Storytime with Moon: We Got Abducted With Taylor Lautner

Come watch me get Abducted!

Dear Taylor,

I’m gonna tell you and all my LTT and BreakingDawnMovie.org friends about that time I went to the Abduction premiere and saw you and your new movie. But first can I just say every time I hear the title “Abduction” is makes me think of the abductor equipment at the gym which looks like a medieval torture devices for your downstairs area and that makes me wonder if you think about that since you’re so well acquainted with the gym and then I start thinking about downstairs areas and then… well, never mind let’s just get on with the story…

The lovely Lionsgate let me go to the Abduction premiere to represent for some of your favorite fans sites namely BreakingDawnMovie.org and duh, LTT. So, this a spring in my step and an iphone in hand I ran off to Hollywood and Highland with the hopes of seeing TayTay and his new movie… and not so secretly Big Daddy aka Daniel Lautner our personal LTT hero and favorite.

(as always click all pics to enlarge)

So there were a couple snafu’s with the will call line and like every fan site they invited there kinda got forgotten about BUT the Lionsgate team tried to wrangle us a decent spot to bring you action. Please forgive some heads and whatnot in the shots as we were behind some folks…

Namely Candle Crown Birthday Girl. So I’m sure it really made this girls birthday to be at the Abduction premiere and see Taylor and whatever but even though I’m pretty tall, was wearing heels, on a step and practically hanging off a stop sign/scaffolding her DUMB candle crown hat got in pretty much EVERY PHOTO. So thanks, Candle crown hat birthday girl for having a birthday and forcing us all to celebrate with you. Forever. Via these images.

We settled in to wait for Taylor because I mean who else in the movie were we really there to support? This isn’t Letters to Alfred Molina or Breaking Dawn and Lilly Collins Movie.org BUT we were pleasantly surprised… cause who would just happen to step onto the black carpet but Seth Clearwater himself, aka BooBoo Stewart and of course the sister Fievel. Like the mouse who goes west. Cute lil BooBoo even came over to sign some stuff for the fans…

I won’t even tell you what things I had to yell to get him to do what happened next… those are things for Chris Hanson to question me about later…

So clearly I haven’t gotten the hang of this whole video thing because I don’t even have the blasted thing rolling to catch what he said at the beginning. But I’m pretty sure he all loves us and sends all of Robs love to us and promises we can all marry Rob and have his babies… or maybe he just says hi, but whatever same diff.

Then a ton of Disney Channel stars walked by whom I guess are like a thing judging by the way the kids around me reacted. So if that sorta deal is your thing than I’m told it’s some kids from Awkward and Smash Hits? I’m sure I just showed how old I am by totally calling them the wrong titles. OH WELLS moving on…

Oh heeeeey Sigourney Weaver whom I only got this shot of because Crown Candle Hat Birthday Girl was too busy freaking out over a Disney star…

The following photo and video should really be accompanied by this music, no seriously. Ok, maybe not but still.

So who do I see coming down the carpet but Mr. Chris Weitz himself! Of course I like yell out CHRIS! CHRIS! And everyone around me had NO idea. Thank God Alison from Twifans.com was by me and totally got it! She yelled that they loved A Better Life  and that made him very happy, and because I am that person I yelled that I was from East LA and that reeled him in you guys! Echo Park FTW!  So I asked him to say hi to you guys here at LTT and thiiiiis happened…

(crank up the volume)

Since of course I am specially able-d with the camera I missed like the beginning but he says something to you all and then… “thank you, thank you very much for being kind to me, and not making fun of me too much… bye bye” The wave, lolzforever yall. Also, please ignore my valley girl sounding voice. Yikes!

HAHAHAHA YOU GUISE, it’s like he knows us or something. Us, make fun of someone?! NEVER! Ok, always. Like, every day.

