We’re back: We just HAD to comment on this Twilight news

Hey guys! Remember us? YOU BETTER. OR ELSE

Well, we’re back with some REAL QUICK thoughts over on That’s Normal about the BIG 2014 TWILIGHT NEWS. Oh you don’t know what we’re talking about? Nikki Reed and Paul McDonald are getting divorced you guys.

CUE STRING VERSION OF THEIR BREAKING DAWN PART TWO DUET.

no really, We cue it, embed it & so much more over on That’s Normal today. So you need to read.

We miss you guys like, WHOA. It was fun to be “UC and Moon” again for a hot minute.

What have YOU been up to!?

#TwilightForever You guys

Love,
UC and Moon

UC and Moon are Back for a Real Quick Minute >>

3 Commented

Breaking down the New Breaking Dawn Stills Vanity-Fair style

Dear Breaking Dawn Part 2,

Sometimes you have NO news and we’re like “ummmm what are we gonna post about” and then you have way too much news and we’re like “ummmm let’s break down a couple pictures vanity fair style” which is exactly what we did

Breaking Down the New Breaking Dawn Part 2 Pictures Vanity Fair Style

UC: awww… i just got a warm fuzzy for Bella & Edward. i want to read twilight #1 again. before the end. THE twilight

Moon: no fuzzies for me:  she looks a bit annoyed. WE SHOULD! Let’s Re-read!

UC: okay! And Yeah.. she does look annoyed. maybe sex is “meh” as a vampire? it’s better as a human?

UC: or maybe she’s just gassy and he’s really trying to get her in the mood

Moon: he’s not wearing the oatmeal sweater she likes

UC: its the only thing that turns her on anymore… so tired after long days chasing deer & a child… keeping chris hansen at bay away from Jake…. she usually likes to turn in right at 9. but when he puts on that cutoff white button down (growl sound)

Moon: she tries to fake like shes asleep. but when that sleeveless button down is on…. it’s on

Moon: dear father… we ask that this evening will be fruitful. that we’ll kill all opposing vampire theats

UC: That I don’t get a knot in my long lucious locks

Moon: we ask that there be a vidal sassoon saloon with 3 open appts on the way to the airport

UC: and that you continue to bless me every day as you already have by providing me with a girlfriend MUCH hotter than myself

Moon: and that everyone will stop yelling FABIO any time we go out

UC: who banged Ryan Gosling first

Moon: also please enhance my “performance” i mean he IS the gosling, i have a lot to live up to

UC: And thank you for letting me call her “Beller” as it’s mighty fun

Moon: amen

UC: WHAT is behind them? statues?  darth vader?

Moon:  darth vadar and a replica of kellan pantless. Oh and God

Moon: this is the exact same position the paparazzo was in when he caught me in the mini cooper.

UC: hahahahah

UC: this photo is just odd:

#1 those look like the boots I wore like 10 yaers ago so it looks dated

#2 her hair looks like mine when I go to Florida

#3 I want that closet

#4 I’d take that vampire husband

#5 are they living in Martha’s Vinyard?

#6 Or maybe Martha Stewart styled their closet?

Moon: probs. i bet shes pissed martha dumped the grody sneakers

UC: #7 do we think Edward GIFTED her this closet? B/c Bella was probably like “ummmm what am I going to do with this place?”

Moon: totes GIFTED

UC: I have no idea what grody sneakers are. but I bet they’re funny. I forget: Does Vamp Bella start to like fashion?

Moon: beller is super underwhelmed and edward is laughing his ass off

UC: or is that just an Alice Cullen fantasy? Also REMEMBER THAT ALICE IS BARELY IN BD PART 2? I’m sad

Moon: alice buys her all the stuff

UC: That made me so sad in the book

Moon: i know super sad especially for white yorkie. but lets hope he didn’t FINALLY sign up for email alerts when we post so he doesnt see this and not go with us

UC: hahaha i think he already bought his ticket. Phew. we’re safe

Moon: whew

Moon: multiple options here: is this rock ONLY 3 carats? is this what my skin looks like after i take a shower?

