Twilight in Twitter

Dear Twilight,

Back in 2009 we had The Meyerbook– someone’s “Facebook” take on Twilight. And we laughed. But now, thanks to dear LTT readers like OperaRose, LadyMeadow, NatteringYeahRobber, TeamSeth, MarbleNutSlut, KayVeeBee and JustGoWithIt, we have Twilight in Twitter. Enjoy:

the Cast

Bella @cloudsorry, Jessica @futurevaledictorian, Mike @rainboner, Edward @edward1901, Jasper @emotionalvamp, Alice @BellasBestie

Bella: @futurevaledictorian People keep telling me to follow @ecullen1901

Jessica: @cloudsorrow Oh, that’s Edward Cullen. You can follow & tweet him but
he’ll never respond #gorgeous #toogoodforanyone #likeIcare

Bella: @futurevaledictorian Wasn’t planning on it. #lies

Mike: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictatorian YO! Snow Flower and the Secret
Fan is playing! U 2 IN? It is OK if you can’t make it,
J-girl.

Jessica: @rainboner @cloudsorrow Nice try, M. #firstgrade #newtoy #groan

***************************

Edward: @cloudsorrow HELLO?

Bella: @edward1901 Thanks for causing a scene today in class. You sort of creep me out. Sorry.

Edward: @cloudsorrow I’m Edward.

Bella: @edward1901 Duh. That’s your response? #arrogant #youreyeschangecolortoo

Edward: @cloudsorrow We were both right about prophase. #likeIsaid

Bella: @edward1901 Something odd about you. Again, WTF with your eyes?

Edward: @cloudsorrow *saunters off* #talklater #mystery #youknowyouloveit

************************************

also find her @boobsmcgee

Jessica: @cloudsorrow @secondbestfriend HOORS! SHOPPING!??? Half off at PROMetheus in Port Angeles!

Bella: @futurevaledictorian OK. I guess. Whatever. Dad says I need more girl time. #fine #onlyvampirebookstoreinWAtheretoo

Mike: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictorian @secondbestfriend Can I come too? #willholdyourpurseswhileyoutrystuffon

Jessica: Direct Message – @rainboner you know B has a thing for @edward1901 right?

*********************************

Jessica: @cloudsorrow so. How was his bed? *winks*

Bella: @futurevaledictorian no bed. Pretentious CD collection. Only recognized Debussy. Photos of me everywhere.

Jessica: @cloudsorrow which Debussy? Please tell me he didn’t play Claire de Lune. #tooeasy

Jessica: @cloudsorrow also, I cannot believe his @klout score is higher than mine.

Bella: @futurevaledictorian You don’t think it is weird he has photos of me everywhere? Normal?

Jessica: @cloudsorrow Please tell me it wasn’t a Best Of Debussy compilation. Please.

Debussybot: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictorian RT: Please tell me he didn’t play Claire de Lune.

******************

Bella: @edward1901 were you in my room taking photos last night by any chance?

Edward: @cloudsorrow hey, did you take my Best of Debussy CD?

Bella: @edward1901 Do you ever not answer any questions with questions? My dad says people who do that are usually lying.

Edward: @cloudsorrow gotta go. Wear something tonight. #nudesleepingisnothygenic #leftyouateeshirtandundiesinyourbottomdrawer

*********

Bella: @edward1901: when I glare at you tomorrow at school, follow me into the woods. #IKnow

Edward: @emotionalvamp Here’s my move: she says she knows. I’ll trip her backwards and knock her head again.

Jasper: @edward1901 @BellasBestie says you are just going to make out with her no matter what happens

Edward: @BellasBestie Please change your handle. Your visions are subjective.

Alice: @edward1901 You can’t make me. Let me seeee….nope. You can’t. Go kiss your girlfriend.

********************

Edward: @BellasBestie @emotionalvamp OKAY that game went as poorly as possible. Fuck.

*******************

Jessica: @cloudsorrow: Where have you been? Why do you have a giant cast?
Bella: @futurevaledictorian I don’t want to talk about it. BTW your boobs look great.

