How dare you old ass hags disrespect Taylor’s father like that by putting him on some damn poster. Are you bitches mad because he makes more money then you yeah that’s what it is. Or the fact that your husbands are lazy ass men that don’t do shit for a living.
Dear director of the Daniel Lautner Fan Club,
You’re right. It was so disrepsectful to feature Rob on a poster along with Big Daddy. Daniel deserves his very own features. Like this one we did a few years back of Daniel outside of his favorite restaurant:
or that time we artistically represented what Big Daddy dreams about during sporting events:
Or that one where we shared how Taylor & his dad demanded a tricked out trailer:
Or that time we superimposed a fish filet sammy over Taylor’s head:
We were wrong to include the infamous Daniel Lautner with that terrible Robert Pattinson. We hope you’re able to forgive us & are convinced of how much we really do love our favorite Twi cast member’s dad (well, tied to Dick Pattinson, followed closely by Mr. Stoner Stewart)
A couple of broke old hags with lazy ass men for husbands
It’s been awhile since we’ve gotten a hater good enough to share. This one really gave me cheer on Friday afternoon! Hope your holiday weekend (in the US!) was grand! XOXO -UC
I’m gonna tell you and all my LTT and BreakingDawnMovie.org friends about that time I went to the Abduction premiere and saw you and your new movie. But first can I just say every time I hear the title “Abduction” is makes me think of the abductor equipment at the gym which looks like a medieval torture devices for your downstairs area and that makes me wonder if you think about that since you’re so well acquainted with the gym and then I start thinking about downstairs areas and then… well, never mind let’s just get on with the story…
The lovely Lionsgate let me go to the Abduction premiere to represent for some of your favorite fans sites namely BreakingDawnMovie.org and duh, LTT. So, this a spring in my step and an iphone in hand I ran off to Hollywood and Highland with the hopes of seeing TayTay and his new movie… and not so secretly Big Daddy aka Daniel Lautner our personal LTT hero and favorite.
(as always click all pics to enlarge)
So there were a couple snafu’s with the will call line and like every fan site they invited there kinda got forgotten about BUT the Lionsgate team tried to wrangle us a decent spot to bring you action. Please forgive some heads and whatnot in the shots as we were behind some folks…
Namely Candle Crown Birthday Girl. So I’m sure it really made this girls birthday to be at the Abduction premiere and see Taylor and whatever but even though I’m pretty tall, was wearing heels, on a step and practically hanging off a stop sign/scaffolding her DUMB candle crown hat got in pretty much EVERY PHOTO. So thanks, Candle crown hat birthday girl for having a birthday and forcing us all to celebrate with you. Forever. Via these images.
We settled in to wait for Taylor because I mean who else in the movie were we really there to support? This isn’t Letters to Alfred Molina or Breaking Dawn and Lilly Collins Movie.org BUT we were pleasantly surprised… cause who would just happen to step onto the black carpet but Seth Clearwater himself, aka BooBoo Stewart and of course the sister Fievel. Like the mouse who goes west. Cute lil BooBoo even came over to sign some stuff for the fans…
I won’t even tell you what things I had to yell to get him to do what happened next… those are things for Chris Hanson to question me about later…
So clearly I haven’t gotten the hang of this whole video thing because I don’t even have the blasted thing rolling to catch what he said at the beginning. But I’m pretty sure he all loves us and sends all of Robs love to us and promises we can all marry Rob and have his babies… or maybe he just says hi, but whatever same diff.
Then a ton of Disney Channel stars walked by whom I guess are like a thing judging by the way the kids around me reacted. So if that sorta deal is your thing than I’m told it’s some kids from Awkward and Smash Hits? I’m sure I just showed how old I am by totally calling them the wrong titles. OH WELLS moving on…
Oh heeeeey Sigourney Weaver whom I only got this shot of because Crown Candle Hat Birthday Girl was too busy freaking out over a Disney star…
So who do I see coming down the carpet but Mr. Chris Weitz himself! Of course I like yell out CHRIS! CHRIS! And everyone around me had NO idea. Thank God Alison from Twifans.com was by me and totally got it! She yelled that they loved A Better Life and that made him very happy, and because I am that person I yelled that I was from East LA and that reeled him in you guys! Echo Park FTW! So I asked him to say hi to you guys here at LTT and thiiiiis happened…
(crank up the volume)
Since of course I am specially able-d with the camera I missed like the beginning but he says something to you all and then… “thank you, thank you very much for being kind to me, and not making fun of me too much… bye bye” The wave, lolzforever yall. Also, please ignore my valley girl sounding voice. Yikes!
