Enjoy this video of bad lip reads from Twilight and try not to think about how you were home watching all the back episodes of Real Housewives on your DVR yesterday and not at work right now.
Happy day back from Labor Day…. boooo. Yiiiiiikes.
Moon
Big thanks to Kristin for sending this to me. You’re still the best!
Dear Twilight,
Back in 2009 we had The Meyerbook– someone’s “Facebook” take on Twilight. And we laughed. But now, thanks to dear LTT readers like OperaRose, LadyMeadow, NatteringYeahRobber, TeamSeth, MarbleNutSlut, KayVeeBee and JustGoWithIt, we have Twilight in Twitter. Enjoy:
the Cast
Bella @cloudsorry, Jessica @futurevaledictorian, Mike @rainboner, Edward @edward1901, Jasper @emotionalvamp, Alice @BellasBestie
Bella: @futurevaledictorian People keep telling me to follow @ecullen1901
Jessica: @cloudsorrow Oh, that’s Edward Cullen. You can follow & tweet him but
he’ll never respond #gorgeous #toogoodforanyone #likeIcare
Bella: @futurevaledictorian Wasn’t planning on it. #lies
Mike: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictatorian YO! Snow Flower and the Secret
Fan is playing! U 2 IN? It is OK if you can’t make it,
J-girl.
Jessica: @rainboner @cloudsorrow Nice try, M. #firstgrade #newtoy #groan
***************************
Edward: @cloudsorrow HELLO?
Bella: @edward1901 Thanks for causing a scene today in class. You sort of creep me out. Sorry.
Edward: @cloudsorrow I’m Edward.
Bella: @edward1901 Duh. That’s your response? #arrogant #youreyeschangecolortoo
Edward: @cloudsorrow We were both right about prophase. #likeIsaid
Bella: @edward1901 Something odd about you. Again, WTF with your eyes?
Edward: @cloudsorrow *saunters off* #talklater #mystery #youknowyouloveit
************************************
also find her @boobsmcgee
Jessica: @cloudsorrow @secondbestfriend HOORS! SHOPPING!??? Half off at PROMetheus in Port Angeles!
Bella: @futurevaledictorian OK. I guess. Whatever. Dad says I need more girl time. #fine #onlyvampirebookstoreinWAtheretoo
Mike: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictorian @secondbestfriend Can I come too? #willholdyourpurseswhileyoutrystuffon
Jessica: Direct Message – @rainboner you know B has a thing for @edward1901 right?
*********************************
Jessica: @cloudsorrow so. How was his bed? *winks*
Bella: @futurevaledictorian no bed. Pretentious CD collection. Only recognized Debussy. Photos of me everywhere.
Jessica: @cloudsorrow which Debussy? Please tell me he didn’t play Claire de Lune. #tooeasy
Jessica: @cloudsorrow also, I cannot believe his @klout score is higher than mine.
Bella: @futurevaledictorian You don’t think it is weird he has photos of me everywhere? Normal?
Jessica: @cloudsorrow Please tell me it wasn’t a Best Of Debussy compilation. Please.
Debussybot: @cloudsorrow @futurevaledictorian RT: Please tell me he didn’t play Claire de Lune.
******************
Bella: @edward1901 were you in my room taking photos last night by any chance?
Edward: @cloudsorrow hey, did you take my Best of Debussy CD?
Bella: @edward1901 Do you ever not answer any questions with questions? My dad says people who do that are usually lying.
Edward: @cloudsorrow gotta go. Wear something tonight. #nudesleepingisnothygenic #leftyouateeshirtandundiesinyourbottomdrawer
*********
Bella: @edward1901: when I glare at you tomorrow at school, follow me into the woods. #IKnow
Edward: @emotionalvamp Here’s my move: she says she knows. I’ll trip her backwards and knock her head again.
Jasper: @edward1901 @BellasBestie says you are just going to make out with her no matter what happens
Edward: @BellasBestie Please change your handle. Your visions are subjective.
Alice: @edward1901 You can’t make me. Let me seeee….nope. You can’t. Go kiss your girlfriend.
********************
Edward: @BellasBestie @emotionalvamp OKAY that game went as poorly as possible. Fuck.
*******************
Jessica: @cloudsorrow: Where have you been? Why do you have a giant cast?
Bella: @futurevaledictorian I don’t want to talk about it. BTW your boobs look great.
THE END
Um that was hilarious. Thanks girls. XOXO UC
PS: When GOOGLING to find that “Meyerbook” thing above, I discovered things tagged “Twilight” on the Failbook site. Annoying to read, but funny when you get through all the crap: Twilight Failbook
Dear Breaking Dawn,
Here we fixed them for you:
I will haunt you FOREVER
I will be the more famous dad FOREVER
I’ll be talking about how I made ROBSTEN, FOREVER!
You’re welcome!
Love,
UnintendedChoice
(ps I’m posting this from my phone because I forgot my LTT password & got locked out of the computer version. Best blogger award right here, please)
Dear Twilight,
I’ve been thinking… on the heels of the whole cell phone post I’ve been going back to the basics of Twilight… some Twilight origins posts if you will. So today we pose the question: do Emmett and Rosalie feel worthless since they have no special powers like the others? Edward can read minds, Alice can see the future, Jasper can change and effect moods, Bella has the crazy mind shield thing, Carlisle has a super vampire resistance to blood and well Esme… she’s married to him so she’s ok.
Hey guys, does anyone need their car fixed? Or maybe a log moved?
