The VILF deconstructed by Stacey and Stacey

(Today Stacey – Snowwhitedrifted or West Coast (WC) and Stacey East Coast (EC) take on the VILF’s we’d love to marry, hit it or just stare at and why they’re so alluring. – moon)

Goose and Maverick the Edward and Jasper of the 80s

Dear VILFS of Twilight (and other series),

In the eighties it was surfers and beach volleyball players. In the nineties it was athletes and firemen. The new millennium, however, boasts vampires as the most coveted object of desire for the female gender. Vampire sex appeal is at an all time high. I think this is partially due to the monster success of Twilight as well as some other factors.

EC Stacey: Wait. Are we getting serious here? The tweed kind of serious. Let me throw on these Kate Spade glasses. Alice approved, ya’ll. Hold on wearing an old David Letterman tee-shirt and Yoga pants, must change into designer…never mind. At least I got the glasses. Okay, Stacey (SWD) commence with your thoughts.

WC Stacey/ SWD: Many people claim that the vampire-ness of Twilight is insignificant and it’s totally a love story. Sure, the Cullens are like the passivist emo-hippies of the vamp world, but they still kick ass, nonetheless.

EC Stacey: Ha ha! I want them to wear tie dyed clothes and beads. Actually, do you think Carlisle and Esme got so sad after the Eclipse fight scene that they wanted to cry, but can’t. So they went back to Casa Carlisle and got all emo listening to Morrisey? Whoops! Got off track. Sexy vampire boys, yay!

Rob and Moz - My wildest fantasies realized! Thanks Fablife!

WC Stacey/ SWD: Morrisey, for the WIN, ha ha ha! I wouldn’t have liked it as much without the vampire aspect. You see, I have been a VILF shipper since I was a kid (duh, the Count (ECStacey: Grover, definitely Grover. Monster. Grr.) was my favorite Seasame Street character), so it was no wonder that Edward (and Carlisle, Jasper, Emmett, James, hell even Aro) glamoured the pants off of me. I think this is true for a lot of women. When we break down the characteristics of a vampire, it’s no wonder we offer our necks (ok, and lady bits) willingly.

EC Stacey: Let me get this straight, Aro? I love the Michael Sheen, as much as everybody in the whole world. But Aro? If you said Alec, maybe. Even a creeptastic girl crush on Jane. I want to see that bottle of wine you are drinking. As expected, wine goggles. SWD: OK, note to self, wine in a box enhances wine goggles. If I were drinking “Bitch” wine maybe I’d go fake lesbian for Alice

What Rob's cheek bone structure looks like

WC Stacey/ SWD: Lets start with the fact that Vampires are HOT, well cold actually, but in the looks department they are always stunning. I think every actor born with incredible checkbones signs a deal with the devil to one day play a vampire. Seriously, you could grate cheese on Robs cheekbones (*note to someone, please make that as dirty as possible in the comments).

EC Stacey: Ahh…Rob’s cheekbones… Back on track. I don’t want to leave out the wolves/shifters for you wolfpackers. This might be hard to believe my friends, due to the fact I have a Sophie’s Choice type of love for both Twilight’s Edward and Vampire Diaries Damon. (And yes, I voted for BOTH of them in EW’s Sexy Beast poll. Don’t you judge me.) Originally, I loved the wolf. Seth Green’s OZ on Buffy the Vampire Slayer was my first true supe love. I even married his younger twin. Of course, he’s an accountant and not a rocking guitar player, but I can pretend. SWD: I married Fletch, he has no powers. Also, have you seen Alcide and Sam on True Blood? Nice. Twilight? Jacob’s a buff baby. Okay, Paul’s hot.

WC Stacey/ SWD: So yes, Vampires and Werewolves are beautiful. See exhibit A: (slide show mildly NSFW, mostly because it’s both hands embarrassing)

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Thursday Twilight Video to cure those July Blues

Dear Twilight,

I generally save videos for Open Weekend Posts, but I’m kinda in the mood for a big laugh today. I don’t know about you, but I’m in a major slump. Probably because I’m coming off my June–high & it’s mid-July & nothing is going on in my life. And boxes are yet to be unpacked STILL in my apartment, I can’t find curtains for my 13′ windows, Eclipse buzz has died down (I only saw it twice and am not even sure I’m going to go for a third time. Bad Fan? Or blame it on the July blues?) And I’m clearly PMSing. Obviously. Not to mention today is THURSDAY, not Friday, and I really need it to be Friday.