UC: I have nothing to say here. NEXT

Moon: what are they fighting over. GO: that she can sing better than nikki reed?, whether or not her and rob will pose tgether on the red carpet

UC: That that girl from 90210 was actually only really eating a bannana that one time; Taylor’s sexuality; Kellan’s sexuality

UC: If ROBSTEN is unbroken or not

Moon: rob is whispering “broken”

UC: if Kellan got those muscles naturally

Moon: who gets to go out with rob later; whether her hair is real or weave; whether HIS hair is real or weave/plugs

Moon: he’s going bald, right??

UC: Whether or not he can actually afford a Lamborghini lease (yes i think so); Who has to talk to Jackson’s girlfriend

Moon: HAHAHAA. the best…speaking of….

Moon: REALLY, is this the BEST photo they could get??!!!

UC: Jackson hasn’t had much sleep. give him a break

Moon: i mean i know Jackson looks like a slow catfish these days, but really?? mid-blink?

UC: plus his pocket chain is making him think it’s the early 90s. and he’s confused

Moon: also the wallet chain??? 100% jackson

UC: WHY IS ALICE THE WORST DRESSER??

Moon: dude thats the craziest part!!!

UC: and are you noticing what I’m noticing? I THINK JACKSON’S HAIR IS REAL

Moon: shes supposed to be a fashionista and she looks like a kindergarten teacher in most of the movies

UC: they have BILLIONS of dollars and they put her in the rejects from gap 3 years ago

Moon: i can forgive ALL of this is jackson’s hair is REAL. NEXT

Moon: this deserves ltt christmas card photoshopping

UC: Yes it does. Very much. I’m excited for December because of this pic. I’ll also add a creeping Chris Hansen in the background… b/c.. I mean

Moon: also we’ve talked about how that jacket IS robs, right??

UC: is this Renesmee’s first day of kindergarten? When she’s 2 weeks old right? And NO we haven’t but it is..also Taylor looks cute SIDENOTE: ALSO Gill Birmingham (aka bill black) is in the worst show of the fall: Vegas. And Mr. Choice said “Look! His legs are healed!” also Bella looks so… twilight mom here. is she wearing a banana clip?

Moon: oh mr choice. OMG poor bella. it was a quick trip was cool high schooler to harried mom

UC: haha

Moon: that updo

Moon: this proves sue and charlie are doing the nasty right???

UC: yes. It also proves that Sue dresses cooler than Bella

Moon: right?!

UC: I wonder if Charlie is thinking about the Revolution here. and wondering when the lights are going to go out. I am

Moon: and charlie dresses cooler than edward

UC: this is cute.. i bet Charlie grandpa scenes will be cute

Moon: he’s definitely worried if jd pardo/nahuel is gonna try to slice his neck open or bow and arrow him from the nearby woods

UC: i think Charlie actually steals the scenes.. all of them. event he ones he’s not in. Twilight should be renamed Charlie Swan.

Moon: he does. charlie swan, the scene stealer. since the beginning: 2008

It’s true. Charlie Swan might be the best thing about Twilight.

Love,
UC & Moon

26 Commented

Breaking Down Breaking Dawn Vanity Fair Style

Reminder note: There are THREE auto-playing video ads- two in the side, one ALL the way below. Hit the volume button ONCE & it should mute them for eternity. 

Dear Breaking Dawn,

It’s been TWO WEEKS since you came out to the public & we’ve sighed with you, cried with you, fell in love with you, been jealous of your immense wealth and now… well, it’s time to laugh at you. No, this isn’t a Break Down of the entire movie.. we do have lives, but it is a break down of some of our most favorite parts! Someone give Billy Burke & Anna Kendrick an Oscar already!

