My Twilight Timeline

Dear Summit,

For the first time ever, you’ve done something that doesn’t suck. I’m not just saying this because we really hope you invite us to the red carpet next month (but we do. We’re going either way. We’d just prefer our time there to not be marked by 5 seconds of fun PLUS an overnight in jail cuz we snuck in the trunk of Kellan’s limo)

But you created this fanspace timeline  called The Twilight Time Capsule that captures all the “moments” that fans have had with Twilight. AW!!! That’s so sweet & cute! And I immediately got to work, adding my own moments.

Of course, I couldn’t actually upload any images or comments or videos. That would make today’s letter WAY TOO EASY, right? So maybe I take it back… You had a great IDEA, but since it’s not working in the moment i need it to, it still kinda sucks. Go Figures.

(I mean we love you & would proudly represent you & your movie on November 14th, 2011 at the (Insert name of theater- don’t worry I’ll find out exactly where it is before I drug Rob’s limo driver & put on my driving cap to escort him to the premiere))

Anyway, what I WOULD have done today had it worked was bore you once again with MY Twilight moments. You’ve heard them all by now. But this time I tried to be creative & pick some of our lesser known Twilight moments:

August, 2008:
I read Twilight on the beach and my family hates me because I am not present the entire vacation.

LTT REading Twilight 2008

Thats me with the book that looks like Twilight (It's Eclipse, actually)

I see Twilight opening night November, 2008 & am the ONLY one at PF Changs afterwards who doesn’t agree when the topic of “Movie Edward is not as hot as Book Edward” is brought to the table. Movie Edward was hot

December 2008: Moon & I, casual internet friends who occasionally talk about how “The OC was the greatest show ever,” both discover we can’t stop watching this badly recorded behind the scenes 1 hour long video from a cast Vanity Fair photoshoot. And so….

December 8, 2008 was born (or rather was born & was bought on December 23rd!)

Then some stuff happens (including a BUNCH of people finding LTT in January 2009) which leads to Mr. Choice & I flying to LA in March 2009 and Moon & I taking this 2nd-hand embarrassing photo:

And also making this video

(You know you love that)

Then some other stuff happened including Moon’s outing of Robsten in August, 2009 the same week that Stephenie Meyer outed US on her blog which gave us a Cullen Smile & made us fake-change our header for about 30 seconds to THIS:

(Re-read that letter– it’s hilarious, if Im allowed to say that about something I wrote (I am))

Then in November, 2009 we decided we didn’t do enough 2nd-hand embarrassing stuff together in March, so we did this in the Premiere camp-out line:

A bunch of other stuff happened including & not limited to:

UC's birthday LTTTammyO (oh how we miss you!)
– Falling in love with Big Daddy (Wait, we’re sneaking in HIS limo in November- forget Kellan!)
– Blog redesign that was about 1 year and 1/2 in the works
– I think Moon & I probably had one disagreement. Just 1 though. She’s the least difficult person to work with in the universe. Seriously. Everyone needs a Moon in their life. AWWWWW I’m CROSSTICHING THAT FOR HER BIRTHDAY
– Moon threw me an EPIC online birthday party with a fairly accurate picture of my drunkest most FIRST-HAND embarrassing night ever:
– We found out we were picked out of a Twilight Cup to interview Stephenie

Then on June 18th, 2010 we leg hitched Stephenie Meyer while I made the weirdest face known to man:

Then I gazed longingly at Jackson while wearing a dress that looked more flattering in the mirror than in reality in my hipster neighborhood of Philadelphia (I had JUST moved in. I couldn’t get away with this now. Too 2nd-hand embarrassing. Even I have limits!!)

Then LegHitch2010 Happened. And it was Epic. And somehow Moon & I found time to make some videos. Some previously unpublished videos, some that Moon has totally forgotten about, and one clip that I’m sharing with you today:

(watch it again. I watched it about 20 times last night. And I wasn’t even drunk)

And during all that time THREE movies were released, another book was published, we fell in & out of love with actors (RIP Rachelle, Bryce Dallas & Xavier), made a couple (!) new friends (and a couple enemies– oops) and all together had a pretty good time.

So…. here’s to you Breaking Dawn.. You kinda have a lot to live up to. Think you’re up for the challenge? I sure hope so because these past 2 years and 10 months have been SO DANG FUN.


