Chris Weitz Porn– err pom

This begins our countdown until next week when both Moon & I enter a new stage in our jobs where we can find time for each other longer than a quick “Hi FML” for 5 minutes each day. 5 days to go…

Dear LTT,

I know, I know we’ve done the Alpaca Llama thing to death. I mean, Taylor looks like a llama! There are llama farms in Forks! Haha. So funny. But as luck would have it, an anonymous LTTer (not me, but anonymous for her or his(!) dignity’s sake) had a dream in which Chris Weitz was a Pomeranian. It was one of those Princess and the Frog type of story lines in which she or he(!) kisses the pooch and it becomes the DILF (x2 almost, btw!). The catch being that after ten seconds of the most recent human kiss, he turns back into the Pomeranian. Very awkward indeed.

When she or he told me about this dream, I knew there was only one rational response. Since I’m a good friend and really love procrastinating, I felt the only thing I could do was create, say, a minimum of five mash-ups of Chrispom (which, adorably, looks a lot like Chrisporn):

After that happened and I increased the day’s happiness levels for everyone who received the Chrispom, an email thread regarding “We should do the other directors! David Slade clearly is a naked mole rat” ensued. These were the results:

As you can see, Taylor is not the only one who can be compared to a domestic and/or wild animal to bring about happiness in one’s day.

Chrispom Forever!!!

With Kind Regards,

Team Seth

In other news, Team Seth’s letter today informed me that Alpacas=Lamas. I did not know this. I might be dumb.

Remember this from the good ol’ days?

GUYS: I’m going to the Sam Bradley/Marcus Foster show tonight. Hold me! – UC xx

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Friday Funnies

Oh hey! A friendly reminder. Hate auto-playing ads? Hit the “volume” button to mute them once & for all! You’re welcome xx

Dear Twilight,

I was doing a little new years cleaning in our email inbox, hoping there was something interesting to share and, well, there was! In fact a few things. I never know how to categorize the random things that we receive that deserve to be shared but aren’t really “enough” to demand an entire blog post. But today it came to me: Friday Funnies. Yep, it’s JUST like Monday Fridays, except on Friday. Brilliant, right?

First up, a note (one of many we received this holiday season!) for Stephenie Meyer. Important to note, it’s from a girl:

Its the most buitful time of the year

Lights fill the streets spreading so much cheer

I should be playing in the winter snow

But I’mma be under the mistletoe

-Justin Bieber

Someone wants to be a fake lesbian with Stephenie (someone ELSE, I mean)

Sister Penguin shared this hilarious Facebook mocking with us:

Remember when THIS was a thing:

Dear Stephenie,
I’ve totally forgotten about Midnight Sun. You could release it today and I wouldn’t care. Probably wouldn’t read it anyway. So over it. I never google it anymore to see if it’s been released and somehow I missed it. I’ve given up. My google finally broke anyway. So now would be the perfect time for it not to be written.

Sincerely,
Not going to read it so please don’t bother

P.S. Please don’t be offended. It just wasn’t meant to be.

“Twilight Artist” painted the stuff in the Cullen House

And sadly (for us. happy for him) it’s not 2nd-hand embarrassing. My real life artist friend sent me something that the “Twilight” artist, Gregory King, emailed:

I have had an unusual thing come my way recently that I’m excited to share with you. Many of you may know already, but several paintings of mine were recently rented by the company behind “Twilight”, the crazy worldwide hit film saga, to be used as set decoration in their “Cullen House” location (where the vampire family lives). Yep, pretty wild. Set decorator David Schlesinger contacted me in late 2010 about it, and I worked with him to select nine pieces in total, which were hung throughout the house.

And lastly, because my Christmas Tree is still up (looking sad & dry) and I just can’t say good-bye to the Holidays yet, Reasons Edward Cullen is like Santa

This is an OLDIE (From 2009) but goodie that was sent to us this Holiday season by LTT friend Bethany. Don’t miss the entire thing, but here are my favorite reasons why Edward Cullen is like Santa Claus:

4.) They both like deer.

11.) Or any one of the eleventy thousand Twilight Moms in North America, any number of whom, you just know, have Edward stockings hung by the chimney with care, right next to the cookies for Santa, who, did I mention? Sneaks into houses at night.

