Stephenie Meyer: After Twilight

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

I’ve been thinking a lot about THE END and having some sads. I mean… it’s almost THE END. Not the end of filming a movie. Not the end of another film. THE END. FINITE. FINAL.

This is actually YOUR bedroom, right?

Just in case you forgot I thought I’d remind you. And occasionally I’ve thought beyond “What am I going to DO with my life” and thought about others. Others like you. I’ve thought about what you must be thinking (is it “OVER IT!” or “THE END? HOW IS THIS THE END?” ?) Are you too busy with last minute details that it hasn’t started to hit you yet (Like what shade of lipstick to wear the night of the 12th perhaps? Priorities!) Or have you been hiding at home bursting into tears every time you round the corner of your home and see another thing to remind you of Twilight (your walls ARE full of Twi-paraphenelia right?)

But beyond the now I’ve been thinking about what life will be like for you AFTER 11/16/2012. Will you take a big cruise? (back to sandals Jamica where you and Pancho celebrated your honeymoon?) Will you invest  in Kleenex Tissues because you bought out the stock of your local CVS AND Walgreens because of your tears? Will we ever see you again? (don’t say no)

Moon & I put our heads together & came up with some obvious things we think you’ll be doing:

Stephenie Meyer: After Twilight

Continue on your quest for discovering super hot dudes to put in your books turned movies (Robert pattinson, taylor lautner, max irons…)

Guest post on That’s Normal [for real. TN is coming soon. this isn’t a joke. even though it seems like it]

Continue to ignore your sons when they ask why Bella and Edward would want to swim naked in the ocean. And what those pages said after they went swimming that you told them you read to them “after they fell asleep”

Continue to try not to giggle every time Pacho suggests having a nacho night with the kids

Annual trip to Forks

Quest to become mayor of Forks. And if they won’t allow you that, at least be crowned Queen of Forks.

Continue to not finish Midnight Sun but imagine all its goodness in your head. And then laugh maniacally.

Weekly conversations with you sister about the details you’ll never write down.

Write a story called “A Business Casual No Vacancy” as your foray into the JK Rowling Fan Fic world

JOIN TWITTER

Jump into Google Hangouts with UC & Moon.

Post more than 3x a year on your website AND come up with a new color scheme! (You might have to start to pay Seth the webmaster though)

Spend your evenings dreaming of new billion-dollar teen franchises. [We volunteer to be your sister this time & read the first edits.]

Answer Catherine Hardwicke’s calls once a year and pretend to listen while she talks about, for the umpteenth time, THE AUDITION VIDEO that she just might release one day.

Make a scrapbook of “Secrets I’ll never tell” from the 5+ crazy years of making movies… include pieces of Rob’s hair you stole… take out containers from the Olive Garden from Taylor… secret videos you have of the Twi jam sessions from the first movie.

And you thought you’d have nothing to do! You’re going to be busy! Start writing those Guest posts for Thats-Normal.com!

See you soon. I’ll be the one holding 10 boxes of tissues at the premiere.

Xo,

UC (and Moon)

WAHHHHHHHH It’s almost over.

Business:

We wanted to tell you about an LTT reader & friend Sadie who along with her 3 sisters started doing GOOD with their love for the Twilight Saga! These gals are collecting donations for the Salvation Army’s Angel tree program in Utah. People who participate can win prizes. Check out their Facebook page for more details!

7 Commented

Ye Rustic Inn and Denim Cut Offs and Public Reconciliation

Yes, those are icicle Christmas lights! Klassy!

Dear Rob and Kristen,

So we’re 30 days out from the last movie and you two decided to get back together. Sure you’re not even living together which pretty much tells us everything we need to know about this reunion. I do want to say, however, that I appreciate that you choose Ye Rustic Inn for your first (totally not staged) reunion in public for so many reasons.

First off Ye Rustic is about a block from my first apt in LA and was the site of so many dumb crazy nights. Second the Rustic is a dirty greasy shit hole with a loud ass juke box and gross carpet and old dudes. I appreciate that you chose this dump to show the world your rekindled love because really what could better represent your relationship at this point them a greasy dump? Yup, nothing.

Palace of love!