Watch out! Anna is about to kill it

UC: Moon. It’s been two weeks. And I gotta be honest.. we were in a “Breaking Dawn was SO GOOD (as compared to the other movies” haze for awhile there…. How are you feeling? I mean how are WE feeling, since we’re the same person usually except you have better hair? And I love cats more
Moon: HA. my one quality. Its been a week and some change, I’ve seen it 3 times and I gotta say I’m still feeling good about it
UC: Me too
Moon: it’s held up every time and each time I found something different to like… and also some things that made me go HUH?! cause it wouldn’t be a twilight movie without a few things we laughed at
UC: it would be SAD if we didn’t laugh I’d quit probably!!! Hear that movie makers (aka Stephenie & Wyck who we like to think loves us)??? Don’t make BD Part 2 too good
UC: I mean… I feel good enough that I’ve kinda been defensive (in my head- never out loud. I keep that baby tucked inside) when I hear criticism
Moon: oh i defs get defensive but i think it’s just because all the years of keeping it in wore off
UC: did you go ape shit on some 12 year olds who were complaining Jacob didn’t get enough screen time?
Moon: right, Steph & Wyck: PLEASE make sure to include some easter eggs for us. Some laughs. Some jessica stanley goodness too
UC: SERIOUSLY… a dream sequence or something… i dunno how else she’ll be in it
Moon: cant EVER let a movie go by without anna kendrick KILLING IT
UC: make Bella DEF run into a tree her first time running around. The Spider Monkey tree- FULL CIRCLE Y’ALL
Moon: jessica could be a Volturi wife. i don’t care
UC: Speaking of that.. Guaranteed Anna’s contract has a stipulation that says “okay- she’ll do this film BUT only if you let her Kill it AT LEAST ONCE. But probably more like 3 times”
Moon: and lauren mallory could be the other. she’s never been in any other twi film, but why not whip her out for the last one??
Moon: Anna’s contract includes her being able to be awesome and probably ad lib any of her lines. cause she’s better than the script

The Dexter of Vampires

Moon: Can I mention the flashback of edward being the “Dexter of vampires??” Though i totally loved the look/feel of the scene and well it’s Rob, i could have totally done with someone else’s backstory AND is that even in the books???
Cause i just thought he ran away from carlisle to be a bad boy for a few yrs. never that he was off killing bad guys
UC: Umm.. i THINk he was.. but I don’t think she ever went into detail?
Moon: its like mel mel stole a line from her own tv show
UC: HAHA she got confused a second.
Moon: her assistant mixed in a page from one of her dexter scripts
UC: She was like… wait.. the Ice Truck killer is in this script? This must be Dexter
Moon: also did that hat Edward was wearing even fit?? Robert must have my problem: big head syndrome – its hard for people like us to look good in hats

Catherine Hardwicke, on Screen

Moon: Also can we talk about how charlie / billy burke knocks it out of the park EVERY damn time??? its like him and anna kendrick in a battle for the 6th man award of the twilight cast
UC: YES. and win. Tied . Every year
Moon: put them in coach!!! EVERY TIME. i mean the misty eyes and the joke about Renee being old
UC: Yessss
Moon: and “don’t let me fall, dad…” “never” DIE. DEAD
UC: What a perfect mustached ma

Got a notice from the neighbors about needing to wear more clothes...

Moon: wait, first can we go back to renee and her slutty shorts???
UC: Yes- and how she FOUND OUT about the wedding from an invite?
Moon: is that for REAL???

UC: also…. do you feel like she is Catherine Hardwicke on Screen? Cuz i do
Moon: YES! I mean the Cullen’s didn’t even call her mom? or as renee’s too busy cutting the legs off her old denim bell bottoms to pick up??
UC: she lost her cell phone again. she’s no longer “Texting” She was with Cathy the Cougar at Happy Hour. Every day. And night. And morning actually. Loves mimosas
Moon: oh 100% renee is the embodiment of Cathi: the beach house in venice, the straw cowboy hat… all she’s missing is a drum circle in her front yard
UC: Gift idea for the Edward Cullen Family to give Grandma!!
Moon: some damn clothes — and a new djembe drum
UC: or maybe a framed picture of the first time Renesmee read her mind. Which was the last time Edward allowed it, since Renee was thinking about Phil without his baseball uniform on.

