Twilosophy: Are Edward & Bella Broken?

Dear LTT,

It shouldn’t come as a surprise to any long-time LTT reader that Moon & I were never pro-Robsten. There are many reason for this including:

1. I think it’s kinda weird to “ship” celebrity couples (except for the one true love of McGosling RIP 2005-2007)

2. Reality isn’t that much fun to speculate about it. We enjoyed the “OF COURSE THEY ARE EFF BUDDIES” phase of 2008-2009 and then the “NAH ITS S PUBLICITY STUNT” of 2010. We’d throw in an occasional “No she’s a REAL Fake Lesbian” and “HE’S BANGING NIKKI REED” throughout 2008-2010 for good measure. And who couldn’t forget the “WOW THEY ARE THE MOST BORING COUPLE OF ALL TIME” that has existing since 2011. Speculation is much more interesting. Or straight up making crap up is the best (remember when Moon invited you into the ROBSTEN home?)

The reality is…. ROBSTEN is/was real and real people did REAL things and have REAL feelings about those things and none of that is really any of our business. What IS our business is pondering if Kristen has spent her days indoors turning all of Rob’s shirts into knotted t-shirts she refuses to give back or if Rob has gained 27 pounds after 2 weeks of binge drinking and eating through California’s supply of microwavable fried sandwich pockets.

Who made that our business? God, I think. I think that was on the 8th day of creation. Right after he created wine.

So back to not being pro-Robsten. My feelings about the BIG SCANDAL have been all over the map.

SHOCK (this really happened?)
LAUGHTER (cause you saw the fandom implode, right?)
SADNESS (I mean, really, fandom? Did we just implode?)
WONDER (“what does it MEAN” said in my best double rainbow voice)
FIST PUMPING THAT WE’RE COOL FOR ONCE (Even WILL FERRELL cares! (and, of course I mean “cool” in major quotes))
TIRED (can we move on yet?)
-IMPATIENCE (cuz Moon left for Africa TWO DAYS after this came out and there’s SO MUCH to talk about. I mean. I don’t want to discuss it at all. I’m cool, I’m cool…)
LAUGHTER (did I mention that already?)

But what I didn’t expect was what happened on Friday when, from my beach chair gazing at the ocean, I was browsing my Facebook feed and I saw this:

And I felt sad.
Or mad
Or just… different

Remember what I said about: I was never pro-Robsten. Seeing happy Bella & Edward did nothing for me on the Robsten front. But it did a lot for me on the Bella & Edward front. Yay! My fav fictional couple next to Mary & Matthew and Damon & Elena and Rose & Jack (okay they’re like 7th on the list) is happy & in love! She’s a vamp now so they an do it for real, a lot! They made a cute baby- life is good! Yay yay yay!

So why did I feel sad/mad/different when seeing their latest couples photo from their local Sears’ photography department?

Are Bella & Edward broken because (gulp) ROBSTEN is now broken?

Have all these years of speculation and distraction from the REAL heart & soul of LTT (Bella & Edward and, duh, Twilight (Hey- remember THE BOOKS!?) finally taken their toll? Can I no longer see Bella & Edward for who they are in real (fictional) life and have I reduced them to…gulp ROBSTEN?

Am I alone in this? Does anyone else feel weird? Did you see Edward & Bella before and now just see a human-turned vampire who left her perfect man for a married guy? And if Bella were to leave Edward for a married guy… who would it be? Someone from the Res? Mr. Molina? Mike Newton’s dad? Couldn’t resist the coupons he kept throwing at her for 20% off at Newton’s outfitters?


What does it MEAN?


No seriously.. am I weird? Alone in this one?

New Bella/Eddie pic from Twilight Examiner

93 Commented

Twilosophy – Emmett & Rosalie – just the muscle of the Cullen Family or so much more?

Dear Twilight,

I’ve been thinking… on the heels of the whole cell phone post I’ve been going back to the basics of Twilight… some Twilight origins posts if you will. So today we pose the question: do Emmett and Rosalie feel worthless since they have no special powers like the others? Edward can read minds, Alice can see the future, Jasper can change and effect moods, Bella has the crazy mind shield thing, Carlisle has a super vampire resistance to blood and well Esme… she’s married to him so she’s ok.

Hey guys, does anyone need their car fixed? Or maybe a log moved?

But what about poor Rosalie and Emmett… are they just the muscle of the Cullen family? Hauling logs before the wedding. Chasing after James. Keeping the cars maintained and installing stereos. Basically Emmett and Rosalie are the ex Best Buy employees the Cullens agreed to let live with them just because they’re handy around the house. Maybe this is why Rosalie is really so sully… after all these years she’s tired of the rest of the Cullens reading her mind or predicting her future or just plain out doing her. It really has nothing to do with the fact that Carlisle made her into a vampire when she was dying… and really talk about ungrateful.

Imagine if Em and Rose ever showed up in Voltera… Aro would be like “wait, who are you guys? Oh the Cullen’s hired help…. Yea well good luck with whatever… we don’t have any openings right now but we’ll keep you in mind.” Ya know the old don’t call us we’ll call you routine.

