Advice Needed: Should I get a Twilight Tattoo?

Dear LTTers,

This woman is famous.. not in a good way

Well THIS is a first. I thought we had seen everything, heard everything & been asked anything, but apparently not. We got this e-mail the other day from an LTT reader & it’s too good not to share:

To whom it may concern,

This probably is a weird email. But since the last movie was released, I have been considering on getting a Twilight related tattoo. But after seeing that post with the lady with the giant-ass back tattoo (and hint of an ass crack), I know I don’t want to royally screw up on the tattoo lest I want to be made a laughing stock of the Internet.

I am just asking other Twihards what they think of this idea and I want to shoot it to you guys since I love your blog. The Twilight tattoo I was thinking of is just this somewhere on my arm:

Esme waited ten years.
So can you.

Those seven words hold a lot of personal meaning for me, but since this is a Twilight tattoo we’re talking about I just need to see what my fellow Twihards think before I permanently ink it. So far I’ve been writing this phrase on my arm and no questions or alarms have been raised but anything can happen after getting said tattoo.

So what do you guys think?

Your fan,
Jael

Don’t Do this

My first thought was— how BIG will this be? What FONT will it be in? Will Edward’s face be ANYWHERE near it? Because big tattoos in ugly fonts having ANYTHING to do with Edward Cullen or Rob Pattinson are a no-no. So I asked her. And she sent me more info:

I know I want this tattoo to be small.  (I am going into teaching so this tattoo has to be in a place I can easily cover up with a jacket sleeve or a large cuff bracelet.)  I chose my arm because I have been writing this phrase on my arm with a pen for the last year and I want it to be where I can look down and see it.

I had a friend suggest I put the words in French so it would look fancier and cut down on the chances of me being harassed for getting a Twilight tattoo.  (I am also considering Italiano as the language since the language has some significance in the books. )

As for what the quote means, it’s something I wrote.  Esme is my favourite character in the Twilight Saga (yes, I cried when THAT scene happened because I didn’t know it was a vision).  I’ve also had a really difficult love life and I’ve panicked over the fear of being alone forever without never finding my soul mate.  Starting last year, I started writing “Esme waited ten years.  So can you.” on my arm as a way to remind myself that I will find love one day.  It just takes a long time.

28 Commented

The New York Post focuses on the important things in their articles about Twilight Fan Fiction

Hey Girl (whatcha’ doin’…?) You’re gonna wanna catch up on the controversy of the Twi Fan fiction being published for real and then read this New York Post article before starting this Part 1 of 3 written by a few anonymous fans:

NYP- we could've told you how hot Twi Fan Fiction makes women YEARS ago #oldnews

Dear New York Post,

So I was emailed this article today. You know the one, don’t act coy. You probably think this is about the metric crap-ton of TMI you made us all wade through to get to anything relevant, and granted, sure I now know way too much about random strangers’ sex lives, and thanks for that, really, because everyone knows you can’t possibly promote explore a work of erotic fiction without stressing again and again and again and again how absolutely horny your subjects are.

No, that wasn’t gratuitous at all.

It’s just that I’m a little confused how a journalist is capable of asking women how horny a book has made them, and capable of hearing about it at length, and capable of actually publishing it, and yet said journalist somehow has a difficult time finding out that said work of fiction originated as a fanwork.

Especially when such upstanding journalists have information such as this at their disposal:

In the fall of 2009, she was just another “obsessed” “Twilight” devotee posting BDSM-themed fan fiction online.

Well, to be fair, that’s maybe not much to go on. You have an author, E.L. James, who used to be involved in fanfiction. It’s not like you could just put that into Google and—

 Oh.

Yeah so, it probably would have been kind of smart to inform your readers that those books they’re shelling out ridiculous amounts of money for is actually the former Twilight fanfiction “Master of the Universe” and can be found online anywhere, anytime, as a pretty exact carbon copy (except the characters’ names). You could have mentioned that all this “success” should really be credited to Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight fanbase, seeing as, without us, this novel would have never been published in the first place.

But no. Apparently, this is not relevant information to your reader, and I get that, I do.

Who on earth would want to read about the exploration of any of the following topics relevant to this story?

