What (should have) happened in the Twilight world in 2010

Dear Twilight,

Since it’s that time of year when we start to wrap up 2010 and think about 2011, I was thinking about recapping the past year of Twilight. But then I thought to myself, “Wow… how incredibly boring, UC. Anyone who is a reader of LTT knows exactly what happened in the world of Twilight in 2010 and exactly when it happened (and probably what they were wearing at the time).” So I thought, why don’t I recap what should have happened in 2010? We’re all about the fanatical fantasy here at LTT, so why stop now? I give you: Twilight in 2010: What should have happened!

The 100 Monkeys broke up. As a result the Goodwill received an onslaught of “Monkey bags,” and past concert goers stopped fleeing to their Doctors complaining of ‘bleeding ears”

Kellan came out of the closet. Then went to Christian Gay camp & learned how to resist the urge. Then was caught at the Eco-lodge with a man. Coincidentally it was his counselor from Christian Gay camp.

Swiftner became a bigger celeb couple than Robsten. A Karate video was produced to a country music soundtrack, selling more than Justin Bieber’s latest album. A pre-teen war ensued. A lot of Jonas Brothers sleeping bags were destroyed. I think. Do tweens still like the JoBros?

BigDaddy realized that the Olive Garden is much better when UC & Moon are there to share his breadsticks. TWSS.

Midnight Sun was finished and as a result, for a full 12 hours, not a woman over the age of 10 was seen in public.

The media & public realized Robsten are a really boring couple (Is it “Robsten are?” or “Robsten is”? Is this in the dictionary somewhere? “How do you properly formulate a sentence using the plural form of Robsten?” Does anyone know? Do you think Summit knows? Do you think they have a guy in their office just to grammatically correct all the “Robsten” sentences they write? Most importantly, how does the CEO address Robsten when he makes photo-shopped manips of the two of them to send to his wife on humpday?

“TwiPorn” and “RobPorn” went back to their original meanings: Pictures of Twilight male characters doing chores around the house. Much more boring, much more safe for work, plus you feel better about yourself after seeing Peter Fach vacuuming instead of opening an email attachment to see Kellan holding a huge scholong with the caption “Bite this.”

Catherine Hardwicke made a movie that looked nothing like Twilight

These pants will be EVERYWHERE this spring

Chris Weitz showed up in public again to introduce his men’s fashion line called “DILF,” featuring a limited edition mustard-colored pant

Rob’s head was not photo-shopped onto the bodies of any men who also do gay porn.

Stephenie called Pancho “Nacho” in public. Coincidentally they were eating Mexican at the time.

Someone finally admitted visiting Forks is actually kinda boring.

Ashley Greene hooked up with Ian Somerhalder reminding us that what she does best is sleep with men we could never get and bringing more pretty into our lives & giving us (more) excuses to write about Ian.

I mean, is it just me or was 2010 a pretty boring year for the cast? We had a little Swiftner. I think Nikki Reed probably slept with a douche bag. Kellan hooked up with Anna-Lynne again. Jackson fell in love with me, the Twilight Superfan, in Philadelphia & Boo-Boo Stewart’s voice dropped 3 whole notes, but I think that’s it. No one even cares about Ashley & Joe Jonas. Catherine barely tried to remind us that she created Robsten. For as much shit as he talked on Twi before he got the Eclipse directing gig, David Slade turned out to be really boring. Solomon Trimble’s life is kinda too sad to even make fun of anymore, and Chris Hansen and Boo-Boo Stewart jokes just aren’t as funny as they were with Taylor Lautner. Come on Twilight in 2011, you BETTER give us SOMETHING good!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

What did I miss? What else (should have) happened in the world of Twilight in 2010!?

Oh- We don’t want to forget to tell you, starting January 3rd the Biggest Loser challenge on the Forum (renamed “Resolutionary Challenge 2011”) is kicking off: Make sure you join everyone if you’re looking for fun, encouragement & healthy living in 2011!!! Resolutionary Challenge 2011

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

53 Commented

Storytime with Moon: Eclipse Premiere and Red Carpet Event

Dear LTT-ers,

Tonight (I’m writing this at 2am) was the Eclipse premiere and red carpet event in downtown Los Angeles and I was there. Barely. And no thanks to the awful security/event management company SEM who couldn’t keep their rules straight, changed the rules whenever they felt like it, were led by a power hungry dbag, were so worried about ticket fraud they even wristbanded a BABY (which didn’t work! Fraud happened). It was shenanigans to say the least. BUT, we were in, and after meeting up with tons of #leghitch2010 girls we dropped off LilCrazyCow (my cousin) who would be helping us live tweet from her spot on the ESPN restaurant balcony, we headed off to get in line to be loaded into the bleachers by the red carpet.

