Buttcrack Santa Gifts

Dear LTTers-

Have you noticed that this year it is getting harder and harder to find Buttcrack Santa gifts? I was at Hot Topic the other day (a sentence I never thought I would ever say OR think OR type!), trying to find the perfect Buttcrack Santa gift for my sister and I kept coming up with dead ends! There was just nothing I felt was worth dishing out $30 or even $14.99 for! Good Twilight gifts are becoming harder and harder to find!

Buttcrack Santa first made his appearance at Christmas of 2009. Being avid LTT readers, my sister and I both got the giggles (yes we are 26 and 29 and we still get the giggles) when she found one of “those little bottles” in her stocking with a tag “To: Team Seth, Love: Buttcrack Santa.” Our parents and husbands stared at us blankly, waiting for an explanation. There really wasn’t a good one. We both looked at each other, turned to our judgemental group and said “its a Twilight thing, you wouldn’t understand.” And with that, the Buttcrack Santa tradition was born.

But, Buttcrack Santa gifts aren’t just for the winter holidays! This special breed of Santa can make an appearance any time of year. Buttcrack Santa made an appearance in June, right before Eclipse came out and delivered me a wonderful Eclipse watching package- complete with LTT shirt, my own jorts, a replica Bella ring and other Twilight nic-nacs! Then, last Christmas I received a wonderful “Team Jacob” t-shirt, which from the looks of the orange price tag, Santa got a very good deal on!

Unfortunately, BCS was too drunk to remember my sister’s gift last year. So this year, I am bound and determined to find the best possible BCS gift for her. This search has been hard though! The stores aren’t stocking Twilight stickers, candy and key chains like they used to! Even Barnes and Noble let me down. So, my quest drove me to the Internet, where I found some real gems.

For example, did you know that for a mere $39.99 you could be a proud owner of this set of sparkling Twilight title themed Christmas ornaments?

Or, if Breaking Dawn was your favorite, you could receive these “honeymoon” themed ornaments from Buttcrack Santa this year! Now, these seem pretty easy to make, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to go to the craft store and buy a bag of fake white feathers, so my search continued.

Buttcrack Santa gifts don’t have to be holiday themed either! In fact, they are better if they are something you can use year round- like a bracelet or other fun item for your house. A good bracelet at Hot Topic can cost you anywhere upedward (see what I did there?) of $14.99, but on etsy you can find so many other varieties! Like this “Edward” handmade beaded bracelet!

Or this replica of Bella’s graduation present!

I prefer my BCS gifts to be a little more subtle however, which is why I bypassed all the wonderful creations on etsy and hopped on over to my local 5 Below. This was my last ditch effort to find the perfect Twilight gift before I hit up Michael’s to buy some feathers and a silver paint pen. Thankfully I hit the very small jackpot there, but I can’t share what I bought or Team Seth will know her gift ahead of time! I will say this: the gift is a small token of Twilight love and vampire appreciation and cost below $5 (hence the name) which is absolutely perfect for BCS’s budget. These gifts don’t have to be big or expensive, just something to give us a little reminder of the joint love of something that gave us many laughs and good times together and some great inside jokes. Buttcrack Santa is the little bit of Twilight holiday spirit in all of us LTTers.

I hope the spirit of Buttcrack Santa has inspired all of you to start your own BCS gift exchange! And although good Twilight gifts are becoming fewer and farther between, I can only hope this tradition with my sister continues for years to come!

Happy Holidays and Little Bottles to All and to all a good night!
-“Rachel B”

Rachel is right! We used to find SO many GREAT (ahem) “Buttcrack Santa” gifts every year- Etsy was FULL of the best, and now…. they are SO few & far between! I mean, there is the “Harry’s World Famous Fish Fry” Moon sent me for our 3 year anniversary (for real), but nothing Buttcrack Santa would REALLY be proud of. Have YOU seen anything?

You know who sells the PERFECT “Buttcrack Santa” gifts? (I bet you’ll never guess) We do. In the LTT/LTR Store. Stock up for the Holidays. All of them!

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43 Commented

Thankful for Twilight

Dear Twilight,

While I’m still stuffed from the tofurky from yesterday (I don’t eat meat- bleh!) and busy shop shop SHOPPING on the biggest shopping day of the year, I wanted to write you quick letter to thank YOU for changing my life in so many ways.