Moon gets WAY confused

Moon: OK i have a question since i’ve read BD the least
UC: Okay
Moon: in the book didnt renee and phil have a kid and bring him to the wedding???
UC: whattt?? really?? they have a baby???? Maybe?? worst fans of the year right here?
Moon: or am i confusing breaking dawn with the princess diaries??? [ Long pause] yea it’s defs the princess diaries. cause renee and anne hathaway’s mom are essentially the same person to me.
UC: hahahahahahhaha. did you google it?
Moon: WHOOPS had a rick perry moment there
UC:you’re right. that’s totally princess diaries
Moon: so yea renee and phil DO NOT have a child and bring him to bell and Edward’s wedding in Genovia. Where bella’s gran, julie andrews, is the queen. YEA that DID NOT happen
UC: they do sing songs at the bachelorette party though, right? And slide down the stairs? rose, Alice & Bella?
Moon: oh they def do some stair surfing with mattresses from their beds. with raven simone
UC: That’s SO Raven!
Moon: Bella kinda IS Mia Thermopolis minus the brows and the whole royal blood thing
UC: hahaha.. please tell me you just read her name and didn’t remember it
Moon: Oh No… I remember it..
UC: I’m so proud. Our very own “Princess Diaries Dork of the Day” right here…

The virgin tux

Moon: ANYWAYYYY back to the wedding which was like the BEST EVER!!! So in bella’s dream about the wedding…i like the subtle nod to edward’s virginity with his all white tux… which no man has ever looked good in. Its like welcome to 1981!!!
UC: A virgin in 1981. So hot
Moon: he was only missing a mullet
UC: And the dress… I mean… it’s like they WANTED us to freak out & think WTF IS THIS DISASTER, and then wow us with the amazing REAL thing
Moon: it was nice but it was too modern/david’s bridal… i mean ALFRED ANGELO/mall type dress. Too generic for Bella’s dress
UC: they wanted people to ALMOST walk out
Moon: i like that it was strapless because it made bella look like she was walking down the aisle naked for a few secs. like those awful dreams here you show up to class naked
UC: i know. I liked that. Because for a hot second I thought we might see Edward Naked. Then I thought for another hot second about what a cold, white penis might look like. And got scared
Moon: instead we see them on a pile of bodies. AMAZING
UC: And then I was glad it was a dream sequence. Didn’t want to be more scared than I am of normal penises. Also I just made it seem like I only like Black penises, which is true
Moon: i wanted them on top of the bodies to be their cake topper, thats what it made me think of
UC: I thought black penises. you thought cakes
Moon: i’m purer than you
UC: so much purer. White tux purer
Moon: ok so besides the replica bella’s dress, they should sell the bella and edward bride and groom on top of dead bodies as a cake topper in stores. SYNERGY! Are you listening marketing dept??? i know you are.
UC: of course they are. or at least the company that made that vampire dildo is. Still waiting for our commission checks on that one!!
Moon: Srsly. we’e talked about the VAMP enough. I hope they at least sent one to rob. great white elephant regift for him– and make everyone think they modeled it after his REAL… thing

Less Penises, after the jump! Continue…

110 Commented

Bella gets an Ann Taylor credit card, Edward loves the microwave & Jacob has Moobs

Dear Breaking Dawn,

We saw this:

and just couldn’t remain silent:

The one where they’ve given up:

