Buttcrack Santa Gifts

Dear LTTers-

Have you noticed that this year it is getting harder and harder to find Buttcrack Santa gifts? I was at Hot Topic the other day (a sentence I never thought I would ever say OR think OR type!), trying to find the perfect Buttcrack Santa gift for my sister and I kept coming up with dead ends! There was just nothing I felt was worth dishing out $30 or even $14.99 for! Good Twilight gifts are becoming harder and harder to find!

Buttcrack Santa first made his appearance at Christmas of 2009. Being avid LTT readers, my sister and I both got the giggles (yes we are 26 and 29 and we still get the giggles) when she found one of “those little bottles” in her stocking with a tag “To: Team Seth, Love: Buttcrack Santa.” Our parents and husbands stared at us blankly, waiting for an explanation. There really wasn’t a good one. We both looked at each other, turned to our judgemental group and said “its a Twilight thing, you wouldn’t understand.” And with that, the Buttcrack Santa tradition was born.

But, Buttcrack Santa gifts aren’t just for the winter holidays! This special breed of Santa can make an appearance any time of year. Buttcrack Santa made an appearance in June, right before Eclipse came out and delivered me a wonderful Eclipse watching package- complete with LTT shirt, my own jorts, a replica Bella ring and other Twilight nic-nacs! Then, last Christmas I received a wonderful “Team Jacob” t-shirt, which from the looks of the orange price tag, Santa got a very good deal on!

Unfortunately, BCS was too drunk to remember my sister’s gift last year. So this year, I am bound and determined to find the best possible BCS gift for her. This search has been hard though! The stores aren’t stocking Twilight stickers, candy and key chains like they used to! Even Barnes and Noble let me down. So, my quest drove me to the Internet, where I found some real gems.

For example, did you know that for a mere $39.99 you could be a proud owner of this set of sparkling Twilight title themed Christmas ornaments?

Or, if Breaking Dawn was your favorite, you could receive these “honeymoon” themed ornaments from Buttcrack Santa this year! Now, these seem pretty easy to make, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to go to the craft store and buy a bag of fake white feathers, so my search continued.

Buttcrack Santa gifts don’t have to be holiday themed either! In fact, they are better if they are something you can use year round- like a bracelet or other fun item for your house. A good bracelet at Hot Topic can cost you anywhere upedward (see what I did there?) of $14.99, but on etsy you can find so many other varieties! Like this “Edward” handmade beaded bracelet!

Or this replica of Bella’s graduation present!

I prefer my BCS gifts to be a little more subtle however, which is why I bypassed all the wonderful creations on etsy and hopped on over to my local 5 Below. This was my last ditch effort to find the perfect Twilight gift before I hit up Michael’s to buy some feathers and a silver paint pen. Thankfully I hit the very small jackpot there, but I can’t share what I bought or Team Seth will know her gift ahead of time! I will say this: the gift is a small token of Twilight love and vampire appreciation and cost below $5 (hence the name) which is absolutely perfect for BCS’s budget. These gifts don’t have to be big or expensive, just something to give us a little reminder of the joint love of something that gave us many laughs and good times together and some great inside jokes. Buttcrack Santa is the little bit of Twilight holiday spirit in all of us LTTers.

I hope the spirit of Buttcrack Santa has inspired all of you to start your own BCS gift exchange! And although good Twilight gifts are becoming fewer and farther between, I can only hope this tradition with my sister continues for years to come!

Happy Holidays and Little Bottles to All and to all a good night!
-“Rachel B”

Rachel is right! We used to find SO many GREAT (ahem) “Buttcrack Santa” gifts every year- Etsy was FULL of the best, and now…. they are SO few & far between! I mean, there is the “Harry’s World Famous Fish Fry” Moon sent me for our 3 year anniversary (for real), but nothing Buttcrack Santa would REALLY be proud of. Have YOU seen anything?

You know who sells the PERFECT “Buttcrack Santa” gifts? (I bet you’ll never guess) We do. In the LTT/LTR Store. Stock up for the Holidays. All of them!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

43 Commented

Are there any 2011 Newbies?

THIS is kinda a big deal....