Of course waiting meant we got to see a bunch of crazies in their natural habitat… outside a movie premiere…

THEY EXIST!! In real life!!! And I always thought these lived on Etsy (or Regretsy) only. Nope! People buy these!

Then these 2 old creepers showed up. I asked them what they were doing here (since they didn’t know the name of the movie), they said they were there to see a BIG TIME movie premiere… AND to pick up chicks. I told them they better check ID’s cause I was calling Chris Hansen on their creeper asses. WEIRD!

And this girl brought a TIGER BEAT for the cast to sign… ummm… ok???

It was already pretty 2nd hand embarrassing so we sat down for a second to collect ourselves before we would be faced with being in the middle of the screaming masses AND the cast.

Then we were finally taken to the bleacher area were we sat with @myrobpattinson and a few hundred people who would quickly become the bane of our existence.

Let me tell you after spending about 3048324 hours in those bleachers I don’t even know who half the cast is anymore I was so astonished at the total lack of knowledge regarding the Twilight cast from the so called fans who somehow got wristbands to sit in this special section. So don’t worry about me I just may call them by the names the “fans” gave them tonight for your reading pleasure!

First up was Tyson Houseman, aka the Nerdy Wolf who no one around us even knew. So we gave up thinking he’d come over because everyone was too worried about “Jacob” and when he’d show up. Um, not till WAY later people!

Then Mike Welch RAN over and ran up and down the line several times probably in effots to burn a few extra calories and earn some more points on Weight Watchers, but he reminded us we gotta get that protein in us!

And then in one of the “WTF arrivals” of the night Tia and Tamara Mawry showed up and worked the red carpet and even came over to sign for fans further cementing our musings about the connection between ABC’s TGIF and the Twilight franchise. Cause surprisingly the crowd knew all about these girls, pronounced their names right and talked about their show “Sister Sister.” I kept asking Ashley what planet we were on. TIA AND TAMRA MOUWRY?!

Then we noticed this dude who we swear we thought was Paris Latsis, Nikki’s old/maybe current/we don’t know boyfriend, but then we noticed he was wearing and Eclipse tshirt and was somehow working for Summit. But maybe that’s Nikki’s parting gifts to her ex boyfriends? Jobs at the studio she makes movies with? Maybe the whole “Greek Shipping Heir” thing isn’t working out for him and he needs some extra hair dye money?

It may not have been Paris Latsis but it was fate that we noticed him because without him we wouldn’t have seen this beautiful piece of art work behind him. I know when I’m planning out my posters for red carpet events my first idea is “pencil drawing of Rob and Kristen.” Who needs glitter when you can capture their magicness with a drawing?

Earning the nights “Classy Moments” award would be Papa Stew throwing up rock signs at his rando pals and then having a ciggie right in front of the fans, the huge Eclipse banner, and the radio/MC guy then snubbing it out on the edge of the carpet.

Heard in the bleachers: “OMG PapaStew and Nikki Red are hugging!” #awkward

BEST DRESSED OF THE NIGHT! Hands down!

Taller than the fire hydrant but shorter than the limo… David Slade!! To get the full effect of his teeeeeeny tiny awesomness here’s him walking away since when he came near the fans it was almost impossible to see him… he he

Do I spy some sort of blog/croc on his feet?

Follow the cut for part 2 of the Eclipse premiere complete with the Holy Trinity, a double take and a wink
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101 Commented

Storytime with Moon: I went to EclipseCon this weekend, what’d you do?

