The New York Post focuses on the important things in their articles about Twilight Fan Fiction

Hey Girl (whatcha’ doin’…?) You’re gonna wanna catch up on the controversy of the Twi Fan fiction being published for real and then read this New York Post article before starting this Part 1 of 3 written by a few anonymous fans:

NYP- we could've told you how hot Twi Fan Fiction makes women YEARS ago #oldnews

Dear New York Post,

So I was emailed this article today. You know the one, don’t act coy. You probably think this is about the metric crap-ton of TMI you made us all wade through to get to anything relevant, and granted, sure I now know way too much about random strangers’ sex lives, and thanks for that, really, because everyone knows you can’t possibly promote explore a work of erotic fiction without stressing again and again and again and again how absolutely horny your subjects are.

No, that wasn’t gratuitous at all.

It’s just that I’m a little confused how a journalist is capable of asking women how horny a book has made them, and capable of hearing about it at length, and capable of actually publishing it, and yet said journalist somehow has a difficult time finding out that said work of fiction originated as a fanwork.

Especially when such upstanding journalists have information such as this at their disposal:

In the fall of 2009, she was just another “obsessed” “Twilight” devotee posting BDSM-themed fan fiction online.

Well, to be fair, that’s maybe not much to go on. You have an author, E.L. James, who used to be involved in fanfiction. It’s not like you could just put that into Google and—

 Oh.

Yeah so, it probably would have been kind of smart to inform your readers that those books they’re shelling out ridiculous amounts of money for is actually the former Twilight fanfiction “Master of the Universe” and can be found online anywhere, anytime, as a pretty exact carbon copy (except the characters’ names). You could have mentioned that all this “success” should really be credited to Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight fanbase, seeing as, without us, this novel would have never been published in the first place.

But no. Apparently, this is not relevant information to your reader, and I get that, I do.

Who on earth would want to read about the exploration of any of the following topics relevant to this story?

• FanFiction and the Vanity-Publishing Industry
• Ethics and Literature
• IP Copyright Laws and How to Completely Ignore Their Existence
• Offensive Misrepresentations of BDSM Lifestyles
• Stephenie Meyer Pays Your Bills
• How the Internet Exposes Plagiarism
• One time E.L. James Kind of Wrote a Novel and Three Times She Didn’t Actually Bother

You know what we really want to read about!

• How BDSM makes women like super horny and stuff.

Excellent choice there. The only thing that made this article even more empowering to the very audience you were attempting to target was:

He’s not the only man looking to capitalize on the trilogy.

“A guy friend of mine said he wanted to form a business looking for girls who have ‘just finished the book, before they cool off,’ ” says Brod. 

So… that happened. And thanks for publishing for this, especially, as we all know by now that any journalistic exploration of Twilight and girls and girls liking Twilight and girls enjoying sex or any kink at all, just isn’t complete without a couple creepy dudes being quoted as stressing their desire to capitalize on it in the skeeviest fashion imaginable.

Instead of tackling a very controversial and significant topic, you chose to emphasize women’s sexuality, and you didn’t even do that right? I wish I were more surprised, but frankly terrible journalists made females lose faith in media long before Snow E. Queen L. Icy James Dragon discovered the secret to becoming a real writer:

Step 1. Write Edward and Bella having a lot of bad sex.
Step 2. Wait until it gets popular in the Twilight community.
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Profit!

The only thing worse than seeing the media fawn over what a complete success story this truthfully badly written series has become, is that you completely fail to mention the source of the popularity, and maybe in  some cases, completely sweep it under the rug. This series isn’t successful because E.L. James is an amazing writer; I think this has been established, even in your coverage. And, news flash: it isn’t even successful because it’s got a lot of sex and offensive misrepresentations of kink.

Let’s not shit ourselves here.

This series is successful because it was introduced to an existing, flourishing audience under the false pretense of a peer to peer relationship with a community devoted to Twilight, Stephenie Meyer, and Edward and Bella—definitely not because E.L. James wrote something so magnificent that all us sex-starved women can’t help ourselves.

To be continued….
Fandom Anonymous

Oh so what do YOU think?

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145 Commented

Twilight Museum coming to Forks?

