Oh it’s here: The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1 – aka the longest movie title ever- DVD release

Make sure you get the "Special Edition" cuz I hear there's a Robsten Sex Tape in the extras

Dear Twilight,

In celebration of the Breaking Dawn Part 1 DVD release tonight I thought we’d do something we haven’t done since New Moon or Twilight. (Sorry Eclipse, we forgot you) A Twilight Drinking Game.

Yes, it’s that time again. Time to stand in line outside in the freezing cold at the Target at midnight, waiting, not for a 72″ TV on sale for $29.99, but for a DVD that you could just get at 9 am the next morning (because there is no way Target is gonna run out of DVDs.) It’s time to gather your Twi-girlfriends together, kick the kids & the men out of the house, grab the special Twilight cups you keep just for this occasion (Red Solo Cups. (“I fill you up.”)) and make those snacks you call “Twilight Bites” that are really just an excuse to make double fudge chocolate brownies. It’s that one night a year you can let your girlfriends into that room you have permanently decorated as the Cullen’s House but let them think you hired a decorator just for the DVD party. You can take your Life-sized Jacob & Edward cardboard cut outs into the living space of your home instead of where they are safely packed away (on the floor on your side of the bed.. shhh don’t tell the mister) And yes, you can play “pin the (insert whatever you want) on Edward’s (insert preferred PG, PG-13 or R rated body part)”

But it wouldn’t be a Twilight party without a drinking game to go along with the DVD. So I give you:

Letters to Twilight’s The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part 1 Drinking Game

First

– Take a drink if you can say the proper title to the latest Twilight movie without stumbling.

Now Start the Movie
– Take a drink every time you wish Charlie was your dad
– Take a drink when you erase that first thought & wish you could get it on with Charlie

– Take a drink every time you get that gooey feeling inside when Edward is on screen & you want to scream or shriek like you’re in the theater at midnight
– Do a shot with every toast at the wedding. Double shot when Anna Kendrick speaks
– Do a shot every time you hear a song from an earlier film
– With every inappropriate smile that Bella gives Jake, drink!

– Drink every time something makes you think of LTT (so basically every Robsten scene)
– During the Edward & Bella scenes (so basically the whole movie) drink whenever you think of a Robsten joke you or someone on LTT once made. Double fist if it’s about the bear-skin rug
– Drink if you find yourself humming “Breathe me”
– Take a BIG gulp the minute you realize you’re watching the scene where Jumping Rob was birthed
– Drink every time you miss Buttcrack Santa
– Every time you think, “Oh They practiced that!” Drink!

– Do a shot every time you get feel icky about imprinting
– As Rosalie gets scarier as the film progresses, drink. Extra points if you sing the song Nikki Reed’s husband sang at the end of American Idol (wait, did he win AI?)

-Close your eyes, hold your ears and CHUG the bottle when Bella’s back breaks, she goes down & gets torn apart. You won’t survive that scene sober
-Drink every time you want to cry because it’s so emotional & beautiful & Bella & Edward are having much better sex than you are. Or because the saga is almost over. (By now you should be drinking out of the bottle because you’re crying so hard because we’ve gotten you so drunk up to this point)

Think of Me

-Do a shot in Chris Hansen’s honor the EXACT minute Jacob imprints
– Drink if you or someone in your group says “WHERE IS THE CHRISTINA PERRY SONG?”
– BONUS Throw a drink in the face of whoever says “I KNEW it would end like this”

Yay!! Now you’re good & drunk! Eat more brownies! Make out with Cardboard cut out Edward! Make Cardboard Jacob kiss Cardboard Edward! Write some Robsten Fan Fic! Whatever!! You’re having Fun!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

Wanna Reminisce? Twilight Drinking Game & New Moon Drinking Game

So who is excited? Are you going to one of the Target midnight release parties? I’ll be away from Philly visiting my sister in Pittsburgh so I doubt I’ll make it to one, but I’ll be thinking of you all. Please tweet me the amazing things you see at your release party!   Oh Yeah- HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAYLOR LAUTNER (Tomorrow) You were MUCH more fun when you were underage and/or seen out at Olive Garden more often.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Breaking Down Breaking Dawn Vanity Fair Style

Reminder note: There are THREE auto-playing video ads- two in the side, one ALL the way below. Hit the volume button ONCE & it should mute them for eternity. 