THE END

Um that was hilarious. Thanks girls. XOXO UC

PS: When GOOGLING to find that “Meyerbook” thing above, I discovered things tagged “Twilight” on the Failbook site. Annoying to read, but funny when you get through all the crap: Twilight Failbook

34 Commented

Twilosophy – Emmett & Rosalie – just the muscle of the Cullen Family or so much more?

Dear Twilight,

I’ve been thinking… on the heels of the whole cell phone post I’ve been going back to the basics of Twilight… some Twilight origins posts if you will. So today we pose the question: do Emmett and Rosalie feel worthless since they have no special powers like the others? Edward can read minds, Alice can see the future, Jasper can change and effect moods, Bella has the crazy mind shield thing, Carlisle has a super vampire resistance to blood and well Esme… she’s married to him so she’s ok.

Hey guys, does anyone need their car fixed? Or maybe a log moved?

But what about poor Rosalie and Emmett… are they just the muscle of the Cullen family? Hauling logs before the wedding. Chasing after James. Keeping the cars maintained and installing stereos. Basically Emmett and Rosalie are the ex Best Buy employees the Cullens agreed to let live with them just because they’re handy around the house. Maybe this is why Rosalie is really so sully… after all these years she’s tired of the rest of the Cullens reading her mind or predicting her future or just plain out doing her. It really has nothing to do with the fact that Carlisle made her into a vampire when she was dying… and really talk about ungrateful.

Imagine if Em and Rose ever showed up in Voltera… Aro would be like “wait, who are you guys? Oh the Cullen’s hired help…. Yea well good luck with whatever… we don’t have any openings right now but we’ll keep you in mind.” Ya know the old don’t call us we’ll call you routine.

Let me get my wig on straight first THEN I'll tell you what I think

I posed the question to a few friends as we sat around talking with New Moon playing in the background… cause that’s something we do on a Sunday afternoon in LA. Right. One friend said isn’t Rosalie’s power being really beautiful? Um, while I’m sure that statement is more loaded and requires a totally different post that I can tackle today, I’m going to go with a NO. Her beauty has never gotten them out of a jam (or into one) the way say Alice’s power to see the future has. But maybe it’s her ability to be both lioness/mama bear while being vulnerable and able to tell the truth? If anyone’s the first to speak the truth, it’s Rosalie Hale. You wanna know if Rosalie thinks this whole Bella as Edward’s girlfriend is a good idea? Rosalie’s gonna tell you. You pondering major life decisions like whether to become a vampire or stay a fragile, killable human? Rosalie’s gonna tell you. You wanna know why your boyfriend’s “sister” resents your presence in her family? Rosalie’s gonna tell you.

Don't worry Edward, Emmett got this!

Then we talked about how Emmett was super strong but that’s not really a super power because they’re vampires, they’re all really strong. One friend also pointed out that Emmett is such a dope he probably doesn’t even know he’s not super special like Edward or Alice. But what about his courage? Is Emmett the reverse cowardly lion of the Cullen’s? It seems like anytime the shit goes down, Emmett is the first to jump in the mix and really that’s pretty invaluable in the grand scheme of life. Tracker going after Bella? Emmett’s got this. Werewolves out to attack the Cullen’s? Emmett’s got this. Carlisle needs to go feed before Bella gives birth and the Werewvoles need distracting? Emmett’s got this. Victoria on the lose and needs hunting down? Emmett’s got this. Bella needs to test her newborn vampy strengths? Emmett’s got this.

So really, I guess those ARE their super powers… they may not be as obvious as the rest of the Cullen’s but when a situation is gettin’ REAL real I want Emmett and Rosalie there… who else could reluctantly rub up on a tree in your jacket and make it look sexy?

We got this!
Themoonisdown

Have you ever thought about that? Did SMeyer just run out of ideas for Emmett and Rosalie or was it all part of the plan?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

64 Commented

Breaking it down: Preparing for the wedding and butchering meat

Dear LTT-ers,

There are some new stills from Breaking Dawn out, so you KNOW we were all over those like a Twifan on an Edward pillow. So here we go…
.