But what about poor Rosalie and Emmett… are they just the muscle of the Cullen family? Hauling logs before the wedding. Chasing after James. Keeping the cars maintained and installing stereos. Basically Emmett and Rosalie are the ex Best Buy employees the Cullens agreed to let live with them just because they’re handy around the house. Maybe this is why Rosalie is really so sully… after all these years she’s tired of the rest of the Cullens reading her mind or predicting her future or just plain out doing her. It really has nothing to do with the fact that Carlisle made her into a vampire when she was dying… and really talk about ungrateful.
Imagine if Em and Rose ever showed up in Voltera… Aro would be like “wait, who are you guys? Oh the Cullen’s hired help…. Yea well good luck with whatever… we don’t have any openings right now but we’ll keep you in mind.” Ya know the old don’t call us we’ll call you routine.
Let me get my wig on straight first THEN I'll tell you what I think
I posed the question to a few friends as we sat around talking with New Moon playing in the background… cause that’s something we do on a Sunday afternoon in LA. Right. One friend said isn’t Rosalie’s power being really beautiful? Um, while I’m sure that statement is more loaded and requires a totally different post that I can tackle today, I’m going to go with a NO. Her beauty has never gotten them out of a jam (or into one) the way say Alice’s power to see the future has. But maybe it’s her ability to be both lioness/mama bear while being vulnerable and able to tell the truth? If anyone’s the first to speak the truth, it’s Rosalie Hale. You wanna know if Rosalie thinks this whole Bella as Edward’s girlfriend is a good idea? Rosalie’s gonna tell you. You pondering major life decisions like whether to become a vampire or stay a fragile, killable human? Rosalie’s gonna tell you. You wanna know why your boyfriend’s “sister” resents your presence in her family? Rosalie’s gonna tell you.
Don't worry Edward, Emmett got this!
Then we talked about how Emmett was super strong but that’s not really a super power because they’re vampires, they’re all really strong. One friend also pointed out that Emmett is such a dope he probably doesn’t even know he’s not super special like Edward or Alice. But what about his courage? Is Emmett the reverse cowardly lion of the Cullen’s? It seems like anytime the shit goes down, Emmett is the first to jump in the mix and really that’s pretty invaluable in the grand scheme of life. Tracker going after Bella? Emmett’s got this. Werewolves out to attack the Cullen’s? Emmett’s got this. Carlisle needs to go feed before Bella gives birth and the Werewvoles need distracting? Emmett’s got this. Victoria on the lose and needs hunting down? Emmett’s got this. Bella needs to test her newborn vampy strengths? Emmett’s got this.
So really, I guess those ARE their super powers… they may not be as obvious as the rest of the Cullen’s but when a situation is gettin’ REAL real I want Emmett and Rosalie there… who else could reluctantly rub up on a tree in your jacket and make it look sexy?
We got this!
Themoonisdown
Have you ever thought about that? Did SMeyer just run out of ideas for Emmett and Rosalie or was it all part of the plan?
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
Even this thing would have worked
Dear Twilight,
Don’t you think a lot of the mishaps in the Twilight books and films could have been circumvented if these people had cell phones? I mean the books came out in 2006, I’m pretty sure most of us at least had some sort of cheesy flip phone or one of those nokia bricks still. Couldn’t the Cullens with infinite resources, enough to procure a car that wasn’t even in production, spring for the family plan at AT&T?
.
The Cullen's or Robert Pattinson in 30 years?
Is it just because they’re so old? It’s like my grandparents who leave the house and forget their cell phone and then wonder why no one calls… it’s because we did call but your phone was at home sitting next to the phone ON THE WALL!!! I gotta believe that old vampires who are super into cars and flying around and whatnot would be all about technology… I mean they can’t even sleep what else would you do at 3am besides vacillate between Fruit Ninja and Instagram?
.
What ever happened to this phone?! Did she get a replacement?
If Charlie put Bella on his family plan and gave the girl a cell he probably could have gotten ahold of her one of the fifty times she ran away and left a note. Sure you don’t have to answer it but you can trace that shit! And what girl in her right mind in 2011 (or 2006ish) is gonna leave home with the celly? Nevermind you might miss a call from EDWARD the hottest dude alive who likes you, who’s going to be driving late at night on slick roads in Forks with crazies chasing you and not have a cell? That’s just common SAFE sense.
.
This moment = in the top 3 dumbest things Edward ever did
Also what if (movie) Edward hasn’t been a dumbass and crushed his phone before flying off to get himself killed by the Volturi, maybe Bella could have gotten ahold of him and been like “dude, you just got punk’d by Jacob, I’m not dead, don’t do anything stupid like try to commit Vampire suicide. Now get back to Forks and do me cause it’s pretty clear you love me hard.” That’s totally what she’d say. We could have totally saved all those carbon emissions they burned off flying to Italy then stealing a gas guzzling car, letting it idle and then ditching it? This isn’t even a safety or stupidity issue, now it’s a GREEN issue! Capt. Planet would be so disappointed.
.
Yo Bella, shit's about to go down!
Or imagine if Alice and Jasper had a cell while they were off traipsing through South America looking for Nahuel (did I even spell that right? Sometimes I forget he exists). The could have called once they found him and said don’t do anything stupid we found some proof that Renesmee isn’t an abomination unto the Volturi and we can sorta prove it and maybe people won’t die. But no, we have to convene the UN of vampires and have a non showdown in the Cullen’s backyard all because no one could commit to a two year contract with a mobile carrier of their choice. D-U-M-B.
Can you hear me now??
Themoonisdown
Srsly, is it things like that make you crazy when you read the books or even watch the movies? This is like another level version of the blue shirt/khaki shirt for me. I mean I GET IT why they’re not really used but COME ON!
Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store
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