So what did I miss? And what would YOUR Timeline say? What do you think? Did Summit actually do something GOOD? (assuming the website works at press time?). How 2nd-hand embarrassed are you after watching that last video? And doesn’t Moon look HOT as Elvis?

PS: Hear ads? There are 4 that sometimes talk. If you mute them once they’ll be muted for eternity (at least that’s how it works for my computer!)

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55 Commented

Questions for Stephenie about Breaking Dawn

Warning: You’re gonna want to pick up Breaking Dawn again after this next letter

Dear Stephenie and LTT readers,

Today’s letter is going to be one in which I let you in on a poorly-kept secret around the “Plane” household. I have read the Twilight saga WAY too many times. No such thing, you might think, right? Well, wait until you see all the questions I have for Stephenie in the unlikely event that I’m ever lucky enough to meet her. I keep hoping to somehow wrangle that meeting somehow, someday…but I somehow doubt it’ll happen…so I’ll drive all of you crazy with my questions instead:

Questions I Had After Reading the Initial Saga (Approximately 5,000 Times):

What do you MEAN there are wolves?

How, at the end of Breaking Dawn, do Aro and the rest of the Volturi not know about the Quileute werewolves until they see them at the conflict? At the end of New Moon, Alice touched hands with Aro and he read all her thoughts. Bella had told Alice about Jacob, their friendship, and his genetic inheritance. So wouldn’t Aro already know about them when the Volturi head into clearing to face off with the Cullens ?

I loved Jacob’s narration for part 2 of BD. And I was glad to get back to Bella’s so I could experience her conversion. However, why wasn’t there a part 4 of BD? When the Volturi threat came, I think you should have switched perspectives again and written that whole episode from Edward’s point of view. Because, you know, we all love him and want to be in his head. Plus, knowing what everyone was thinking (and not just Bella) during that last battle would have been great. Also, I would have loved to see through his eyes his transformation from eternal pessimist to optimist. But would that have ruined possible future plot lines?

How can Jacob, Sam, Quil, and Embry not ask their parents about Embry’s heritage? Seriously, if I thought my father had cheated on my mother, I’d have to ask…even if I didn’t want to know.

Yeah! What about ME? We could get married on a FRIDAY

Would one of the Quileute werewolves have imprinted on Rebecca Black if she’d been around? If so, who? And if she were to show up, already married, and imprinting happened, how would that play out?

If Jasper is basically a part of the Cullen family because of Alice, and the “vegetarian” lifestyle wasn’t really his first choice, what would he choose if the Cullens weren’t around and he and Alice weren’t with them? Would the emotional climate of the humans he killed be enough to finally turn him or would he be happy enough once he had Alice that it wouldn’t matter?

Edward doesn't want ME?

Was Tanya a bit like Rosalie in that she wanted Edward simply because he didn’t want her? Or were her feelings for him potentially serious? Would she have fallen for him if he’d returned her affection? I mean, this is Edward.

What is Jane’s deal with Aro? If it weren’t for Chelsea, would she stay with the Volturi? Is it just Chelsea that binds her to Aro? She seems to be so infatuated with Aro that she worships him (in a rather sick way) and that makes me wonder whether it’s all Chelsea or not… but she’d be a rather terrifying loose cannon, so I think she’s better off with Aro.

If Renesmee has the mental abilities of someone much older than either her actual age or her physical-looking age, what does she make of the strange imprinting thing? Is she developed enough to think it’s creepy that this 16-year-old guy is head-over-heels for a baby?

I LOVE Leah, and really, really want to read book half-narrated by her…and hope that in it, she and Nessie become friends, she finds love, and stays sarcastic. Promise one thing, though, please? Please don’t make Leah imprint on Jake and Nessie’s super-human, one quarter human, one quarter vamp, and half werewolf son, ok? And for that matter, promise she won’t imprint on Sam and Emily’s son either. Please? Because that would be too contrived…and just plain icky.

Are you reeling from the amount of minutiae my head is capable of dredging up? Shocked anyone would spend this much time obsessing over details of a fantasy world? Annoyed that you now have MORE nagging questions? I think it’s only fair that you now riddle me (well, us) with yours. What do you want to know?

