LTT Mailbag – The Crazies email us (again)

MAIL CALL!!!

Dear LTT-ers, Twilight cast members, characters and Stephenie Meyer,

Of course you guys know that we’re NOT you and we don’t answer emails written to characters or Rob (unless we’re bored and intern Rob needs busy work) but we definitely read them, pass them back and forth and then post them here for all of us to enjoy. You can’t get the crazy in your inbox and NOT share with your pals!

Dear Stephenie,

This letter is for you personally… I am a fan but I’m not obsessed with it… I just want to know why you didn’t have more go on with bella and jacob… I think it would have be better if you had edward leave for a reason and bella went to jacob… they go off to college to get away from it all and then….. edward make an appearance… bella think she’s thinks she is seeing things and doesn’t think to much… but than she starts seeing him more and more… then……………… jacob and edward start battling for bella because she can no longer choose between them… that book should have been between the thrid and fouth… Also in the fourth one you shouldn’t make jacob fall in love with a baby… I’m just saying this because people on my rez even agree with me

Love,
Britbrit

Dear Britbrit,

I’m glad you’re not one of “those fans.” You know, the kind that writes a letter to a random blog thinking it’s me, thinking I’m just looking for new story lines for my completed saga that doesn’t fit into the original story AT ALL. I’m thankful you’re not that kind of fan. Thanks for the ideas, I’ll consider them.

Oh and tell your rez to suck it. I like the baby.

Love and kisses,
SMeyer (not really)

hey catherine hardwicke

i was just wondering if you would consider reading a series for me and maybe start making the movies. i know its probably a really kinda dumb thing to do but i really like this book and i thinkk you could do some amazing stuff with it! it is called the house of night series and the books are called marked betrayed chosen untamed hunted and tempted. and i was also wondering if you took these books and made them in to movies if i could play a part in them i have always wanted to be an actress and maybe even some charicters from the twilight saga movies i think taylor lautner would be good in it and same with nikki reed and ashley greene! so i was just wondering if you would at least consider it thanx so much i really do want you to read the book i think you would enjoy them thanx. please reply back!!

tasyna

Dear Tasyna,

What about US?!

Love,
Robert and Kristen

PS Catherine Hardwicke wasn’t available to answer this email as it conflicted with her pre-scheduled ribbon cutting ceremony at the Anaheim TGIFridays. She sends her regards. We think.

I have this question for Kristen. Where did you go for acting classes? I have been thinking of starting up acting, but I don’t know where to start.

Peace,
Anna
92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the  8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Dear Anna,

Why the Kristen Stewart School of Acting, of course! I created my own method. It’s like breathing. You should try it.

Love,
Kristen

PS 92% of teens would be dead if Abercrombie and Fitch said breathing was uncool. If you are the  8% laughing, copy and paste this for your signature!!

Oh you crazies, you never fail to make our day… or at least make the 2 minutes it takes for us to read these missives of whackadoo. Please never stop and we’ll never stop NOT replying to you.

xoxo,
Moon

Who wants to volunteer to be our LTT intern to read all this mail? Should we make Rob the intern come over here and answer this mail as well? Are you one of “those fans?” And what about that Abercrombie line, are kids still wearing that stuff? I wore some of that in high school!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

57 Commented

A healthy debate: Kristen Stewart's Acting

Throughout this letter I’m going to use something called sarcasm. Unfamiliar? Read this. Many people hate Kristen Stewart because they are sadface that she is (apparently) with Robert Pattinson. I am one of them. I cannot judge Kristen Stewart fairly without thinking of her with Robert Pattinson. She does a commercial for cat litter and surrounds herself with 18 little white kittens? I hate it because all I can think about is how she gets to do Rob Pattinson after she gets to play with all those adorable kittens. In Adventureland she does a sex scene with a douche-bag married to a Woody Allen darling? She is an automatic awful fake movie sexer because she’s having the real sex with Rob Pattinson. Remember, Read this if you have any questions.

Dear Twilosophy Debate Class 101,

Today we’re going to have a healthy debate. Any questions?

Why are you opening THIS can of worms when we have had peace on LTT for awhile and Robsteners/Nonsteners/Swiftners/Non-Swiftnerers (Wait a second- WHO could be a Non-Swiftnerer? Seriously? Have you seen these two? So freakin’ adorable) have been getting along?

Well, I’ve been thinking a lot about this topic and when I think of stuff I like to share it with the LTT community. Also KStew411 tweeted this amazing video and I really needed a reason to post it

The beginning

Kristen and I had a rocky beginning. First of all she kissed Adam Brody in In the Land of Women, and that’s when I knew I would hate her for eternity. Plus that movie sucked and that pains me to say because I heart Adam Brody something fierce. I remember being very underwhelmed by all the performances in that movie, not just Kristen’s.  I’ll have to break it out again to decide for sure what I think of her specifically, but I’d rather die than do that. So let’s just leave it at that.

