One thing I love about LTT-friend Team Seth is that she doesn’t “get” Rob Pattinson. She reminds me that the fandom is SO varied and not everyone thinks every single Twilight actor is God’s gift to the us & the world! Today she leads us in an appreciation of Taylor Lautner:
First off, major high five! Second, I know that we here on LTT sometimes, oftentimes, make fun of you for silly things like meat patties and catching grapes while doing back flips, but honestly we’re all behind you. It’s a matter of you being underage when we first got to know you, then you were smoking hot and we all felt dirty, like when your friend’s little brother turns 17 and it’s suddenly like “Wow, where did he come from?” Like Jeremy in Vampire Diaries, except that Bonnie isn’t over 18. Anyway, you can understand that I’m sure. Chris Hansen is creepy, you know. Plus, I know that we tend to talk more about your dad and how much we want to have sit downs with him over bread sticks and unlimited soup and salad lunch, and we don’t really want you there. I know that’s a little rude. But we stood by you through Swiftner! We accepted you after seeing Shark Boy and Lava Girl with our 7 year olds. And on a personal note, I HATE the Red Wings, but I’m willing to accept that you’re a fan due to where you’re from. That’s fine. I get it, really I do. (Go Canucks!)
But, I want to just get down to it and say, you’re the only one of the trilogy who really put your all into the role. And bravo for that! I’m so tired of people defending Rob for his mediocre efforts at becoming Sparta. This is Sparta. But you nailed it! You put in the effort. You ate meat patties and put in the gym time to get an 12-pak washboard ab set. You bulked up. You tried, and you kept it up. You respect C-Dubs’ wishes and followed through. Which is a truly classy and professional thing to do. You wore jorts in British Columbia other than in July heat waves. With rain pouring down on you. You committed. Rob did NOT commit. And I’m done, I am so done with these women who say that he has a Spartacus body in New Moon. He does not. He actually looks totally creepy. Like wtforks is this?
Sure there’s no pot belly, nor does he look like a topless Billy Burke (sorry, Billy, still love you!) But he’s gray and completely lacking pectorals and arm muscles. Seriously, where are his pecs? He looks like a fourteen year old! And I’m not knocking on Rob’s hotness, just his lack of commitment to the role.
Sure, call him the HHH, ladies. Do what you must. I’ll agree, this is hot, and of course his NM shirtless moment is EONS ahead of this (shudder!). But the role commitment is just not there. Not like you, Taylor. And since there’s an entire site dedicated to letters to Rob and his hobo chic awesomeness (or whatever), I want you to know that you and your efforts are appreciated.
I know you’re not doubting your mad skills given the amount of big girl panties that have been thrown in your face. But honestly, Taylor, I think you’re the only one who nailed it. You ARE Jacob. I can’t imagine anyone but you as Jake… maybe put you on stilts, but other than that…and that’s just a technicality. And you and I both know that I’m not Team Jacob, that I don’t think Jacob and Bella should be together, and that I don’t lust after you in bed at night (that’s reserved for David Tennant and Ian Smolderholder).
But I respect you. Maybe you’re not “world’s best actor”, but that’s fine. You’re young and Disney channel groomed, and having worked at Disney myself for a few years, I know what that’s about. I get it. I understand your overtly PC and vague responses, your extremely bright smile, and your uncomfortableness with answering questions in a creative way. I totally understand, because I’ve been through that training too. It’s fine. And I don’t care if you come out in a year or so, or if you’re actually straight. I just don’t care, because you nailed it as Jacob. And I really think here on LTT we overlook that.
Not only did you commit physically to the role, you also worked with the ebb and flow of Jacob’s emotions. You made the switch when the wig came off. Jacob transformed from a sweet little Native American boy into a man. A man who wouldn’t accept that Bella didn’t appreciate him or recognize her feelings for him. That she was too caught up in her memory of Mr. Gray Marble Sparklepeen who LEFT HER for no real reason (that he happened to mention at the time) to even take notice of the fact that she was more or less gonna make out with you like 20 different times. Kind of ridiculous, right? Anyway, you as an actor took that energy, that longing to be human again and that werewolf rage, and you made it real. Believable. I applaud you. So, when we discussed who should’ve played Bella, I felt we ought to mention the fact that only YOU should’ve played Jacob.
But I’ll close with this, Taylor. If you can pull off the relationship I envisioned between Jake and Nessie when reading the books, which was quite tasteful and sweet, then I think you might deserve a Best Supporting for that, and NOT at the MTV Awards, but at some real awards show. If anyone is trained and ready to field all the underage sexy times interview questions involving the supposed toddler love, it’s you, Taylor. You’ll laugh, look down, then back up with a serious face and say something along the lines of,
“Well, actually Jacob’s just imprinted on her. Imprinting doesn’t mean you have romantic feelings for the person, just that you understand her exact needs. It’s kind of like an intuition. So, if Renesme, say, wants to play My Little Ponies, Jacob will anticipate this need. It’s nothing romantic, it’s like he’s her awesome babysitter who totally gets her. As she grows up and her needs change, he will anticipate this too. So ultimately they will most likely end up together, but that’s in the far future.”
Then interviewer will then ask, “So, Edward might be Jacob’s father-in-law, is that going to be weird given the past between you guys?” and you will say, “No, I mean, isn’t that what every father wants for his daughter–a husband who will treat her exceptionally well and always love her and provide her with what she wants?” I have full faith in you, kid. So, keep on keepin’ on! And just think, your meat patty days are quickly coming to a close!
With high regards,
What do you think? Is Taylor going to do us proud with his portrayal of Jacob? Will Chris Hansen be on stand-by, waiting for his moment to knock on Taylor’s trailer door?
Contest Update: Moon & I haven’t had time to talk ALL WEEKEND LONG so we haven’t picked a winner from last week’s contest yet! We will pick shortly & announce the winner soon! THANKS to everyone who has entered. The entries we’ve read so far are amazing & it’s hard to choose a favorite!
Tags: , Chris Hansen, disney, jacob black, New Moon, Taylor Lautner, Twilight