Breaking it down: Preparing for the wedding and butchering meat

Dear LTT-ers,

There are some new stills from Breaking Dawn out, so you KNOW we were all over those like a Twifan on an Edward pillow. So here we go…

You're so frugal Alice! You got both our shoes at the BOGO sale at Payless!

The one with THE Shoes
Moon: so it looks like most of these are like wedding planning type pics
UC: i don’t care WHAT designer they are.. they’re hideous
and so are Alice’s
Moon: clearly alice has already been at work because now bella’s wearing skin tight jeans and a pleather jacket from forever 21
 UC: right.. Good job Alice.. we’re getting her there
Moon: the shoes look vintage or just a bit worn
UC: just an odd heel. (bellas)
Moon: like alice took esme’s vintage original early 1900s wedding shoes and added some rhinestone appliqués from michaels to the top
Moon: bellas shoes are like the classier version of when people make their own wedding flip flops, only alice probably used swarovski on those shoes.
UC: I think Bella is saying “I get what you’re saying, Al.. the rhinestones are nice and all, but I really don’t understand why I can’t wear my smelly ol’ Chucks… No one will be able to SEE under my dress anyway.. and anything bad smelling on me just smells good to Edward anyway- so it doesn’st matter that they smell like I’ve warm them while damp since 10th grade”
Moon: do you think bella has to lie down to zip those jeans up? cause daaaamn gina
UC: THose are jeans? I thought that was body paint
 Moon: same diff… twilight brand jeans/jeggings/body paint coming to a hot topic near you. SYNERGY!
Moon:  look at alice’s hair line in the back, so is that a weird shadow or did the wig not fit right and they had to photoshop her REAL hair out???
UC:  hahahah you’re right.. WORST shadow.. or photoshopped hair.  I just.. don’t get Alice’s outfit… BLACK tights? alice would for sure be wearing tights with some sort of design on them and not that soccer mom “top” that covers birthing hips
Moon: i think its more the witchy-librarian shoes she wearing for me… sale at the Port Angeles Kohls yall!

Belllaaa!! I just met a girl named BELLLAA!!

The with the musical!
Moon: do you think bella took edward to the “bad” part of town (graffiti!) to threaten him with his life if he shoved cake in her face?? cause i would/will SO do that. shes like if theres any cake near my face you will be the 108 yr old vampire virgin
UC: Yes. I also think they could have possibly gone to a dinner theater where they were performing West Side Story & their lucky numbers were pulled to come on stage & dance with the performers.

Does this mean we have to suck the blood of the Jets?

Moon: DUDE so weird how theres a big twilight/west side story connection
UC: what there is?
Moon: how many times have we mentioned it? and its been in that Rob photoshoot
UC: hahaha you’re right
 Moon: bella is going her best “in america” and edward is 100% antone
UC: So true!
Moon: even wearing the same outfit!!!
<—— Look!! —–
UC: hahahahah
Moon: make that belt bella’s wearing red and BOOM
Follow the jump cause we keep going and it’s Friday and you want a laugh! Duh.

The one where we have even more questions for Stephenie

Does this turn you on Rosalie?

Moon: ok so back at the ranch… we have these two doing the heavy lifting… clearly the cullens are too cheap to hire a couple extra hands to help set up chairs and CLEAR THE FOREST area behind their house. WTF?
 UC: hahahaha… Rosalie just likes it when Emmett goes all macho man on her…. spices things up in the bedroom, cuz after 60 years.. things can be QUITE stale
Moon: so he uproots a thousand yr old tree and they do it on it?
UC: yes. or in it
Moon: what else of god’s creations have they done it on because they got bored?
 UC: A wolf- that was their favorite
 Moon: while phasing
Moon: dude maybe rosalie and emmett’s sexual appetite is the reason we have to “save the rainforest” all along we just thought it was RUDE loggers cutting down trees when it was really rosalie and emmett getting it on

Thanks Emmett and Rosalie! Geez.

UC: hahahahaha
Moon: lets teach the school children THAT your boring sexy life can lead to a reforestation campaign.
UC: Thanks to Rose & Emmett.. I have all these allergies because of the over abundance of Co2. JEEZ guys
Moon: also do we think the krisbians love that they have nikki reed in the backyard doing manual labor?
UC: hahahaha the Krisbians probably petitioned Summit for this very scene!
Moon: “make her pay for what she’s done!!!”
UC: “And we don’t mean make her marry that weird guy from American Idol!”
Moon: We’re kidding here Nikki,  they’re not. Congratulations Nikki Reed!