You're so frugal Alice! You got both our shoes at the BOGO sale at Payless!

The one with THE Shoes
Moon: so it looks like most of these are like wedding planning type pics
UC: i don’t care WHAT designer they are.. they’re hideous
and so are Alice’s
Moon: clearly alice has already been at work because now bella’s wearing skin tight jeans and a pleather jacket from forever 21
 UC: right.. Good job Alice.. we’re getting her there
Moon: the shoes look vintage or just a bit worn
UC: just an odd heel. (bellas)
Moon: like alice took esme’s vintage original early 1900s wedding shoes and added some rhinestone appliqués from michaels to the top
Moon: bellas shoes are like the classier version of when people make their own wedding flip flops, only alice probably used swarovski on those shoes.
UC: I think Bella is saying “I get what you’re saying, Al.. the rhinestones are nice and all, but I really don’t understand why I can’t wear my smelly ol’ Chucks… No one will be able to SEE under my dress anyway.. and anything bad smelling on me just smells good to Edward anyway- so it doesn’st matter that they smell like I’ve warm them while damp since 10th grade”
Moon: do you think bella has to lie down to zip those jeans up? cause daaaamn gina
UC: THose are jeans? I thought that was body paint
 Moon: same diff… twilight brand jeans/jeggings/body paint coming to a hot topic near you. SYNERGY!
Moon:  look at alice’s hair line in the back, so is that a weird shadow or did the wig not fit right and they had to photoshop her REAL hair out???
UC:  hahahah you’re right.. WORST shadow.. or photoshopped hair.  I just.. don’t get Alice’s outfit… BLACK tights? alice would for sure be wearing tights with some sort of design on them and not that soccer mom “top” that covers birthing hips
Moon: i think its more the witchy-librarian shoes she wearing for me… sale at the Port Angeles Kohls yall!
.

Belllaaa!! I just met a girl named BELLLAA!!

The with the musical!
Moon: do you think bella took edward to the “bad” part of town (graffiti!) to threaten him with his life if he shoved cake in her face?? cause i would/will SO do that. shes like if theres any cake near my face you will be the 108 yr old vampire virgin
UC: Yes. I also think they could have possibly gone to a dinner theater where they were performing West Side Story & their lucky numbers were pulled to come on stage & dance with the performers.

Does this mean we have to suck the blood of the Jets?

Moon: DUDE so weird how theres a big twilight/west side story connection
UC: what there is?
Moon: how many times have we mentioned it? and its been in that Rob photoshoot
UC: hahaha you’re right
 Moon: bella is going her best “in america” and edward is 100% antone
UC: So true!
Moon: even wearing the same outfit!!!
<—— Look!! —–
UC: hahahahah
Moon: make that belt bella’s wearing red and BOOM
.
Follow the jump cause we keep going and it’s Friday and you want a laugh! Duh.
Continue…

52 Commented

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Ashley and Kellan… let’s not make this awkward

Oh hey Jackson, we're just going to play board games...

Dear Ashley and Kellan,

I was just perusing the pictures of you two in Women’s Health Magazine. Besides the fact that I love how much you love women Kellan: the Twicons, the Mammogram videos, shoots for WOMEN’S Health Magazine, it just seems like Ashley called you up and asked you to come “help out” and hang with her for the afternoon because someone else wasn’t available or she was bored. I do just love you and Ashley together but I have one question… does it ever get awkward? I mean between you two… you both say you’re such great friends and you hang out and have board game nights (people after my own heart!) and whatever but what happens when you’re on these shoots and your hand’s like right near the “kill zone” and what do you say when you know Ashley tells people if she was stranded on a deserted island with only one cast member she’d choose JACKSON. The catfish, Jackson and not super hot, Jesus lovin’ Kellan? And Ashley why are you waiting around for super whore Jackson? He’s too busy touring in a band with a dude in a banana costume to come to game night! Stop waiting by the phone!