You can stop the Dreamweaver music now because the best part of this whole thing is over and because your coworkers probably think you’re even weirder today. Ok, I kid but what happened next was probably one of the weirder/awesome moments I’ve had at a Twi-related event because who should walk like 2 feet behind us and avoid the carpet all together but Justin Bieber. The HALE? We just thought the screams were for Taylor arriving or something but no, Taylor was not there it was the Biebs and all the Bieblievers lost.their.shit. yall! It was pretty awesome. Witness the blurry side of his head:

Then who would just happen to slink in a few feet behind him??? Yup, Selena Gomez. No need to hide if from us kids, we ALL know. Though it did make me long for these days… I was also secretly hoping that Taylor Swift would make an appearance and Swiftner would be reunited but it wasn’t meant to be folks…. maybe some day…

FINALLY Taylor Lautner shows up… and the girls rejoiced…

Let me just tell you this boy was there to WERK and work he did… all up and down the fans (except right in front of us HRMPH), the press, the fans ACROSS the street and back around for the press again all while people chanted his name. It was pretty cute to see him at his OWN movie premiere without any of the Twilight stuff involved… I mean like besides us… and everyone else, but you know what I’m saying…

Why yes, I still eat meat patties and sweet potatoes every day. In fact I have a baggie full with me now, in my suit pocket.

During this time three things happened…

Wilmer Valderramer showed up. I KNOW. Maybe he’s a huge Taylor fan, or loves free popcorn and movies, or maybe he just needed to talk to the girl from Reelz Channel but for whatever reason whilst Taylor was doing his thing with the cameras Wilmer decided to walk the carpet.

Then who would walk behind us but BILL CONDON! I mean all we were missing were David Slade and Cathi Hardi and the whole family would have been there.

The other thing that happened during this time was that I spotted Big Daddy aka Daniel Lautner on the way far other end of the carpet. You can cue up that Dreamweaver song again now… he was like a vision… in a white shirt from Men’s Big N Tall, black pants, hair buzzed and looking ready to eat some free popcorn and see the movie he produced. But sadly, this is where the tale ends because Big Daddy walked right to the theater and out of our lives. Ok, stop the music again. SADNESS my friends. SADNESS.

Good thing this guy was still around for us to look at… and let me just say ladies (and gheys) he’s all growns up and looking goooood. Blue suit, tailored just right, the hairs appeared to be kinda combed to the side. All I’m saying is I’m glad I don’t need to be running to Georgia after every Taylor post I do anymore. Whatta guy.

So things were winding down and we decided to head inside so we could get our seats and see what all the fuss was about. After director John Singleton introduced the movie and waxed poetic about Taylor (and Big Daddy) they started the film.

I don’t want to give away any spoilers but it is a very fun movie that we had a REALLY great time watching. Sure there were some lines here and there that had us laughing for other reasons but at this point I feel like they’re just putting those in there for us. If you don’t have plans this weekend or want to pull a double feature with Drive, you could definitely take your boyfriend, or your hubs or your gay and go see Abduction because there is a ton of action and butt kicking and bombs (in ovens). But really just take your girlfriends because who wants to have to explain why Taylor doesn’t have his shirt on or why their make out scene is hotter than anything we’ve seen in Twilight. I kid you not. ENJOY!

I leave you with this…

I was abducted?!

The End!
Themoonisdown

Special Thanks To: Lionsgate, Will and BreakingDawnMovie.org for letting us rep them and “abduct” their Twitter feed for the night and the cast and black carpet attendees for stopping by to say hello!

Ok, so talk amongst yourselves… Abduction, you going to see it? Do we love growns up Taylor? Do we love Chris Weitz even more?

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89 Commented

Breaking News!!

Breaking News LTT-ers,

Kellan wore a shirt to work out at the beach!

Which should be noted for two reasons. 1. This has gotta be like the first time ever. 2. And probably the last time ever because it is balls hot in LA right now. He probably fainted after this picture was taken.

Also, in Breaking News Taylor Lautner loves Solomon Trimble and that other Native American dude who got fired after Twilight that he carries around a picture of them in every movie he does… witness:

Awwww he carries a flame for the OGW the original wolfpack…

I like that I live in a world where Taylor Lautner, international movie star and heart throb carries around a picture of him in an awful wig, that one guy and Solomon in a horse blanket coat. It’s like the only soldier who made it through a battle carrying around his fallen comrades dog tags in remembrance.