The one where Vampire’s get freaky at weddings

Hand Check!!!

Moon: ok moving right along is WEDDING DAY
UC: hahaha
Moon: i have to say for the first time in 2 movies jasper doesnt look completely hideous. We’ve already established that Carlisle definitely got screwed in this one
UC: I know- Jasper looks pretty sexy… I mean… he IS about to go up Alice’s dress, so I guess it’s good he looks good while doing it. really… WHERE are his fingers?
Moon: HAHAAHAH his hands are awfully close to the “kill zone” and Carlisle’s are just starting to creep up there… is bella and edward’s wedding THAT boring??? i mean alice planned it!
UC: Well, you know who ISN’T there??
UC: Rose & Emmett….. maybe they got turned on by all the nature… that they snuck away
 Moon: right, they saw a tree that needed cutting down… and a couple bushes
UC: and since they are VAMPIRES everyone else can hear it.. and since apparently they are weird & creepy… they got turned on by their family members doing it instead of disgusted
Moon: DUDE can you imagine living in that house??? this brings up a LOT of questions!!
 UC: NO… SO many questions, is it time for another round of “Dear Stephenie: we have a couple questions”

* Cue a very long discussion on what else, Vampire Sex! Which we shall post next week! Tune back in!!! *


Moon: Emmett and Rosealie are probably on the other side of the aisle. cause they may like to have sex on top of tree stumps but theyre smart enough to sit far far away from the ice truck killer who is just over CARLSLE’S SHOULDER!!!
UC: hahahahhahaha still havne’t seen it- but it’s hilarious just the same
Moon: i cant even glance in that direction for that long
* Shudder *
UC: not even to fake lesbian over that pretty burnette?
Moon: nope, he’s gonna kill her anyway its all over for her in like 5 mins. save yourselves!!

The one with the foot model

Needed: Foot Model (apply within)

Moon: back to the shoe fetish and west side story act 3
UC: Edward is about to get his nose all up in those shoes
Moon: OMG grosss!!! hahaah
UC: and they’re CLEARLY in a humid climate– look at the FRIZZ on that wig
Moon: wouldnt it be awesome if she had like totally busted feet
UC: haha they had to use a foot model
Moon: like the hand model when they show the engagement ring
UC: yes!!
Moon: ok so in eclipse when jacob is running bella up the mountain they had to use some contraption to sit kristen on cause taylor couldnt hold her that long. do we think there was some sort of contraption used here? since we know rob couldnt pick her up like this since he injured himself trying in twilight. Is no one else worried about Rob’s hernia but me??!!
UC: hahaha
UC: Here ya go:

Moon: thanks! i accept with great pride and 1st hand embarassement
UC: hahaha

The one where Edward has a new hobby!

Yum, Blood!

Moon: meanwhile back at the ranch… we see that edward has taken up his new hobby: meat butchery
UC: hahahahahhahahahahahaha
WHAT are they so mad at here? Edward spilled Bella’s cup o blood? And Bella is about to attack
Moon: yes and Jacob just found out he was ABDUCTED

I was abducted??

UC: i’ll never see the movie- can you tell me who abducted him? his parents?
Moon: i cant…. no spoilers. i saw it in th same room as tay tay and big daddy you must see it too……. ill just say that the owner and CEO of the olive garden chain of restaurants may or may not be involved
UC: hahaha
Moon: jacob/whatever his characters name was born with the secret to the breadsticks recipe and he HAD to be killed. NO one can have that recipe except the CEO/Owner. its kinda like the Colonel’s secret recipe for KFC

The one with the super random still

I want you SOUL!!!

Moon: and then randomly this headshot of taylor was included with these BD stills
UC: how many more are there? Ihave to go soon
Moon: WTF. we get it big daddy, hire this kid for your next movie
this is it
UC: hahaha that is SO random… he looks like TAYLOR here.. not jacob
Moon: this might also be the headshot for his abducted “missing child” poster
UC: he’s like “I know.. I knw.. I’m now the sex symbol for this movie since they painted Rob white”
Moon: his left eye is possesed! thats some demon spawn shit. i hope they have a taylor/jacob mask just like this at party city when i go to get my halloween costume next week. that will scare any child.
UC: haha I think they will. Big Daddy is SOO on top of that shit

Are we there yet???

28 Days!!!!

Really, do those shoes look busted to anyone else? Why aren’t the Cullen’s butchers? That’d be the perfect guise!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

  • ladyofthemeadow

    Oh God, I think I am failing in the fashion department.