And Stephenie, you know you want to guest-post and answer all these questions, don’t you? Please!
The Plane Friend

Um, didn’t you forget the most important question of ALL, Plane Friend? HOW did all of this get by Charlie, the police officer, with NO QUESTIONS ASKED? I get it- Jake shifted (wait.. is that what we call it in Twi?) in front of him & it creeped him out so he decided to let it slide, but WHAT? COME ON!? It’ll be interesting to see if that’s believable on screen!!!

What questions do YOU have about Breaking Dawn?

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82 Commented

As much as I’d like a lil’ hanky panky I don’t want breaking dawn porn!!

Dear Breaking Dawn,

My friend Adrienne sent me this from Robsessed. And my first thought was “ewww” (And I don’t mean from the picture to the right)

Fade to Sad

Well, maybe a lil' fade to sad is okay...

Then I realized… for a girl who cries BREAKING HEADBOARDS 2011 (well, I haven’t cried that yet but plan to starting today) & covers herself in feathers & blood for Halloween (no I don’t) that’s an odd thing to think isn’t it? And I realize that while I really want some hanky panky, I don’t want Breaking Dawn porn!! I know I know…. after all this time of saying it BETTER be good and it BETTER be hot, and calling Stephenie the master at “Fading to sad,” now I’m saying it better not be TOO hot? Is it possible for me to be satisfied with (Breaking Dawn) sex!?

But hear me out: I’m going to see Breaking Dawn in the theater– not in the privacy of my home (or beach) where I read the book. I’m going to be sitting with hundreds of people, many of whom I’ll be annoyed at because of how long I had to hear them yammer on about how hot “Jacob the wolf” is in line.  I’ll most likely be holding Moon’s hand & sitting with Mr. Choice on my other side. The sex scene(s) can’t be TOO hot. Cuz I’ll be holding Moon’s hand, in the presence of Mr. Choice, in a room full of people in public. And that’s just awkward. I guess the NON-“fade to sad” sex scene I wanted for the BOOK might not translate as well to the screen. (ESPECIALLY when every Robstener in the room will be groaning in pleasure as all their Robsten fantasies are realized (read LTR today for some of those very fantasies!))

So what DO I want? What WOULD be appropriate? What advice CAN I give way too late in the game?

Here are some good sex scenes to model after that come to mind after three years of thought no thought at all.

Somebody else made this. I did not. I wish

The Notebook

Ignoring the fact (as hard as it is) that it’s a RYAN GOSLING sex scene for a minute, let me tell you why this is so beautiful. There’s passion. There’s angst. There’s LOVE and well… Ryan Gosling.

But fill in those words & substitute Ryan for Rob & it could work for Breaking Dawn too!

And we already know that Rob & Kristen are going to win the “Best Kiss” award like Ryan & Rachel did (sniff- RIP their relationship)

Little Red Riding Hood

Dammit, Cathi Hardi! You got something right! The sex scene in this movie was HOT. Hot enough to almost make me want to see it again.

I said almost. Not that I would.

And since I TOTALLY just tried to find images for the next sex-scene idea by googling “Romeo & Juliet Kate & Leo Sex Scene” we’re going to talk about two of my FAVORITES of all time starring Leo:

Couldn't find anything sexier than this, but DANG remember this!? I feel 14 all over again

Romeo and Juliet

I get gooey inside when I think about this movie- probably because it was my first movie sex-scene- or the first scene I remember seeing, anyway. Not only was I so obsessed with Leo I used to cry at night (why? I still don’t understand teenage hormones to this day) but DUDE. He DIES in the end. After a sex scene where you could see Claire Dane’s boob if you slowed down the movie enough. Which I used to do. Just cause.

Speaking of Leo dying:

The Titanic

The Titanic was what… a few months after Romeo & Juliet? My Leo obsession was full-on strong & then he had to go & teach me that sex not only didn’t just happen after getting married when you were a teen but could happen right before a major tragedy, was really sweaty and OH SO HOT!

This is still one of the hottest sex scenes of all time to me.

And, in fact, they’re not so “hot” in the traditional sense. I mean…. There’s a little nudity in a few of them. A teeny bit of moaning, but nothing too awkward to watch with a room full of wolf-lovers. But they’re HOT and PASSIONATE without being too porn-ish or cheesy.

