The Hale’s (or the Cullen’s) do Southern Europe

Dear LTT-ers,

Seriously, this European tour has been like the best thing Summit has ever done… I mean besides financing and making the films… and bringing us Robert Pattinson… and Butt Crack Santa and that film 50/50 but BESIDES that this tour has been the best thing to happen to Twilight. We’ve gotten mid 90s goatee Rob, not so blind items, swirly boob dresses, pictures from late nights at bars and all kinds of good stuff. And now we get Nikki and Jackson in southern Europe bringing us all the best of the b-list Cullen (or Hale as it were) siblings! I can’t lie, I’d even listen to a song by 100 Monkeys right now, I’m so excited at the prospect of this. Ok, maybe not that.
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Jackson: Nikki, you are looking smoking hot tonight and I’m not saying that just because my six shooter is smoking in my holster
Nikki: I know, I’ve had to fight off some girl called “Moon” who kept trying to steal my shoes and dress. Crazy bitch. So what the HALE is up with your outfit?
Jackson: I was super lucky that Rome had a Wild West Costume Rental Shop to replace the clothes the airline lost. I can’t imagine walking down the carpet in something John Wayne wouldn’t approve of. Amazing, right?
Nikki: Amazing’s probably not the word I’d use…
Jackson: Yea, more sexy totally.
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So my guesses for what Nikki Reed’s tattoo says are: “I Got There First,” “Original Nonsten,” and “My dad’s old girlfriend was the director of the 1st movie, I was the one to get him cast.” Ok, so that last one probably isn’t it. But ya know. Close enough.
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Sadly, it looks as though Jackson’s partial facial paralysis is back. He really should look into getting that checked out. Oh and YEEEfreakingHAW.
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How many snakes and Saloon owners had to die in order for Jackson to wear clothes in Italy and Madrid? Where is Peta on this guy?

During the Rome Q&A we got this gem:

Rathbone recalled, “I remember the first time we met, we were at the airport heading to the film’s set. I had my beloved guitar and the agent at check-in did not want me to carry it on the plane, but for me it was really important. Nikki was there and convinced them let me carry it aboard [the aircraft]. From day one, Nikki was on my side.”

Looking at Jackson during the tender and heartfelt moment, Nikki said, “You are wonderful,” to which Jackson replied, “You are a beautiful person.”

Nikki didn’t have the heart to tell him she regretted that decision after she asked him to play her a few songs from his “cool, new band he just started with some of his smoking buddies.” Memories guys, that’s all we’re gonna have left in a year.

So thank you Breaking Dawn press tour and Summit for putting this on. This is helping make the next 19ish days whiz by! And really next time can we put a limit on Jackson’s snake skin items to one? Thanks.

Ciao and Adios and stuff,
Themoonisdown

Are we loving the folks they’re sending out to do this press tour? Have any of our readers seen the cast at these events or out and about?

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40 Commented

Shiz happens: I catch up on Twilight stuff

Dear LTTers,

Dudes, So much happened while I was away… I was off having tea with the Queen and Clare (they have tea together every Tuesday. DUH), trying to rescue the lost squirrel in TomStu’s beard, trying to figure out which dumb picture Jackson would tweet of himself next and then the second I got back Ron Ron and Tay Tay decided to make out on national tv… so really I’m just now catching up. This is what I found out happened while I was away…

• Big Daddy turned into a Diva. When UC emailed me the news I sent her back this sentence “I love him even more.”

• Nikki Reed is engaged to that dude who wears bolo ties on American Idol. Not the weird country singing kid with the head lean. The other one. Cafepress weeps at the loss of revenue from the LTT Fake Lesbian’s design

• Kristen Stewart ‘s facial paralysis was miraculously healed and she is now able to use her smiling muscles. Miracles happen folks! In our time! See: nearly every picture from the last week.

• Jackson filmed a movie in the state that birthed me called Cowgirls and Angels. So this is either a FanFic turned film or it’s a p0rn, right?

I dare you not to

• I’m not ashamed to say that I Googled the Cullen’s address 420 Woodcroft Ave Forks, WA (420, heh) and can report back that some vampire trickery is afoot because Google says to try again later because it’s having trouble loading it. UH HUH!!!! RIGHT! WHAT aren’t they telling us?!!?! I need door-to-door directions to the Cullen’s stat! We’re onto you Cullens!

• Some Twinerd (REAL LIFE PROFESSIONAL) Wedding Planner over analyzes Bella and Edward’s wedding invitation. Yes, over analyzes the fake wedding invitation to a fictional couples wedding. Leave NO stone unturned people!! We have a lot of time to fill till November.

JACKson of hearts… GETS IT??!! GET IT?!