Since holiday season has kicked off, I’m now seeing THIS guy everywhere:

A little early, Santa

No- not Waylon Forge (RIP), singer of the best cat song known to man, but Santa Claus himself. You see, I have gotten my picture taken with Santa every year since I was born (1983). I was 6 months old the first time I sat on Santa’s lap. So yes, this year is my 28th year of seeing Santa. (I never plan to stop. No, that’s not weird) and for the past two Santa-seeing years, I have thought of Buttcrack Santa. No longer am I thinking of the jolly man in a big read suit (although these past few years he’s been pretty creepy & acts a little too excited to having me and my 3 sisters sit on his lap) but I think of a drunken logger in The Olympic Peninsula whose legacy involves a “kiss me I’m Irish” shirt & little bottles. Thank you for ruining Santa for me.

Thank you for turning the mundane into amazing. When I used to pass the Olive Garden, I would think of all the birthday dinners I had there with my family when I was in college. Me being gone for 8 months out of the year somehow confused them into thinking I only like to eat at the Olive Garden. Oh- what am I saying? I dream of their endless breadsticks & salad. Just as, we have completely overblown discovered the  Lautner family does. I am so thankful that I now get a chuckle whenever I pass a suburban shopping center with a little peace of Tuscany placed out front.

I’m so thankful for inside jokes & funny blog themes that have been created at your expense. Because then Snowwhitedrifted designs stuff for our LTT/LTR shop and photo-shops it onto Twilight cast members, and it looks so real I can hardly stand it. And sometimes I forget it’s the background on my lap top & when I work remotely or take my lap top to a coffee shop, I have to quickly hide the screen so no one knows. But despite the 2nd-hand embarrassment I feel for myself from time-to-time (okay always) I feel grateful. Because of the laughter it brings.

And on a soppy note  (soppy? Soapy? what? Am I in a mashed-potato coma?), I am thankful that you exist, Twilight. Because if you didn’t, I wouldn’t have fallen for you. And if I had not fallen for you, I would not have become as close as I have with my friend Moon. And if Moon & I had not grown so close, we would have never started LTT- land of laughs. And if we hadn’t started LTT we wouldn’t have met- whether in person or just online- the hoards and hoards of  wonderful girls, women, boys, unicorns & 12 year olds who think we’re Taylor Lautner. And if we hadn’t met all of the hoards of people (do you keep feeling like I’m going to call them “whores?” cuz I do) we would laugh much less, our lives would be much less fulfilled, and we wouldn’t know the interesting, talented, funny, hilarious, creative, encouraging, beautiful, hilarious and delightful people we have gotten to know. And that would be a shame. Because I cannot imagine my life without any of them in it- any of YOU in it! Whether I talk to you daily, every so often, we used to talk long ago or never have, I am so thankful- for each and every one of you. You don’t know the difference just your being a part of this crazy LTT-world has made in my life!

XoXoXo,
UnintendedChoice

What are you thankful for in the Twilight world this season!?

HAHAHAHA- on my final read-through I realized I said “soppy” but meant “Sappy.” Well, actually I meant Soppy- like sopping wet.. except.. I don’t think that’s a word. I meant it with so much sincerity though that I’m not even going to correct it

Oh- Groupon (yes, we’re talking about them again. as you can tell I LOVE them!) has a Secret Shopper Page that you can only access by clicking this special LTT link. I don’t know what the special deals are but I think they’re only available through Monday (or are different every day until Monday!) It’s a secret. Shhhh
Groupon Secret Shopper

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25 Commented

Twilosophy: Special Twilight dates – Should we care?

(Sit back and throw on your tweed and serious glasses as I try to be non-controversial and talk some Twilosophy)

Dear LTT-ers,

Did you know a week ago Monday was Bella’s birthday? And did you have Edward and Bella’s Anniversary marked down on your calendar for August 13th??? And what about the Newton’s Anniversary? And maybe even the day Jacob phased for the first time? Did you celebrate those days or do you even know them? Nope. I sure don’t. So does this make me a “bad” fangirl?