    Alice’s shoes: something I don’t like the look of, but something I might actually wear at work because they’re comfortable. I guess “witchy-librarian” is “my” look, as much as I want to deny it.

    And, since I’m going to fashion hell anyway: I’m gonna confess that I kind of like Bella’s rhinestone heels. They’re pretty.

    God I am such a fashion failure. Unless anyone out there agrees with me.

    • Anonymous

      i like the shoes! infact i just bought nail polish of the exact shade the otherday. looks like you will have company in fashion hell :S

    • GMB

      Well, Alice’s shoes aren’t too bad. I would wear them to work with pants but not with a skirt.

      Bella’s shoes aren’t really my style, they are too “busy” but Im lovin the rest of her outfit.

      not sure were that leaves me in the fashion dept….:)

      P.S. Emmett’s arms, omg nice 🙂

      • ladyofthemeadow

        Emmett: Does this turn you on, Meadow?
        Meadow: HALE YEAH! Let’s do it!

  • Anonymous

    “yes and Jacob just found out he was ABDUCTED”

    oh shit that was funny. ILY.

    • MariaCecilia

      No, Jacob just found out he’s about to IMPRINT on a baby! 17 looong years of abstinence ahead!

  • Anonymous

    first glance of Tay’s random still i thought: awwww thats cute! and i was like WTH are they talking about? and then i cought THE EYE and my own got quite wide and round with horror *holy shit! that is scary*

  • Anonymous

    Confession time:
    1) I saw abduction. The movie itself was pretty terrible, but Taylor totally nailed the part of an angsty teenage boy without common sense, considering half the time I was pretty sure he’d been taking acting lessons from my little brother.
    2) On that note, in the still where Edward has blood all over his shirt, I didn’t even notice because Tay/Jake is looking fiiiiiine. (It’s early. Cut me a break)

    I’m buying my BD tickets today!

    • MariaCecilia

      Go girl! I stood in line at 7 AM to get my tickets to the fan event on October 28 (and see Rob and Ashley 100 meters away on a stage, while I’m deaf, surrounded by 9000 screaming teenagers, yay!) but I’m still confused as to when I’ll be seeing the movie, since I’m travelling around the world the week of the premiere(s). Help! When will it open in NYC? Does anyone know?

  • Blondieinco

    I think I’d like to change my screen name to “Worried about Rob’s hernia”  –

    • MariaCecilia

      We ALL worry about (different) parts of Rob’s anatomy at different times in our lives. I will now devote the next hour to thoughts of his hernia, for a change…

      • Sisterpenguin

        Ah but the intriguing bit: umbilical or inguinal hernia?? Anatomy nerd 

      • KStewBoy

        How about simply “RobsHernia”?

        I’m thinking of changing my screen name to “SniffingBellasShoes”, or “KristensTightJeans”.  Or “StraightMaleKrisbian”.  Can’t decide which.

        • MariaCecilia

          Dear KStewBoy,
          In spite of all these great suggestions, I will from now on always think of you as RobsHernia. Take it as an honorary title..being male and all.

          • KStewBoy

            Um…yeah… no.  KristensTightJeans has a nice ring to it.  RobsHernia – not so much.

  • Anonymous

    I love Alice’s shoes here. Those would be the kind of fancy shoes I would wear if I owned a fancy pair of shoes. (I quit my short affair with high heels in my early 20s when I twisted my ankle dancing on carpeting. PS to myself if it now 4 in the morning, and you are dancing in someone’s bedroom to their boombox with girlfriends, you can take you damn heels off.)

    • MariaCecilia

      I agree with you GWI! Since I love dancing, I almost never wear high heels, because I twist my ankle too easily. (Like Bella, I have trouble walking over any flat surface- not without falling down, but without twisting my ankle. This has made hiking in the mountains and walking down stairs an interesting exercise in focusing…”Left foot. Riiight foot. Now left foot. Right foot.”)

      But I love pretty shoes and I am always on the lookout for social occasions when I can sit still for a long time and expose my feet in high heels to admiring eyes – before I kick them off and take out my ballet flats and go dancing! Bella’s and Alice’s shoes in the picture are okay; I just don’t like the tight jacket on Bella (80’s!!) or Alice’s frumpy look.

      • Anonymous

        I love going ballroom dancing in my heels, mostly because they make my legs look good. 🙂

        • MariaCecilia

          *sigh* But crutches ruin the look….