And I know I KNOW! There’s going to be a Twilight  MUSICAL.  Do you know how badly I wish I wasn’t going to be in Orlando (I could stop right there..) and missing the showing? We are still working on the perfect way to share our feelings about this new musical

Happy Funny Friday!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What are you doing New Years Eve this weekend? (Speaking of NYE- are you ‘shipping Zooey & “Joe” as much as I am?)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Buttcrack Santa Gifts

Dear LTTers-

Have you noticed that this year it is getting harder and harder to find Buttcrack Santa gifts? I was at Hot Topic the other day (a sentence I never thought I would ever say OR think OR type!), trying to find the perfect Buttcrack Santa gift for my sister and I kept coming up with dead ends! There was just nothing I felt was worth dishing out $30 or even $14.99 for! Good Twilight gifts are becoming harder and harder to find!

Buttcrack Santa first made his appearance at Christmas of 2009. Being avid LTT readers, my sister and I both got the giggles (yes we are 26 and 29 and we still get the giggles) when she found one of “those little bottles” in her stocking with a tag “To: Team Seth, Love: Buttcrack Santa.” Our parents and husbands stared at us blankly, waiting for an explanation. There really wasn’t a good one. We both looked at each other, turned to our judgemental group and said “its a Twilight thing, you wouldn’t understand.” And with that, the Buttcrack Santa tradition was born.

But, Buttcrack Santa gifts aren’t just for the winter holidays! This special breed of Santa can make an appearance any time of year. Buttcrack Santa made an appearance in June, right before Eclipse came out and delivered me a wonderful Eclipse watching package- complete with LTT shirt, my own jorts, a replica Bella ring and other Twilight nic-nacs! Then, last Christmas I received a wonderful “Team Jacob” t-shirt, which from the looks of the orange price tag, Santa got a very good deal on!

Unfortunately, BCS was too drunk to remember my sister’s gift last year. So this year, I am bound and determined to find the best possible BCS gift for her. This search has been hard though! The stores aren’t stocking Twilight stickers, candy and key chains like they used to! Even Barnes and Noble let me down. So, my quest drove me to the Internet, where I found some real gems.

For example, did you know that for a mere $39.99 you could be a proud owner of this set of sparkling Twilight title themed Christmas ornaments?

Or, if Breaking Dawn was your favorite, you could receive these “honeymoon” themed ornaments from Buttcrack Santa this year! Now, these seem pretty easy to make, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to go to the craft store and buy a bag of fake white feathers, so my search continued.

Buttcrack Santa gifts don’t have to be holiday themed either! In fact, they are better if they are something you can use year round- like a bracelet or other fun item for your house. A good bracelet at Hot Topic can cost you anywhere upedward (see what I did there?) of $14.99, but on etsy you can find so many other varieties! Like this “Edward” handmade beaded bracelet!

Or this replica of Bella’s graduation present!

I prefer my BCS gifts to be a little more subtle however, which is why I bypassed all the wonderful creations on etsy and hopped on over to my local 5 Below. This was my last ditch effort to find the perfect Twilight gift before I hit up Michael’s to buy some feathers and a silver paint pen. Thankfully I hit the very small jackpot there, but I can’t share what I bought or Team Seth will know her gift ahead of time! I will say this: the gift is a small token of Twilight love and vampire appreciation and cost below $5 (hence the name) which is absolutely perfect for BCS’s budget. These gifts don’t have to be big or expensive, just something to give us a little reminder of the joint love of something that gave us many laughs and good times together and some great inside jokes. Buttcrack Santa is the little bit of Twilight holiday spirit in all of us LTTers.

I hope the spirit of Buttcrack Santa has inspired all of you to start your own BCS gift exchange! And although good Twilight gifts are becoming fewer and farther between, I can only hope this tradition with my sister continues for years to come!

Happy Holidays and Little Bottles to All and to all a good night!
-“Rachel B”

Rachel is right! We used to find SO many GREAT (ahem) “Buttcrack Santa” gifts every year- Etsy was FULL of the best, and now…. they are SO few & far between! I mean, there is the “Harry’s World Famous Fish Fry” Moon sent me for our 3 year anniversary (for real), but nothing Buttcrack Santa would REALLY be proud of. Have YOU seen anything?

You know who sells the PERFECT “Buttcrack Santa” gifts? (I bet you’ll never guess) We do. In the LTT/LTR Store. Stock up for the Holidays. All of them!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Take out your party hats, it’s LTT’s 3rd Anniversary!