Dear Forks,

I heard the news! No- not that you’ve realized no year will ever be as good as 2008, but the news that you want to create a Twilight museum! I guess you must still be looking for our phone number because you’d neverstart a museum without our suggestions for what should be in it, right? Of course not. Well, off the top of my head:

May this be in wax lest we never forget

• Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart’s privacy pre-2009
• That weed pipe Kristen was caught smoking on that stoop
• The notebook with the song lyrics & chords from the Cullen family after-hours jam sessions from Twilight filming
• An Olive Garden take-out container with a fork used by Big Daddy
• The bed sheets where Rob & Kristen first made out (they might cost you and arm & a leg– Cathi’s been trying for the highest bidder for years)
• Michael Oregano
• The spray can from Rob’s airbrushed abs in New Moon
• The old blackberry Moon used to take an illicit Robsten photo with
• A mock Buttcrack Santa grave site
• Taylor’s tears from the Swiftner break-up
• Evidence from an Ashley-Jackson hook up session
• Rob Pattinson’s copy of Midnight Sun that he accidentally left sitting around which went missing 4 years ago

They'll be there

But it gets better— not only are you creating a museum but you’re holding a 3 day 2012 Stephene Meyer Day event (GREAT marketing, btw… with a 3 day Stephenie Meyer DAY event, how COULD she say no!?) including a Twilight-themed festival. And the main event will be a nighttime reenactment of the wedding!!! I can see it now- a bunch of badly dressed goth kids dressed as Bella & Edward sneaking off to do it in the Forks woods. And.. omg– you’re working on securing THE Twilight Film Props collection from Collector John Henson. THERE IS A TWILIGHT FILM PROPS COLLECTOR?? As if this could get any better.

OH BUT IT CAN.

The Target demographic for the museum is…. yep- Woman, aged 30+!!!! After all our years of complaining that NO ONE, the media- the movie studios, the merch makers, gets that the most DEDICATED Twilight fans are us old folks (I mean YOU old folks, I’m holding on to my 20s for one more year thank you very much!!) YOU GET IT! The town of Forks KNOWS it! And I have to assume that’s because they notice that the only people checking into their Bed & Breakfasts are groups of giggly grown women, with the occasional sad, sad man trailing far behind.

But I have to admit. This whole time…. as I’m making fun of you & your new museum & your attempt to bring Stephenie Meyer back to your sleepy town (You did realize I was making fun of you, right?)… who am I kidding? I actually want to visit you.

I want to sit here

Yes, I want to visit your museum & add my ticket stub to my scrapbook

I want to rent a beat up red truck & drive to La push.

I want to sleep in the “Cottage” room at the local bed & breakfast. I want to eat at Bella Italia after running away from some dodgey fellas. I want the mushroom ravioli. Even though I’m sure it’s frozen 10 minutes before it’s served onto my plate.

I want to take my macbook to “The Lodge” and order a big juicy hunk of deer meat only to remember seconds later I’m a vegetarian.

I’d want to pose near Carlisle’s parking spot at the hospital & visit the police station. I’d grab the sherif & buy him a Vitamin R.

And I want to find a big ass tree and make Moon jump on my back for an epic “Spider Monkey” picture.

I AM your target demographic. And I’m coming for you.

Love,
UnintendedChoice

WHAT DO YOU THINK? Would you go to Forks to see the Twilight Museum? If not for the museum… do you still want to o to Forks? Come on! Admit it.. While totally cheesy & done a gazillion times..It would be fun…..!

You may have noticed we’re not posting as regularly. IT’S SO HARD!!! Posting when there is nothing to post about it like…. well, impossible sometimes as you’ve noticed. Don’t worry- we’re not leaving you for good. So don’t expect that announcement anytime soon. We can’t quit you quite yet. But we are going to only post when we have stuff that inspires us (no forcing it) and also some nights we’re well intentioned but real life gets in the way. We have like.. real jobs now. It’s weird. But HEY— we know YOU still have so much to say to Twilight.. so please put those thoughts down on paper & email it to us, won’t you!? XO

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131 Commented

Breaking Dawn Pt 1 Soundtrack – Let’s Discuss

November 8th!

Dear LTT-ers,

So it’s become a bit of a tradition (1, 2) for us to delve into the Twilight soundtrack after they’re announced because well, we love music… and I work in it. What isn’t to like about tearing apart the track listing and artists and see what we can learn about the film from it… aka make wild guesses and assumptions.

At first glance I’m intrigued this is definitely NOT the same vibe as New Moon and Eclipse with it’s “indie” (vom, I hate that word) esque sensibilities and thoughtful inclusions… this is almost more in the vein of the first Twi soundtrack minus the mid 90s vibe of Collective Soul etc. *shudder* I think the thing we need to remember going into this is that music in film is meant to enhance a mood or feeling in a scene and to help tell the story without being a total distraction (and come in under budget).

So we’re back at it again with the Chop Shop crew at the helm with Bill Condon so let’s see what they’ve brought us…

1.  The Joy Formidable – Endtapes
This is one I was excited to see because I’ve been listening to their album The Big Roar for the last year. Though they’re not my end all be all, I’m glad they were included because they’re the type of artist I would expect on a Twilight Sountrack. I’m assuming this will be some type of upbeat scene with driving or running or maybe when Bella gets out of the car at the gas station at the beginning of BD. Ya know, if we’re being literal.