• FanFiction and the Vanity-Publishing Industry
• Ethics and Literature
• IP Copyright Laws and How to Completely Ignore Their Existence
• Offensive Misrepresentations of BDSM Lifestyles
• Stephenie Meyer Pays Your Bills
• How the Internet Exposes Plagiarism
• One time E.L. James Kind of Wrote a Novel and Three Times She Didn’t Actually Bother

You know what we really want to read about!

• How BDSM makes women like super horny and stuff.

Excellent choice there. The only thing that made this article even more empowering to the very audience you were attempting to target was:

He’s not the only man looking to capitalize on the trilogy.

“A guy friend of mine said he wanted to form a business looking for girls who have ‘just finished the book, before they cool off,’ ” says Brod. 

So… that happened. And thanks for publishing for this, especially, as we all know by now that any journalistic exploration of Twilight and girls and girls liking Twilight and girls enjoying sex or any kink at all, just isn’t complete without a couple creepy dudes being quoted as stressing their desire to capitalize on it in the skeeviest fashion imaginable.

Instead of tackling a very controversial and significant topic, you chose to emphasize women’s sexuality, and you didn’t even do that right? I wish I were more surprised, but frankly terrible journalists made females lose faith in media long before Snow E. Queen L. Icy James Dragon discovered the secret to becoming a real writer:

Step 1. Write Edward and Bella having a lot of bad sex.
Step 2. Wait until it gets popular in the Twilight community.
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Profit!

The only thing worse than seeing the media fawn over what a complete success story this truthfully badly written series has become, is that you completely fail to mention the source of the popularity, and maybe in  some cases, completely sweep it under the rug. This series isn’t successful because E.L. James is an amazing writer; I think this has been established, even in your coverage. And, news flash: it isn’t even successful because it’s got a lot of sex and offensive misrepresentations of kink.

Let’s not shit ourselves here.

This series is successful because it was introduced to an existing, flourishing audience under the false pretense of a peer to peer relationship with a community devoted to Twilight, Stephenie Meyer, and Edward and Bella—definitely not because E.L. James wrote something so magnificent that all us sex-starved women can’t help ourselves.

To be continued….
Fandom Anonymous

Oh so what do YOU think?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

145 Commented

Twilight Museum coming to Forks?

Dear Forks,

I heard the news! No- not that you’ve realized no year will ever be as good as 2008, but the news that you want to create a Twilight museum! I guess you must still be looking for our phone number because you’d neverstart a museum without our suggestions for what should be in it, right? Of course not. Well, off the top of my head:

May this be in wax lest we never forget

• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s privacy pre-2009
• That weed pipe Kristen was caught smoking on that stoop
• The notebook with the song lyrics & chords from the Cullen family after-hours jam sessions from Twilight filming
• An Olive Garden take-out container with a fork used by Big Daddy
• The bed sheets where Rob & Kristen first made out (they might cost you and arm & a leg– Cathi’s been trying for the highest bidder for years)
• Michael Oregano
• The spray can from Rob’s airbrushed abs in New Moon
• The old blackberry Moon used to take an illicit Robsten photo with
• A mock Buttcrack Santa grave site
• Taylor’s tears from the Swiftner break-up
• Evidence from an Ashley-Jackson hook up session
• Rob Pattinson’s copy of Midnight Sun that he accidentally left sitting around which went missing 4 years ago

They'll be there

But it gets better— not only are you creating a museum but you’re holding a 3 day 2012 Stephene Meyer Day event (GREAT marketing, btw… with a 3 day Stephenie Meyer DAY event, how COULD she say no!?) including a Twilight-themed festival. And the main event will be a nighttime reenactment of the wedding!!! I can see it now- a bunch of badly dressed goth kids dressed as Bella & Edward sneaking off to do it in the Forks woods. And.. omg– you’re working on securing THE Twilight Film Props collection from Collector John Henson. THERE IS A TWILIGHT FILM PROPS COLLECTOR?? As if this could get any better.

OH BUT IT CAN.

The Target demographic for the museum is…. yep- Woman, aged 30+!!!! After all our years of complaining that NO ONE, the media- the movie studios, the merch makers, gets that the most DEDICATED Twilight fans are us old folks (I mean YOU old folks, I’m holding on to my 20s for one more year thank you very much!!) YOU GET IT! The town of Forks KNOWS it! And I have to assume that’s because they notice that the only people checking into their Bed & Breakfasts are groups of giggly grown women, with the occasional sad, sad man trailing far behind.

