Breaking Dawn Part I: The Musical

As a reminder- there are auto-playing video ads on LTT. I know. We’re so annoying. Mute them & they’ll stay muted for life. Hit the volume button- two in the side bar. Two (or 3 I forget) down below.

Dear LTTers,

We have these friends Alice & Bella Not an Addikt (You remember them from their defunct website. RIP) who live in Belgium. They’re normal 20-somethings- ya know, speak 4 languages (or is 5?), in PhD programs (I think Alice is done hers actually. And Bella was “too busy” defending her dissertation last week to get this video done for us) are gorgeous, friendly, bring me macaroons when they visit me in New York on hot Spring days and are about to BLOW YOUR FREAKIN’ MINDS with what they did for us at LTT.

Yes, Bella & Alice are bringing us Breaking Dawn Part 1: The Musical complete with original lyrics set to Broadway favorites. Stop what you’re doing. Put down that contract you’re combing through at your boring desk job. Drop that kid. Pull that car over on the side of the road (seriously, don’t read LTT while driving) and Watch This Now:

We know. We cried too! Feed the wolves? Don’t cry for me Jacob Black? Who is that rediculously brilliant & funny? Is this a sign we should retire from LTT & give our Belgian friends the reigns!?

Hear from Alice & Bella themselves after the jump! Continue…

93 Commented

Things I wish that were

Dear Twilight,

I just realized there are only 16 days left for me to complain about things I wish were different in the Twilight Saga movies so that you could add them to Breaking Dawn. Sorry to be so last minute about this, but you understand. I’ve been busy. Speaking of being busy- I wasted about 12 minutes of my night looking for my Breaking Dawn book. Does anyone know where I placed that?

Anyway, I watched Twilight on FX the other night and read through a few chapters of Twilight and New Moon the other day for an LTT letter, and I realized there are a quite of things that I miss that were a part of the books that aren’t in the films. So if you wouldn’t mind doing some quick reshoots in time for us to see the film in a few weeks, that’d be cool:

BFFs

Bella & Alice: BFFs

I mean right off the BAT these two are close girlfriends. Sure Alice gives Bella a hug in Twilight by the bus (or was that in the book?) and they have that heart-to-heart on the couch in New Moon, but besides that, they’re kinda just… friends when it’s convenient. Like they chat when Edward is out hunting Black Bears with Emmett & stuff, but nothing that convince me they are super close friends. I don’t see Alice in the movies buying Bella a Tiffany’s friendship bracelet or anything. Alice & Bella of the BOOKS would have entire Tiffany’s stores dedicated to storing their friendship bracelet charms. Or they’d at LEAST have matching friendship tattoos. Or a couple pictures of each other together around the house. Or maybe Alice would be the one to tell Bella about doing “it” and her first time with Jasper. Either way, it’d be CLEAR that these two girls are BFFs.

Lauren:

I really miss Lauren. I mean, girls like Bella WAYYYYY too much in the books. Have we forgotten that Lauren Mallory was the original Bella-hater? Yes, we can say she’d probably be leading the nonsten and anti-KStew charge were she a real person.  It’s been so long since I thought about Lauren that I had to do a little research on the Twilight wiki (yes, there’s one of those. What ELSE are people supposed to do with their time?) and I found this:

Sometime during the summer following her junior year, Lauren was approached by an alleged modeling agent in a mall in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, who told her that she seemed like a natural model. The agent told her that if she cut her hair shorter and edgier and had some high-quality headshots taken, her future would be assured. Lauren followed his instructions – spending 300 dollars on a haircut and 15 grand on pictures taken by the agent’s partner – and never heard from the agent again.

WHAT? When did that happen? Where was I? I don’t remember that AT ALL. Do I have pages missing from my book? This is, seriously, news to me. And further proves my point- That right there would be HILARIOUS to see. Mean girl from high school who hates our precious Bella, gets hers in the end in the form of a big credit card debt she can’t pay off even on good nights from her tips from “The Lodge.”*

Mmm.. imagine eating your dinner under THAT

SPEAKING of “The Lodge,” damn I miss it. I mean, I completely forget how Stephenie described it, but I figured it was a dark old cabin filled with stuffed heads of animals caught by its owner, featuring Prime Rib one step below Applebees. The Carver Cafe just sound a little too high class for Forks. Steak & Cobbler? No no no, the Lodge serves previously frozen buffalo meat and frozen apple pie heated up right before it’s served.