Let me get my wig on straight first THEN I'll tell you what I think

I posed the question to a few friends as we sat around talking with New Moon playing in the background… cause that’s something we do on a Sunday afternoon in LA. Right. One friend said isn’t Rosalie’s power being really beautiful? Um, while I’m sure that statement is more loaded and requires a totally different post that I can tackle today, I’m going to go with a NO. Her beauty has never gotten them out of a jam (or into one) the way say Alice’s power to see the future has. But maybe it’s her ability to be both lioness/mama bear while being vulnerable and able to tell the truth? If anyone’s the first to speak the truth, it’s Rosalie Hale. You wanna know if Rosalie thinks this whole Bella as Edward’s girlfriend is a good idea? Rosalie’s gonna tell you. You pondering major life decisions like whether to become a vampire or stay a fragile, killable human? Rosalie’s gonna tell you. You wanna know why your boyfriend’s “sister” resents your presence in her family? Rosalie’s gonna tell you.

Don't worry Edward, Emmett got this!

Then we talked about how Emmett was super strong but that’s not really a super power because they’re vampires, they’re all really strong. One friend also pointed out that Emmett is such a dope he probably doesn’t even know he’s not super special like Edward or Alice. But what about his courage? Is Emmett the reverse cowardly lion of the Cullen’s? It seems like anytime the shit goes down, Emmett is the first to jump in the mix and really that’s pretty invaluable in the grand scheme of life. Tracker going after Bella? Emmett’s got this. Werewolves out to attack the Cullen’s? Emmett’s got this. Carlisle needs to go feed before Bella gives birth and the Werewvoles need distracting? Emmett’s got this. Victoria on the lose and needs hunting down? Emmett’s got this. Bella needs to test her newborn vampy strengths? Emmett’s got this.

So really, I guess those ARE their super powers… they may not be as obvious as the rest of the Cullen’s but when a situation is gettin’ REAL real I want Emmett and Rosalie there… who else could reluctantly rub up on a tree in your jacket and make it look sexy?

We got this!

Have you ever thought about that? Did SMeyer just run out of ideas for Emmett and Rosalie or was it all part of the plan?

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64 Commented

Defending Twilight

TwilosophyDear Twilight,

I want you to know that I still love you, even though we really haven’t seen much of each other lately.
The other day at work, I was surfing the net like you do when there is nothing to do. I saw a random headline about what to do now that Harry Potter is over and so I clicked it. The post suggested many other series one could look into to fill the HP void, with a list of “Pros” and “Cons” for each suggestion. Of course you were in there, but I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that you’re only included because of all the success (ie money) the movies have had, and not because the writer thinks you are a legitimate story worth anyone’s time. Here’s why:

This is the part where Edward put Bella in a choke hold because talked to Mike Newton

Under the “Con” for Twilight: “the films portray a physically, emotionally abusive relationship in an overwhelmingly positive light. Also, the story involves a hulking teenage werewolf romantically bonding with a baby. Gross.” [I’ve bolded the part that inspired this letter.]

First of all, lol at the Jake/Renesmee reference – we won’t even go there. Then I was like, “Hold on, What?” I re-read to make sure I saw it correctly. Then I sat there going, “Physical abuse? What’s he talking about? Bella having to beg Edward for another go? Or wait, is this about the headboard?” It’s been nearly 3 years since my single reading of the books, so I even emailed TeamSeth to make sure that I wasn’t forgetting something. “Not unless you count the baby” she said.

This is the part where Edward bites Bella because she talked back

Ok, so Twilight, here’s the thing. Some people don’t like you. Some people even hate you. This is not new; we all know this. I can’t speak for anyone else, but personally, I don’t care if someone doesn’t like you. They can call you stupid, lame, childish, ridiculous, whatever. They are entitled to their opinions, even if they’ve never met you. We can’t control what other people think of us. I’m not going to argue with them or try to change their minds. I don’t feel like I need to stand up for your story; you can take care of yourself. But Twilight, this really kind of pissed me off. I mean, I can overlook the emotional abuse claim, because I think one could make a case for it and have a real discussion/debate on that subject. I’m not saying that Edward & Bella’s relationship is perfect or that it should be held up on a pedestal – this is a work of fiction after all. But to say that the story essentially glorifies a physically abusive relationship is not only completely false, but borderline slanderous; and ignorant…which I pointed out in the comments, in the most sane, tweedy, normal way possible. (I guess I was inspired by Moon’s Facebook comment.) Last I checked, I had 7 thumbs-down and no thumbs-up. I mean, I really can’t understand why someone would even say that. You’d think that a seemingly semi-professional blogger would take the time to make sure he actually knows what he’s talking about before callously making a rather serious (IMO) accusation about a popular story. I’m not even touching on what that would mean (if the allegations were true) about all the people, women especially, who love the story. I’m just trying to point out that it’s a false claim.

Twilight, I can’t promise that I’m always going to be around. Eventually, we will drift apart. It happens. But I can promise you that I will remember our time together fondly and will reminisce with others who also love you. And apparently, I will also be there to defend you, but only when you really need it.

