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Your laughs are directly proportional to your tears with these Monday Twilight Funnies

Dear LTT-ers,

Welcome back to hell after a nice long holiday weekend, at least for our fellow US friends, and for everyone else well, just welcome back. So are you like me and you have work piled up on your desk that you put off last week cause you were “busy with other projects?” When what really happened is you were in a Robert Pattinson fueled daze from OD-ing on all the pics and videos from the set of Remember Me and just couldn’t pull it together long enough to do that report or create that power point presentation for your super important meeting? Yea, me too. Well I’ve got the perfect compromise… need to look like you’re busy catching up, but really want to peruse the interwebs for what happened in the Rob/Twi world over the weekend? I present you with some Twilight themed graphs and diagrams courtesy of Graphjam.com. Keep these open in a separate tab while you check all the usual Twi site suspects this morning and when the boss walks by you can click back over here and he’ll think you’re hard at work with only the bottom line in mind when it’s really Rob’s bottom that’s on your mind (Hit it! remember that one?!).

Obviously this graph was made after they saw one of three things:
1. Attending (by mistake) a 100 Monkeys, Sam Bradley, or other random Twi-affiliated band’s concert (Canvas tote bags, Monkey hats, Goth Maria Von Trapp, anyone?!)
2. The Pattinson Pants lady in her natural habitat (a Twi-conference in line to meet Gil Birmingham)
3. Getting in the middle of a heated Team Edward vs Team Jacob debate after accidentally standing in the New Moon midnight showing line

I think some of us (especially the OG fans pre 2008) can testify to this one. The more popular the saga gets because of the movie the less they want to be apart of the fandom. The crazy stalkers, the cheapening of the storyline, the lame merchandise, the pop cultural saturation. We just have to keep our eyes on the prize and remember the reason we love Twilight is because of the story. Stay strong yall! Don’t let the CAS get ya down!

We’ve all been there, trying to explain to your skeptical friend why Edward and the other vampires SPARKLE in the sunlight. But they’re vampires, they’re not supposed to go in the sun anyway! Ok, ok it’s a FANTASY just go with it!

Oh crap here comes your boss! Minimize MINIMIZE!!

Happy Monday!

See what UC’s up to over there with Rob
Commiserate with other folks in the daily chat thread over at the Forum!

  • hunnieb

    heheh shiny sparkly vampires 🙂

    it was the fact that it was so easily written, and captivating in the sense of you needed to know what happened nxt that made me read the entire series in 5 days ….. hahah!


  • krazykidd

    ‘I think some of us (especially the OG fans pre 2008) can testify to this one. The more popular the saga gets because of the movie the less they want to be apart of the fandom.’…PREACH IT MOON!!!! You’re right we need to keep our eyes on the prize…and hope that the crazies stop making us look bad…yes it is a book and no if you go to forks and stand in the middle of the forest a vampire WILL NOT appear and give you eternal life….LOL

    • Proselyte3

      yes it is a book and no if you go to forks and stand in the middle of the forest a vampire WILL NOT appear and give you eternal life….LOL

      I’m sorry what? *fingers in ears*

    • themoonisdown

      no eternal life?!! NOOOOOOOOOOO

  • Amen.

    I may or may not like Twilight. Still…

  • J-9

    It’s easy to forget why we all ended up here to begin with.

    ‘Don’t let the CAS get ya down!’


  • sassysmart

    I tried once again to explain why they sparkle to my boyfriend this weekend. He didn’t get it so I broke up with him.

    True story.

    • Proselyte3

      That’s my girl.

    • If he doesn’t get THAT guaranteed he’ll be the worst companion.. probably can’t wash his own socks..

    • themoonisdown

      dump em before he tries to pitch a fit in november about the premiere or your inevitable party, or spending 20 hrs on the computer.

      adios lame bf’s! hahaa

  • Reasons people hate Twilight– the fans…..so true….which is why I am still a closeted fan. The whole guilt by association thing– I don’t want peeps to think I am like those crazy ass girls that attacked Rob.