Dear Breaking Dawn,

It’s been TWO WEEKS since you came out to the public & we’ve sighed with you, cried with you, fell in love with you, been jealous of your immense wealth and now… well, it’s time to laugh at you. No, this isn’t a Break Down of the entire movie.. we do have lives, but it is a break down of some of our most favorite parts! Someone give Billy Burke & Anna Kendrick an Oscar already!

Watch out! Anna is about to kill it

UC: Moon. It’s been two weeks. And I gotta be honest.. we were in a “Breaking Dawn was SO GOOD (as compared to the other movies” haze for awhile there…. How are you feeling? I mean how are WE feeling, since we’re the same person usually except you have better hair? And I love cats more
Moon: HA. my one quality. Its been a week and some change, I’ve seen it 3 times and I gotta say I’m still feeling good about it
UC: Me too
Moon: it’s held up every time and each time I found something different to like… and also some things that made me go HUH?! cause it wouldn’t be a twilight movie without a few things we laughed at
UC: it would be SAD if we didn’t laugh I’d quit probably!!! Hear that movie makers (aka Stephenie & Wyck who we like to think loves us)??? Don’t make BD Part 2 too good
UC: I mean… I feel good enough that I’ve kinda been defensive (in my head- never out loud. I keep that baby tucked inside) when I hear criticism
Moon: oh i defs get defensive but i think it’s just because all the years of keeping it in wore off
UC: did you go ape shit on some 12 year olds who were complaining Jacob didn’t get enough screen time?
Moon: right, Steph & Wyck: PLEASE make sure to include some easter eggs for us. Some laughs. Some jessica stanley goodness too
UC: SERIOUSLY… a dream sequence or something… i dunno how else she’ll be in it
Moon: cant EVER let a movie go by without anna kendrick KILLING IT
UC: make Bella DEF run into a tree her first time running around. The Spider Monkey tree- FULL CIRCLE Y’ALL
Moon: jessica could be a Volturi wife. i don’t care
UC: Speaking of that.. Guaranteed Anna’s contract has a stipulation that says “okay- she’ll do this film BUT only if you let her Kill it AT LEAST ONCE. But probably more like 3 times”
Moon: and lauren mallory could be the other. she’s never been in any other twi film, but why not whip her out for the last one??
Moon: Anna’s contract includes her being able to be awesome and probably ad lib any of her lines. cause she’s better than the script

The Dexter of Vampires

Moon: Can I mention the flashback of edward being the “Dexter of vampires??” Though i totally loved the look/feel of the scene and well it’s Rob, i could have totally done with someone else’s backstory AND is that even in the books???
Cause i just thought he ran away from carlisle to be a bad boy for a few yrs. never that he was off killing bad guys
UC: Umm.. i THINk he was.. but I don’t think she ever went into detail?
Moon: its like mel mel stole a line from her own tv show
UC: HAHA she got confused a second.
Moon: her assistant mixed in a page from one of her dexter scripts
UC: She was like… wait.. the Ice Truck killer is in this script? This must be Dexter
Moon: also did that hat Edward was wearing even fit?? Robert must have my problem: big head syndrome – its hard for people like us to look good in hats

Catherine Hardwicke, on Screen

Moon: Also can we talk about how charlie / billy burke knocks it out of the park EVERY damn time??? its like him and anna kendrick in a battle for the 6th man award of the twilight cast
UC: YES. and win. Tied . Every year
Moon: put them in coach!!! EVERY TIME. i mean the misty eyes and the joke about Renee being old
UC: Yessss
Moon: and “don’t let me fall, dad…” “never” DIE. DEAD
UC: What a perfect mustached ma

Got a notice from the neighbors about needing to wear more clothes...

Moon: wait, first can we go back to renee and her slutty shorts???
UC: Yes- and how she FOUND OUT about the wedding from an invite?
Moon: is that for REAL???

