royally screwed in the movie. You (as well as some others I will cover in later posts) got screwed out of some majorly needed character development and denied one of the most powerful and in my personal opinion one of the BEST scenes from the book. You know the one… if you’ve got your bibles Twilight books handy it’s on page 404, near the end after the baseball scene they’re in the garage and everyone has run off to chase after James and Victoria while Alice and Jasper take Bella to Phoenix. Bella and Jasper are alone in the garage and this exchange takes place…

Jasper and I looked at each other. He stood across the length of the entryway from me… being careful.

“You’re wrong, you know,” he said quietly.

“What?” I gasped.

I can feel what you’re feeling now — and you are worth it.”

“I’m not,” I mumbled. “If anything happens to them, it will be for nothing.”

“You’re wrong,” he repeated, smiling kindly at me.

jasperaliceAmazing, isn’t it? Calm, cool reassuring Jasper says one of the most profound ideas of the entire saga, the whole basis for why they put themselves in danger, the reasoning behind Edward’s love for her. That above all else SHE’S WORTH IT! And it was not in the movie! What were they thinking? They added in some totally necessary parts and left THIS gem out? I really can’t quite understand that. Not only was this amazing scene cut from the movie we also never really learn fully about your abilities, Jasper. It’s mentioned that you’re “special” like Edward and Alice but they never explain how or why. Instead Jackson is forced to play Jasper as some sort of Edward Scissorhands caricature with crazy eyes and a serious need for Immodium AD. When really he’s a much deeper character with very deep emotions.

I understand the limitations of film but I still think you got screwed and I can only hope that they get it right from here on out with not only your character Jasper but with a lot of other ones. And while we’re at it can you tell Stephenie Meyer once she’s through finishing Midnight Sun she can start on the Alice/Jasper story. I’m DYING simply DYING to know more! I need to read the diner scene and get all ooey gooey with some Jasper and Alice love.

Soothe me Jasper,
Themoonisdown

Now don’t jump the gun… this is volume ONE and we have plenty of other characters to talk about!

Don’t let the good times end, head over to the forum and today’s daily chat!

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Not alright with this New Moon Hair & Makeup Dept.

if I was one of these girls or Jackson, I'd be crying openly

if I was one of these girls or Jackson, I'd be crying openly (click to enlarge if you can handle it)

Dear New Moon Hair/Wig people-

I’ve never been more sad in my life.

This is just NOT alright. I am seriously sad and may think of boycotting you for making Jacksper look this ridiculous. His hair is poofy and NOT CUTE. What did you do wash and set it with sponge curlers ala 5th grade? I mean it must take a lot of work to take a normally great looking guy and make him look like a poodle at the Westminster Dog Show. In fact I think that’s where you must be going to get all the wigs that were in Twilight and now New Moon. Jacob’s half up, half down wig makes him look like a Native American My Little Pony. All he’s missing are the bejeweled eyes.

If this is the hair Jasper has when he kicks butt and draws blood at Bella’s birthday party someone will have to hold me in my seat because I may not be able to help myself. I need a bad ass Jasper taking a swipe at Bella and not some fancy boy with Shirley Temple hair.

I have no more to say about this. I’m going to act as if this never happened. I have my eye on you Wig wranglers!

The end.
Themoonisdown

PS girls in this picture: please do not frame this or make it your profile pic on Facebook. We need to forget this ever happened.

PPS UC, i <3 you and would never give you poodle hair if I was a hair stylist

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Character tribute: Jasper & Alice

Dear Jasper and Alice-

It’s no secret… I love you kids like a Twimom loves Edward or a fat kid loves cake so when I saw this Jenbona video I was jumping up and down. First of all it’s you guys. duh. But secondly she used one of my favorite songs by Lamb: ” Gabriel” and it’s pretty much too perfect for words.

Sometimes I read the Twilight saga and wish it was really about you two… or maybe I wish Stephenie Meyer would just write a whole series centered on your story cause you seem so much more complex. Start it right when you walk in the diner Jasper, to meet Alice. I really wanna hear that conversation and also show us how you meet up with the Cullens. Oh well… maybe someday. Maybe never…

Love ya! XO
Themoonisdown

PS check out more music by Lamb!! You won’t be disappointed!

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