Postcards from Bea’s Twilight-less vacation

(Bea writes to Twilight about her well…Twilight-less vacation! Enjoy! XO-moon)

Greetings from Vacation!

Dear Twilight,

I’m nearing the end of a two week vacation, and I miss you.  Less than the husband… but more than the cat.  Is that normal?

“Vacation,” of course, means camping out in my parents’ basement while also visiting the grandparents and in-laws.  The first week was busy busy busy: wedding shower,  family reunion, asking an old friend to be responsible for the baby if the husband and I drop dead, adapting said baby to the three hour time change, convincing grandma that baby does still need a nap at nine months old, shopping for family picture attire, etc.  Even survived said family pictures without being paralyzed by second-hand embarassment (Everybody in solid blue with khakis this time!  Except the redneck wing of the family who will come in green, gray, black, plaid and Hawaiian print! If you’ve visited AwkwardFamilyPhotos.com you have the basic idea).  In any case, I was much to busy to send a postcard to a series of YA books and movies or even miss you unless I saw a particularly fine pair of jorts.

But then week two hit.  Hubby went home, the round of visits to relatives got mundane, baby stopped sleeping like she was hungover and started teething, shopping turned into returns, and the second old friend I saw is in the middle of a very sad divorce.  Altogether less fun.

Bea's trendy baby

I did have a Twi-versation when my sad friend checked out my child’s fangs (top middle teeth aren’t in yet, but side teeth are):

Me: She’s a vampire baby.  Very trendy.
Sad Friend: [snarky snort] Have you read Twilight?
Me: [Guilty pause]  Yeah, I gave in and read them when all my students and their moms were.
SF: I just can’t do it.

Like I said, not terribly fun.  I was shooting for Jacob-esque sunshine but only managed Mike Newton-ish semi-distraction.  At least I didn’t puke on her.

Fold into the equation the fact that at the end of week one I finally got to see Eclipse.  Free babysitting meant that I even got to go with the husband, Unicorn-In-Denial that he is.  So for the first week of vacation, when I did miss you, I got to anticipate seeing you.  When we finally managed to slip away from everything I was near giddy (this was the 19th… was I the very last loyal LTTer to see it?).  We had a great conversation with my mother-in-law on the way out the door:

MIL: What are you going to see?
Unicorn-In-Denial Husband: I can’t tell you, it’s too embarassing.
MIL: Is it “The Last Airbender”?
Me: Nope. [Internal monologue: No, but one of the actors is in both films.  Evidently Jackson’s specialty is embarassing movies.]
UIDH: It involves vampires.
MIL: Ah… “the saga continues…”

The movie was fun.  I mocked the wigs, cried at Renee’s scene, fell in love with Charlie again, gagged at the ring and swooned in the meadow (Moon, you were so right about Rob finally becoming Edward in this one!  He almost never looked constipated!).

The kind of postcards I would purchase on vacay

But then tragedy struck.  Husband was in a cranky mood due to work thing unfolding at home and would not rehash the film on the way home despite my prodding.  I had to virtually do the Heimlich Maneuver to get, “It was only mildly entertaining.”  The next day I tried my best friend from college, but she left me hanging with only brief wig commentary.  What fun is a Twi-movie without people to discuss it with???  Must start planning for #pillowbite2011 and what I’m calling #NeedToKnow2012.

In short, vacation has become more like real life here in week two and I didn’t even bring a good book to read.  Instead I brought the baby book to fill in… yeah, like that’s going to happen!  My mom “finished” the one she made about me on her way down to meet the grandbaby this fall.  Like I’m going to do my child’s in real time.

And so, I miss my escape from real life: you, my dear, ridiculous Twilight.   But there is a substantial problem.  No Wi-Fi at the parents’ house.  Which means all internet usage goes through the family computer.  In the middle of the living room.  I snuck in once when the baby had me up but everybody else was sleeping and read the week’s LTT but couldn’t watch videos of Jackson side-talking or listen to Stephenie Meyer sound clips.  And then I had to figure out how to delete items from the browsing history.  Because my little Twi-closet door has opened too far already this trip.  Witness the denial conversation:

Mom: How was the movie?
Me: Pretty lousy.  We went to see this one because everybody said it was way better than the others, but it would still make no sense if you hadn’t read the book. [She’s also heard the ‘my students wanted me to read it’ excuse.]

So now I’m sitting on the back deck, with a glass of wine, watching the sunset and writing you a postcard that has somehow become an epistle.  And my vacation is feeling better again.  Tomorrow morning I’ll sneak back to the family computer and send it off to UC and Moon to do what I can to make their vacations more restful.  I plan to have the New York Times open in another window as my alibi.  If there’s extra time before my dad starts looking over my shoulder I might even get to read LTT.  And then delete it from the history.  Because that’s what normal adults do.

Wish you were here!
Bea

We wish we were there too because then we could talk about Eclipse with you and maybe sneak out to see it again once we trick the MIL to watching the kid again. So how about everyone else do you clear your browsing history every time you leave the computer? Are you still really in the Twilight closet?

While Moon was Gone: DO IT!

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