Speculation Thursday – Moon makes the case for Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart: NOT together!

We’re actors

Dear Kristen and Rob-

Last week my pal UC put on a brave face, sucked up her pride and posted the Speculation Thursday (though it was on Wednesday) post that she thought you may be together. As much as it pained both of us to see that in writing, we had to present the Pro Robsten side of the argument. But never fear, I am here with this week’s Speculation Thursday (on Thursday!) where I’m going to present the Non Robsten side! Cause I look at you two and I’m like, they CANNOT be together, the stoner and the nerd? No way.

If you’ll indulge me I’d like to treat this as a trial, and court is now in session*! The honorable Stephenie Meyer proceeding. Today we will be hearing the case of:

Robsten vs NonRobsten, in the court of public opinion

Opening statement:
Much has been said and speculated about you two over the last few weeks and now having some time to gather evidence and look at the facts I think we can be certain about a few things: Kristen and Oregano are not together and Kristen and Rob are in fact, NOT together. Snogged and hooked up? Sure! But together? No! I ask that the jury keep an open mind as we speculate our way through another Thursday.

Enter into the court room the Evidence…

01. The Charlie Hotel / The Morning After – UC cited this story and these pictures as her main turning point. But I have a different take on this much bally-hooed “secret goodbye photos” and “secret rendezvous hotel bungalows” nonsense… I did some research too on The Charlie and there are multiple bungalows in which bungalows also have multiple rooms! Amazing how this works, huh? It’s not uncommon for stars to get ready for awards shows in hotel rooms, Summit’s footing the bill, why not? And you’ve got the room paid for for the night, might as well come back and party after the show, right? I know where you’re going to go with this: “but Moon they were in the SAME bungalow! Ron, the underpaid dude at the front desk, told the shady paparazzo from X17 who palmed him a 50 it was true.” Riiiight. And, if I even believe that they were in the same bungalow, my research tells me that again, SURPRISE, there are bungalows with more than one room in them. I’ve stayed in rooms with guy friends, it’s totally possible. And who knows maybe she was wasted drunk from the dinner beforehand when they decided to go back and party? Maybe they smoked a bol and she passed out on that cute striped chair from the pictures of The Charlie. And then the next day her Mom came to pick up her hung over self and hug Rob for being such a good guy and looking out for poor little Kristen. And no kiss was ever photographed.

Follow the cut to hear the rest of the case!!! (Seriously do it!)
Continue…

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Speculation Wednesday

Today is Speculation Wednesday which is just like Speculation Thursday but on a Wednesday. I know, I’m brilliant. We’re gonna speculate about a few things today. And all of these things will lead to one big speculation. It’s gonna rule:

Dear Michael Oregano,

I did some research about you. I found a fan site so I could be better informed. First off, you were in Almost Famous and on Will & Grace? Dude! I just thought you were a guy that dated Kristen- maybe her next door neighbor or something! Turns out you really are an actor- I thought you just said that so you could feel cooler next to Robert Pattinson.

Anyway, your fan site isn’t updated as much as some other sites out there (say, any one of the gazillion Rob sites!), but I found no evidence to suggest you are currently off filming a moving picture anywhere. I also checked out IMDB and it looks like from the 4 things you’ve done with your life since 2007, 2 are completed and 2 are in post-production. This evidence brings me to conclude that you are at home, in LA. So…

• Why weren’t you at the MTV awards? Did you hear your girlfriend was up for a few things? In fact… she won.
• Why didn’t you join Rob, Kristen & 3 others for dinner after the MTV awards if you were told to stay away by Summit and/or Kristen’s management?
• Why did Kristen supposedly stay at a hotel the night of the MTV awards when she could’ve stayed at your place, instead of a hotel or driving home to the valley?

In fact…. where are you? Why has there been no sign of you since those pictures surfaced of you and Kristen happily skipping down the street, holding hands in Vancity?

I’m gonna speculate that the rumors are true and you and Kristen are no longer together.

Dear Nikki Reed,

I’m concerned. Where were you Sunday night? How in the world was Mike Newton  at the MTV awards to accept the award for best picture and Rosalie Hale wasn’t? Were you off pretending to be in college somewhere? I, too, preformed some research on you and found no evidence to suggest that you are off filming anywhere. Being the Los Angeles resident you are, you should have been there.

All this confusion over Sunday night is forcing me to admit something I haven’t wanted to… Because by admitting this, I might as well shoot Moon & myself in the feet. It discredits us. It truly does. You see, for so long we have shared with the world, no PROVED to the world that you and Kristen are fake lesbians. But I am now being forced to speculate that you and Kristen are not only no longer fake lesbians, but you’re no longer even friends. Moon & I might as well pack up our computers and call it quits right now.

The sudden appearance of your new bff from that band Sage and the Dills arosed my suspicions long ago. But the lack of hand-holding, “we’re just friends,” googly-eyed (possible nipple tweeking) photos emerging of you and Kristen has forced me to speculate that your friendship with Kristen has ended.

All this speculation must be leading to something, right? Of course. Find out after the jump! Continue…

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