        • Anonymous

          If I had the time and money I might go on a hunt for a modestly low, really comfortable and nice lookin’ heeled shoe of some sort. Sadly, and happily, that is not my life. My 5 year old flat work shoes are also my dress up and go out shoes. They are too old and scuffed for work really, and probably make me look extremely fashion challenged or like I just don’t give a shit when I wear them to the ballet in a dress. Oh well!

  • MariaCecilia

    OMG, I am afraid we’re in for another wardrobe fail, ladies?! Why, oh,why is it so hard to translate Alice’s quirky sense of fashion unto the screen? Aren’t there like a zillion young designers round the world who would love to chip in and give som advice to Summit? People, are you too cheap to ask those who actually know anything??
    And I totally agree that we need the musical version of this movie, right now! Please break into song at all inappriopriate moments. We could even have a Fade to Black-song for when they are getting nakey in the water!
    Please observe, though: You’re bad-mouthing Rosalie and Emmett, who are obviously NOT getting it on, but working hard on Edward and Bella’s honeymoon house!! So there!

    • sw_twi_fan

      Yes, I’ve been waiting for some amazingness in Alice’s wardrobe in the last 3 movies.  It looks like it’s still not going to happen.  I would never wear Sex and the City Carrie Bradshaw over-the-top clothes, but that’s what they need for Alice.  Even get the stylist from Gossip Girl.  They should have hired a real stylist, not a wardrobe person.  I guess it’s too late now.

  • alice_av

    I love the ” mean while back on the ranch” hahahaha

  • 17 4awhile

    Hehehehe…did anyoen notice that they brought out the ice truck killer’s file on Dexter this week? Coincidence? I think not.

  • Sisterpenguin

    I admit it: I have worn Alice’s exact clothes but it WAS the 1980’s!!! She could at least be wearing a mock Flock of Seagulls wig to match. 
    Why do they have the happy couple lingering in Rio’s streets when they want to get on and get down? I’m getting very concerned about what’s going to be padded out (and I don’t mean Bella’s four egg baby).Emmett and the tree trunk – reminds me of an old visual joke about wanking a dinosaur.Slight improvement with Alice’s wedding wig – almost matches the text (Marcel waves/pin curls)!! I can believe Carlisle’s hand slipping up Esme’s skirt – since she was shagging away in The Good Wife she’ll ever be a hussy. 

  • Anonymous

    For the pic of Alice/Jasper / Esme/Carlisle – they’re definitely bored.  Look at the chick between Alice and Jasper.  She looks so bored she’s pissed off.  She assumed she was going to go to a kick-ass wedding, and found out wrong.

    • MariaCecilia

      Lesson learned: kick-ass vampires do not equate kick-ass wedding. Note to self – decline the next invite you get and stick to the human stuff. Better catering, I’m sure, plus you avoid getting upstaged by the beauuutiful family and friends..

      • Anonymous

        No kidding.  Vamps aren’t exactly the most reliable source for tasty food…. their pallets tend to drift slightly different than what humans think taste delicious.

  • Anonymous

    Dang it!  I got so excited seeing the pic of Edward carrying Bella.  I only saw one of Bella’s legs at first glance and thought we were getting some, fun, schmexy stuff going on with her stradling Edward.  No such luck.  I should have known better, I only get that stuff in FF.  Shame on me.

  • Anonymous

    I’m reading this on my lunch break and LOL’d getting a few looks when I read the meat butcher comment.  It was worth it though – thx girls XO

    • MariaCecilia

      Edward butchered Bella’s sippy mug because he’s SO jealous!

      • Anonymous

        I could take that comment deep into the gutter….  😉

        • MariaCecilia

          I left that door wide open for you, and you’re not pitching??!

          • Anonymous

            I was practicing due diligence at keeping myself under control since while I was on lunch I was at with… But I’m off now sooo… 😀 alright I’ll bite.

      • Anonymous

        A man can only watch Bella defile that sippy cup so many times with 100 years if pent up sexual aggression before he loses his head.

  • Anonymous

    Those jeans are so ridiculously tight I didn’t even notice the shoes.  I miss book Bella’s sweats.

  • Anonymous

    Just wanting  to say HI to everyone and let you know, I AM HERE, reading everyday, just not commenting….been working REALLY hard to read Breaking Dawn, but alas, not doing so well, but I AM SO EXCITED to see the movie (ask anyone here how many times I have watched the trailers) 🙂 Miss you all and Hugs to everyone! Back to “work” on the BD book! Love ya UC & Moon!! 

