Ohh the good ol’ days of Twilight

Dear Twilight Cast,

Let me be a grandma for a second and talk about the “Goldie Oldies,” or the “Good old days” Or “Way back when” or “When I was a kid…”

First… some explanation as to why I’m donning a bonnet & jumping in a caddy with my walking stick, and a pocket full of werthers caramels, and a bunch of stuffed animals in the back of my car (okay I’ll stop). I logged on to BreakingDawnMovie.org to catch up on what’s going on in Vancouver & I saw this:

Ashley Greene looking like someone ate half of Ashley Green’s legs. No seriously. Where did they go?

Gill Burmingham shows up sans wheelchair & looking jacked

and Kristen also arrived in Vancouver- but that was too boring to even grab a picture.

And.That’s.IT! The CAST is in Vancouver. There are no pictures of them together. There are no dinners out. Lunches in. Dance parties. WHY, Twilight gods, WWWWWWWHY!?

If the boringness of airport arrival photos wasn’t enough, I had to click on a link about celebrity roommates and see THIS:

FAKE LEZZIES FTW!

with the caption:

Nikki Reed and Kristen Stewart: The Twilight castmates bunked up while filming New Moon in Vancouver. “We didn’t go out that much,” Reed told Us. Instead, she said that cast would “go to group dinners a lot. Peter Facinelli is a great cook and so he made us pasta.”

(They mean “Italiano,” of course) Sniff! Do you remember it? I don’t really mean the fake lesbianship- although I sort of do- but I mostly mean THE FRIENDSHIP, The discussions of the friendship & the knowledge that the cast actually likes each other.

A friend in Vancouver sent me an email after hearing the 100 Monkeys are gonna play Vancouver sometime soon. She asked what she thought the chance of the cast showing up would be. I answered:

100 monkeys are gonna be in Vancouver: Will Twihards show? YES
Will Robsten? HELL NO. Will cast members whose names we can’t remember show? Probably

And this is what makes me sad: I bet Rob & Kristen haven’t talked to Jackson since last day of filming Twilight. During the first filming we used to hear stories about how they holed up in each other’s hotel rooms, singing songs, drinking & bonding late into the night. Now everyone is so divided. I wonder if the cast divides along Nonsten/Robsten lines like the fandom does? If so who do you think swings which way? Nikki is Nonsten, obviously. I bet Taylor is Robsten. Just because he’s seen the bear-skin rug in person so he knows the magicness is real. Ashley is probably Nonsten too but only because she refuses to believe a guy could fall for any other girl before she hooks up with him. Do you think Bill Condon has a side? Stephenie? You’re welcome to write an anonymous comment today to let us know. Just call yourself “The Original” and we’ll know it’s you.

WHY is it that when cast group news or pictures emerge it’s just about the new vampire covens that no one really cares about? Why can’t everyone in the cast we care about just get alone? Why must they ruin our fantasies that movie-making is magical & beautiful and isn’t, at the end of the day, like a “job” anyone else goes to!? Even I go to a happy hour with my co-workers on occasion. After a shoot, walk down the street to the closest bar & get crunk together! Get Taylor & Kristen fake IDs. Do shots off Kellan’s washboard abs! Get Kristen to sing “Back to December,” dedicated it to Taylor during karaoke. Play SPIN THE BOTTLE and get video of Jackson & Ashley’s make-out. Ask Peter to cook you ITALIANO every night! Just please please PLEASE be friends again. For just a few more weeks while you’re finishing up in Vancouver. These are the BEST days of your lives. You’ll miss them when they’re gone. One day you’ll be an old grandmother like me, wishing for the years of your youth.

Love your ol’ granny,
UnintendedChoice

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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The Twilight saga: Cast New Year's Resolutions

Dear people ready to celebrate a new year,

Do you do the New Year’s resolution thing? I usually do. Last year I resolved to drink only 2 diet cokes per week. I did pretty well. Well, except for April-October when I had a relapse and was drinking at least one per day. But now I’m back to my commitment to lay off the DC, and I usually only drink it if it’s available in a soda fountain. I’m still pondering my resolutions for 2010, but you can bet your bottom dollar meeting Big Daddy Lautner is on top of the list.