UC: also…. do you feel like she is Catherine Hardwicke on Screen? Cuz i do
Moon: YES! I mean the Cullen’s didn’t even call her mom? or as renee’s too busy cutting the legs off her old denim bell bottoms to pick up??
UC: she lost her cell phone again. she’s no longer “Texting” She was with Cathy the Cougar at Happy Hour. Every day. And night. And morning actually. Loves mimosas
Moon: oh 100% renee is the embodiment of Cathi: the beach house in venice, the straw cowboy hat… all she’s missing is a drum circle in her front yard
UC: Gift idea for the Edward Cullen Family to give Grandma!!
Moon: some damn clothes — and a new djembe drum
UC: or maybe a framed picture of the first time Renesmee read her mind. Which was the last time Edward allowed it, since Renee was thinking about Phil without his baseball uniform on.

Moon gets WAY confused

Moon: OK i have a question since i’ve read BD the least
UC: Okay
Moon: in the book didnt renee and phil have a kid and bring him to the wedding???
UC: whattt?? really?? they have a baby???? Maybe?? worst fans of the year right here?
Moon: or am i confusing breaking dawn with the princess diaries??? [ Long pause] yea it’s defs the princess diaries. cause renee and anne hathaway’s mom are essentially the same person to me.
UC: hahahahahahhaha. did you google it?
Moon: WHOOPS had a rick perry moment there
UC:you’re right. that’s totally princess diaries
Moon: so yea renee and phil DO NOT have a child and bring him to bell and Edward’s wedding in Genovia. Where bella’s gran, julie andrews, is the queen. YEA that DID NOT happen
UC: they do sing songs at the bachelorette party though, right? And slide down the stairs? rose, Alice & Bella?
Moon: oh they def do some stair surfing with mattresses from their beds. with raven simone
UC: That’s SO Raven!
Moon: Bella kinda IS Mia Thermopolis minus the brows and the whole royal blood thing
UC: hahaha.. please tell me you just read her name and didn’t remember it
Moon: Oh No… I remember it..
UC: I’m so proud. Our very own “Princess Diaries Dork of the Day” right here…

The virgin tux

Moon: ANYWAYYYY back to the wedding which was like the BEST EVER!!! So in bella’s dream about the wedding…i like the subtle nod to edward’s virginity with his all white tux… which no man has ever looked good in. Its like welcome to 1981!!!
UC: A virgin in 1981. So hot
Moon: he was only missing a mullet
UC: And the dress… I mean… it’s like they WANTED us to freak out & think WTF IS THIS DISASTER, and then wow us with the amazing REAL thing
Moon: it was nice but it was too modern/david’s bridal… i mean ALFRED ANGELO/mall type dress. Too generic for Bella’s dress
UC: they wanted people to ALMOST walk out
Moon: i like that it was strapless because it made bella look like she was walking down the aisle naked for a few secs. like those awful dreams here you show up to class naked
UC: i know. I liked that. Because for a hot second I thought we might see Edward Naked. Then I thought for another hot second about what a cold, white penis might look like. And got scared
Moon: instead we see them on a pile of bodies. AMAZING
UC: And then I was glad it was a dream sequence. Didn’t want to be more scared than I am of normal penises. Also I just made it seem like I only like Black penises, which is true
Moon: i wanted them on top of the bodies to be their cake topper, thats what it made me think of
UC: I thought black penises. you thought cakes
Moon: i’m purer than you
UC: so much purer. White tux purer
Moon: ok so besides the replica bella’s dress, they should sell the bella and edward bride and groom on top of dead bodies as a cake topper in stores. SYNERGY! Are you listening marketing dept??? i know you are.
UC: of course they are. or at least the company that made that vampire dildo is. Still waiting for our commission checks on that one!!
Moon: Srsly. we’e talked about the VAMP enough. I hope they at least sent one to rob. great white elephant regift for him– and make everyone think they modeled it after his REAL… thing

Less Penises, after the jump! Continue…

110 Commented

Some real reasons I’m thankful for Twilight

Dear Twilight,

This past Turkey Day during our annual “Go around the table and say what you are thankful for” (which, in actuality, was “Oops- we forgot to go around the table & say what we were thankful for so let’s talk about it quickly while we’re doing the dishes”) I shared that I was thankful for you. And I knew it sounded silly to my family, so I explained a little further that it wasn’t the 4 glasses of Thanksgiving wine talking. I was truly thankful that Stephenie Meyer wrote a story that a work acquaintance suggested I read that was turned into 4 movies and gave me 5 excuses to go to Los Angeles over the past 3 years. So much has happened in my life because of a silly little story about a vampire, human and werewolf, and I’m just so glad. Here are a few of the very real things I was reflecting on:

I’m thankful for Moon because without her I’d be a much different person. She makes me better in so many ways, including having better eyeshadow shading.

