Breaking down the New Breaking Dawn Stills Vanity-Fair style

Dear Breaking Dawn Part 2,

Sometimes you have NO news and we’re like “ummmm what are we gonna post about” and then you have way too much news and we’re like “ummmm let’s break down a couple pictures vanity fair style” which is exactly what we did

Breaking Down the New Breaking Dawn Part 2 Pictures Vanity Fair Style

UC: awww… i just got a warm fuzzy for Bella & Edward. i want to read twilight #1 again. before the end. THE twilight

Moon: no fuzzies for me:  she looks a bit annoyed. WE SHOULD! Let’s Re-read!

UC: okay! And Yeah.. she does look annoyed. maybe sex is “meh” as a vampire? it’s better as a human?

UC: or maybe she’s just gassy and he’s really trying to get her in the mood

Moon: he’s not wearing the oatmeal sweater she likes

UC: its the only thing that turns her on anymore… so tired after long days chasing deer & a child… keeping chris hansen at bay away from Jake…. she usually likes to turn in right at 9. but when he puts on that cutoff white button down (growl sound)

Moon: she tries to fake like shes asleep. but when that sleeveless button down is on…. it’s on

 

Moon: dear father… we ask that this evening will be fruitful. that we’ll kill all opposing vampire theats

UC: That I don’t get a knot in my long lucious locks

Moon: we ask that there be a vidal sassoon saloon with 3 open appts on the way to the airport

UC: and that you continue to bless me every day as you already have by providing me with a girlfriend MUCH hotter than myself

Moon: and that everyone will stop yelling FABIO any time we go out

UC: who banged Ryan Gosling first

Moon: also please enhance my “performance” i mean he IS the gosling, i have a lot to live up to

UC: And thank you for letting me call her “Beller” as it’s mighty fun

Moon: amen

UC: WHAT is behind them? statues?  darth vader?

Moon:  darth vadar and a replica of kellan pantless. Oh and God

 

Moon: this is the exact same position the paparazzo was in when he caught me in the mini cooper.

UC: hahahahah


UC: this photo is just odd:

#1 those look like the boots I wore like 10 yaers ago so it looks dated

#2 her hair looks like mine when I go to Florida

#3 I want that closet

#4 I’d take that vampire husband

#5 are they living in Martha’s Vinyard?

#6 Or maybe Martha Stewart styled their closet?

Moon: probs. i bet shes pissed martha dumped the grody sneakers

UC: #7 do we think Edward GIFTED her this closet? B/c Bella was probably like “ummmm what am I going to do with this place?”

Moon: totes GIFTED

UC: I have no idea what grody sneakers are. but I bet they’re funny. I forget: Does Vamp Bella start to like fashion?

Moon: beller is super underwhelmed and edward is laughing his ass off

UC: or is that just an Alice Cullen fantasy? Also REMEMBER THAT ALICE IS BARELY IN BD PART 2? I’m sad

Moon: alice buys her all the stuff

UC: That made me so sad in the book

Moon: i know super sad especially for white yorkie. but lets hope he didn’t FINALLY sign up for email alerts when we post so he doesnt see this and not go with us

UC: hahaha i think he already bought his ticket. Phew. we’re safe

Moon: whew

Moon: multiple options here: is this rock ONLY 3 carats? is this what my skin looks like after i take a shower?

UC: I have nothing to say here. NEXT

Moon: what are they fighting over. GO: that she can sing better than nikki reed?, whether or not her and rob will pose tgether on the red carpet

UC: That that girl from 90210 was actually only really eating a bannana that one time; Taylor’s sexuality; Kellan’s sexuality

UC: If ROBSTEN is unbroken or not

Moon: rob is whispering “broken”

UC: if Kellan got those muscles naturally

Moon: who gets to go out with rob later; whether her hair is real or weave; whether HIS hair is real or weave/plugs

Moon: he’s going bald, right??

UC: Whether or not he can actually afford a Lamborghini lease (yes i think so); Who has to talk to Jackson’s girlfriend

Moon: HAHAHAA. the best…speaking of….

Moon: REALLY, is this the BEST photo they could get??!!!

UC: Jackson hasn’t had much sleep. give him a break

Moon: i mean i know Jackson looks like a slow catfish these days, but really?? mid-blink?

UC: plus his pocket chain is making him think it’s the early 90s. and he’s confused

Moon: also the wallet chain??? 100% jackson

UC: WHY IS ALICE THE WORST DRESSER??

Moon: dude thats the craziest part!!!

UC: and are you noticing what I’m noticing? I THINK JACKSON’S HAIR IS REAL

Moon: shes supposed to be a fashionista and she looks like a kindergarten teacher in most of the movies

UC: they have BILLIONS of dollars and they put her in the rejects from gap 3 years ago

Moon: i can forgive ALL of this is jackson’s hair is REAL. NEXT

Moon: this deserves ltt christmas card photoshopping

UC: Yes it does. Very much. I’m excited for December because of this pic. I’ll also add a creeping Chris Hansen in the background… b/c.. I mean

Moon: also we’ve talked about how that jacket IS robs, right??

UC: is this Renesmee’s first day of kindergarten? When she’s 2 weeks old right? And NO we haven’t but it is..also Taylor looks cute SIDENOTE: ALSO Gill Birmingham (aka bill black) is in the worst show of the fall: Vegas. And Mr. Choice said “Look! His legs are healed!” also Bella looks so… twilight mom here. is she wearing a banana clip?

Moon: oh mr choice. OMG poor bella. it was a quick trip was cool high schooler to harried mom

UC: haha

Moon: that updo

Moon: this proves sue and charlie are doing the nasty right???

UC: yes. It also proves that Sue dresses cooler than Bella

Moon: right?!

UC: I wonder if Charlie is thinking about the Revolution here. and wondering when the lights are going to go out. I am

Moon: and charlie dresses cooler than edward

UC: this is cute.. i bet Charlie grandpa scenes will be cute

Moon: he’s definitely worried if jd pardo/nahuel is gonna try to slice his neck open or bow and arrow him from the nearby woods

UC: i think Charlie actually steals the scenes.. all of them. event he ones he’s not in. Twilight should be renamed Charlie Swan.

Moon: he does. charlie swan, the scene stealer. since the beginning: 2008

It’s true. Charlie Swan might be the best thing about Twilight.

Love,
UC & Moon

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