Dear LTT-ers,

I can honestly say I never thought I’d end up at a Twicon in my lifetime but I’ve thought a lot of things previously: I thought I’d never run a fansite/blog, I’d never create something where the words porn/peen/jorts/hot pocket were used as much as words like “the” and “and” and I never thought I’d walk into a Hot Topic on a simi-regular basis but well, we all know how this turned out. So upon hearing the cast (the trinity!) who would be there, I couldn’t ignore their siren call. So that’s how I ended up at the Eclipse Conference in Los Angeles and I was going to make the best of it! Here’s how it went down…

Whoever’s creating these events must think we’re all 100 year old farmers who get up at dawn because the very first panel was The Cullen Family at 10AM!!!!!!!!!! WTF?! How was I supposed to get all beautified for the day and over to Culver City on a Saturday morning AND get my beauty rest? Because if you know one thing about me readers, know this: I LOVE to sleep. Ask anyone, it’s true. But I hauled ass over there and skated into the biggest hotel ballroom I’ve ever seen before just as the Cullen’s were starting…

They answered some questions I don’t quite remember since they weren’t all that fascinating (this would become a theme for the day). Either Twilight fans want to hear the same ol boring questions over and over again or Creation Entertainment weeds out the good shiz like “Jackson, do you really think 100 Monkeys plays good music? Because we think it might just be a HUGE joke you’re playing on the fandom. Inquiring minds want to know, Moon row triple X.”

I mostly spent my time imagining Peter Facinelli as Mike Dexter saying “A-man-duh!!!” and where the heck Kellan was. This is a Twicon for goodness sake this is like Kellan’s Superbowl. If anyone was there it should have been Kellan! How was I going to get my prom-pose picture with him if he wasn’t there? What else better does Kellan Lutz have to do than be at a Twicon on a Saturday morning at 10am? Was he too busy making more videos about mammograms with his Mom or maybe it was prostate exams with his dad this time? Turn your head and cough, Dad!

The lovely and blonder Ashley came over to sign a huge poster thingy. Probably pissed about not being the big draw like during New Moon press. Or maybe just wondering why she said out loud if she had to pick one person to be stranded on a desert island it would be Jackson. They SO did it.

This was just some serendipity that I got this photo when Nikki came over to sign the poster thingy. Poor thing.

Then it was time for some hotties. The Bad Vamps. Bryce was a doll, her outfit, THE HAIR (no need for a wig you idiots!), her answers. She really does seem like a huge fan and talked as candidly as possible about taking over the role of Victoria. Then there was Xavier… and if I didn’t love him long time before, I loved him even longer now. What a dreamboat. Sadly, I wasn’t the only one who thought this and it led to some insane cat calling. At 11 in the morning?! Damn ladies, don’t make me turn the hose on you all. All that nonsense led me to this…

tons more shenanigans, 2nd hand embarrassing moments, and a billion more pictures after the jump
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138 Commented

Hey Twilight Saga Unknowns, who ARE you?

Wait, you don't know who I am? I was in the made-for-tv movie "The Linda McCartney Story"

*Recently I received this email from our good friend Lula…*

Moon,

Today, while reading Sci-Fi magazine (don’t judge, you know my love of the Science Fiction), I discover an enormous, really languorous interview with Kristen Prout.

KRISTEN PROUT?

And then I see all these pics from Eclipse.  WTF?  Oh, OK…she’s playing Lucy. Wait?  Which backstory vampire is Lucy? Then she mentions Jackson (a-ha!  She’s part of Jasper’s past!) and how he’s amazing and super professional and how she loved working with him and that’s when I realized… I have no idea whom this girl is.  Until the article, I’d never heard her name.  She is adorable, but she looks like every Hollywood wannabe, even though she’s Canadian. BUT…
.

Why did this magazine devote an entire 3 page interview with this girl, who basically said nothing of interest in it?  I’d have rather read about Julia Jones…or freaking Xavier!
.

and
.

Would it be ridiculous to take bets on whether we think Jackson bedded her? OK, yes.  It would.  He loves him some blonde-headed Lucy.  Numerous times.
.

Hello…

first Boo-Boo and now Kristen Prout?  Please write a letter…”Dear Unknowns in Eclipse…WHO THE HELL ARE YOU PEOPLE?”
.

xoxo,

Me

Alright, Lula… why not?

Who's that girl pushing Ashley out of picture? Why it's majorly important character HEIDI!

Dear Twilight Saga Unknowns (let’s widen the net shall we),

Who the hale are you people? My friend Lula brings up a great point. It’s like you’re the person at the High School reunion that’s talking to everyone yet no one actually knows or remembers you or can even find a picture of you in their old yearbook when they go home that night. Where did this person come from and why are they the life of the party now? This is you guys and we don’t understand.