But I have to admit. This whole time…. as I’m making fun of you & your new museum & your attempt to bring Stephenie Meyer back to your sleepy town (You did realize I was making fun of you, right?)… who am I kidding? I actually want to visit you.

I want to sit here

Yes, I want to visit your museum & add my ticket stub to my scrapbook

I want to rent a beat up red truck & drive to La push.

I want to sleep in the “Cottage” room at the local bed & breakfast. I want to eat at Bella Italia after running away from some dodgey fellas. I want the mushroom ravioli. Even though I’m sure it’s frozen 10 minutes before it’s served onto my plate.

I want to take my macbook to “The Lodge” and order a big juicy hunk of deer meat only to remember seconds later I’m a vegetarian.

I’d want to pose near Carlisle’s parking spot at the hospital & visit the police station. I’d grab the sherif & buy him a Vitamin R.

And I want to find a big ass tree and make Moon jump on my back for an epic “Spider Monkey” picture.

I AM your target demographic. And I’m coming for you.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Would you go to Forks to see the Twilight Museum? If not for the museum… do you still want to o to Forks? Come on! Admit it.. While totally cheesy & done a gazillion times..It would be fun…..!

You may have noticed we’re not posting as regularly. IT’S SO HARD!!! Posting when there is nothing to post about it like…. well, impossible sometimes as you’ve noticed. Don’t worry- we’re not leaving you for good. So don’t expect that announcement anytime soon. We can’t quit you quite yet. But we are going to only post when we have stuff that inspires us (no forcing it) and also some nights we’re well intentioned but real life gets in the way. We have like.. real jobs now. It’s weird. But HEY— we know YOU still have so much to say to Twilight.. so please put those thoughts down on paper & email it to us, won’t you!? XO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

131 Commented

A little help for the Newbies

We received the following from LTT friend TheVenom the other day:

Dear LTT,

In light of the recent scandal that has erupted due to confusion over the Sheila post (people are throwing chairs, offering free but questionable psychoanalysis services (i.e. “losers off yourselves!”) etc.), I thought it might be funny/helpful/lame to write a fake newbie personality quiz to minimize confusion for new folks and help them maybe but probably not blend in a little more easily.

Disclaimer: I am not an authority on this subject. This is based on my own newbie observations, which could be totally wrong of course, and on the fact I actually read the FAQs first. I’m a dork that way.

The first (and only) question is:

1. Would you describe yourself as a…. (choose one)

a. Weird, Twi-hard commenter over at E-online
b. Celebrity stalker “loser”
c. Bully
d. Just a person who likes to read funny shit
e. Other:______________

Results:
If you answered….

a. Caution: You may not like it here very much & it’s possible you will seem weird and mean. You also may not get the jokes. You will probably freak out because of this and needlessly judge others. People will notice. It will be funny. You will not think so.

b. You may claim to have insider knowledge about gossip that debunks fun, innocent speculation but nobody will buy it, because these are seasoned pros. Your math skills will be questioned. Fake T-shirts will be created in your honor. (they’re fake right?) You might seem a little crazy and people might bag on you in a super nice way. Lurkers will laugh at this! (Also see results for a)

c. You might need help. Cyber bullying is a real issue these days. Nip it in the bud. Go take a free iTunes class in psychology since you’re so serious about shit and smarter than everyone else. Or just pay the money for therapy. Come back when you’re feeling better. They might let you. There is hope.

d. You’re normal, probably, but that will always be subjective because you are here. You will have thumbs ups and downs. Sometimes you will feel like an ass, but at least you have a sense of humor so you won’t care either way. You’ll like it here.

e. Other- Results vary based on expert opinions of Moon, UC and non-newbies. Lurk awhile and you’ll figure out who they are. They are to be revered. Give them a chance before the hate, and you’ll laugh so hard you’ll pee a little, which is totally a good thing. Try it!

I loved this start to the “Newbie Quiz” from TheVenom & have a few to add:

2. Have you heard of “Sarcasm?”

a. Yes- but it confuses me
b. No
c. Yes. I’m a fan
d. Yes & I’m a frequent user

If you answered:

a. Then we’re REALLY gonna confuse you
b. You’re going to hate it here
c. Welcome
d. You’re our people. Submit us a letter of your own!