UC: I haven’t had feelings about a poster this strongly since the last time we broke one down where slutty “Wal-mart Cami” Bella came into our lives. I miss those days… She looks so… grown up here. This is Ann Taylor Bella. And I don’t mean Ann Taylor Loft- that’s too hip… I mean old school, business suit Ann Taylor
Moon: And she has the old lady bouffant hair to prove it- and shes made the transition into old married lady too. only wearing her wedding band and not that the “cheese grater” ring as one of our readers calls it
UC: right. She’s given up- clearly.. Old & married.. time to just do whatever with her hair and… did her breasts grow? Did she put on the “I got married and gained 15 pounds” look?
Moon: its all the “Italiano” the Cullens are cooking her, and because she’s PREGGO. DUH! eating cartons of eggs in a single sitting will do that. and i bet blood is high calories too
UC: that’s true…. it probably is, but seriously… can we agree that whoever styles these “official” photoshoots is the worst ever? think it’s the neice of some summit exec.. and that’s why she hasn’t been fired after all these years?
Moon: yes i whole heartedly agree who ever is styling these is crazy and / or blind.
And since we’re on the subject of old marrieds…. can we say that Rob has also given up? He has a pot belly. Look what shes holding on to! when did Edward cullen get a lil extra cushion in the front???
UC: He was sneaking eggs too maybe on Isle Esme, or maybe Jake gave him what Edward thought were “roids” but instead were just protein bars full of fat & sodium. Taylor’s getting more jacked while Edward fattens up. He wants Bella to stray…. well, until he notices her new wardrobe & huge new hair
Moon: he pulled the ol’ swedish nutrition bars trick from Mean Girls on Edward. He’s gonna send Edward valentines carnations and make Bella wonder what going on. then she comes to the reservation and leaves Edward for Jacob
UC: yep. Does it look like Bella & Edward hit up the same salon in Rio? Got the same exact hair color?
Moon: Yes, the hair color they asked for is “Jacob’s benetint lip stain red” It seriously all matches
UC: haha or some intern went a little crazy with photoshop. again- another neice of a Summit exec

The one where we reminisce Eddie

UC: you know what I miss in this image though? Eddie. Remember him? Couldn’t they have photoshopped Eddie here? I mean, I guess it doesn’t make sense with the story….
Moon: HAHAHAA . where’s Eddie’s van?
UC: OH- they could’ve shopped Nessie- creepy Nessie with an expression that says something like “watch out bitches. Don’t hug each other’s love handles too tight. I’m gonna to ruin it all soon enough”this is such a great post
Moon: HAHA

“Moon: Solomon Trimble gave her some of his hot oil treatments
Calliope: so true. right before he got shipped off to a different tribe because he wasn’t studly enough.”
HAHAHA

UC: hahahah. Poor Solomon. and also true:

“Calliope: I think imaginary/controlling/crazy mind of Bella- Edward shall be called Eddie. Because Edward wouldn’t haunt your thoughts. But a dude named Eddie- definitely would”

hahaha… UGH.. i miss when it was fun like this!!! DEAR SUMMIT & TWILIGHT : RED HAIR is LESS FUN than EDDIE

“UC: Eddie is in the dark corners of your room- under your bed
Moon: Eddie’s the guy who comes up when you search convicted fellons/rapists in your neighborhood on the internet”

Click for lols

UC: Look how fun all this was! Eddie might have creeped in your room when you were sleeping and peeked in on you in the shower, but at least he was FUN. ANN TAYLOR is not fun!

“UC: Eddie drives a van
Moon: with no windows. Eddie’s the guy who rips tags off sofa cushions”

Moon: married chubby Edward is not fun
UC: I’ll take cigarette burns for “Fun” with Eddie over Edward’s married flub anyday
Moon: Jacob has some serious MOOBS- man boobs
UC: he DOES. is he feeling the pregnancy along with Bella?

“UC: [Look at Edward] All up in Jacob’s grill. Eddie likes to get behind moon. Likes it from Behind Moon
Moon: THATS WHAT I SAID
UC: Eddie changed the phrase to “That’s what Eddie said” cuz he’s a perv”

I LOVE US
Moon: HAHAHAAHAH!! Now Edward just likes it from the microwave or the drive through window
UC: hahhaha
Moon: he doesnt even know what behind is unless its behind a hungry man dinner
UC: or behind the couch- where sometimes the remote falls.. He’s too lazy to get it so he just buys another remote. he has a closet with like 35 remotes just in case
Moon: he doesn’t care about cars anymore, just remotes and when mcd’s is bringing back the mcrib again
UC: Breaking Dawn Edward was actually modeled after Big Daddy. they had to- it was written in Taylor’s contract

Thomas Kinkade for Twilight?