Bitch! Seriously, I'll facepunch you so hard....

And then came Twilight. I walked away consumed with the desire to FACE PUNCH her except I didn’t know it was that desire since FACE PUNCH doesn’t get referenced until New Moon. “SHE gets to DO Rob Pattinson!?” I thought. (Except I didn’t think that since I didn’t think they were DOING it then since I was underwhelmed by their on-screen chemistry and knew nothing of the off screen rumors.) I was confused. I thought her casting was SPOT ON for the character of Bella. But her portrayal of Bella….? Well, it took me awhile to put it into words, but let’s just leave it at- I wasn’t so crazy about it. (Refer to the above video for many of the reasons why)

New Moon

I feared a Twilight repeat. I did. So much of that movie hinged on Kristen’s ability to make us believe in her pain. I came away from that midnight showing really happy with what I saw! I believed her! I felt her loss. I even shed a tear or two even though I knew that Edward would eventually come back and then they’d have some awesome make-out scenes complete with an EPIC Leg Hitch (Don’t do it and DIE, David Slade) and would eventually skinny-dip in the ocean after which they’d do it in probably the most talked about fade-to-black scene ever written, finally resulting in the birth of a half-human, half-vampire genius-child who would be imprinted upon by a werewolf. I cried even though I knew that would happen. (Actually, that’s probably why I cried. Couldn’t he just STAY and give her amazing birthday sex?) Also I didn’t cry until Lykke Li’s “Possibility” came on because I feel emotions through music. Plus, Kristen had my FAVORITE line in all of New Moon. Listen for it here in this clip, courtesy of Brookelockart’s pirated copy of the movie:

Click for awesomeness

So… why the sudden change of heart towards Kristen? Were my expectations SO low for the movie that surpassing them wasn’t that hard to do (That’s actually possible) Did she REALLY step it up a notch this movie? Was Chris Weitz a better director for her? Clearly I just forgot that she was banging Rob with his absence. Instead I thought about flowers, kittens and Swiftner. Or maybe Stewner- yes… that’s right! While watching the movie I invented, in my mind, a real relationship between Kristen & Taylor. She makes him homemade protein shakes while he improves his pectoral muscles. It’s a beautiful relationship. And an obvious one. How else would she know that Taylor carries around little baggies of meat patties? You know, I bet Kristen even bags Tay’s meat patties for him in NAME-BRAND baggies. She loves him that much. Best of all Rob is single & Taylor Swift writes an amazing break-up song that brings me to tears until the end when a wolf is mauled to death by a bear (because afterall, Kristen let us in on a little secret- “They’re Not Bears“) Continue…

269 Commented

Newest Twilight Saga Cast Members: Moon and UC. Why not?!

Dear Eclipse/Breaking Dawn Casting Directors, David Slade and whatever director ends up getting saddled with BD,

With all the news about the recent casting announcements and rumors swirling regarding who’s going to play who I’d like to formally toss my hat into the ring. Yes, I Moon Last Name Withheld would like to be in your movie(s). Besides the obvious: I don’t have an agent, a manager, a resume, a head shot or any serious acting skills beyond a couple school and church productions (oh and a very amazing video about wearing your seat belt shot for our 9th grade Safety Ed class), why not me? And why not UC while we’re at it? Remember when she begged to be Emily then Tanya? Come on!

You’ve recently cast Leah who wears a scarf over her boobs, some kid named BOO BOO for goodness sake and about every slut with a head shot around the world is starting a rumor that she will be Tanya. And now some chick from Germany who won a reality show contest is going to play Vera, Rosalie’s friend. So why not us? Here’s my pitch:

We can do slutty! Sorta.

We’re random unknowns with questionable skills, so we fit in with the folks you’ve already cast. We can wear scarved around our awesome racks and come up with an odd name for ourselves. How about Moon-Moon and UC baby? And I’m sure if given the chance we’d kick ass on a reality show, especially a reality show where the prize is a role in a Twi-movie. Our confessionals/Diary room footage would be worth it alone!

For the studio and production: A plus for the marketing side is that we even have a couple followers who might be interested if we actually made it into a twi film! We could rally our total rad troops to spread the word about how great Volturi gaurd #4 and Random Witness #23 are! And really, choosing us as your newest cast members would be a savings since we’re already pale,  so there’s no need for make up to airbrush on us, and no need for wigs since we have luscious locks and a coupon to the costume supply shop if one of us gets attacked by a random girl with a mullet and a pair of scissors. Heck, you could pay us in kisses from Rob and gift cards to Pink Berry.

Our joint headshot

So won’t you find it in your heart and scripts to cast us as Hiker who gets killed and friend of Leah #2?

After all there are no small parts only small actors!
Themoonisdown

See what good times UC has cooking over at Letters to Rob
Post your acting resume and run lines at the forum!

Add Comments