    I mean, even though I day dream about all the pervy stuff I could do with Rob– let’s face it, I would never have the guts to even approach him. Much less tackle his ass.

    • I’m about to buy a book about how to dream what you want to dream about. I’ll let you know how it goes…

    • maygirlg

      I agree with you Li Li.

    • JodieO

      Hah! Me too! And I even have stalking plans in a couple weeks! I’ll either be a terrible stalker and get all shy and pretend he doesn’t exist, or I will accidentally turn crazy, vault over the barricades, and knock him to the ground.

      • Rubytuesday

        ” I will accidentally turn crazy, vault over the barricades, and knock him to the ground”
        Love it !!!!! can’t wait to see that on you-tube……….we’ll be the first bit**es to be bringing you down……unless you get the goods and then we’ll let you back in WTV if you spill……..

        • JodieO

          I’ll be sure to get a grope in for my sisters if I can count on you all for bail money. =)

    • themoonisdown

      i 2nd this… if i ever saw him i dont know what or IF i could say anything. at all.

    • lapushbaby

      LiLi, I feel the exact same way.

      ‘Guilt by association’ is why I am so leery of the ‘Twi-mom’ label. I am sure I do not want to be that!

  • Moon. marvelous post. I will have these graphs up ALL day…

    • themoonisdown

      put them INTO your business plan power point presenation see if people are paying attention!

  • Proselyte3

    The fans. The machine. The press on nails….


    • Proselyte3

      They did make press on’s right? Hot Topic? Have I finally cracked? Make it stop.

  • LUV the graphs! that’s kinda bril! I will admit I was not going to get sucked into these books. I wasn’t I wasn’t I wasn’t! I bought the first two as a gift for my sister, then I bought her the third one. Then my mother picked them up… They spent most of 2007 trying to get me into these books. I on the other hand had a job that barely left me time to sleep more then 5 hours a night… So finally Breaking Dawn comes out and I buy it for my mom and go on location for work. Turns out I suddenly have all the time in the world and four days later I’ve devoured the entire series. What took me so long to jump on the book band wagon I don’t know… Glad I did, now that I’ve fallen off the wagon 🙂 glad I did…

    • themoonisdown

      wait a second, do we both work in LA LA land and we haven’t met?!

      wheres the justice?

  • Okay, maybe I am not a pre-2008 Twilight fan, but I at least can say I read the books before I even realized the movie was out. I can single-handedly blame my intense fandom on two people…

    UC & Moon! Yep, it’s all your fault! I was never that bad before I found ya’ll’s blog. True story.

    • themoonisdown

      YEA!!! we helped ‘infect’ another person!!

      i KNEW about the books pre 2008 but didn’t read them until 2008. oooops! 😉

    • MrsKowski

      Me too …I was a post Breaking Dawn but a pre-movie twerd. Believe it or not, I was actually boycotting the movie completely until I started reading this blog!!

      Love you girls to death, but sometimes I wish I were still boycotting the movie …I just don’t have enough time anymore …ugh

  • Janetrigs

    Um Wow, graphs kind of rule. LOVE IT. Back to work now.

    • themoonisdown


  • lapushbaby

    Graphs!! omg I love it when you get all mathy on us!!

    I’m a total late-to-the-bandwagonner, I only read the books this year in January, and barely saw the movie before it was out of the regular theater and into the $3 theater. (where I may or may not have seen it twice)…..

    • Proselyte3

      Um….four times.

      And I went to see ‘The Proposal’ with a couple chicas from work last week (one 26, and one who’s 47.) So the New Moon trailer comes on. Totally wasn’t prepared, AT ALL. I think we were mid conversation when it came on, and I went totally numb, stopped talking (this is extremely out of character, I never stop talking.) I felt like a spotlight suddenly shot down onto me, my entire body burst into flames, and I forgot where I was until it was over…I think my face may have gone completely blank. I even tried to appear nonchalant (note to self…you suck at acting….moving forward.) I think a little unidentifiable whimper may have escaped without my permission. Can’t be positive… Do you think they caught on? I may have been mouthing the lines also…

  • Aurélia

    Love this letter ! So true…

    Thanks !