Moon: its also like this calendar is like three different pictures put together: old married Bella and Edward, Jacob on a box in his new lipstick and a thomas Kinkade painting as the backdrop
UC: Maybe they were thinking of the Twilight Moms for this one? Giving them something classy enough to blow up as an 18×20 and hang above their fireplace mantel for once?
Moon: and “16 months wall calendar” where else are you going to put it??? unless you’re like me and it would say “16 month CLOSET calendar” that will stay on the Rob/Edward picture for like 7 months
UC: I love my Twilight closest calendars. I have at least 3- it’s approximately July 2009, October 2010 & February 2011 right now in my closet
Moon: my Rob calendar is stuck on april because june is a particularly not great month- his mouth is half open. I pretend the months of bad pictures just don’t happen in my Rob calendar year. I’d also like to openly admit that this calendar is hanging next to my framed mini movie posters, one signed by David Slade and one from new moon, and there may or may not be a Jacob barbie doll!! MAN i feel better after saying that
UC: HA HA~!!!! is this a new display since you moved?
I don’t remember seeing this!!

Eddie is bothered

Moon: hopefully breaking dawn movie poster will give me something better than the thomas kinkade married couples picture
it’s in the closet, around the corner. you’d really have to step in there and take a look
UC: when i visit next, after the bathroom, it’s the first place I’ll go in your home. (I’m just anticipating I’ll have to pee. I know myself )
Moon: I’d like to make an edit on the 3 pictures that made up this calendar… this is actually the headshot Jacob used for his audition for rupaul’s drag race- showing off his mad lipstick and make up game along with his ability to create fantastic man boobs
UC: DUDE…. Edward looks like Jimmy Fallon there… Edward is bothered!
Moon: SNACKLISH! HUNGERECTOMY! Pumpkins are just dumb fat squashes!!!
UC: Eddie is bothered! He wants his van in this poster!

I feel like such an old man reminiscing about the good ol’ days as much as I do lately, but couldn’t we get a little more for the first really official still from this movie? They better make it up to us!!!

Love,
UnintendedChoice and theMoonisDown

What do you think? Edward looking a little flubby here? Is Bella’s wig the WORST (well, no.. not the worst) How many ‘roids do you think Jacob takes a day (and by Jacob I, of course, mean the real-life person Taylor)

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

151 Commented

Breaking Down the Breaking Dawn Trailer

Dear Breaking Dawn,

Well THIS came out last night. And before the official reveal it leaked & Moon & I got a chance to break it down, vanity fair style:

Outside of the US- this worked last I checked: Trailer on You Tube

Beller Getting Married

UC: okay wanna start talking where the commercial for Louboutins starts?
so that first scene – Aro is getting the news that a baby was made- NOT an invite, right??
Moon: they’re not stupid they want a big gift- those volturi have lots of money. you KNOW they sent along a “registered at bed bath and beyond card” in their invite
UC: and also “babies R Us” “just in case”
or do you think Bella really wanted Aro to give her away” “Who gives this woman to be wed to this man” Aro: “Her mother & I give BELLER away”
Moon: BELLER is getting married
UC: BELLER getting married!
Moon: BELLER is engaged!
UC: BELLER is PREGGERS!
Moon: So excited for beller
UC: haha

All by Myself

He's gonna need another beer for this news

Moon: dude poor ol charlie
UC: Seriously- Alone AGAIN… Singing “All BY MYSELF!”
oon: love the vitamin r next to him. its like you might wanna sit down for this one. AND you’re gonna need some alchy
UC: I mean- he’ll be a gramps soon- and in the dark as to why his granddaughter grows a weeks worth every few hours,

I'm gonna be a grandma!! I need to find shorter shorts!

Moon: Charlie is missing harry. harry would have seen right through these shenanigans
UC: Then we get Renee- looking her trashy florida self in her jorts. too short for a woman her age… about to become a grandma
Moon: i think renee and cathi hardi were pals in another life. they had bunco nights and girls night at fridays- this scene was actually shot at cathi’s venice beach house

Don’t you DARE use paper that hasn’t been recycled

Moon: so do we think jake is mad they used card stock instead of vellum for the invite? or that they didn’t opt for the recycled ones?

how COULD they kill a tree for their wedding?