Anyway, The Stacey’s sent this to me (actually I think just one of them sent it to me & just copied the other. I get confused though- the Staceys are two girls named Stacey who met on LTT and are basically the same person except not. They even use the same email company which REALLY confuses me. I really need to learn which last names belongs to whom. But that takes effort & I already told you- it’s Thursday. Effort was over by Monday at 10 am) ANYWAY, I laughed the entire 6 min. and 11 seconds this was playing. It really makes me wish that Moon & I could blog full-time. Do you KNOW the amount of videos & audio masterpieces we would produce? We have epic instructional videos in our idea book that are just dying to be made. We discussed tonight the need for Moon to obtain a sugar daddy, since Mr. Choice, while a lovely husband, is not that. Moon is headed to Africa next week*, and so I suggested she meet a Kenyan Royalty. She said she’d hop on over to Dubai and meet a Sheik and become his LA Harem girl. I’m allowed to join the Harem too, as long as I show the Sheik the Leg Hitch.

Anyway, that’s a letter for another day, our scheme to find sugar daddys so we can blog about vampires full-time. For now, there’s just laughter and the refusal to admit it’s only Thursday:

There! Now don’t you feel better!? (Sorry if you’re stuck at work, unable to watch this video. I feel really badly for how much your day is going to suck as a result. Watch it immediately when you get home- before you pet the dog, take off your shoes, kiss your man or feed the baby. Trust me)

One day until Friday,
UnintendedChoice

PS: If you happen to be a Unicorn Sheik Sugardaddy from Dubai or Kenya country, Moon will be there next week- do you mind sitting down for a one-on-one with her? See how you guys get along? She just wrote a pretty amazing one shot lesbian fan fic in our most recent chat session that she promises to release under a penname if you can sugardaddy our way to full time vampire-blogging. Thanks

*Moon really WILL be in Africa (flying through Dubai!) next week! She leaves a week from today and will be disconnected for TWO WEEKS. Don’t ask me how I’ll get through. I have no idea. I do know that on the second part of her trip, I will also be away on vacation….SOOOO that means we need YOUR help! Send in your bestest, most creative letters to letterstotwilight@gmail.com for us to consider sharing with the world while we’re busy meeting Sheiks and eating crab cakes at the beach!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Twilight Word Vomit: A TwiVomit

Dear Twilight,

So much has been going on lately and I’m having Twilight overload in my brain and all the processing my mind is doing of the new information is coming out in the form of a major word vomit- A Twi-vomit if you will:

1.   Twilight Google

Finally!  I’ve been looking for the perfect place to learn how to have sex with vampires. My search is now over! A perfectly useless web search “powered by google” but worse than google is the answer! (I did a quick calculation and if you figure $10 for the domain registration, plus the hosting fees & all the time it took to create, I’d say this was a waste of time and a waste of a the perfect amount of money for which one could buy 3 – 3 1/2 cupcakes.)

2.   Rachelle hugs a Rob pillow

Hi. You’re gorgeous. I wish we could be friends. And secondly, that Rob pillow? That’s brilliant. I love the irony in you holding it tight. The only thing that would have been more amazing is if Rob had held it. Or no- Kristen- If they shot Kristen kissing the Rob pillow- Brilliant.

3.   Kellan- The RastifariaHobo

Dude! Moon didn’t share this piece of info with you all during her Comic-Con recap because she had “pacifico regret,” but she sent me a picture of a guy she danced with to Thriller on the dance floor of the Irish pub and later played tonsil hockey with outside of the bar*, AND IT WAS THIS GUY! Kellan dressed-up!!!!!!!! I mean.. I think. The picture she sent had a guy like this.. uh, his hair may have been longer… and he wasn’t in a thrift-store looking peacoat… and his ski cap was kinda different. Oh never mind. I shouldn’t have said anything….

4.   Stephen Moyer from True Blood calls Edward Cullen a “pussy” (and he doesn’t mean a cat)

Um. I love you Bill Compton, I do. But I love Edward Cullen more. Cuz Edward doesn’t do it with his girl after climbing naked out of a hole in the ground. Edward doesn’t sleep in the ground. Edward doesn’t sleep. And wait! The whole point of this word vomit was to talk about how LAMMMEEEE it is that people are comparing True Blood and Twilight and asking Stephen Moyer what he thinks of Edward Cullen in the first place. They are NOT the same. Twilight is NOT a vampire story. I don’t even like vampires! So Stephen, I heart you as Bill, and Rob, I heart you as Rob (oh and as Edward). End of story.