I’m thankful for ALL the LTT friends who have become real-life friends:

KrazyKidd, myself & Brookelockart, occupying the backseat of our rental car

I’m thankful that BooBoo Stewart had more lines than most of the Cullens. Cuz I mean, finally.

I’m thankful for fun Midnight movie Premieres where we have reserved seats and where 1/4 of our crowd are BOYS:

I think Moon said it best in our Breaking Dawn recap “Fade to Sad-isfied,” but I’m thankful that BD wasn’t a Robsten porno & that Edward & Bella were actually Edward & Bella and  not Rob & Kristen. Bill Condon really GOT how to direct them together.

I’m thankful that a 3 am blogging session brought out the phrase “Fade to Sad-isfied.” Come on. That’s FUNNY!

I’m thankful for the new LTTers we got to meet this trip. And all the LTT shirts they owned:

I’m thankful that I have eyelids that I’m able to shut because I REALLY needed to during the gory birth/back-breaking/edward eating baby out of Bella scene!

More thankfulness after the jump! Continue…

137 Commented

Dear Twilight: This is the moment

Dear Twilight,

Moon & I, exhausted from a busy weekend, so much fun together, a FAB LTT/LTR party last night  and our prep for the big red carpet press later today, have nothing to say to you.

I really meant that sentence to sound much nicer, but I’m kinda cranky and my lips hurt real bad.

So here is the deal: Last night we gave the LTT Twitter @letter2twilight reigns over to my husband, Mr. Choice. And he knocked it out of the park.Even I laughed. So do yourself a favor and sift through our tweets & read the tweets from yesterday. You won’t be disappointed.

You might be able to figure out why here we look like we’re about to boss around some people:

Or why we’d subject ourselves to this 2nd-hand embarrassment:

And also maybe learn about our Fake-Lesbian civil union officiated by Edward:

See all the fun you miss when you don’t check our @letter2twilight twitter? So follow along today as the Epicness continues!

Love,
UC & Moon

PS: For a good laugh, read all the comments on Friday’s post with your suggestions for questions to ask today! PS- we want to use some of them! And wish we could use some otheres!

26 Commented

Things I wish that were

Dear Twilight,

I just realized there are only 16 days left for me to complain about things I wish were different in the Twilight Saga movies so that you could add them to Breaking Dawn. Sorry to be so last minute about this, but you understand. I’ve been busy. Speaking of being busy- I wasted about 12 minutes of my night looking for my Breaking Dawn book. Does anyone know where I placed that?

Anyway, I watched Twilight on FX the other night and read through a few chapters of Twilight and New Moon the other day for an LTT letter, and I realized there are a quite of things that I miss that were a part of the books that aren’t in the films. So if you wouldn’t mind doing some quick reshoots in time for us to see the film in a few weeks, that’d be cool:

BFFs

Bella & Alice: BFFs

I mean right off the BAT these two are close girlfriends. Sure Alice gives Bella a hug in Twilight by the bus (or was that in the book?) and they have that heart-to-heart on the couch in New Moon, but besides that, they’re kinda just… friends when it’s convenient. Like they chat when Edward is out hunting Black Bears with Emmett & stuff, but nothing that convince me they are super close friends. I don’t see Alice in the movies buying Bella a Tiffany’s friendship bracelet or anything. Alice & Bella of the BOOKS would have entire Tiffany’s stores dedicated to storing their friendship bracelet charms. Or they’d at LEAST have matching friendship tattoos. Or a couple pictures of each other together around the house. Or maybe Alice would be the one to tell Bella about doing “it” and her first time with Jasper. Either way, it’d be CLEAR that these two girls are BFFs.