UC: yep- SO mad…. it deserved a shirt rip off
Moon: totally. “I’m SO mad they didn’t use the english “honour” instead of “honor” that i must rip this shirt off and go instruct them on proper spelling for invites” Also can i just say the invite is a little plain
UC: right..where was Alice? was there a sale at Barneys the day these were ordered?
Moon: this is alice we’re talking. I’m expecting something at least on the level of the bridal shower invite in Bridesmaids
UC: Target’s card section has better invite templates
Moon: i want to see a butterfly released when i open the Beller and edward wedding invite AT LEAST
UC: AT LEAST- wolf-shaped confetti- just to stick it to him a little (Edward’s idea)
Moon: i could have printed something better from from the microsoft publishing templates section. “You are cordially invited….” to spend your own money seeing this movie 58 times. Love, Summit Entertainment
UC: SO nice of them
Moon: you are cordially invited to… sleep outside for a week on a sidewalk in los angeles to catch a glimpse of mike welches hair at the premioere of this movie

UC: and i love how Billy is about to roll out of control- in the rain, off the ramp… face dive into the mud
Moon: I’m just glad billy is getting some air time, butI wish they gave him a guitar before he inevitably eats it in the mud
UC: maybe he’ll sing at the wedding. one can hope or at least at Charlie & Sue Clearwater’s wedding
Moon: the sabers and cougars can only hope
UC: which I hope is the premise of the inevitable SIXTH twilight movie a year or so after the last one comes out. No one else will have to be in it- they’ll all be out of contract
Moon: summit BETTER give us the love story of sue and charlie
UC: so they’ll have to bring Solomon Trimble back…
Moon: directed of course by Cathi with a screenplay written based on her sue and charlie fanfic
UC: yeah and she’ll cameo as a friend of Sue’s
Moon: “love ain’t nothing but a number or age or whaterer”

Cedric Diggory Getting Married

Try to pretend this doesn't look just like Cedric

Moon: omg Cedric diggory is gettting married
UC: hahaha YES hHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
UC: i love it…… CEDRIC DIGGORY getting married TOTALLY
Moon: can we love on Wyck and steph on the brides side of the wedding???!!!
i guess they’re more family of beller than cederic diggory. maybe jk rolling’s on cedric’s side
UC: well, Steph IS the original beller
Moon: seth’s behind wyck and steph. tells him where he stands! who’s the dude on cedric’s side in the blue hoodie? Didn’t get the memo about this being a wedding??
Moon: do you think mr Molina (mr. banner) was invited? i mean he should be credited with setting them up. he made them lab partners.
UC: I hope so
Moon: maybe he gets to make a toast….
UC: He SAW the ‘jizz in my pants” face in person
Moon: something about going from the golden onion to a golden wedding band
UC: that would be beautiful. Here’s hoping
Moon: after the jizz in the pants face he KNEW it was something special
UC: it wasn’t your typical ‘jizz in your pants” face that his 16 year old students normally make!

Eat your heart out boys

UC: so Beller looks HOT- I mean beautiful or whatever a bride should be. I think they might have fake lashes on her- very pretty look for a blushing virgin bride
Moon: oh dude do they not show the dress???!!!
UC: ohh they don’t!
Moon: gotta wait for the big reveal in the theaters???
UC: yes- they should…. i mean.. unless we’re gonna laugh or .. maybe ESPECIALLY if we’re gonna laugh. We need something to laugh at .. always!
Moon: i really hope it’s old timey and NO spoilers people who saw the leaked pics!
Moon: also who’s the pastor?
UC: i dunno! have they been going to church all this time?
Moon: i thought emmett would get ordained online by the universal church and marry them. FAIL
UC: that would have been so special. missed opportunity
Moon: tell a bad sex joke before the vows