5. The new Volturi picture leaked

And I’m not posting it but have instead included this cartoon of the Volturi that looks like a Weasley twin, two Snapes & a Malfoy for your viewing pleasure (you can see the real photo here) If you want to know my real opinion on the Volturi (of course you do) I’m lovin’ it. No… I didn’t get out my copy of New Moon (because I’m going to hear Bobby Long perform tonight in Philly and I have it packed for him to sign) to check and see if they look anything like Stephenie’s descriptions because, gosh, I don’t care that much! I just want them to look scary to increase my viewing experience- AND THEY DO! Moon thinks Marcus looks like “death personified” while I think he looks a little like “Count Von Count” from Sesame Street (who scared the crap out of me when I was a child- so good job, Summit!) Moon thinks that Aro looks sooo much like Legolas’ uncle from Lord of the Rings and Alec looks like a kid in her neighborhood she wants to punch. I agreed with The Danger Magnet’s comparision of Alec and Zac Efron- Vampfron we’ll call him. And no one can deny that Caius is clearly the ghey vampire. And I’m shocked- Jane looks amazing. I thought she’d pull it off, but not that well! Great job Chris Weitz! Another thing I’m in love with you for: CountVamp, ElvenVamp, Vampfron, GayVamp and HotUnderageVamp!

6. Bryce Dallas Howard to replace Rachelle Lefevre as Victoria

Moon & I may have heard a rumor due to a facebook friend earlier yesterday that a new actress was going to play the role of “Victoria” in Twilight. We thought, “Um, that’s odd. Since Rachelle is Victoria.” But not so much. Bryce Dallas Howard is apparently taking over the role of Victoria for Eclipse.  “They” say that Rachelle has a scheduling conflict, but I’m gonna bet $5 that she’s preggers. Because nobody and I mean nobody does a Paul Giamatti movie over a Robert Pattinson movie**

Vomit over,
UnintendedChoice

*false
**sarcasm

Did Moon blow your mind over on LTR today? I bet she did

Talk about Rachelle’s possible ‘baby bump’ over on The Forum

Thanks for Lauren from Lauren’s Bite for inspiring this word vomit-style blog post x

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Is Twilight about real vampires?

Real Vampires. No Thank you

Dear Twilight-lovers,

For today’s Tuesday Twilosophy, let me set the scene with a conversation I recently had with my husband:

Me: What movie are we watching?
Him: Interview with a Vampire since you’ve never seen it.
Me: No! I can’t! I didn’t finish the book
Him: You never will
Me: Well…. I don’t really like vampires….
Him: (gives me ‘the look.’ Let me define this look as one which says “are you f*cking kidding me? You’ve spent the last 7 months of OUR lives devoted to writing about them daily”)
Me: Well, I don’t like real vampires…

It’s true. I don’t. I never once read about a vampire or watched a movie with a vampire before Twilight. My only connection to the world of vampires before August of 2008 was Count Chocula cereal. And after Twilight was recommended to me and I bought the first book without knowing anything about it because I was desperate for a quick read for my beach vacation, I read those now infamous lines on the back of the cover:

About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire.

And I stopped. “Vampire? What the hell was Jess thinking recommending this book to me?” And I continued:

Second, there was part of him — and I didn’t know how potent that part might be — that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

Okay the last line peaked my interest a little bit. But not enough to overlook the vampire part. So what did I do? Yep- you got it- I read Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants book two instead.

Read on about how I don’t like Vampires after the jump Continue…

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Follow your Dreams- Twilight style

Dear kids, teens and grown-ups neglecting their responsibilities who make videos like the one you’re about to see,

Moon & I spend a lot of time perusing YouTube for great content for 2nd-hand embarrassment, fan art, fanmade vids & Saturday Am Delight over at LTR. We are constantly amazed at your creativity. We had a conversation about it last night:

UC: seriously, these kids are talented
Moon: They are! I want them all to realize their dreams and go into movies or tv or whatever. I wish I could tell everyone that
UC: They should follow their dreams

I know that sounds pretty similar to the drunk convos we’ve had about you guys before, but we were sober- promise. And you should- you should REALLY follow your dreams! You guys are better than 1/2 the trailer editors in the business!

After watching this next video, I was SO excited to see Breaking Dawn… and we don’t even know for sure that it’s going to be made into a movie (and if it is, guarentee this short teaser film will be better than the actual movie!)

I loved this video, I really did, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to share some of the profound thoughts that went through my mind as I watched it.  Think of it as a mini-commentary:

• I love how I’m feeling the emotion of the wedding…Bella looks beautiful in her dress.. the music is starting to build… and then suddenly, Cedric Diggory shows up!
• Bella’s boobs are CLEARLY not that big… did a guy make this vid?
• Isle Emse? Um, hot. You gave us what Stephenie clearly did not.
• Natalie Portman playing Bella? Well, I don’t like it.. but only because Rob has a crush on her and I’m way jealous
• LOVE it when Edward rocks a Jesus beard & does a cartwheel
• Is that Bill Compton from Trublood at the end? It makes sense.. he woulda hung out w/ the Cullens…

Seriously, amazing job. We’re impressed. And I want to hug that little girl who played Renesmee NOW!

Follow your dreams,
UnintendedChoice xo

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