Sadly, Taylor Lautner and the props people of Abduction don’t live in the same world. And THAT is a sadness.

BUUUTTT We ALL live in a world when you google image search “Solomon Trimble” a ton of the top images are from LTT. SUCCESS!!!!

Breaking News…. I need a life,
Themoonisdown

Srsly, did anyone else think that when they saw this still from Abduction? Also, can we pass a law making it illegal for Kellan to be wearing a shirt within 500 feet of a body of water of a 24 Hour Fitness??

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6 Commented

All Taylor Lautner, ALL.THE.TIME.

Yes, we think your tractor is sexy... and yes... it really turns us on

Dear Taylor,

You need to stop… being so cute and funny and making us like you a lot and hope good things for you and shit. It’s hard to keep up our snarky, mean girls exterior when you’re making us want to twirl about and laugh WITH you at things instead of AT you. This is a brave, weird new world Taylor and we don’t like it. I’m not afraid to say I watched your Field of Dreams spoof for Funny or Die THEN I watched the behind the scene video, THEN I watched the deleted scenes video. Like 3 times.

I know we don’t write you unless it involves your Dad, who might as well be in the dang movies as far as we’re concerned or our constant internal conflict over your growing hottness and legalness but I think it’s time we change that… you’ve proved you’re ready to come up to the LTT Big Leagues ™

Funny or Die

Both UC and I commented that we hope you do a lot of hilarious stuff like this were you have a good time, make fun of yourself a lot and  don’t take things too seriously… like some people we know… AHEM. But mostly it just makes me want to sing Kenny Chesney. Someone needs to make a Taylor fan vid with this song STAT!

On a totally different note… Lionsgate announced you’d be signing autographs at Comic Con for your new movie Abduction… while I’m super (cautiously) excited that this bodes REALLY WELL for the Breaking Dawn panel, I just want to get you to sign something… like my jorts… or if you insist an Abduction poster

NOOOO not that one… this special one I made….

Do you hate us yet? Do you really want to be moved up to the LTT Big Leagues ™??? Talk it over with Rob, Kellan and Jackson and see if you can handle this kind of good natured ridicule…

Happy Friday!!!! TGIF!!!!!! COUGRITAS for everyone!!! (On Cathi!)
Themoonisdown

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65 Commented

Remember that guy Taylor??

This guy?!! Yea?! YEA!

Dear Taylor-

It’s weird how out of all the cast you don’t get that much love here post wise and you’re probably the nicest and most normal (I would assume). AND I really DO like you!! Why is that? Are you staying out of the spotlight? Is Big Daddy calling you every night at 1oPM making sure you’re tucked in watching Sports Center instead of our carousing with the locals? Besides a few sushi lunches you really haven’t been seen out and aboot much in Vancouver. So when I see you I’m like “oh wait, that Taylor guy IS in this movie…” and boy, do you ever remind us you are with this clip:

It’s funny that you cringe when talking about imagining Edward and Bella down in Brasil gettin’ it on like Marvin Gaye sings, cause really it’s pretty much imagining the magicness happening between Robsten on the bear skin rug daily and who DOESN’T like to ponder that for like 23 of the 24 hours a day we have???
.

So here’s the crazy thing, Taylor, you’re in other movies besides Twilight! Insane, I know.
So here’s the thing… are you playing Hanna meets Jason Bourne meets the narc in your local high school? This whole thing raised some red flags for me…

• 1. What high school girl is cruising missing children’s websites when she should be looking up the address to her local esthetician to get her Robert Pattinson meets Camilla Belle eyebrows in check? And if your high school girlfriends idea of a good time is looking at missing children’s websites you might have a bigger problem on your hands. Like SHE’S the narc… or she’s really into those CSI Criminals in SUV shows and THAT is scarytown.
  .