Moon: I love that in the Rio scene Beller and edward and standing still while everyone is dancing in the street
cause we KNOW rob and kstew have zero rhythm
Moon: and robsteners PLEASE don’t comment about their rhythm in the bedroom. GROSS
UC: duh #robstendreams
Moon: oh dang theres a shot of them getting it on by a waterfall
Moon: omg I’m totally not ashamed to say i went back to the headboard part & re-watched it. i mean come on
UC: it’s so hard core.. i mean… the sound- was kinda like when the curtain tore.. in the temple.. that might be sacrilegious to say.. but it kinda had a religious look to it… on my first look:

Try to tell me this wasn't in the Bible

Moon: it definitely did. the shit hits the fan. LITERALLY- like this headboard is hitting the fan and the curtains
UC: his back- the muscles.. i felt like… it was Biblical… Samson or something is that weird?
Moon: no
UC: kinda weird…. but.. no seriously–
Moon: bella is defs a Delilah
UC: we’re getting all spiritual up in here. Okay i just watched the Biblical Samson scene again.. .kinda dramatic..
Moon: yea I’m pretty sure thats thunder
UC: i mean.. yes… it’s important… it’s 2nd best to the leg hitch (i’m all about the simple things) but that was a LITTLE over the top
Moon: and the folks at planned parenthood are crying the exact millisecond rensemee was conceived
UC: a bolt of lightening hit at the exact moment the sperm hit the egg
The Sun was hidden by the moon- There was an eclipse. And a thunder strike…and the folks at MTV excited- Bella can be the newest hero on Teen Mom
Moon: exactly. edward and bella season 3 of teen mom only without the trailer park and and kid with pink rubber glasses
UC: hopefully Renesmee doesn’t have those. time will tell.
UC: Back it up a bit- to FURTHER solidify my point above about the spirituality- they show that famous Rio statue….foreshadowing something- i dunno what…. but definitely comes full circle with the thunder bolt- breaking of the headboard- samson & Delilah religious scene
Moon: i just want to hear bill condons directing rob on tearing apart the headboard while the choir sings
UC: yes- The 100 Monkeys were on set that day providing the soundtrack to the love making and headboard breaking
Moon: it was actually jackson singing on set. he made up an impromptu song about losing your vcard to a vampire
UC: they made it a rap “break that board- break it good” inspired by a poem sent to him by a 100 monkeys fan the week before
Moon: everyone got really pissed after they had to listen to it 10 times in a row. the Brasilian crew revolted- even in a diff language 100 monkeys is horrible

I'm so fat

Moon: Do we even care that charlie bewley throws that girl across the room for no reason?
UC: NO! Let’s just go to the preggers part
Moon: I love that she touches her NON EXISTENT stomach
PLEASE GIRL
UC: yep… PuH LEESE. like.. at least eat a 1/2 bag of cheetos so we can SORTA believe it
Moon: thats more the buritto you ate in rio last night than it is a baby. Or she didn’t do enough street dancing at the fake carnivale to work it off
UC: right…. gotta get on top next time so you actually have to do something- that’ll disappear in no time
Moon: and edward looks like OH SHIT that cant be mine right???!! when did she have a quickie with newton in the stock room??!!
UC: he’s like “oh… i did read in “how to make love to a virginal human” that the sound of thunder would roar if my seed would implant… but I didn’t think that applied to me”
Moon: I mean if they don’t know for sure… if theres even a shadow of a doubt that they can conceive shouldn’t Carlilse be telling everyone to wrap that shit up?!! I mean COME ON!!!!!! it still baffles me
UC: RIGHT I mean… of all the things to baffle us… that probably doesn’t have to be #1 on the list .
Moon: its a mortal no-no for us to have a vampire baby but hey let’s see what happens
UC: like…. really renee? You just let your 18 year old daughter her married? that SHOULD worry us more…
Moon: They should roll a PSA after this about “safe sex”
UC: that would be awesome
Moon: and the mtv should have a commercial for a special season of teen mom since that’s basically how the trailer ends- Fade to Black- aka FADE TO NEW SEASON OF TEEN MOM starring Edward Cullen & Bella Swan.

And there you have it! We saw the trailer, We loved it, we fangirled & got excited for November 18th which STILL feels so far away!

What did you think!?

Love,
UnintendedChoice

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