I got a chance to *talk* with a bunch of the cast/characters from the Twilight saga and I asked them what everyone is dying to know: What are your 2010 New Year’s Resolutions?

Michael Welch– I’m going to lay off the chips and try to lose that thing where it looks like I stuffed marshmallows in my cheeks. “Team Marshmallow” is cool and all, but I’m going for more of a Rob Pattinson-type chiseled face look in 2010.

Justin Chon– I plan to take Mike up on his offer for the  ‘bring a friend for free” coupon at the Tantopia

Buttcrack Santa– In 2010 I’m going to be looking for a girl a little bit older than my usual to share those little bottles with. Maybe someone 14 instead of 12. I’m also going to try to reinvent myself and show a little less crack. I like the ring of “”Armpit Hair Santa,” and I might try to bring the white-mesh wife beater back in style

Ashley Greene– Well, 2009 was successful with my naked picture scandal, so my 2010 resolution is to kick it up a notch with a sex tape leak. In part 2 of my resolution I hope that the scandal involves a B-list celebrity this time rather than some of the D & C-listers I’ve been known to f*ck

Kristen Stewart– This year I plan to have much better hair. I’d also like to prove all those critics who talk me up right by starring in a great movie that gets me a legitimate award nomination like that other Twilight actress…. what’s her name again?

Anna Kendrick–Anna Kendrick wasn’t available for comment as she’s busy being a real actress, but we caught up with her manager who told us:
In 2010 Anna plans to continue her reign as the only actor to come out of the Twilight saga worth her paycheck as an actress. She might possibly say “no” to filming Breaking Dawn and instead star in next year’s Oscar Best Picture winner. Rob Pattinson can sit behind her next year!

See the rest after the jump! Continue…

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Time for a Newsdump: Everything NOT Twilight related aka Kellan shows us his Calvins!

Yo, it's about that time to bring forth the rhythm and the rhyme. I'm gonna get mine so get yours, I wanna see sweat comin' out ya pores!

Dear LTT-ers

I was just lamenting (yes it was quite sorrowful) on Twitter that there was simply NO news about Twilight out right now and that makes things awfully boring… but then I started researching and there’s TONS of non-Twilight specific news that our favorite friends are in… so let’s get to it!

• In the best news in the history of the world category: Kellan Lutz will be the new Marky Mark for Calvin Klein. Can’t wait to see if “nothing gets between him and his Calvins” besides his mini New Testament Bible. Fingers crossed for a Kellan cover of “Good Vibrations“

• The trailer for “The Runaways” comes out and I can’t help but think two things-  ONE: they look like little girls playing dress up and TWO: I hope Dakota gets to punch someone

Che-Che-Che-Cherry BOMB!!!

Wait, this isn't the Maxim cover shoot!

• This is the prom dress you see on the rack at Goodwill and think, dude that would be perfect for my prom scene in “Can’t Buy Me Love” Halloween Costume (just right for doing the African Anteater dance in!)

• The theme of Rob and Emilie de Ravin’s Remember Me photoshoot for Vogue is “a date at LACMA (Los Angeles County Museum of Art)” why do I picture Rob showing Emilie his favorite works of art: The Kramer or Dogs Playing Poker?

Follow the cut for more news, less catfish, more abage for the cabbage and one special tatt00
Continue…

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Newest Twilight Saga Cast Members: Moon and UC. Why not?!

Dear Eclipse/Breaking Dawn Casting Directors, David Slade and whatever director ends up getting saddled with BD,

With all the news about the recent casting announcements and rumors swirling regarding who’s going to play who I’d like to formally toss my hat into the ring. Yes, I Moon Last Name Withheld would like to be in your movie(s). Besides the obvious: I don’t have an agent, a manager, a resume, a head shot or any serious acting skills beyond a couple school and church productions (oh and a very amazing video about wearing your seat belt shot for our 9th grade Safety Ed class), why not me? And why not UC while we’re at it? Remember when she begged to be Emily then Tanya? Come on!