Listen:

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2.  Angus & Julia Stone – Love Will Take You
Lovely little brother and sister duo on Nettwerk another lovely little label. Their music has been on a bunch of  CW shows and Greys Anatomy so this isn’t a big surprise of a pick… but they’re kinda snoozeville to me. They seem like one of those bands that was put together for the sole purpose of inclusion on soundtracks and tv shows: innocuous, girl with a baby voice, sounds nice in the background, easy to clear, that sorta thing. I’m sure they’re nice folks and all but Zzzzzzzzzz. I see this in some sort of chill scene maybe the morning after! Heh heh!
Listen:

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3.  Bruno Mars – It Will Rain
Ok, so I don’t hate it like UC hates it… she says she can’t even listen to it all the way through. It’s not awful… I wouldn’t kick it out of bed but I’m not ready to spoon with it either.

Some thoughts to settle the crowd down a little: All other lead singles (Twi excluded) haven’t even been featured IN the movie, only over the credits. SO if you hate it THAT much you can just run out before the credits roll. It’s probably a move to get more radio play for the soundtrack and in turn more moola. It’s not like Death Cab and Muse were being played 40 times during Ryan Seacrest’s morning show, so who better to choose as the single than the dude who’s basically PRINTING cash based off his publishing on his songwriting and chart topping songs this last year.

If it’s included in an actual scene, this feels like first dance or dance with Jacob material to me. Vulture is calling it Twilight’s version of “Kiss From a Rose,” I’m also feeling Robin Hood’s “Everything I do, I do it for you” or The Three Muskateers “All for Love.” All of these were massive radio hits which goes back to my theory on why this is the single: CASH. Der. Too bad they couldn’t get Bryan Adams, Sting and Rod Stewart to reunite one more time to create the BD song. I know my mom would have been pumped.

Listen to the actual song! Or buy it on itunes

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This is SO long we need a cut! Follow the jump for ALL 15 tracks!
Continue…

46 Commented

Twilight stuff happens while you’re busy having fun!

Wedgie's happened while I was gone

Dear LTT,

A lot of shiz has happened in the like 4 weeks since I checked in on Twilight. Well, let’s be honest I saw two Twi related news items in my FB feed whilst I was busy spreading good will and Robsten cheer in Kenya. One was a picture of Rob holding a surfboard with his sideways toupee hairdo and the other was a picture of Kristen who clearly used a cranium sized bump-it and a bike pump to achieve this kind of volume on the cover of a magazine. So I take it Rob won an award and Kristen was on a magazine cover. But what REALLY happened while I was gone?

I took to the Twilight news blogs (BreakingDawnMovie.org, of course) to see what I missed…

• Rob picks up groceries in shower shoes while Sam Bradley picks a wedgie. God, I (haven’t) missed so much. (Thx Lili for the tip and awful visual).
  .

• The maker of everyone’s Prom dress in the 90s, Alfred Angelo, is creating a replica Bella’s wedding dress that will actually be sold in real stores. I think the bigger news here is someone willing to wear a REPLICA BELLA’S WEDDING DRESS has found someone to marry her! WTF?
  .

G'Day Big Daddy! Let's throw another filet o fish on the barbie!

• Taylor went to Australia to promote his High School Bourne Identity movie a month before it premieres on September 22. But I think the real news here is that Big Daddy is alive and well and went with him to Australia probably to see the Kangaroos and Koala’s and whether the latest restaurant in the Olive Garden family has opened yet. He’s their (faux) celebrity ribbon cutter and taste tester on ALL OG’s (hahaha how did I not see that Olive Garden’s initials are OG before this?) locations.
  .

• Taylor ALSO began tweeting and started a Formspring which is basically just an excuse for us to ask him more about Big Daddy and if Taylor’s love of leather jackets comes from his fascination with leather daddies. True story. I really did ask that. He didn’t answer. Jerk.
  .

• In other Twitter news, Nikki Reeed started an accunt (*edit* typo and it stays!). Ohhhh Nikki… Nikki, Nikki, Nikki. I’m counting the days till ome crazy over zealous Robstener’s drive you from the social network with AWFUL tweets like Joe Jonas’s crazy fans did with Ashley Greene. *Sigh*
  .

Get these mother effing Somali Pirates out of my mother effing Arena!

• Kellan is in some direct-to-DVD shiz with Samuel BAMF Jackson called Arena. I know nothing about this other than the dvd cover shows Kellan in a leather jacket (leather daddy?!) fighting a somali pirate with an axe. NETFLIX this someone and report back.
  .