    • Anonymous

      Just Knowing you are here makes my day.

      • Anonymous

        Saying that made my week! 🙂

    • Anonymous

      Hi Cyn!

      • Anonymous

        Hi back!! Hugs!

    • LOVE YOU BACK!!!!!!

  • Anonymous

    I hate those skinny jeans. She is 100% KStew here. Maybe it is a not quite in dress rehearsal? Are we really getting a movie Bella that is half in fitted leather jackets and skinny jeans, the other half in Anne Taylor dresses? And no bashfulness in French lingerie. Head board and feathers better make up for that shit. 
    I hate to get Tweed/mad here, but just because KStew looks good in skinny jeans is not a good reason to have her in them every other scene. It isn’t. She looks good in short metallic dresses too, why not have her wearing those in the movies? It is about as in line with the book. There. Humph. No, I’ve got more. If Stephanie every finishes MS she should add in some Edward noticing how unbelievably tight Bella’s jeans are. 
    I waited perched in the tree under Bella’s window while she undressed for bed. All of a sudden I heard her struggling. What was going on up there? I climbed the tree a little higher, and peeked into her window. I had to jump in and help if she was in trouble. I could see Bella lying on her bed, struggling to get something off her. I hesitated just long enough  to see that it was her jeans. They’d gotten stuck while she was trying to pull them off her ankles. I remember going to high school through the 80s and early 90s, and girls then had handy zippers on the bottom of their jeans. I’d have to get Bella a pair of those if I ever came across them. Bella sure did look great in skinny jeans.

    • Anonymous

      Fully agreed, on all counts.

  • OhRob!

    The Economy is so bad that……Alice Cullen is now buying her clothes at Forks Clothing Bank and shoes at Payless. (the nearest Hohl’s is 2:22 away and gas is way too expensive)Not, only that, Alice even has bought Bella’s wedding shoes at Payless!The Economy is so bad that……Summit was forced to fire entire wardrobe, make-up and hair department!  Instead, Stephanie Meyer is now in charge of actor’s outfits (come on, it’s “so obvious”), and director Bill Condom is taking care of their make-up and wigs.The Economy is so bad that…..Summit has fired Robert Pattinson and hired his look-a-like. (pssst…don’t tell Bella)Really, what happened to young, sexy, charming, sexy Edward from Twilight?And we thought that his peacoat was hilarious. ‎

  • Anonymous

    First of all why is Alice wearing tights (grey!) that are darker than her shoes?  Surely that’s like the biggest no-no EVER!?!  And that peplum shirt is just wrong – way too mumsy…
    I don’t mind Bella’s shoes though, I think all wedding shoes are somewhat blah and these are kind of sparkly and nice.
    I agree that just because KS has legs like twigs does not mean she should be in skinny jeans – BELLA would not draw attention to herself (or her ‘gap’) like that!
    What’s with Jasper and Edward both having their hair parted down the middle?  They both look umm dorky?  I mean I know this is a wedding but does that have to translate to schoolboy hair?? Much prefer Eclipse hair on Jasper – sad but true!
    And finally, they are cropped out of your pic but Edward is wearing brown shoes! Brown! Light brown even!! His pants look grey to me, grey pants and brown shoes are also a big no-no.  This is a very similar look to NM in the square in Volterra when he steps into the sunlight – brown shoes with grey (tweed!) pants.  I don’t get it!??!
    Of course having said all this I am ridiculously excited about BD and am counting down the days!!!
    PS Technically speaking it’s Taylor’s right eye that is doing the devil spawn thing – it really stands out once you have noticed it!! *shudder

    • I have no clue how a movie studio with such a big budget can create such fashion fails. The set lighting looks like soap opera or a nighttime teen drama. And all the characters got preppy makeovers.  Even the soundtrack disappoints me with its poppy mainstream sound. I’m keeping my expectations very low, even though I still am excited for opening day too.

    • Anonymous

      I’m going to excuse the center parts as a nod to the intentional period feel of the wedding as it would have been totally appropriate in 1917.  There’s no call for the accountant hair he’s sporting in other stills, though… how we miss the sex hair.  There’s also no good reason for those tights.  Period.

    • KStewBoy

      “Fall into the Gap”…. I wish I could!

  • cosi bella

    Jacob was abducted for the breadstick recipe!!!  This made me laugh so much

    Also Twilight was  loosely based on Romeo and Juliet – correct?
    Westside Story was WHOLLY  based on Romeo and Juliet hence the connection you’re seeing?

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