And while were discussing Bella & Charlie’s eating habits, why DO they go to the cafe every Thursday night? In the books they eat at home ALL THE TIME. Bella is an expert cook. And SO is Kstew. What’s wrong movie-people? Let KStew wear an apron on set & make her dad an loquat pie!

Yeah... like that!!

Bella’s physical attraction to Edward… And how he pulls her in.  I think that Catherine was the only one who attempted to get this across on screen (and failed, sorry KStew & Rob, lovers for life) She tried ignite what Stephenie explains so beautifully with words on screen for us by using close up shots, asking Kristen to open her mouth a little bit, almost enough for drool to fall out & for Rob to look like he’s gonna blow a load in his pants because of holding back all his passion & need & desire. Good try, but not exactly how it was described in the books.  “And Edward, almost blowing a load in his pants because of how much Bella’s blood SANG to him while Bella gazed up at him, only breaking her stare when she noticed the pool of drool from her open mouth had soaked into her jeans.” Yeah, not the same.

So while I’m excited for Breaking Dawn & the newness it brings (a wedding, a beautiful dress (fingers crossed), some sexytimes & more Cullen family- finally), I really could use some of the above mentioned things that I miss. Here- I’ll throw a quick scene together for you. Off the top of my head…..

Bella & Alice are in The Cullen house putting the finishing touches together on Bella’s wedding attire when suddenly Alice, who has been in quite the chipper mood because she finally got Bella into some decent shoes, grows somber saying, “Bella… I’m worried that things will change between us. With you marrying Edward… Isn’t there some sort of rule that your husband has to be your best friend?” Bella stops removing the lipstick Alice just spend 30 minutes perfecting to look at her best friend, “I know. I’ve thought about it too, and while I think Edward expects that I will consider him my best friend & closest confident, I want you to know that it isn’t true. That role will always belong to you.” Alice smiles a big smile & at that moment the sun bursts through the open window surrounding her in brilliant sparkly diamonds. She holds out her pinky for Bella to latch on. Holding on to one another’s littlest fingers they say in unison, “Best Friends Forever. Till Death Do us Part.” And then erupt into giggles, knowing death will never part them.

So yeah.. something like that… Lauren Mallory could interrupt their bff love-fest with some bitchy comment about how Bella looks fat & then the reception could be held at The Lodge! Emmett & Jasper, forced into helping with the decorations, are getting a kick out of all the mounted animal heads they strung white lights over. And then maybe, JUST maybe, Bella & Edward of the movie can act as connected as Bella & Edward of the books. 

I have faith in you, Twilight!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

*Turns out that story about Lauren is from the Twilight companion. I just outted myself. I never read it. I don’t even own it. Oops

 What do YOU wish was more of a focus in the movies that you loved from the books??

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Edward & Bella Manip

172 Commented

Questions for Stephenie – Vampire Sex

I'm sure glad we soundproofed this place... didn't we?

Dear Stephenie,

So last week when we broke down the new stills from Breaking Dawn Pt 1 (yea, that’s a really long name) we got to thinking seriously about some stuff and really there’s no one else who can answer this better than you can… So to refresh your memory here is the extended conversation that led to our questions…

Moon: DUDE can you imagine living in that house??? this brings up a LOT of questions!!
UC: NO… SO many questions
is it time for another round of “Dear Stephenie: we have a couple questions”
Moon: i mean they have vampiric hearing… so did they soundproof each room? or are they that old they just don’t care. like when your grandpa farts and could care less cause he’s 90

Sure, call us prudes, but do you really want your FAMILY hearing every little noise you make in the throes of passion? Or even working out? “What’s that I hear Jasper?” “Oh, it’s just Rosalie on the treadmill…” or IS IT? So did they soundproof the rooms, are they are on opposite sides of the house? Why don’t they all have their own little cottages like Edward and Bella get?