I spent about 2 minutes wondering if you ordered a basket of their wings and if you got beer or a crappy mixed drink. And is Kristen 21 yet? When did that happen and how did I forget? Also Did you sit in one of those circular booths and feed quarters into the joke box so that the entire AC/DC discography would play? And then later did you stumble across the street to play darts at (the equally fabulous shit hole) The Drawing Room and complete the journey from sober paparazzi outing to totally shit faced illusion of love?

I’m only sad I wasn’t there to see the looks on the faces of the regulars as they sat on their bar stools and gave you the side eye. But I’m glad you included a famous local dive in your tour de love you’ve had over the last few days. I’m sure they’re gonna get a ton of business in a few weeks! BMC (before Mini Cooper) you guys were hardly seen out together so many times in one week but not now! But I guess with 30 days left… ain’t no time to lose!

Forgot something?

Also lunch out the next day? You two are working this public reconciliation thing hard! Nice try yall! Oh and KStew? Button your freaking pants up. It might have been hot the past few days here in LA, but this isn’t MTV Spring Break 1995 and you don’t have one of those sun/dolphin tattoos circling your belly button. Thanks.

Off to get some wings!
Moon

24 Commented

We got your Twilight Gossip right here!

Dear LTTErs,

We know you come to us for the latest & greatest Twilight news and we haven’t delivered that in like… umm probably a year and 1/2 so we have a lot to get caught up on. Let’s not waste time. In the latest Twilight news;

Taylor Lautner joins Twitter
as @ActualTaylor and I don’t believe it for ONE second because he’s currently following 0 people and you KNOW the Real Taylor will be following @OliveGarden a second after he signs up. Plus his picture is too press-y and less karate-choppy. Another sign this is NOT the actual Taylor. [Update: Summit has informed us that this is 100% for sure NOT Taylor’s Twitter. He actually runs @olivegarden.*]

Edward Cullen wears a Turtleneck
We read it in the books and now we’re going to see it on the screen Ladies & Unicorns. It’s not white. And it’s not a sleeveless button-down but it is a turtleneck. Also I think I just dressed Edward even worse than Stephenie (no offense) did: A white turtleneck sleeveless button down shirt? Yuck

Edward Cullen is full on “Dad’s on Winter Vacation” in this scene

Ashley Greene willing to take Kristen’s Place come press time
According to a fabulous gossip piece by the very best at gossip Lainey Gossip, Ashley is cozying up to SOMEONE at Page 6 who is printing all sorts of nice things about her for no reason at all, even after her latest film tanked (Down to a 2% on Rotten Tomatoes- I think that’s worse than the Kellan Lutz- Mandy Moore debacle that OMG I COMPLETELY FORGOT MOON & I WATCHED THAT LATE ONE NIGHT WHEN I VISITED HER LAST. What a horrific movie) and supposedly this “source” talking to Page 6 is actually Ashley hoping that the news travels to Summit that she is willing to “stand in” in big press situations when it might be awkward to reunite ROBSTEN on stage. How selfless of her!

Work it girrrrl

Kellan Lutz thinks someone is going to remember him after Twilight
And therefore he was rolling around in a Lamborghini this past weekend in LA. He joked to TMZ “I finally got my Twilight check” which supposedly net him 1.25 mil for Breaking Dawn. Kellan Lutz can afford a Lamborghini? I don’t think so: Let’s throw in another mil for the other 3 movies for good measure (although that’s probably generous) plus the $2000 he made for that Mandy Moore movie, a couple hundeys here and there for the blow jobs he gives his pals checks his grandma sends him in the mail and the stipend his church gives him for leading a Bible Study ($50/month) and he’s made about 2.25 million (that doesn’t add up, don’t try). According to the google that Lamborghini starts at $350,000 which is 14% of what Kellan is worth assuming he never spent a dime. Somebody thinks he’s going to continue/start-to get big pay days so he can make his Lamborghini payment every month. Somebody is relying on the Prayer of Jabez a little too much…

Okay that’s all I have in Twilight gossip.

Oh and ROBSTEN is still apparently not #RobstenisUnbroken (double negative there, y’all)

Always happy to provide the gossip,
UnintendedChoice

*Taylor Lautner does NOT run @olivegarden (he wishes) nor is @actualtaylor his real account

29 Commented

Kristen has her “Eat, Pray, Love” moment *sigh*

Look it says “Follow your bliss” next to a picture of Deepak Chopra!