3. Do you take the teenage love story about Vampires who sparkle in the sunlight & can impregnante their wives so seriously that you’ll hate on anyone who might criticize, poke fun of it or its fans? 

a. Yes
b. I don’t know anyone like that
c. No- I make fun of it all the time, yet I love it so much. Is this normal?

If you answered:

a. You’re gonna hate it here
b. Welcome to LTT. We ARE those people
c. That’s Normal. So normal. You’re home now hunny. You can relax

4. Do you think famous people who get paid millions of dollars to be in the public eye should never have their personal lives discussed?

a. No
b. Yes
c. Just don’t criticize (insert name of person you love)

If you answered:

a. LTTs gonna feel like home
b. You’re gonna hate it here
c. (Name of person you love) probably hates (insert name of of someone hated by person you love) and we’ll definitely discuss that, so you’ll be happy. But then the next day we’ll probably discuss (name of person you love) and piss you off for a minute. Sorry.

5. Finish the sentence: It’s more fun to:

a. Speculate or fantasize about what MIGHT actually be (or never EVER be, depending on the day)
b. Only discuss truth & facts

If you answered:

a. How does creating a “Character” for your favorite Twilight actor sound along with a favorite restaurant, girlfriend (we could even write a song for the two of them) and altogether “new” (but, let’s be honest, pretty accurate) personality sound? Good? You’ll like it hre!
b. You’re gonna hate it here.

6. When you leave a comment to hurt someone, you’d expect the response to be:

a. Something mean back, perferably to be called a bad word for a female body part
b. The responder to try to start a debate or argument
c. Something confusing (is that sarcasm?) that sounds like it agrees with you but also maybe doesn’t? And maybe makes fun of your spelling.
d. Total and complete agreement

If you answered:

a. This could happen on LTT, if you’re offended another newbie
b. This might happen at LTT, although it’s hard to debate with an LTTer who has been around for awhile
c. This is likely the response of a seasoned LTTer, or, if you’re lucky, UC or Moon decided to join the “there’s a newbie who doesn’t get it gone crazy in the comments” fun for a few minutes that day.
d. This means you got one of your friends to comment too! Look at you!

So newbies, how did you do? Does it seem like LTT is going to be a place to call home? Or did you end up with mostly “You’re gonna hate it heres?” Sound off in the comments & old LTTers (Can I call you Old LTT Hags?) what did I miss!?

Love,

UnintendedChoice

Did you remember we have FAQs? I forgot & re-read them last night (and even added a few new lines) HILARIOUS. All that crap STILL makes me laugh. Read the LTT FAQs now!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

112 Commented

Oh It’s that time of Year! New LTT T-shirts!

Dear LTTers,

We’re so HAPPY to announce that we have new fashion for you to wear proudly for the Breaking Dawn season! You can put your embarrassing out-of-date Eclipse, New Moon & Twilight fashion away & impress the crowds with these new babies:

Breaking Headboards: If they do it onscreen, does it mean it’s real?

Forget your college sports wear this Fall football season, it’s Robsten-time

And of course we’d never forget you Nonstens! Robsten isn’t real! Denying it since 2008

What’s the theme for this year’s Breaking Dawn craziness? Um, all of the above?! #BreakingHeadboards2011

And we’re REALLY hitting our theme home with yet another Breaking Headboards 2011 design

And my personal favorite from the 2011 Collection: The Cullen’s Don’t go to Tiffany’s

In case the newest designs are too couture for you, but you really want something new for this year’s events, might I suggest a few pieces from past collections that are destined to be classics in any girls (or mans or child’s) wardrobe?

Moantreal: Where the magic happens

Alpaca Farm: Those animals love jorts

And how about a little something to wear to the Pattinson Family Reunion?

With all these options we are certain you will be the most stylish fan at your midnight showing, hottest host at your premiere party with friends, best looking mom showing up to a PTA meeting mere hours before the movie releases or least-creepy looking Holy Trinity stalker in LA in a month!

Shop LTT Fashion now!

PS: Thanks to the ever amazing @Snowwhitedriftd for the AWESOME new designs!!!

PS: It was posted later in the day yesterday, but don’t you dare miss Moon’s hilarious LTT letter!

Hot Tip: Occasionally hear an ad auto-playing? Mute works on the videos!

12 Commented