I got your back,

So what the hell WAS this guy talking about? Do you find yourself standing up for Twilight? Does Twilight really need us to defend it? Do people run away screaming when you do?

I still miss Moon, in case you were wondering:

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53 Commented

The one where I call a stop to all the spoilers (and assume someone will listen)

Dear Breaking Dawn,

This is it. The time has come. I know you’ve been waiting for me to sit us all down to have a chat, and, well, here it is:

I demand a STOP to all the spoilers.

This is not a spoiler

Don’t get me wrong- I’m not one of those “I don’t want to know anything- not the new actors names nor whether or not Rob put on 10 pounds this time around” (he did) nor am I one of those “purists” who won’t even read Midnight Sun (crazies), but I also like the idea of of leaving a little something something to the imagination. Wasn’t life better when we were surprised? Wasn’t that why we all fell for Twilight? Because while we knew the story, we didn’t know much else- so we were surprised? Surprised how bad it was but how much we loved it despite that fact?

Neither is this

Isn’t it possible to promote Breaking Dawn without showing us EVERYTHING that will be in the movie? Granted, some of the spoilers are not Summit-approved (especially the ones from Breaking Dawn 2 I was sent last week- AY!) but STILL- why must people spoil? Do they really think I need to know exactly what the headboard-breaking looks like? I’m going to see the movie regardless of whether I saw that image or not. In fact, you showing me a picture of Edward looking half-alien, half-Solomon from the Bible makes me question if I should see it (Only question though. Of course I actually will.)

This is a spoiler. Just kidding



There has been chatter that we’re going to see a picture of the wedding dress before November. November is still a LONG ways off- of COURSE that picture is going to leak. But isn’t it possible that some of us don’t want to see it!? I want the first time I see the dress- whether it’s hideous or gorgeous- to be when I’m squeezing Moon’s hand in the theater. I want there to be SURPRISES in the Isle Esme love-making scenes. And because some loser stole Stephenie Meyer’s teaser copy & screen-capped the whole thing, I fear the few clips I’ve seen (and I really only saw a few) are EVERYTHING and while they’re pretty good…. I want MORE! The problem with spoilers is that they’re never enough. And we want more. And then even the REAL thing isn’t enough. We’re selfish & spoiler and I’m JUST SO DARN TIRED OF IT!

Now don’t go dark & silent from now until November. That would just be the WORST. But let’s cool it with the spoilers for a bit. Maybe release a few “Get to know this new actor no one cares about” featurettes or some Official photos of Alice Cullen actually looking stylish. You know what? I’m gonna let YOU decide what is & isn’t appropriate to share now that I’ve shared my thoughts. I think you’ve learned enough & I can trust you!*


*I just mean today I’ll let you decide. Tomorrow I’ll be back to deciding for you

What do you think? Are you ready to leave a lil’ BD to the imagination? Are you joining me in calling an END to the spoilers!

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110 Commented

Twilosophy – Why the embarrassment?

Dear Breaking Dawn,

I was totally surprised to see your trailer Friday night before Super 8 on the huge ass cinedome screen at the Arclight Hollywood. I had NO clue we would see it and I was a tad unprepared and at one point embarrassed. Don’t get my wrong I cheered, clapped and helped lead some inappropriate Arsenio Hall-style hooting when Jacob takes off his shirt… BUT when it got to the Bella touching her nonexistent stomach part, I cringed a little and waited for what I thought would be inevitable laughs. Thankfully there was no laughing and maybe thats because all my friends were in my general vicinity and either they’re too good to me or they know I would kick them in the b-hole if they laughed.

Ok, so we know (clearly, look around) I love you, I love Twilight, I tolerate other people’s dumb comments about you, and I’ve given you many years of my life now, there is NOTHING to be embarrassed about at this point. But why was I? I know what happens, I get (sorta) why it happens and I like that it leaves it open for Stephenie to possibly continue the story with Reneesmee and Jacob yet I was cringing a tad.

But wait, you don't understand!! This will all make sense in the end! I swear!

I was to chalk it up to me being protective of Twilight and everyone’s ignorant comments about what they THINK the Twilight story is or isn’t. I also like to think my protectiveness extends beyond just the story and Stephenie (cause I lurve her, duh) and even the movies. I’m protective of our readers and their stories and their lives. Because if we’ve learned anything from the past couple years this is WAY bigger than just the story of a girl and her vampire crush turned boyfriend turned husband turned Robert Pattinson. Twilight is all of us. And I can’t be having no one laugh at you or me. Or Edward.

That’s the only way I can rationalize my feelings over the trailer because who wouldn’t love to see a 60 foot Wyck Godfrey, Stephenie Meyer or Rob’s back in front of them? NO ONE, that’s who! So embarrassed or protective or whatever you wanna call it, I was but it’s because I love you!

Can it be November 18th now?

Am I being irrational or has anyone else felt the same way… especially with Breaking Dawn? Anyone else see the trailer this weekend?

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140 Commented

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