Dear Twilight,

Last week it came up in conversation with some new friends that I run a Twilight blog. I bashfully said “Yes it’s true.. I write a blog about that vampire love story” and my friend quickly jumped in to say “But, UC, tell them all about it- Tell them how it’s kind of a big deal & how you met the author and everything” And I bashfully said “Yes.. Yes.. I met the author… I’m kinda a big deal” (Just kidding) So I was answering questions about what we do here at LTT & the new friend (a male) was really interested. Like a little too interested for a 33 year old father of 4, and it just reminded me of a year or so ago when that very conversation was more prevalent. At this point most people know about LTT (even though I’ve still never made LTT public in my life. No matter how many times my grandmother asks what the blog address is..) so it’s been awhile since I’ve had to explain WHAT it is we do here and WHY.

That got me thinking: What happens to the people who are just discovering Twilight now? Remember when you first found LTT, how RELIEVED you were that you weren’t alone in loving the story, despite it’s many, hilarious flaws? Can you imagine FINALLY giving in after hearing about Twilight for all these years, obsessing like crazy as everyone does over the books and then watching the 3 movies before slipping into a deep “it’s over” depression? What do they do next? Where do they begin? They’d probably Google Rob Pattinson like most of us did, and after watching 10 videos straight… then what? Text the friend who begged them to read the saga all these years and say:

OMG! There is this video where Kristen picks something out of Rob’s teeth and he goes “Yummy!” Do you think they’re together? It seems like it- I have to confess I watched this hour-long video of the behind the scenes filming of some photo-shoot. You HAVE to check it out!

Um, old news… like 2008 old news! How lonely must it be for new Twilight lovers- the newbies of 2011!!

See you at Youth Group Sunday?

Imagine the day when they come across old Twilight archives on some entertainment website & read that Kellan Lutz calls “A Purpose Driven Life” one of his favorite books. Who is there to laugh along with them when they put two and two together & figure out Kellan’s just a good ol’ boy from the youth group?

And imagine the disappointment of a Twilight newbie who finds out Kristen & Nikki are bff’s forever & then starts to come across pictures where the two girls are no longer together- or worse they’re in the same picture but on opposite sides! Or Nikki’s bitchface is showing. Did their fake lesbian-ship fall apart? Who/What/When/Where did that happen? Can you imagine trying to figure out what went wrong THERE 2 years after the fact (Newbies the short answer is: Nikki f*cked Rob, Rob f*cked Kristen, Nikki married some American Idol dude)

Who is there for the 2011 newbie when they cry after discovering 100 Monkeys? I can imagine it now: One night there’s some heavy research being done on Jackson because “he’s pretty cute.” Blah blah blah “he was on The OC.” Blah blah blah “he was a she-male on Criminal Minds.” Blah blah- “Music!? Nice! I love a guy with a guitar…” Pushes play on the music player. “AHHH What IS this? Why is blood pouring out of my ears? Why do I suddenly want all monkeys to die? Make it stop!” Ugh- how horrible to go through that alone!

Buttcrack Santa with an old friend I forgot about TEQUILA TOMAS!

And can you IMAGINE falling in love with the Buttcrack Santa story-line alone!? I mean we’ve known him for so long. We wrote him his very first letter almost a 2 1/2 years ago! He’s such a part of our “normal” life (as much as an old dude with his buttcrack showing is normal.) These days we barely even think about him (sorry Waylon! We’ll get on that. I do miss you). Or what about the day the newbie comes across a picture of Taylor and his dad & Laughs out LOUD at the picture- there’s this fit, young jacked guy & well, Big Daddy. Who has a lot of ‘lovin’ to go around if you know what I mean!

I can’t imagine what it’s like for 2011 newbies. Maybe there aren’t any- or at least any as dedicated as us. I’m not trying to say we’re better- I don’t think that for one second- I’m not a “old school Twilighter” by any means since I discovered the books a week before Breaking Dawn was released (thank GOD! I can’t imagine waiting!) I just mean- are we so dedicated because we’ve had awhile with the saga? We’ve come to love these things slowly- first the books, then the movies. Then we loved the characters of the movies- then the actors & finally their random family & friend connections…. Has all this time & “experiences” we’ve had with the story/characters/actors & players shaped our love? Or are there dedicated fans still jumping on board even these days….. all alone out there, wondering how to belong!?

I hope new people find Twilight. And then I hope they find LTT so we can let them in on our secret: That’s Normal. Yes, all of it. (Well, most of it. Or maybe like three quarters of it. Or maybe just the parts of it that we agree are normal. How’s that?)