Shhh, no one will ever hear this

Can you imagine the real estate listing if they ever decided to sell that place? “This beautiful 5 bedroom 4 bath comes complete with it’s own cottage on the acreage, modern architecture, brand new gourmet kitchen (perfect for cooking Italiano), 10 car garage and oddly enough each room is completely soundproofed! It’s the darndest thing!”

This also begs the question WHY in the world did Bella want to be human for this? I mean besides the obvious “being human” and whatever wouldn’t she be HELLA scared of what he could do? And then if that’s the case she should definitely want to be a vampire for that… cause um ya know!

Kinda makes me want to be a vampire… so tell us, in your mind did you even go here Stephenie, or are we just the creeps with too much time on our hands?

We want to know!
Themoonisdown

PS bed-breaking sex her first time… is that really safe? For her… ya know.

So tell us, what do YOU guys think? Would you be embarrassed or who cares? What burning questions do you have for SMeyer?

Images from Weheartit.com, TwilightPoison

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84 Commented

Questions for Stephenie about Breaking Dawn

Warning: You’re gonna want to pick up Breaking Dawn again after this next letter

Dear Stephenie and LTT readers,

Today’s letter is going to be one in which I let you in on a poorly-kept secret around the “Plane” household. I have read the Twilight saga WAY too many times. No such thing, you might think, right? Well, wait until you see all the questions I have for Stephenie in the unlikely event that I’m ever lucky enough to meet her. I keep hoping to somehow wrangle that meeting somehow, someday…but I somehow doubt it’ll happen…so I’ll drive all of you crazy with my questions instead:

Questions I Had After Reading the Initial Saga (Approximately 5,000 Times):

What do you MEAN there are wolves?

How, at the end of Breaking Dawn, do Aro and the rest of the Volturi not know about the Quileute werewolves until they see them at the conflict? At the end of New Moon, Alice touched hands with Aro and he read all her thoughts. Bella had told Alice about Jacob, their friendship, and his genetic inheritance. So wouldn’t Aro already know about them when the Volturi head into clearing to face off with the Cullens ?

I loved Jacob’s narration for part 2 of BD. And I was glad to get back to Bella’s so I could experience her conversion. However, why wasn’t there a part 4 of BD? When the Volturi threat came, I think you should have switched perspectives again and written that whole episode from Edward’s point of view. Because, you know, we all love him and want to be in his head. Plus, knowing what everyone was thinking (and not just Bella) during that last battle would have been great. Also, I would have loved to see through his eyes his transformation from eternal pessimist to optimist. But would that have ruined possible future plot lines?

How can Jacob, Sam, Quil, and Embry not ask their parents about Embry’s heritage? Seriously, if I thought my father had cheated on my mother, I’d have to ask…even if I didn’t want to know.

Yeah! What about ME? We could get married on a FRIDAY

Would one of the Quileute werewolves have imprinted on Rebecca Black if she’d been around? If so, who? And if she were to show up, already married, and imprinting happened, how would that play out?

If Jasper is basically a part of the Cullen family because of Alice, and the “vegetarian” lifestyle wasn’t really his first choice, what would he choose if the Cullens weren’t around and he and Alice weren’t with them? Would the emotional climate of the humans he killed be enough to finally turn him or would he be happy enough once he had Alice that it wouldn’t matter?

Edward doesn't want ME?

Was Tanya a bit like Rosalie in that she wanted Edward simply because he didn’t want her? Or were her feelings for him potentially serious? Would she have fallen for him if he’d returned her affection? I mean, this is Edward.

What is Jane’s deal with Aro? If it weren’t for Chelsea, would she stay with the Volturi? Is it just Chelsea that binds her to Aro? She seems to be so infatuated with Aro that she worships him (in a rather sick way) and that makes me wonder whether it’s all Chelsea or not… but she’d be a rather terrifying loose cannon, so I think she’s better off with Aro.

If Renesmee has the mental abilities of someone much older than either her actual age or her physical-looking age, what does she make of the strange imprinting thing? Is she developed enough to think it’s creepy that this 16-year-old guy is head-over-heels for a baby?