• Jackson got beat up by a pack of wild monkeys while I was gone. They were pissed off he was disgracing the sacred a name of the monkey species with his bands music. They also thought him holding a “JACK” of hearts cards was super cheese ball. So they showed him who’s boss

• So I guess Kristen and I were in London at the same time… awkward… probably more awkward when she showed up to Clare and Dick’s house when we were having tea (I had a lot of tea there).

• Spoke too soon, found something more awkward.

Some Shiz Never Changes:

Kellan runs around the city of Los Angeles topless

Awwww Kellan thanks for making me feel like I didn’t miss too much and it was a pleasant surprise to come back and see Kristen at least acting like she was enjoying herself a bit more. And yes, I did have tea with the Queen and Clare… in totally unrelated news my mom and sister-in-law have asked me to stop calling them The Queen and Clare. Party poopers.

Moon is back ALLLRRIIIGHT! (sung to the tune of Backstreet’s Back)
Themoonisdown

Are you happy I’m back? I’m happy to be back… and it’s nice to see all the fun comments and new commenters we got from the break down of the trailer. Welcome! What else happened whilst I was gone? Has anyone seen Jackson “perform” recently… should I stop being so harsh? No. Ok.

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152 Commented

Twilight News Dump – The Of Course edition

We’re crazy bro!!!

Dear LTT-ers,

Since there’s nothing HUGE happening (besides the filming of Breaking Dawn) and tons of tiny little things happening AND because when I realize that some of you great readers only come here for I news, I thought it might be nice to have a news dump.

OF course Jackson would be wearing red pants and a top hat in a picture for something called the “Liquid Zoo” album and tour… of which I will not be purchasing OR attending. Love you Jacky! PS 40 cities?? REALLY?? OF COURSE!

Of course the day AFTER BrookeLockart shows up to The Grove in LA from outta town, Ashley Greene would make an appearance there. OF COURSE!

Of course at the Breaking Dawn wrap party the cast took turns riding a teeeeny tiny motorcycle that Taylor brought. I bet Big Daddy was sad. OF COURSE!

Of course Robert Pattinson is going to be on 10546546 TV Shows to promote Water for Elephants! And of course you know they’re gonna ask about Twilight and of course they’re gonna ask about you know who and OF COURSE we (meaning Jena) have you covered on the DVR alerts page.

Of course the pie guy slash the guy from The Fall talks to us Twi fans and makes me more excited to see him as Garrett whoever that is. I hope Garrett is a pie maker.

Of course Carlisle Cullen would land at #2 on the Forbes list of most wealthy fictional characters and OF COURSE his cover would be blown because they list his stocks in blood and his “daughter” Alice’s penchant for seeing the futre. GOOD JOB fake Forbes, now they have to move again! OF COURSE! #respectthecullens

Of course we all thought the Official Twilight Illustrated Guide was never coming out so OF COURSE you are really confused when it showed up in your mail today but OF COURSE you ordered it back in 2008. If you didn’t you can get it here

Of coure Catherine Hardwicke talks about Twilight and Rob while doing promo for her OTHER (laughable, LIT-TRALLY) movie. And OF COURSE we roll our eyes. SHOW US THE TAPE! Shut up or put up! Or whatever the saying is.

So of course now you’re all caught up on all the news that doesn’t matter and of course all we really want are some legal OFFICIAL stills or maybe a teensy clip from Breaking Dawn but we’ll solider on and pray that November 18 comes faster than it already is.

Happy Hump Day!
Themoonisdown

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121 Commented

Open Post: Love Letter to Jackson Rathbone, her new #1!

(Oh Jackson you’re always getting the love even when we dog you! Lieutenant Twilight writes you a letter today while we’ve Gone Fishin’. Tuck it between your banjo-lin and the trimmings from your catfish facial hair to read when times are tough. xo, moon)

Ladies Love Cool J

Dear Jackson,

I love you!

Whew… Glad I got that out of the way.  You see, most people in the twi-fandom have been cast under some sort of spell by Rob.  I never was.  I never understood the draw, ok well I UNDERSTAND it, I just remain unaffected.  You see, for about 11 years I have always had the same #1 celeb crush.  That’s dedication my friend.  And now, you’ve won me over and… well you’re my #1! I don’t know when it happened and I don’t know how I am supposed to let HIM know.  I mean, he’s been there from my tween years! However, after staring at you and hearing what you’d like to dress up as, I at least know WHY it happened!  You see the previous winner of my top 3 was the Johnny Depp.  I was committed to his sexiness from a very early age and continued on until I was introduced to you.

Ranks higher than Johnny Depp?!