So are you guys friends… friends with benefits… beards (ahem)… or maybe it’s just you’re both who you call when the one you really want isn’t available. AnnaLynn’s sluttin’ it up around town doing whatever she does and Jackson sluttin’ it up around the US “on tour” with the 100 Monkeys or pushing Airbender and trying not to get killed in a protest about how it’s racist. I know UC and I almost were outside the Arclight last week.

I mean look at these…

Wait, we’re just friends right?

“I love Jesus and Ashley… I mean AnnaLynn… and Jesus”

Hey Kellan, can you wheel that thing over here faster I gotta meet up with Jackson in like an hour.

You wanna be on a deserted island with WHO?

Now I definitely know you can just be friends with someone but if either of you ever suggests spin the bottle or 7 minutes in heaven or hid the salami at the next friendly board game night it might be time to DTR. Just Sayin’.

Your friend with no benefits,
Themoonisdown

So what IS with these two? Sure they say they’re friends but I don’t know if that’s the vibe I get. And HOT DAMN Kellan! Whew. Happy weekend to us all!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

58 Commented

Alice & Jasper – Missed opportunity?

Oh swoon

Dear Jackson and Ashley (and sorta to Jasper and Alice by proxy),

Romeo and Juliet, Ozzy and Harriet, Jay Z and Beyonce, Burt and Ernie, Peanut Butter and Jelly, UC and Moon, Ebony and Ivory. All great couples in history, right? They are M.F.E.O. (made for each other, duh!) as Jessica from Sleepless in Seattle would say. And I feel like it might be time to add Jasper and Alice to that list.

In Eclipse you stole every scene you were in. The banter and sly looks, the half smiles, the eyes, the “ma’m’s.” It was all so golden. As we saw the flashbacks from Rosalie’s life and then Jasper’s, I was holding my breath and saying a prayer to my impromptu alter of David Slade I had erected in our aisle of the movie theater, hoping that he loved us enough to give me what I hadn’t even dreamt of hoping for: The Jasper and Alice meeting in the diner. As Jasper tells Bella about his human life, we see it play out in front of us: riding horses, lion’s mane hair under a cowboy hat, confederate army and then trickery from Maria. Then Alice approaches and Jasper relays how he walked into the diner and met Alice who told him she had been waiting for him. I just knew it would be the perfect moment to drop in a quick glimpse of what that looked life. Sadly, my hopes were too high because we got no such flashback.

So not feeling the hope in this wig

We did, however, get one of the best moments of the movie between you two as Alice tells Jasper he kept her waiting and Jasper with that (at times questionable) drawl replies “sorry to have kept you waiting, ma’m” and then the little kiss. I just melted into the seat. I loved that is panned to Bella who was looking on and then glanced away and smiled to herself. I thought that was a great little moment from Kristen that capped one of my favorite scenes.

But I’m still sad we didn’t get the catch a glimpse of the epic first meeting of Jasper and Alice. It’s no secret I’m a big Jasper/Alice fan and want nothing more than for Stephenie Meyer to take a break and write me the untold Jasper/Alice story before they met the Cullens. Who needs that crap, Midnight Sun, that NO ONE wants finished when we could have Jasper/Alice radness to read? DO IT STEPHENIE!! Or DON’T DO IT STEPHENIE if that helps you out more.

Such a missed opportunity to make this movie even better and to give us Jashley whores a little something to salivate over. Every time Jasper and Alice were on screen everyone in the audience sighed and oh-ed and aw-ed over them, so I KNOW I’m not the only would who would have jumped out of their seat for this moment to happen. BUUUTTT this just means more opportunity for it to be included in Breaking Dawn (1 or 2)!!! And with that, as Jasper said “I felt hope.”

Don’t keep me waiting,
Themoonisdown

Did you feel the same way? Did everyone around you sigh and die everytime Jasper and Alice had a moment? Died. So great. What other moments do you wish would have made the final cut?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

145 Commented