• While I was away I received an email from a legit concert promoter telling me 100 Monkeys were playing the El Rey (again) and tickets were on sale. Am I the crazy person? Do real, actual, live human beings like this music and it’s not just an excuse to stare at  Jackson in a weird hat and fantasize it’s really Jasper and they’re Alice living out a real life fan fic scenario? Cause really I’m starting to question reality.
  .

• Summit announced that Breaking Dawn Part 1: Regrettable Sexy Times (that’s really the tagline) will premiere 5 minutes from my house at Nokia Theater on November 14th. UC and I immediately began preparing our Red Carpet questions and dresses (Bella’s Replica Wedding Dress from Alfred Angelo OF COURSE) because we WILL be there. Oh yes, we WILL be there. This is your heads up Summit, hope you’ve added us to your “press” list. Anything we would ask will be a billion times better, more informative and enjoyable than that lady from access Hollywood or some other “fan sites” (yea I said it!) Just ask Stephenie Meyer! Forever and always our trump card.
  .

• You know you’ve become one of those married/engaged people when you do shiz like this. Sorry Nikki Reed but NO.

• AWKWARD!
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Oh Rupert! LA loves you too

• Do you think he tips off the paparazzi that he’ll be working out on Venice Beach shirtless or does God just love us that much?

• Sadly, this is what we call a “small penis required car.”

And with that… I think I may be caught up minus UC and I breaking down those new stills they released from Breaking Dawn Pt 1: Planned Parenthood Was Right! (The real tag line).

So happy to be back and I have some Twilight stories to share from Kenya another day.

Love to you all and mucho love-o to UC for holding down the fort while I was gone.

It’s Moon Bitches,
Themoonisdown

I know a ton of crap happend while I was gone that can’t be fit on BDmovie.org so what did I miss? Besides you guys, duh!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

100 Commented

Shiz happens: I catch up on Twilight stuff

Dear LTTers,

Dudes, So much happened while I was away… I was off having tea with the Queen and Clare (they have tea together every Tuesday. DUH), trying to rescue the lost squirrel in TomStu’s beard, trying to figure out which dumb picture Jackson would tweet of himself next and then the second I got back Ron Ron and Tay Tay decided to make out on national tv… so really I’m just now catching up. This is what I found out happened while I was away…

• Big Daddy turned into a Diva. When UC emailed me the news I sent her back this sentence “I love him even more.”

• Nikki Reed is engaged to that dude who wears bolo ties on American Idol. Not the weird country singing kid with the head lean. The other one. Cafepress weeps at the loss of revenue from the LTT Fake Lesbian’s design

• Kristen Stewart ‘s facial paralysis was miraculously healed and she is now able to use her smiling muscles. Miracles happen folks! In our time! See: nearly every picture from the last week.

• Jackson filmed a movie in the state that birthed me called Cowgirls and Angels. So this is either a FanFic turned film or it’s a p0rn, right?

I dare you not to

• I’m not ashamed to say that I Googled the Cullen’s address 420 Woodcroft Ave Forks, WA (420, heh) and can report back that some vampire trickery is afoot because Google says to try again later because it’s having trouble loading it. UH HUH!!!! RIGHT! WHAT aren’t they telling us?!!?! I need door-to-door directions to the Cullen’s stat! We’re onto you Cullens!

• Some Twinerd (REAL LIFE PROFESSIONAL) Wedding Planner over analyzes Bella and Edward’s wedding invitation. Yes, over analyzes the fake wedding invitation to a fictional couples wedding. Leave NO stone unturned people!! We have a lot of time to fill till November.

JACKson of hearts… GETS IT??!! GET IT?!

• Jackson got beat up by a pack of wild monkeys while I was gone. They were pissed off he was disgracing the sacred a name of the monkey species with his bands music. They also thought him holding a “JACK” of hearts cards was super cheese ball. So they showed him who’s boss

• So I guess Kristen and I were in London at the same time… awkward… probably more awkward when she showed up to Clare and Dick’s house when we were having tea (I had a lot of tea there).

• Spoke too soon, found something more awkward.

Some Shiz Never Changes:

Kellan runs around the city of Los Angeles topless

Awwww Kellan thanks for making me feel like I didn’t miss too much and it was a pleasant surprise to come back and see Kristen at least acting like she was enjoying herself a bit more. And yes, I did have tea with the Queen and Clare… in totally unrelated news my mom and sister-in-law have asked me to stop calling them The Queen and Clare. Party poopers.

Moon is back ALLLRRIIIGHT! (sung to the tune of Backstreet’s Back)
Themoonisdown

Are you happy I’m back? I’m happy to be back… and it’s nice to see all the fun comments and new commenters we got from the break down of the trailer. Welcome! What else happened whilst I was gone? Has anyone seen Jackson “perform” recently… should I stop being so harsh? No. Ok.

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152 Commented