There are no videos in the post, so you can just mute your computer today! HOORAY!

Dear Unintendedchoice, Themoonisdown and LTTers,

Never trust a girl with crazy eyes, nor let her blog

I know what you must be thinking: who let Brookelockart get control of the blog? After deciding that I wanted to throw a surprise blog party, I spent the last two weeks cracking passwords (hint: has to do with Robsten, magicness and Bella’s birthday). So folks, spike your coffee and raise a glass to three fabulous years of laughter, tears and images that will never leave you (two words: Snail Penis).

As part of the anniversary surprise, I reached out to regulars and some old time friends who jumped at the chance to reminisce about our favorite LTT posts (I may have also promised some punch and pie.)

Please introduce yourselves and when did you start reading LTT/LTR?

Read_or_sleep: Summer 2009
Cazza: March 2009
PlaneFriend: Reading Since: About 5 seconds after this post. When I saw Stephenie was going to have fansites interview her, I decided to go looking at the fansites. All the others I just glanced at, read a page or two, and never went back to again. Within days, I was reading most of the LTT backlogs…realized I knew UC a few weeks later, started writing for y’all occasionally, and the rest in history.
Stacey: March 2010
LonestarKendall: March 2009
Rachel B, formerly GriffsSayWhat: Winter 2009
Alice_NaA  – Bella_NaA : A  long long time ago, when palatial pads and hot pocket fortresses where yet to be built, Summit was not to blame, TomStu still shaved, Bobbygee shared his wisdom, AmanDUH  was working her living room corners, the Pattinson pants were in style, and Oregano was not just an Italian herb.
superhumanmoron: January 2009
MrsKowski: I’ve been reading since March of 2009. The post that started it all for me was the “This is how you found us? Vol. 2”  it was linked on NewMoonMovie.org – my world has not been the same since I made the decision to click on that link.
Snowwhitedrifted: January 2010
Janetrigs: February 2009
Allryans: April 2009, actually since THIS post.
Operarose: August 2009
TeamSeth: September 16, 2009

Well, I guess this is what happens with an open ended question. For the record, I’ve been reading since March 2009.

We know that LTT gave laugh lines to Stephenie Meyer, what posts made you screen spray your drink while reading?

worse when it comes out your nose

PlaneFriend: I laughed so hard while reading this post that I flatout cried, no joke. I mean, Barbies in lingerie? Blacking out a Barbie’s girl parts? Flipping hilarious.
Stacey: This is an old one, but one of the first that I read that made me laugh so hard that it woke up the baby I was nursing at 2 A.M and made him start crying. So while that won’t help me win mother of the year, that post did bring some fun at actually being awake at 2 A.M.
Rachel B: I really loved seeing all the funny stuff people thought up for this contest, even though I was not creative enough to think of anything!  And, at the time the “imma let you finish” was ALL the rage!!
Bella_NaA: Oooh, the Imma-contest. Endless fun we had with that one. There were some really, REALLY good entries, including the one that Gil Birmingham ended up tweeting about!
Mrskowski: I think a memorable screen spray post was the “Ok …we gotta discuss it …it’s time” post – can you believe I’d never seen Last Tango in Paris before this post? …I could have probably answered this same question with any LTT Mailbag post or any My Twilight Confessions post as well – I die at all of them.
SWD: Breaking dawn Barbies
Janetrigs: The epic Calliope (@CalliopeBlabs) , UC and Moon Break Down of the New Moon trailer and we learned that Tweed is indeed Serious.
Operarose: Any of the posts with responses to letters LTT received from Twi fans who thought to the cast or Stephenie. I love the equal parts biting sarcasm, snark and sometimes sweetness involved in UC & Moon’s responses to the rather confused fans. Example

Cry Baby

Those certainly bring back lots of memories, also some inappropriate laughing at work. On the flip side, which post made you cry more than Eric Yorkie in New Moon?