So Breaking Dawn, if you listen to me this late in the game while you’re still editing & splicing & cutting things up… make it like one of the above sex scenes. Pretty Please?


What do you think? Is Breaking Dawn’s scene gonna make us sad? Will it please the Robsteners? Too much? Any other GREAT sex scenes you wouldn’t mind it mirroring?

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Images from Tumblr

72 Commented

“Is Edward Gay?” And other things Guys say about Twilight…

I’m back from a business trip to Kansas City (Did I even tell you I was gone?) and Operarose shares a hilarious story with us today!

Breaking Dawn Letters To twilightDear Breaking Dawn,

My husband is perhaps the only person in the universe who does not know what’s between your covers. I know you might be surprised that there’s someone out there whose heart isn’t palpitating in anticipation of the impending magicness of the Robst-I mean, Bella and Edward wedding and subsequent deflowering that results in a precious birth scene followed by the “Sequence In Which Taylor Lautner’s Career Will Likely End,” but as a PhD student in industrial engineering, Mr. Operarose is far more likely to have his nose buried in a book on Pierce-Smith Converting than the tale on Bella Converting into an Anorexic Vampire.

That’s not to say he’s a complete Twilight virgin. Mr. Operarose was introduced to Twiworld back in 2009, accompanying me to New Moon when the only people in the world I felt “safe” seeing it with were busy. To my shock, a few days later he requested to watch Twilight and later insisted we go see Eclipse together in theaters.

Although he’s far from being a unicorn, it’s safe to say that he’s interested in seeing this Twilight experience through. So, it’s a given that we’re going to see Breaking Dawn together in November. However, he has not yet seen the Breaking Dawn Part 1 trailer and I have never told him what happens in the book. Over dinner tonight, I confessed that I wasn’t looking forward to the movie this time around. Naturally, he wondered why.

“There’s a part in it that not a lot of us are looking forward to,” I said (and by us, he knew who I meant because I’ve told him about LTT) “It’s not going to translate well on-screen.”

Mr. Operarose pushed me further.

“What is it? Does Edward turn out to be gay”

As if I hadn’t heard that one before.

Breaking Dawn White Trash

Bet Mr. Operarose will NEVER guess this one

I decided to have a little fun and see if he could really guess the outcome. He’d successfully guessed the major points of the ending of the Harry Potter series before the release of Deathly Hallows Pt. 1&2, despite having never read the books. But it’s one thing to determine that Snape is good, quite another thing to predict the birth of Renesmee.

He took up the challenge, and grew serious. “I think the Volturi want Edward and Edward is going to consider joining them.”

Not a bad guess – and not a bad plot idea. “You’re sort of on to something,” I said. “That’s a little bit of part of the story, but not the main thing most of us are concerned about. There’s something major that happens to Bella and Edward.”

I told him they got married and honeymoon in Brazil.

“So something happens in Brazil,” he said.


“Is Bella kidnapped by Columbian drug dealers?” he joked.

I shook my head. “I wish.”

I said Jacob would still be a big part of the story and gets a happy ending despite not having ended up with Bella.

“He ends up falling in love! So Jacob gets himself a little girlfriend,” he mused.

“Little being the key word.” I was getting worried, suddenly, not so sure I want to get into it after all. Thoughts of sippy cup blood and Chris Hansen chasing after Jacob were ruining my perfectly good macaroni and cheese dinner.

“A magical creature?” he continued.

“Sort of…”

“Jacob is gay!”

There it is again, universal straight male “I don’t know what to say” reaction to anything Twilight.

“A little GIRL friend is more accurate,” I said, trying to steer him back on course.

He starts to get really off track then, going on about how on their honeymoon, Edward will come over to where we are living now (which happens to be in South America, not too far from Brazil) and I will fight Bella for Edward. Before the conversation goes way off into a territory which usually involves me mud wrestling Bella (it may or may not have gone there before), I recap, and let him know that Jacob’s story gets brought in LATER, after SOMETHING happens to Bella and Edward on their honeymoon.

Jacob Black and Renesmee

Yep. This is about right

“Jacob falls in love with a vampire?”

“Pretty close.”

“But he falls in love with something much smaller? That’s bad.”

He’s so astute. “You have no idea,” I tell him.

“Is it a bird? A ghost? An Ewok? A short hunchback that is bald?”