HAHAHAHA YOU GUISE, it’s like he knows us or something. Us, make fun of someone?! NEVER! Ok, always. Like, every day.
You can stop the Dreamweaver music now because the best part of this whole thing is over and because your coworkers probably think you’re even weirder today. Ok, I kid but what happened next was probably one of the weirder/awesome moments I’ve had at a Twi-related event because who should walk like 2 feet behind us and avoid the carpet all together but Justin Bieber. The HALE? We just thought the screams were for Taylor arriving or something but no, Taylor was not there it was the Biebs and all the Bieblievers lost.their.shit. yall! It was pretty awesome. Witness the blurry side of his head:
Then who would just happen to slink in a few feet behind him??? Yup, Selena Gomez. No need to hide if from us kids, we ALL know. Though it did make me long for these days… I was also secretly hoping that Taylor Swift would make an appearance and Swiftner would be reunited but it wasn’t meant to be folks…. maybe some day…
FINALLY Taylor Lautner shows up… and the girls rejoiced…
Let me just tell you this boy was there to WERK and work he did… all up and down the fans (except right in front of us HRMPH), the press, the fans ACROSS the street and back around for the press again all while people chanted his name. It was pretty cute to see him at his OWN movie premiere without any of the Twilight stuff involved… I mean like besides us… and everyone else, but you know what I’m saying…
Why yes, I still eat meat patties and sweet potatoes every day. In fact I have a baggie full with me now, in my suit pocket.
During this time three things happened…
Wilmer Valderramer showed up. I KNOW. Maybe he’s a huge Taylor fan, or loves free popcorn and movies, or maybe he just needed to talk to the girl from Reelz Channel but for whatever reason whilst Taylor was doing his thing with the cameras Wilmer decided to walk the carpet.
Then who would walk behind us but BILL CONDON! I mean all we were missing were David Slade and Cathi Hardi and the whole family would have been there.
The other thing that happened during this time was that I spotted Big Daddy aka Daniel Lautner on the way far other end of the carpet. You can cue up that Dreamweaver song again now… he was like a vision… in a white shirt from Men’s Big N Tall, black pants, hair buzzed and looking ready to eat some free popcorn and see the movie he produced. But sadly, this is where the tale ends because Big Daddy walked right to the theater and out of our lives. Ok, stop the music again. SADNESS my friends. SADNESS.
Good thing this guy was still around for us to look at… and let me just say ladies (and gheys) he’s all growns up and looking goooood. Blue suit, tailored just right, the hairs appeared to be kinda combed to the side. All I’m saying is I’m glad I don’t need to be running to Georgia after every Taylor post I do anymore. Whatta guy.
So things were winding down and we decided to head inside so we could get our seats and see what all the fuss was about. After director John Singleton introduced the movie and waxed poetic about Taylor (and Big Daddy) they started the film.
I don’t want to give away any spoilers but it is a very fun movie that we had a REALLY great time watching. Sure there were some lines here and there that had us laughing for other reasons but at this point I feel like they’re just putting those in there for us. If you don’t have plans this weekend or want to pull a double feature with Drive, you could definitely take your boyfriend, or your hubs or your gay and go see Abduction because there is a ton of action and butt kicking and bombs (in ovens). But really just take your girlfriends because who wants to have to explain why Taylor doesn’t have his shirt on or why their make out scene is hotter than anything we’ve seen in Twilight. I kid you not. ENJOY!
I leave you with this…
I was abducted?!
Special Thanks To: Lionsgate, Will and BreakingDawnMovie.org for letting us rep them and “abduct” their Twitter feed for the night and the cast and black carpet attendees for stopping by to say hello!
Ok, so talk amongst yourselves… Abduction, you going to see it? Do we love growns up Taylor? Do we love Chris Weitz even more?
A lot of shiz has happened in the like 4 weeks since I checked in on Twilight. Well, let’s be honest I saw two Twi related news items in my FB feed whilst I was busy spreading good will and Robsten cheer in Kenya. One was a picture of Rob holding a surfboard with his sideways toupee hairdo and the other was a picture of Kristen who clearly used a cranium sized bump-it and a bike pump to achieve this kind of volume on the cover of a magazine. So I take it Rob won an award and Kristen was on a magazine cover. But what REALLY happened while I was gone?
I took to the Twilight news blogs (BreakingDawnMovie.org, of course) to see what I missed…
Rob picks up groceries in shower shoes while Sam Bradley picks a wedgie. God, I (haven’t) missed so much. (Thx Lili for the tip and awful visual). .
G'Day Big Daddy! Let's throw another filet o fish on the barbie!