I LOVE Leah, and really, really want to read book half-narrated by her…and hope that in it, she and Nessie become friends, she finds love, and stays sarcastic. Promise one thing, though, please? Please don’t make Leah imprint on Jake and Nessie’s super-human, one quarter human, one quarter vamp, and half werewolf son, ok? And for that matter, promise she won’t imprint on Sam and Emily’s son either. Please? Because that would be too contrived…and just plain icky.

Are you reeling from the amount of minutiae my head is capable of dredging up? Shocked anyone would spend this much time obsessing over details of a fantasy world? Annoyed that you now have MORE nagging questions? I think it’s only fair that you now riddle me (well, us) with yours. What do you want to know?

And Stephenie, you know you want to guest-post and answer all these questions, don’t you? Please!
Love,
The Plane Friend

Um, didn’t you forget the most important question of ALL, Plane Friend? HOW did all of this get by Charlie, the police officer, with NO QUESTIONS ASKED? I get it- Jake shifted (wait.. is that what we call it in Twi?) in front of him & it creeped him out so he decided to let it slide, but WHAT? COME ON!? It’ll be interesting to see if that’s believable on screen!!!

What questions do YOU have about Breaking Dawn?

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82 Commented

Defending Twilight

Dear Twilight,

I want you to know that I still love you, even though we really haven’t seen much of each other lately.
The other day at work, I was surfing the net like you do when there is nothing to do. I saw a random headline about what to do now that Harry Potter is over and so I clicked it. The post suggested many other series one could look into to fill the HP void, with a list of “Pros” and “Cons” for each suggestion. Of course you were in there, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re only included because of all the success (ie money) the movies have had, and not because the writer thinks you are a legitimate story worth anyone’s time. Here’s why:

This is the part where Edward put Bella in a choke hold because talked to Mike Newton

Under the “Con” for Twilight: “the films portray a physically, emotionally abusive relationship in an overwhelmingly positive light. Also, the story involves a hulking teenage werewolf romantically bonding with a baby. Gross.” [I’ve bolded the part that inspired this letter.]

First of all, lol at the Jake/Renesmee reference – we won’t even go there. Then I was like, “Hold on, What?” I re-read to make sure I saw it correctly. Then I sat there going, “Physical abuse? What’s he talking about? Bella having to beg Edward for another go? Or wait, is this about the headboard?” It’s been nearly 3 years since my single reading of the books, so I even emailed TeamSeth to make sure that I wasn’t forgetting something. “Not unless you count the baby” she said.

This is the part where Edward bites Bella because she talked back

Ok, so Twilight, here’s the thing. Some people don’t like you. Some people even hate you. This is not new; we all know this. I can’t speak for anyone else, but personally, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like you. They can call you stupid, lame, childish, ridiculous, whatever. They are entitled to their opinions, even if they’ve never met you. We can’t control what other people think of us. I’m not going to argue with them or try to change their minds. I don’t feel like I need to stand up for your story; you can take care of yourself. But Twilight, this really kind of pissed me off. I mean, I can overlook the emotional abuse claim, because I think one could make a case for it and have a real discussion/debate on that subject. I’m not saying that Edward & Bella’s relationship is perfect or that it should be held up on a pedestal – this is a work of fiction after all. But to say that the story essentially glorifies a physically abusive relationship is not only completely false, but borderline slanderous; and ignorant…which I pointed out in the comments, in the most sane, tweedy, normal way possible. (I guess I was inspired by Moon’s Facebook comment.) Last I checked, I had 7 thumbs-down and no thumbs-up. I mean, I really can’t understand why someone would even say that. You’d think that a seemingly semi-professional blogger would take the time to make sure he actually knows what he’s talking about before callously making a rather serious (IMO) accusation about a popular story. I’m not even touching on what that would mean (if the allegations were true) about all the people, women especially, who love the story. I’m just trying to point out that it’s a false claim.

Twilight, I can’t promise that I’m always going to be around. Eventually, we will drift apart. It happens. But I can promise you that I will remember our time together fondly and will reminisce with others who also love you. And apparently, I will also be there to defend you, but only when you really need it.

I got your back,
Luludee

So what the hell WAS this guy talking about? Do you find yourself standing up for Twilight? Does Twilight really need us to defend it? Do people run away screaming when you do?

I still miss Moon, in case you were wondering:

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53 Commented