Can't believe this exists. Click to enlarge for maximum speechlessness

I mean sure, we love Edward and Bella. Obviously, we wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them. We cheered for them when they finally got up the nerve to “be friends.” We gasped and felt 2nd hand butterflies for them when they finally got together. We felt those first love jitters right along with the blessed couple. We even cried when they broke up (be honest!) and we cheered when they got back together (FINALLY 379 pages later!). We jumped up and down when Bella finally gave in and accepted Edward’s proposal. We maybe misted a little when they got married in the Cullen backyard and we definitely sighed a lot during the Isle Esme honeymoon. And who doesn’t remember Bella’s issues with turning 18? Yea, psychotic, I know.

But is it necessary as fans of the books to celebrate their anniversary/birthday/whatever every year? I was just cruising around the interwebs trying to catch up on what’s been happening in the Twidom and I found out that we missed both Bella’s birthday AND Edward and Bella’s Anniversary (GASP! The HORROR!) which is according to come elephant-brained readers made August 13th 2006 their 4 year anniversary. Which means they got married the same year as my brother and sister-in-law and now I will never forget the year and now I can never forgive myself for knowing such trivia. Twilight Bar Trivia Night here I come!

You get this because the Bella/Edward anniversary pics from google are TOO embarassing

So if people post stuff about character birthdays and wedding anniversaries, who are we to judge but what do you get the couple who has everything? 4th year gift is something like paper… and that’s a lame gift.

Do you think Stephenie Meyer herself even remembers the date she gave Bella for her birthday or the date Edward and Bella got married? Maybe… but I bet she remembers the exact date she had “THE DREAM” cause I’m sure it’s like UC and I remembering the day we started these blogs. I’ll always think about LTT and LTR on December 8th every year probably for the rest of my life especially when I tell my grandchildren about that thing called a “blog” I used to write, cause “I’m down with the kids.” DUH! So I guess that’s what it is. It’s about remembering what’s important and special to you. Regardless of how inconsequential it may seem. Remember those special days in your life and pay homage to them because they matter. I guess I should do a little research and see when Buttcrack Santa died so we can host an official memorial every year plus a moment of silence to honor him. RIP. See what I did right there? A good ol BCS reference, haven’t seen one of those in a while, have ya?

March 15th, 1986 (the day Mike Newton was conceived. Duh)
Themoonisdown

PS See, I can be non-controversial when I want to be! Someone give me a Twilight Conversation Heart, forget the cookie.

What days are special to you? Any have a Twilight reference. Also, come clean do you know any of the Twilight special dates like Bella’s birthday? BE HONEST!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

86 Commented

Twilight Rumors

Not a rumor- a dream

Dear Gossip hounds,

A few weeks back I got a frantic IM chat from a friend saying BREAKING NEWS: The Twilight saga ends on 11/16/2012. My immediate thought was, “Breaking? Didn’t that break months ago?” And as I thought more about it…. I don’t know. I definitely knew the Twilight Saga was wrapping in November of 2012- or maybe that was a rumor I heard once. Orrrr maybe someone in the know told me. Maybe Stephenie Meyer wrote it on a slip of paper & passed it to us under the table at the interview and we were like, “Seriously? We ask you for the Robsten audition tape so we can burn it and you give us this?” or maybe I actually didn’t know that date and just assumed that to be the case? Because that’s what Harry Potter did (and Summit realizes they should copy them since they’re kinda successful) or I’m just way too involved in this fandom that I have a sense about these kind of things. I get a tingly feeling & just know the Twi-future. Call me Alice.

Then I got to thinking- I don’t know what’s real, rumor or secretive anymore. I mean, IS it public knowledge that Ashley Greene & Joe Jonas are together? Or is that just still a rumor circulating among the gossip rags? And is it actually true or do I just want it to be true- a former Disney star with a purity ring giving it up to an up-and-coming star too beautiful to be already desperate enough to date someone born in the 90s (who just yesterday turned old enough to legally knock back a few shots before she shows him what’s underneath that painted on bathing suit)  And don’t even get me started on all the rumors we’ve been told about different Twi cast members being gay. (Some obvious, some not so obvious, some that we spent an entire weekend laughing over until we decided it couldn’t be true- or wait, could it!? Sorry- mums the word!) I mean unless it’s Rob- does anyone honestly really care? Well, maybe we’d care if we found out Taylor was too… because that would make so much sense.