    • haha! That’s funny! because really he’s like 110 years old so that really makes him a pedofile…

  • Natalie


    I was sent this you tube video – it so reminded me of your post the other day about the Kristen stammer.

    Much hilariousness.


  • Hermes

    Ha ha.. the KStew stammer… her acting can still make me laugh.

    ahem.. so.. what about meeting TomStu? does that count on the sparkly meter? I met him, (rather ran into him) down in LA a few months ago (no Robbie was not present) Tomstu was with another man in plaid.. Any place to post that experience? BTW TomStu is quiet pretty.. gorgeous as a matter of fact. what a mouth! those lips!!! oye veh!

    • ohhh tomstu!!!! i’d love to meet him! in a bar… drunk.. that would be GOOD times!

      • Hermes

        ok UC here you go.

        re: My RUN IN WITH TOMSTU.

        I ran into him at a dive in Santa Monica (near the beach) a few months ago he was with another guy ( a tall american, don’t think he was an actor, looked just like a regular guy) who was wearing plaid (what else,- its a brotherhood thing/franternity? ) . TomStu was wearing jeans, a blue t-shirt with plaid shirt over it and old beat up white tennis shoes.

        Anyway.. The bar/dive we were at was more of a local hang out. Mixed crowd of 20 to 40 yr olds. Rock n roll blasts from the speakers, a pool table in the corner. people smoking out in the back. NO west la folk in their (and you can tell who the west LA wanks are believe me). No one was bugging him or his buddy. Don’t think he was even recognized…

        TomStu is about 5 feet 9 inches tall, (I am 5’10 in flats), I was wearing 1 inch heels so I was 5’11 during our encounter.

        TomStu is Medium/Small build and rather slender/slight. He has a nice small butt. He does has muscle on his arms and a hard chest (contrary to what has been said).

        He does look young for his age, but he does have a bit of a “beard/shadow’ – He has small slender hands. beautiful clear complection (at the time). and true Blue eyes and long dark eyelashes. He has WHITE skin.. As a matter of fact , he’s one of the whitest boys i’ve seen in my life.. and ok, i know British guys are pasty white, but TomStu is a white white boy.

        His voice is truely deep and modulated, uppercrust British. He’s very polite. When we were inside the bar, He was a bit drunk when I ran into him, (literally) so he smiled a little crookedly at me. He wrapped his hands around my upper arms to steady us and stared at my chest, which was in his face …then looked up at my face and smiled, I did get the vibe that he thought “my girls” were pretty spectacular (and they are).

        TomStu does have red lips and his mouth really is rather pouty and full for a guy. His hair at the time was a dark dark brown and a bit long. Everything about his face is in porportion. Nothing was imperfect about the guy. ,,,,weird. i mean, for someone to be so perfectly beautiful…. (I have to say it.. .. he’s much better looking than Pattinson). I got an inferiority complex just being around the guy. He would make a fantastic looking woman… anyone (man or a woman) would do him, He’s a 112 on the “do me meter”.. .. he’s the real thing.. really beautiful.

        My impression is that he’s not that “effete” as he’s made out to be, but he is not as masculine as his “american” counterparts, or Rob Pattz. that’s why he’s a bit hard to place.

        And so there you go. my encounter with TomStu.

  • Peter

    “Ok, ok it’s a FANTASY just go with it!”

    This is the worst explanation for stupid crap that has ever been. You cannot start and rewrite a whole Race and then wonder why it upsets people and say “oh well, its just different” – its not that easy.

    Vampires don’t sparkle in the sun, they die. That is what beeing a monster like a vampire is all about. In the night you are (nearly) invincible, during day you are vulnarable. And so on: Vampires are monsters, killers, they don’t think or feel (or love) like humans any more. They are not Humans with a bad habit (which they might want to surpress), they are Vampires.

    Having a vampire-human-lovestory is just misunderstanding the whole issue, not funny nor romantic.

  • Peter

    P.S.: Actually, the last graph does not only make fun of the sparkling issue, it also states that Twilight does not have engrossing plots nor interesting characters nor insightful themes.

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