You’ve recently cast Leah who wears a scarf over her boobs, some kid named BOO BOO for goodness sake and about every slut with a head shot around the world is starting a rumor that she will be Tanya. And now some chick from Germany who won a reality show contest is going to play Vera, Rosalie’s friend. So why not us? Here’s my pitch:

We can do slutty! Sorta.

We’re random unknowns with questionable skills, so we fit in with the folks you’ve already cast. We can wear scarved around our awesome racks and come up with an odd name for ourselves. How about Moon-Moon and UC baby? And I’m sure if given the chance we’d kick ass on a reality show, especially a reality show where the prize is a role in a Twi-movie. Our confessionals/Diary room footage would be worth it alone!

For the studio and production: A plus for the marketing side is that we even have a couple followers who might be interested if we actually made it into a twi film! We could rally our total rad troops to spread the word about how great Volturi gaurd #4 and Random Witness #23 are! And really, choosing us as your newest cast members would be a savings since we’re already pale,  so there’s no need for make up to airbrush on us, and no need for wigs since we have luscious locks and a coupon to the costume supply shop if one of us gets attacked by a random girl with a mullet and a pair of scissors. Heck, you could pay us in kisses from Rob and gift cards to Pink Berry.

Our joint headshot

So won’t you find it in your heart and scripts to cast us as Hiker who gets killed and friend of Leah #2?

After all there are no small parts only small actors!
Themoonisdown

See what good times UC has cooking over at Letters to Rob
Post your acting resume and run lines at the forum!

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out what it means to Rob and Twilight!

Dear Twi-Hards and LTT-ers –

A lot’s been said since yesterday about “Cab-gate 09”… which is what I’m now refering to the Rob was tapped by a cab incident that turned into the biggest non newstory, newstory to rock the Twi-world in… well… days. In a matter of minutes rumors were swirling, petitions were being signing, kidneys being donated and Obama issuing a statement. Well maybe it didn’t go that far, but folks did start up various campaigns and trending topics to get the word out about everything from: “Respect Rob’s Space” to “Protect Rob” which is all fine and well because crazies need to keep their distance from Rob.

But what really got me thinking was what about the other folks in the Twi-dom? What about the other actors? Their family? Their friends? Can we ask people to respect Rob but leave them out? Must we be forced to worry that Solomon Trimble will get mobbed at an Oregon Walmart while he’s buying some Alberto VO5 hot oil treatments for his luscious locks?!

NO! I simply will not stand for it! I MUST know that ALL people associated with Twilight are also respected. So to jump on the bandwagon I’ve created our very own LTT “Respect” campaign with an LTT twist, of course!

Won’t you join us?

Themoonisdown

It’s easy to worry about Rob since he’s such a big celeb, but what about the “little people” in this scenario? What about the Cabbie? I say we need to respect the cabbie! Stop stepping out into the street with your big feet, umbrellas and security detail. This guy’s just trying to do his job ferrying people around the city and we’re getting in his way by hitting HIS cab with our hips. Respect the cabbie!

Though Buttcrack Santa isn’t a canon character from the Twilight series, HE DIED! Respect him! He died for our laughs. He died for those little bottles. He died to have momma say didn’t know how to make a kitty meow! RESPECT BUTTCRACK SANTA!

What about Marty the Bananager for 100 Monkeys? We give him cheesy shirts to wear, don’t include him on our 100 Monkeys canvas totes, and grind with him on the dance floor. He’s a person too! Give Marty his personal space and save your sexy moves for his bandmates. They signed up for this, Marty is just doing his job and can’t be distracted by our beauty. Respect The Bananager!

Taylor’s a level-headed 17 year old who seems to be enjoying the attention he’s getting by playing Jacob. My real concerns lie with Big Daddy Lautner. How’s he taking the fame? Is he still able to hit the McDee’s drive through at midnight for a late night Filet o Fish without getting mobbed? Respect Big Daddy!

We all spend a lot of time pining for Rob and swooning over Kellan’s wifebeaters but what about the supporting actors? Have we devoted as much time to Mike Newton? Will we ever love his “golden retriever” like qualities enough to finally open letterstomikenewton.com? Will we ever post about his quest to save ladies boobs? Respect Mike Welch!

Read about the best real life Rob stalker and see the Rob’s new security at LTR
RESPECT The Forum!

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