Remember last summer when the casting of Heidi was made into a HUGE deal?! Yes, who would play the human “fisher” for the Volturi Vampires?” THIS IS not A BIG DEAL! (HIT IT!!) Would it be AnnaLynn McCord, would it be a Canadian unknown cast from Vancouver? Nope, it was a model name Noot Seer who ended up getting the part and then consequently appeared in a Glamour spread with actual above the line actors from the saga. Why? You had ONE LINE in New Moon!

BooBoo and his sister who's apparently attached to his hip at some Cupcake event

Then of course there’s poor BooBoo Stewart who seems to be caught in some sort of weird showbiz mom slash brother and sister “any publicity is good publicity” situation. Anytime I see a tweet from “mamarazzi” I imagine BooBoo’s mom as one of those moms from Toddlers and Tiaras who stands in the back and mouths the words and mimic the choreography their kid is supposed to be doing on stage. Poor, poor BooBoo. This kid’s been peddling his schtick harder than a whore at the end of the mouth trying to make rent. All those events and he didn’t even make it onto the Wolfpack version of the Eclipse movie poster. BURN. But still everywhere I look I see this kid, Bop Magazine’s up-and-coming teen stars, a TwiCon in Fargo, North Dakota, an autograph session in Vancouver (what DID he autograph I ask you!), and he’ll probably cut the ribbon at the grand opening of a Mimi’s Cafe in El Paso, Texas next week. Why not?

Then there’s the lady who will play Sue Clearwater, Jack Hudson as Royce King, a lady named Catalina Sandino Moreno who’s playing Maria, and about a billion others  and of course how can we forget Solomon Trimble? The original “Why the hell are you?” cast member.

NEVER FORGET. Hold on, what is GOldie Hawn doing with Sol Trimble? Was this an "Overboard" fan event?

Now I understand that being cast in a Twilight movie is sorta a big deal, but do you really need to hit the Twicon tours before the movie you’re in is actually out? Or do we need to hear your take on David Slade’s directing style or that 5 seconds you saw Rob in the catering tent and your resulting miscalculations of his personality as he made a PB&J sammy? No. As Peter Fachinelli wanted to tell the nomad vamps in Twilight: “slow your roll.” For serious.  However, if the Amazon Coven shows up at the opening of my mall’s Yankee Candle store, I’m gonna have more than words with someone and definitely a bunch of delicious candles.

Off to read that interview with the dude who is yet to be cast as Nahuel,
Themoonisdown

PS Ridiculous, Lula? Never. They defs got it on at least once, after a 100 Monkeys show when her ears were bleeding so bad she couldn’t understand whether he was asking her to go home with him or to the hospital. Needless to say Jackson’s hotel room does NOT have emergency medical equipment in it.

What do you think of all these random’s jumping on the bandwagon? Do you really want to read something about Jack Hudson or watch a video with Solomon Trimble? Ok, bad example I want to see EVERYTHING Solomon is in.

Don’t forget we’re running an LTT/LTR merch giveaway that’s open ALL WEEK to celebrate our brand new digs here. Make sure you leave a comment to be entered! And why not head over to the store now and figure out what you want!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

184 Commented

Time for a Newsdump: Everything NOT Twilight related aka Kellan shows us his Calvins!

Yo, it's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I'm gonna get mine so get yours, I wanna see sweat comin' out ya pores!

Dear LTT-ers

I was just lamenting (yes it was quite sorrowful) on Twitter that there was simply NO news about Twilight out right now and that makes things awfully boring… but then I started researching and there’s TONS of non-Twilight specific news that our favorite friends are in… so let’s get to it!

• In the best news in the history of the world category: Kellan Lutz will be the new Marky Mark for Calvin Klein. Can’t wait to see if “nothing gets between him and his Calvins” besides his mini New Testament Bible. Fingers crossed for a Kellan cover of “Good Vibrations“

• The trailer for “The Runaways” comes out and I can’t help but think two things-  ONE: they look like little girls playing dress up and TWO: I hope Dakota gets to punch someone

Che-Che-Che-Cherry BOMB!!!

Wait, this isn't the Maxim cover shoot!

• This is the prom dress you see on the rack at Goodwill and think, dude that would be perfect for my prom scene in “Can’t Buy Me Love” Halloween Costume (just right for doing the African Anteater dance in!)

• The theme of Rob and Emilie de Ravin’s Remember Me photoshoot for Vogue is “a date at LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art)” why do I picture Rob showing Emilie his favorite works of art: The Kramer or Dogs Playing Poker?

Follow the cut for more news, less catfish, more abage for the cabbage and one special tatt00
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