You have similar features and want to dress up like characters he has already played.  You play “music” and have terrible tattoos.  It’s like you’re a younger version of him, only you have something that appeals to me more, and that is your awkward sense of humor and outgoing personality.  Unlike my Mr. Depp, who is shy and reserved.  Therefore, you’ve become my #1 man.  My list now reads #1 Jackson Rathbone, #2 Johnny Depp, and #3 Scarlett Johansson (nope, not a lez, but ScarJo is too pretty for me to deny my crush).  So lately I’ve been trying to scheme my way into meeting you and getting in your pants…  I’ve considered a 100 Monkeys show, but alas there are none in driving distance.  I’ve thought briefly about flying to LA to go to a show, but then my conscience kicked in and said that was too extreme.  But is it? I mean I could meet you and never really fall in love or give special hugs because I have a fantastic husband who actually owns a Stetson and Spurs (cuz he really is in the Cavalry! I know… I’m a lucky girl!!)  So I shall continue to swoon over you from a distance and die a little inside if ever you should develop an actual relationship with someone.   Because you have overcome Johnny Depp on my list and he was a multiple winner of “Sexiest Man Alive” and maintained a #1 position in my heart for 11 years!  I hope beyond hope that you can do the same!

Playing Dress up with my husband,
Lieutenant.Twilight

DUDE a hat AND spurs… forget Jackson let’s see pics of Lt. Twilight’s hubs! So what is it about Jackson? Besides Rob Jacky gets the next highest number of letters in our inbox…higher than Taylor even. Whats up with that? Is it the side talking? The weird band? Is it because I love to call him Jacky?

Today is the day- Moon returns home!! I am SO ready! I only wish I could give her a big hug. We’ll talk to you Monday- ready to jump back INTO it!

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43 Commented

Twilight is like a piece of fine art… no really, it is

(Guess what!? We’re STILL Gone Fishin’! So today, Alice_NaA puts on her Tweed and some Angela glasses and lectures us on some Twilight fine art! Enjoy!!)

Dear LTT-ers,

Don’t we all secretly want to blend the Edward Cullen vinyl wall sticker, shower curtain and other sophisticated twinfluences into a gracious background for elegant living? No we don’t, but I don’t have any other fake excuse for the all the silly crap I make in my free time. Unfortunately our home is the reflection of our soul, and I’m not sure Edward would consider ours worth protecting if we act on these primal urges. That’s why I threw some real historical masterpieces into the “Twilightizer,” so we can secretly enjoy our common guilty pleasure, while sedating the inner intellectual in us and no-one under 10 will notice the difference.

I take no responsibility for the following cultural barbarianism.* I just copy/pasted from Wikipedia committed myself to the magnanimous task of consulting one a wide range of media offerings to gather the least boring most significant information.

We’ll start our journey in ancient Greece, 490 to 450 BCE. The early Classic style marks the breakdown of the canonical forms of archaic art and the transition to the greatly expanded vocabulary and expression of the classical moment of the late 5th century. Whatever that may mean. The Discobolus of Myron (aka discus thrower) is a famous lost Greek bronze original, now only known through numerous Roman copies. The moment captured in the statue is an example of rhythmos, harmony and balance. Naturally, as always in Greek athletics, the Discobolus is completely nude (Er, what am I doing in this century again?). His pose is said to be unnatural to a human, and today considered a rather inefficient way to throw the discus. But we all know that that wouldn’t be a problem for our Edward.

16th century Italian polymath, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, botanist, musician and writer, Leonardo da Vinci, has often been described as the archetype of the Renaissance man, a man whose unquenchable curiosity was equaled only by his powers of invention. He is widely considered to be one of the greatest painters of all time and perhaps the most diversely talented person ever to have lived. And I’m starting to think he wrote his wiki page himself. He’s also the dude who painted the Mona Lisa

In the 14th century, in a little town not far from where I a live, a boy called Jan van Eyck was born. At an older age he starts working as a painter for some rich fellow, who holds his art in extraordinarily high regard. He also made some extra cash by freelancing in his off time, what else is there to do in the era without the interwebs anyway. His work differs from renaissancal stuff by e.g. Leonardo Da vinci (we know him already!) and Michelangelo, by virtue of its willingness to forgo classical idealization in favor of the faithful observation of nature, resulting in remarquably detailed landscapes interiors and atmospherical effects. Also the women of his time really like to pluck their foreheads and bedding, tablecloth and curtains were considered multifunctional items, you can’t google this.. His most famous work is the ‘Adoration of the Mystic Lamb’, which I’ve already seen twice, as it is conveniently located in a cathedral in Flandres. I show you one of his other famous works, The Arnolfini Portrait. Pay attention to the little doggie ;).

Follow the cut for a whole lot more epic artwork
Continue…

63 Commented