Lauren:

I really miss Lauren. I mean, girls like Bella WAYYYYY too much in the books. Have we forgotten that Lauren Mallory was the original Bella-hater? Yes, we can say she’d probably be leading the nonsten and anti-KStew charge were she a real person.  It’s been so long since I thought about Lauren that I had to do a little research on the Twilight wiki (yes, there’s one of those. What ELSE are people supposed to do with their time?) and I found this:

Sometime during the summer following her junior year, Lauren was approached by an alleged modeling agent in a mall in Victoria, British Columbia, Canada, who told her that she seemed like a natural model. The agent told her that if she cut her hair shorter and edgier and had some high-quality headshots taken, her future would be assured. Lauren followed his instructions – spending 300 dollars on a haircut and 15 grand on pictures taken by the agent’s partner – and never heard from the agent again.

WHAT? When did that happen? Where was I? I don’t remember that AT ALL. Do I have pages missing from my book? This is, seriously, news to me. And further proves my point- That right there would be HILARIOUS to see. Mean girl from high school who hates our precious Bella, gets hers in the end in the form of a big credit card debt she can’t pay off even on good nights from her tips from “The Lodge.”*

Mmm.. imagine eating your dinner under THAT

SPEAKING of “The Lodge,” damn I miss it. I mean, I completely forget how Stephenie described it, but I figured it was a dark old cabin filled with stuffed heads of animals caught by its owner, featuring Prime Rib one step below Applebees. The Carver Cafe just sound a little too high class for Forks. Steak & Cobbler? No no no, the Lodge serves previously frozen buffalo meat and frozen apple pie heated up right before it’s served.

And while were discussing Bella & Charlie’s eating habits, why DO they go to the cafe every Thursday night? In the books they eat at home ALL THE TIME. Bella is an expert cook. And SO is Kstew. What’s wrong movie-people? Let KStew wear an apron on set & make her dad an loquat pie!

Yeah... like that!!

Bella’s physical attraction to Edward… And how he pulls her in.  I think that Catherine was the only one who attempted to get this across on screen (and failed, sorry KStew & Rob, lovers for life) She tried ignite what Stephenie explains so beautifully with words on screen for us by using close up shots, asking Kristen to open her mouth a little bit, almost enough for drool to fall out & for Rob to look like he’s gonna blow a load in his pants because of holding back all his passion & need & desire. Good try, but not exactly how it was described in the books.  “And Edward, almost blowing a load in his pants because of how much Bella’s blood SANG to him while Bella gazed up at him, only breaking her stare when she noticed the pool of drool from her open mouth had soaked into her jeans.” Yeah, not the same.

So while I’m excited for Breaking Dawn & the newness it brings (a wedding, a beautiful dress (fingers crossed), some sexytimes & more Cullen family- finally), I really could use some of the above mentioned things that I miss. Here- I’ll throw a quick scene together for you. Off the top of my head…..

Bella & Alice are in The Cullen house putting the finishing touches together on Bella’s wedding attire when suddenly Alice, who has been in quite the chipper mood because she finally got Bella into some decent shoes, grows somber saying, “Bella… I’m worried that things will change between us. With you marrying Edward… Isn’t there some sort of rule that your husband has to be your best friend?” Bella stops removing the lipstick Alice just spend 30 minutes perfecting to look at her best friend, “I know. I’ve thought about it too, and while I think Edward expects that I will consider him my best friend & closest confident, I want you to know that it isn’t true. That role will always belong to you.” Alice smiles a big smile & at that moment the sun bursts through the open window surrounding her in brilliant sparkly diamonds. She holds out her pinky for Bella to latch on. Holding on to one another’s littlest fingers they say in unison, “Best Friends Forever. Till Death Do us Part.” And then erupt into giggles, knowing death will never part them.

So yeah.. something like that… Lauren Mallory could interrupt their bff love-fest with some bitchy comment about how Bella looks fat & then the reception could be held at The Lodge! Emmett & Jasper, forced into helping with the decorations, are getting a kick out of all the mounted animal heads they strung white lights over. And then maybe, JUST maybe, Bella & Edward of the movie can act as connected as Bella & Edward of the books. 

I have faith in you, Twilight!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

*Turns out that story about Lauren is from the Twilight companion. I just outted myself. I never read it. I don’t even own it. Oops

 What do YOU wish was more of a focus in the movies that you loved from the books??

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Edward & Bella Manip

172 Commented