Dear Kristen-

You are far too young to be having an “Eat, Pray, Love” moment right now. I get that you’ve had it pretty rough the last few weeks (though probably not totally undeserved) but “finding your truth” is best left to the girls my age who’ve worked in LA for about 5 years and realized they’re NOT going to meet Robert Pattinson by being Agent X’s 2nd assistant in charge of his coffee and dry cleaning and then they take off for Thailand for 2 months and burn every career bridge in the quest to “follow their bliss.”

The news about you not even READING Eat, Pray, Love but that after WATCHING Eat, Pray, Love with Julie Roberts you became interested in Gandhi and his writings which it totally weird to me because I really don’t remember Gandhi even being mentioned in that movie. And furthermore, if you’re getting off on Gandhi let’s remember he was a Hindu and they believer in the power of Karmic retribution and you might REALLY want to think about what you’ve put out there and what you might get back.

Oregano?

Instead of posting up in the “Spirituality” section of Barnes and Noble and creating a “Vision Board” with pictures of Jodi Foster and puppy dogs and Emily the Strange stickers in your quest to “visualize” your future maybe you should just own up to getting caught and then go watch something like “Friday Night Lights” and cry and think about how much you can learn from a real woman like Tami Taylor and not from Julia Roberts’s character who uses and abuses.

So Rupert Sanders may have “found his true north” in a mini cooper but giiiiirrll there’s more to life than a rerun of Eat, Pray, Love on Starz at 2 in the morning. I believe in you!

Namaste!
Themoonisdown

PS Kristen, it’s really shitty that the holy trinity won’t be at the final fan convention. Like REALLY. Way to screw that up.

Source: Radar (take it with a grain of salt, y’all!)

37 Commented

Remember that whole Robsten thing? Well…

Dear LTT-ers,

If you were not on Twitter late yesterday (west coast time) than you might have missed ALLLLL this:

Kristen Cheats on Rob! – US Weekly

Kristen Stewart cheats on Robert Pattinson with married director –People

Kristen Stewart “Made a Mistake” and feels “Awful” for cheating on Robert Pattinson – Gossip Cop

uhhhh… YIKES!

So when my phone started blowing up with texts from far and wide asking what was going on/what was happening/WHYGODWHY/Why should she do that and UC texting unintelligible things like ZOMGROmKirstncheeteosjhasisdj!!!!!jn!_!! I knew Twitter would be a mess and MAN did it not disappoint. We’re talking a 2009 era explosion among the fandom. I saw people who hadn’t tweeted in years come out of the wood work to weigh in, Nutty Madam was confounded, the fandom Glitterati came out in force to share their thoughts!

To say it was/is spectacular is an understatement. We hadn’t seen this much creativity and hilarity in months. Thank you fandom Gods for seeing to it that we got Christmas in July and that I wasn’t half way across the world when it happened. Since the story is still developing and since we couldn’t let you miss out on a single moment, we’re going to be bringing you all the best from Twitter and around the nets all day. Stay tuned here for a the best of the best in Krupbert-Robsten-gate.

Moon & UC

Updates:

Always the voice of reason and my blogging idol Micheal K from Dlisted has A LOT (of awesome things) to say about this

Every Twihard Just Melted Into a Puddle of Sparkly Misery – Dlisted

PS Michael we beat you to the Nutty Madam response. BEHOLD the twitter convo:

Now Nutty Madam is an elegant lady who is refraining from a reaction video (sadly) because she supports Twi and all it’s endeavors but just think about the possibilities and what might have been… 🙂

More as the story develops… (I think that’s the first and only time we’ll ever say that)

Tweets we Love (authors are anonymous)

She was careless. Her popularity will plummet. She has jeopardized sequels to SWATH & put BD at risk. No studio will want her. And with a director? Oh god.

Cuz when someone cheats in Hollywood it usually does completely ruin their career:

The spectulation about “the pictures”

so i am not in the crazy robsten forever and she woudl NEVER..but the ones standing..way too tall to be her, unless
she has heels on

AND WE KNOW SHE HATES HEELS!

These things we know to be true:

somewhere out there, michael angarano is having a pretty good day.

@joshuahorowitz sir, you know you secretly in the corner whisphering, “yes” because you think you have a chance with him. Don’t play

Follow us on @letter2twilight on Twitter (or just look at our page if you’re not a member!) for the latest…. There’s too much goodness to keep posting & I realllyyyyy have to work!

37 Commented