• 2. If your mom is Maria Bello and you are Taylor Lautner, you definitely did not come from her womb.
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• 3. If Maria Bello is such a grade-a ass kicker why didn’t her and her friends take a taekwondo class in The Jane Austen Book Club instead of reading books and yammering on about Northhanger Abbey (I love you J.A.)?
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• 4. Is it in your contract that every movie you’re in feature a motorcycle riding scene? Preferably wearing a tight, dark v-neck shirt while it rains. Good agent.
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• 5. If Sigourney Weaver tells you she knows your “real” father you better hope to God it’s not an alien.
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• 6. Taylor, in my neck of the woods we call that thing over your lip a dirty sanchez moustache. Shave it NOW.
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• 7. If you’re a fan of the Pirates enough to wear a jersey, it’s a bad omen. This will not end well.
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• 8. Did you insist on using the Jacob-tree climbing/jumping stunt just so that we would all subconsciously think of you with your shirt off jumping into Bella’s window? Cause it worked.
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• 9. Lines like “You wanna play with no rules? You better be careful what you let out the box” just confuse me. First, it doesn’t make and sense, second it makes me think of any of Vin Diesil’s lines in any movie he’s ever been in and third it makes me want to embroider it on a pillow.
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• 10. Giving Big Daddy a producer credit in the end credits just earned you like at least 10 McDonalds bucks in your stocking next Christmas. And a HUUUGE hug from me cause that means Big Daddy will be all up in the Abduction premiere!! WHOOHOO!!
  .

So clearly, I’m going to be seeing this movie… at some point. There are so many questions that need to be answered and so many scenes with you possibly shirtless to be seen that I couldn’t deny you me this or the 15 bucks. Just consider it an investment in Big Daddy’s retirement fund.

“I live my life a quarter mile at a time…”
Themoonisdown

Ok, so that line isn’t in Abduction (I think) but who would argue that there will probably be lines very similar… Will you see Taylor’s new movie? Did you think he was doing the Jacob-jumps-in-Bella’s-window move, too?

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61 Commented

Taylor’s got a new lady and we wanna know if she’s DTF

Dear Taylor,

While I was busy watching the Grammys and suffering through people saying “Who are the Avett Brothers/Mumford and Sons/Arcade Fire?” You were busy making your way through LAX with a chick called Lily Collins, aka your costar in the upcoming flick Abduction. Is that why Taylor wasn’t at the Grammy’s? Did she refuse to put on a pretty pretty princess dress and instead locked herself in her hotel room and tried to think of all the words that rhymed with Lily? We all know Taylor Swift already wrote a number one song about YOU do you really want to give her fodder for a follow up record where she trashes you for having an on set hook up with a costar when that’s how YOU two met? Moving on is sad Taylors…

Hmmm this dress looks familiar… (ps if that was a DC we’d be in business)

Since I care for you Taylor I decided to investigate who this Lily Collins girl is. I was hoping she was the heir of the Olive Garden/Red Lobster restaurant chain, or at least the daughter of a McDonald’s franchise owner in the midwest somewhere but as it turns out is just the daughter of some musician named Phil Collins* who was born in Guildford, England aka where Daniel Gale in The Bad Mother’s Handbook is from (someone put me out of my misery for knowing that. my life is embarrassing right now). Also important to note is the fact she’s 21!!! Dude, you like the older ladies… that’s the same as Swifty (someone go give her a hug). She has written in a bunch of magazines, hosted a kids pick the president event, has been cast in the Mortal Instruments adaption and has large eyebrows. We’re taking Camilla Belle/Sandy Cohen level eye brows. So pretty much your basic cute girl next door. ZZZZZZZzzzzzz. Someone wake me up when she writes a song about family taco night at the Lautners or how Taylor gave her a “Women of the Word” devotional book.

The only info you we need to know about this Lily Collins girl is whether she is DTF like Taylor Swift was for you… and if not you better start sending those roses to Taylor Swift again and showing her your “tan skin” cause being non-DTF will just not do for us. Thanks.

I may or may not be DTF,
Themoonisdown

PS why does your face look like a weird fan manipulation image in that LAX photo?

*I know who Phil Collins is, thanks*

DUDES two Taylor posts, back to back! Where are our Team Jacob girls at? Do we think Lily is DTF or does Taylor really just likes that song from Tarzan?

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150 Commented