Read_or_sleep: I have nothing coming up from memory.  Obviously I am a cruel, heartless person.
PlaneFriend: This post because I want to read a Leah sequel THAT badly. Truly, I have a ridiculous affinity for Leah. I want to get inside her head. I want to see her puke over the pedophile Jake-Nessie imprinting. I want her to fall for someone other than Sam!
Lonestarkendall: Just another example of how Twi brought us LTT/LTRs together across the country, supporting one another and making us laugh.
Alice_NaA: Don’t remember the exact post, but at the time of our twidiction high, every post reminding us that the twilight-period will come to an end, made us sad.
Bella_NaA: And now, every post that reminds us how LTT has become so much more than a funny blog about Twilight but also a place where we have made new friends!
SHM: I can’t think of one in particular.  Usually the ones that talk about all the friendships made through LTT.  And we all sing “Friends are Friends Forever”.
MrsKowski: it’s a toss up between “Twilight Moments that have shaped us” and about Leghitch2010
SWD: Well, this one was emotional for me, because I did the shirts. It’s AWESOME to see them on you all!!
Janetrigs: Freya describes how we all feel, in that LTR/LTT has brought us all together as friends.
Operarose: MidnightCyn’s story. Probably one of the most unforgettable stories I’ve ever read, anywhere, period. I was so inspired that Twilight helped distract her from a difficult time in her life.
TeamSeth: Same post as above.  This is one of the first posts I read, and I thought every Thursday was a tear jerker (due to post title). Luckily that wasn’t the case, but this will always be the most teardrops are fallin’ down my cheek post and same goes for its comments. But what makes it even more tear-jerker to look back on is that Cyndi DID go see New Moon, even though she didn’t think it was a possibility.

Continue…

47 Commented

Defending Twilight

Dear Twilight,

I want you to know that I still love you, even though we really haven’t seen much of each other lately.
The other day at work, I was surfing the net like you do when there is nothing to do. I saw a random headline about what to do now that Harry Potter is over and so I clicked it. The post suggested many other series one could look into to fill the HP void, with a list of “Pros” and “Cons” for each suggestion. Of course you were in there, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re only included because of all the success (ie money) the movies have had, and not because the writer thinks you are a legitimate story worth anyone’s time. Here’s why:

This is the part where Edward put Bella in a choke hold because talked to Mike Newton

Under the “Con” for Twilight: “the films portray a physically, emotionally abusive relationship in an overwhelmingly positive light. Also, the story involves a hulking teenage werewolf romantically bonding with a baby. Gross.” [I’ve bolded the part that inspired this letter.]

First of all, lol at the Jake/Renesmee reference – we won’t even go there. Then I was like, “Hold on, What?” I re-read to make sure I saw it correctly. Then I sat there going, “Physical abuse? What’s he talking about? Bella having to beg Edward for another go? Or wait, is this about the headboard?” It’s been nearly 3 years since my single reading of the books, so I even emailed TeamSeth to make sure that I wasn’t forgetting something. “Not unless you count the baby” she said.

This is the part where Edward bites Bella because she talked back

Ok, so Twilight, here’s the thing. Some people don’t like you. Some people even hate you. This is not new; we all know this. I can’t speak for anyone else, but personally, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like you. They can call you stupid, lame, childish, ridiculous, whatever. They are entitled to their opinions, even if they’ve never met you. We can’t control what other people think of us. I’m not going to argue with them or try to change their minds. I don’t feel like I need to stand up for your story; you can take care of yourself. But Twilight, this really kind of pissed me off. I mean, I can overlook the emotional abuse claim, because I think one could make a case for it and have a real discussion/debate on that subject. I’m not saying that Edward & Bella’s relationship is perfect or that it should be held up on a pedestal – this is a work of fiction after all. But to say that the story essentially glorifies a physically abusive relationship is not only completely false, but borderline slanderous; and ignorant…which I pointed out in the comments, in the most sane, tweedy, normal way possible. (I guess I was inspired by Moon’s Facebook comment.) Last I checked, I had 7 thumbs-down and no thumbs-up. I mean, I really can’t understand why someone would even say that. You’d think that a seemingly semi-professional blogger would take the time to make sure he actually knows what he’s talking about before callously making a rather serious (IMO) accusation about a popular story. I’m not even touching on what that would mean (if the allegations were true) about all the people, women especially, who love the story. I’m just trying to point out that it’s a false claim.

Twilight, I can’t promise that I’m always going to be around. Eventually, we will drift apart. It happens. But I can promise you that I will remember our time together fondly and will reminisce with others who also love you. And apparently, I will also be there to defend you, but only when you really need it.

I got your back,
Luludee

So what the hell WAS this guy talking about? Do you find yourself standing up for Twilight? Does Twilight really need us to defend it? Do people run away screaming when you do?

I still miss Moon, in case you were wondering:

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

53 Commented