Taylor went to Australia to promote his High School Bourne Identity movie a month before it premieres on September 22. But I think the real news here is that Big Daddy is alive and well and went with him to Australia probably to see the Kangaroos and Koala’s and whether the latest restaurant in the Olive Garden family has opened yet. He’s their (faux) celebrity ribbon cutter and taste tester on ALL OG’s (hahaha how did I not see that Olive Garden’s initials are OG before this?) locations. .
Taylor ALSO began tweeting and started a Formspring which is basically just an excuse for us to ask him more about Big Daddy and if Taylor’s love of leather jackets comes from his fascination with leather daddies. True story. I really did ask that. He didn’t answer. Jerk. .
In other Twitter news, Nikki Reeed started an accunt (*edit* typo and it stays!). Ohhhh Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I’m counting the days till ome crazy over zealous Robstener’s drive you from the social network with AWFUL tweets like Joe Jonas’s crazy fans did with Ashley Greene. *Sigh* .
Get these mother effing Somali Pirates out of my mother effing Arena!
Kellan is in some direct-to-DVD shiz with Samuel BAMF Jackson called Arena. I know nothing about this other than the dvd cover shows Kellan in a leather jacket (leather daddy?!) fighting a somali pirate with an axe. NETFLIX this someone and report back. .
While I was away I received an email from a legit concert promoter telling me 100 Monkeys were playing the El Rey (again) and tickets were on sale. Am I the crazy person? Do real, actual, live human beings like this music and it’s not just an excuse to stare at Jackson in a weird hat and fantasize it’s really Jasper and they’re Alice living out a real life fan fic scenario? Cause really I’m starting to question reality. .
Summit announced that Breaking Dawn Part 1: Regrettable Sexy Times (that’s really the tagline) will premiere 5 minutes from my house at Nokia Theater on November 14th. UC and I immediately began preparing our Red Carpet questions and dresses (Bella’s Replica Wedding Dress from Alfred Angelo OF COURSE) because we WILL be there. Oh yes, we WILL be there. This is your heads up Summit, hope you’ve added us to your “press” list. Anything we would ask will be a billion times better, more informative and enjoyable than that lady from access Hollywood or some other “fan sites” (yea I said it!) Just ask Stephenie Meyer! Forever and always our trump card. .
You know you’ve become one of those married/engaged people when you do shiz like this. Sorry Nikki Reed but NO.
“Taylor Lautner Dropped by Publicist Due to Demanding Dad” source
Don't look at me like that. What? WHAT?
I laughed. I cried with delight. I moaned “MOON WHY ARE YOU IN EUROPE” before e-mailing it to her knowing that I’d only be depressed after reading her auto-response again reminding me she’s out of the country.
WHY DOES STUFF LIKE THIS HAPPEN WHEN MY BLOGGING BFF IS OUT OF THE COUNTRY & UNABLE TO DISCUSS IT WITH ME?
That’s almost as bad as if Rob were to mention he read LTT “for laughs” along with Stephenie Meyer every morning on set & Moon wasn’t around to tell. ALMOST. (Moon did respond shortly after I emailed saying, “Big daddy’s a diva????!!!! I’m even more in love.”
But turns out I don’t have to say anything, because Michael K from Dlisted, once again, said it all: (make sure you read his entire post because this is just a sampling of the brilliance)
Taylor Lautner’s publicist is f*cking done with him professionally and it isn’t because of a gay scandal or anything like that. It’s because Taylor’s father is the second coming of Kit Culkin wrapped in White Oprah and incubated inside of an episode of Toddlers & Tiaras. Basically, Taylor’s father is the stage dad from the ninth circle of Hell and his (ex)publicist isn’t about to go to jail for double slapping a grown man’s basement chin.
Judging by that picture, Daddy Lautner looks like a for real twat wart who will huff at you when you take too long at the sundae bar at Sizzler. But he should still learn from the Kit Culkins and Jaid Barrymores before him…. Seriously. But Taylor’s publicist really should’ve seen this coming. Never trust a stage dad who looks like the pile of Chet from Weird Science.
(Click that last link & Die)
I’m sure Moon & I will have more to say, but for now I’ll say this: Big Daddy you were OURS. You were OUR bundle of laughs. You were ours ALONE to love. And now you’ve gone & done something to get you in the rest of the public eye!? How could you DO that to us!?
(oh & also how could you do that to your son!)
Do you believe the rumor? Did you see this one coming? Next trip to the Olive Garden is gonna be A-W-K-W-A-R-D for the family! The kitchen better start preparing now- they’re gonna run out of breadsticks! I bet the Lautner boys will start to throw them at each other!