Still Normal, even after all these years,
UnintendedChoice

Do you think people are still finding Twilight in 2011 & loving it with this deep obsessive affection? What other things/people/storylines would be hard to fall in love with on your own!? PS: I miss Tequila Tomas

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

65 Commented

Things I miss about Twilight

Dear Twilight,

I’ve had some time to do some thinking on my mini-break while Moon is in Europe & a few things have come to mind: I miss you. I miss when you were EVERYWHERE. Sure you’re still around. And this Fall you’ll be crazy again with Breaking Dawn Part 1, but I miss when everyday things made me think of you & made me laugh in the oddest ways.

I had a great opportunity to meet 2 girls I met through LTT who are from BELGIUM (remember Alice & Bella from Not an Addikt?) this past weekend in New York. I’ll share more about that later, but being with them reminded me of a few things I miss. So without further ado:

Cathy Hardi & her love for the Ultimate “Cougarita” at TGIFridays. Why TGIFridays? Why a big, watered-down margarita? Who knows! But it fits, you know it does:

Click me for ultimate LOLs

Big Daddy and his love for Fish-o-Filet sandwiches (and our inability to call that sammy by the correct name), The Olive Garden & any sort of fried delight:

Buttcrack Santa and all the places he’d pop up. Plus it gave us many excuses to post disgusting pictures of drunk, naked Santa Clauses:

I miss you

Wolfgirl. You early readers will remember when Moon & I started a campaign to marry Taylor Lautner & my youngest sister:

Meeting Stephenie Meyer cause that was just awesome. And this June is really hard without excitement like last year!

I also miss that hairclip. I lost it.

Moon cause she does stuff like this, among other things:

I could go on and on!!! I’ll save more for another time.  What do you miss!?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

196 Commented

Twilosophy of Sad Endings

Dear Twilight and your readers,

On the heels of a the season finale of Dexter last night I got to thinking about sad endings and how no one’s immune to them even vampires and werewolves and their human friends. We all know how the Twilight saga ends and whether Bella ends up with who you want or how it all happens it’s not without it’s sad moments much like Dexter. He loses her

Jacob and Bella – *sigh* I know most of you ladies are Team Edward but can we please have a moment for what could have been for Bella and Jacob. If it wasn’t for that blasted Mercedes in the rear view mirror and maybe a few more months they could have ended up together in a relationship that started as friends and grew to much more. I think I *sigh* for Jacob because we’ve all been the second choice at some point and that’s painful. We know the outcome is for the best but it doesn’t make it any less of a sad ending.

Edward leaves Bella – duh.

They're NOT bears... or happy endings

Harry Clearwater dies – While Bella’s off being an emo teenager and cliff jumping for attention poor Harry Clearwater is having a fat heart attack which leaves Sue without a husband (cue Charlie), Charlie without a BFF and Leah and Seth without a Dad not to mention the tribe without one of it’s leaders. But really no kid should lose their parent especially when they’re going through crazy stuff like turning into a werewolf because of their anger control issues and not to mention a little something called the werewolf gene. We love ya Clearwater family!

The Leah, Sam and Emily love triangle – What a mess this one is. Thanks a lot to the magic of imprinting Leah loses her boyfriend to HER COUSIN (oh no she’s DIDN’T!) and Emily gets her face all mangled because Sam didn’t know WTF was happening to him. THEN Leah is forced to run patrols around the Cullen house in a cruel twist of fate Leah becomes a werewolf herself and has to hear ALL of Sam’s dirty boy thoughts about Emily AND THEN because Jacob refuses to leave Bella and eventually Renesmee she has to run what seems like 50 chapters worth of patrols around the Cullen house meaning she has to eat rare meat. OH THE HUMANITY!

Obviously these girls lost a bet

Mike Newton – No one’s Team Mike Newton, even though he could get your 15% off on those rad hiking boots at Newton Outfitters. Let’s all have a moment for Mike. We’ve definitely all been the Jacob where it just didn’t work out but what about never even leaving the bench.

And of course, poor Buttcrack Santa. The guy seemed like a recovering alcoholic who loved bringing joy to Children in the Forks area during Christmas and how is he repaid? By getting offed in the the dingy boat marina by some bored nomadic vampires with meth face (James).