“That may have been much better, for on-screen purposes at least…”

“So it’s not quite a vampire, it’s much smaller. Is it a bat?” He asks, joking again.

By then I felt a bit like an anthropologist, studying what people predicted would happen to Bella and Edward “BBD” (Before Breaking Dawn).” If Mr. Operarose, who is normally incredibly observant and extremely intelligent, can’t predict the absurdity that is Renesmee, then I decided that I should probably just let it be a surprise for him in November.

Besides, I realized just in time that I maybe shouldn’t risk him deciding not to go with me to Breaking Dawn. I don’t have anyone else to see it with (my social circle is small since we just moved here, and I’d rather not risk making it smaller by coming out of the Twicloset).

Breaking Dawn Scares meTo conclude our conversation aka my “BBD anthropology” research, I asked him how he wanted Bella and Edward’s story to end.

“I’d like it if we saw Edward trying to react to the Volturi’s attempts to take him in. It should be revealed that the Volturi are in conflict with a group of vampires who are challenging their power in the vampire world. The rival group should rise up and then there would be a Cold War situation between them.”

Duly impressed, I told him that he might just like Breaking Dawn after all… part 2, that is.


Have you had to explain the err more interesting parts of Breaking Dawn to a guy? I’m pretty sure I STILL haven’t told Mr. Choice what happens!

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68 Commented

Breaking Dawn Calendar: Breaking Point

Dear LTT,

I have to say Summit has just gone too far.  The new Breaking Dawn 2012 16-month (why?) calendar is probably the most insulting-to-the-fans merchandise they have ever put out.  Not only is the cover a total Photoshop job, but the pictures inside of our lovely vamps are HORRIBLE.  These are beautiful, beautiful, actors, people, how can they make them look so ugh ugh ugly?  And the second thing, this is supposed to be a Breaking Dawn calendar, but it’s just headshots, no clips or indication that they came from a movie. They couldn’t wait to sell this before they had access to a few stills?  It’s nowhere near 2012 yet.  It just screams cheap subcontractor.  A cheap subcontractor who never saw any of the Twilight movies.   I probably wouldn’t have bought one anyway, but still, I’m a little peeved for the rest of the fandom.

Well, if they can do a cheap Photoshop hatchet job, I think I’m entitled to do the same.  My Photoshop skills are no better than theirs, but apparently that makes no difference.  I can make it more interesting, more relevant, more fun!  Last week I sent Moon and UC my first effort which you may have seen, the Star Trek Calendar:

Yes, I know they kind of look like bobbleheads (or the Thunderbirds from the 60s—check that out on YouTube!)  But I couldn’t stop there.  I was egged on by a few other faithful readers here, so I spent my workweek getting nothing done, but I did get some satisfaction, maybe revenge, and I’d like to share:

Who knew they made werewolf Smurfs, vampire Smurfs, and Smurfs getting married!  At least there’s a wedding theme here, which is more than I can say for the original!  And the werewolf Smurf is wearing jorts.


There was a request for a meat patty outfit for Taylor a la Gaga, so I obliged.  I apologize to you vegetarians out there:

so here it is, and I Gaga-fied everyone!  16 months of meat!  Rob’s not wearing meat, you say?  Oh, but he is wearing a spandex unitard and he IS meat.

And, lastly:

When I was surfing for images to steal use, I found out there was a movie of Wuthering Heights starring Ralph Fiennes and Juliette Binoche.  Rob worked with Ralph Fiennes as Cedric and Voldemort, and is working with Juliette Binoche in Cosmopolis.  Small world.  OK, I admit I don’t know who Taylor is supposed to be here, but let’s just say he’s the bad brother or the wimpy guy Catherine married?

You know I could keep this up forever, but I feel a little happier now and maybe I can get some real work done.  And on the plus side, my Photoshop skills did improve a bit, and I can put that on my resume because I’ll be looking for new job soon.  And feel free to download these, print out, and glue over the cover of your calendar copy.  You’re welcome.

The Old One

Update on Moon: She finally got to an internet connection this past weekend & poked me on Facebook- so I know she’s okay. She also seemed to get a kick out of all those “Countdown for Moon in Africa” pictures I’m  making (I’ve posed them on her FB wall) And I haven’t forgotten- has it REALLY been 15 days? AY! Get home Moon!

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