Charlie and Renee – We’ll never know what really happened with Charlie and Renee since this isn’t their story but we do know it’s tragic that Charlie would lose his daughter to a flaky Mom who got bored of living in Forks. Sure, it’s not the glamourous metropolis that Phoenix, Arizona is but you’re married to the copstache, the built in Halloween costume possibilities are reason enough to stay. Let alone your DAUGHTER.

Oh sad moments… you make me sadder. But that’s part of the charm of Twilight and why we love it, right? Who can’t identify with sad moments? As for that Dexter finale???? EPIC SAD FACE.

🙁
Themoonisdown

What other sad moments did I miss? Did you watch the Dexter finale? Will you hold me?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

174 Commented

Thankful for Twilight

Dear Twilight,

While I’m still stuffed from the tofurky from yesterday (I don’t eat meat- bleh!) and busy shop shop SHOPPING on the biggest shopping day of the year, I wanted to write you quick letter to thank YOU for changing my life in so many ways.

Since holiday season has kicked off, I’m now seeing THIS guy everywhere:

A little early, Santa

No- not Waylon Forge (RIP), singer of the best cat song known to man, but Santa Claus himself. You see, I have gotten my picture taken with Santa every year since I was born (1983). I was 6 months old the first time I sat on Santa’s lap. So yes, this year is my 28th year of seeing Santa. (I never plan to stop. No, that’s not weird) and for the past two Santa-seeing years, I have thought of Buttcrack Santa. No longer am I thinking of the jolly man in a big read suit (although these past few years he’s been pretty creepy & acts a little too excited to having me and my 3 sisters sit on his lap) but I think of a drunken logger in The Olympic Peninsula whose legacy involves a “kiss me I’m Irish” shirt & little bottles. Thank you for ruining Santa for me.

Thank you for turning the mundane into amazing. When I used to pass the Olive Garden, I would think of all the birthday dinners I had there with my family when I was in college. Me being gone for 8 months out of the year somehow confused them into thinking I only like to eat at the Olive Garden. Oh- what am I saying? I dream of their endless breadsticks & salad. Just as, we have completely overblown discovered the  Lautner family does. I am so thankful that I now get a chuckle whenever I pass a suburban shopping center with a little peace of Tuscany placed out front.

I’m so thankful for inside jokes & funny blog themes that have been created at your expense. Because then Snowwhitedrifted designs stuff for our LTT/LTR shop and photo-shops it onto Twilight cast members, and it looks so real I can hardly stand it. And sometimes I forget it’s the background on my lap top & when I work remotely or take my lap top to a coffee shop, I have to quickly hide the screen so no one knows. But despite the 2nd-hand embarrassment I feel for myself from time-to-time (okay always) I feel grateful. Because of the laughter it brings.

And on a soppy note  (soppy? Soapy? what? Am I in a mashed-potato coma?), I am thankful that you exist, Twilight. Because if you didn’t, I wouldn’t have fallen for you. And if I had not fallen for you, I would not have become as close as I have with my friend Moon. And if Moon & I had not grown so close, we would have never started LTT- land of laughs. And if we hadn’t started LTT we wouldn’t have met- whether in person or just online- the hoards and hoards of  wonderful girls, women, boys, unicorns & 12 year olds who think we’re Taylor Lautner. And if we hadn’t met all of the hoards of people (do you keep feeling like I’m going to call them “whores?” cuz I do) we would laugh much less, our lives would be much less fulfilled, and we wouldn’t know the interesting, talented, funny, hilarious, creative, encouraging, beautiful, hilarious and delightful people we have gotten to know. And that would be a shame. Because I cannot imagine my life without any of them in it- any of YOU in it! Whether I talk to you daily, every so often, we used to talk long ago or never have, I am so thankful- for each and every one of you. You don’t know the difference just your being a part of this crazy LTT-world has made in my life!

XoXoXo,
UnintendedChoice

What are you thankful for in the Twilight world this season!?

HAHAHAHA- on my final read-through I realized I said “soppy” but meant “Sappy.” Well, actually I meant Soppy- like sopping wet.. except.. I don’t think that’s a word. I meant it with so much sincerity though that I’m not even going to correct it

Oh- Groupon (yes, we’re talking about them again. as you can tell I LOVE them!) has a Secret Shopper Page that you can only access by clicking this special LTT link. I don’t know what the special deals are but I think they’re only available through Monday (or are different every day until Monday!) It’s a secret. Shhhh
Groupon Secret Shopper

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25 Commented