So I started thinking about all the rumors I’ve heard over the past almost 2 years and I came up with quite a list…. mostly about Robsten… and people Ashley may or may not have slept with… Did I miss anything?

• 

  Why would you cheat on me? Do I look special or something?

  Rob & Nikki are together

• Rob & Kristen are hooking up behind Oregano’s back
• Kristen & Nikki are more than friends (I started that one, thank you very much)
• Nikki sold out Rob & Kristen
• Kristen is pregnant
• Ashley’s hooked up with Kellan
• Ashley’s hooked up with Jackson
• Ashley’s dating Jared from Kings of Leon (and assumingly has hooked up with him)
• Rob & Kristen are together
• Rob & Kristen are no longer together
• Rob & Kristen- BACK ON
• No one likes Nikki Reed
• Jackson hooks up with anyone & everyone
• Rob & Kristen like to hold hands
• Kellan is sticking his tongue down that Anna girl’s throat
• Taylor is with Taylor Swift
• Taylor is gay
• Justin Chon is gay
• David Slade is gay
• People still don’t like Nikki Reed. And possibly don’t like Elizabeth Reeser either
  

  Why don't people like me!?

• Peter & Jennie are swingers
• Twi (male) cast member in Vancouver put ad in Craig’s list for Asian male companionship
• Big Daddy Lautner wears a fat suit (he’s actually really in shape)
• Chris Hansen likes little boys
• Nikki Reed started a blog so that people like her
• A cat will play Edward Cullen in Breaking Dawn parts 1 & 2
• Buttcrack Santa: What does he really do with those little bottles?
• UnintendedChoice to replace Kristen Stewart as Bella in Breaking Dawn Parts 1 & 2 (for this rumor to be true the Edward Cullen played by a cat is not true)
• Rob & Kristen open mouth kiss before heading into house parties where dirty men’s sweatpants are considered appropriate attire.

Okay so maybe I took some creative liberties on a few rumors… but most of them I’ve honestly heard at one time or another… So all that to say, this is what I have to say about the BREAKING NEWS about Breaking Dawn Part 2 that I may or may not have already known:

“Holy Shit. I seriously have to talk about this every day for another effing 2 and 1/2 years?”

Hold me,

UnintendedChoice

Beg all you want, some rumors stay with me- but seriously… what have you heard that came true or was proved wrong? Any good rumors circulating out there right now? Was there an immaculate conception of the Robsten baby by the open mouth house party kiss? Fingers crossed!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

70 Commented

There’s an (Twilight) app for that!

(Today Freya gets all tech-y on us and talks about her iphone and Twilight… there’s a post for that! xo, moon)

none of the above!

Dear Twilight:

I’m a total iPhone fangirl. I’ve had my 3GS for over a year now, and I am an app whore. I love the fact that iPhone advertises that “there’s an app for that.” Because it’s so true. And as we recently discovered (and UC discussed on Letters to Rob), there’s even an app for stalking Rob! So you can conveniently know where Rob is two days after he appears there. And so you can also get incensed and start your “Respect Rob” campaign afresh (or whip out your jazzhands and “Disrespect Rob Nice and Slow” with me).

Anywhoodle, it got me thinking about what kind of apps the rest of the Twilight cast might have, if they were so popular. What kind of things are being slaved over by the application developers of the world RIGHT NOW? Without further ado, here are some of my ideas. (If you decide to develop these, bitches, I want a cut!)

• Justin Chon’s Disco Double Pack!

In an excellent value for your money, the people behind Justin Chon, AKA “Gaysian Eric”, are offering two applications for the price of one, both marketed to the ladies. The first app is The Gaysiandar. Most women have to rely on their intuition to figure out if a guy is on her side of the fence, or on the other side. This app, which mysteriously uses the landscape and portrait orientation function to identify another kind of orientation, is to help those clueless girls out, and to save them the heartache of falling for just another fabulous face.

The companion app is entitled “How to Hag”. For all you aspiring hags out there, you, too, can walk in the footsteps of Angela…ummm…anyone who wants to have a gay boyfriend. Some tips include “don’t be too attractive; if you are, cover it with nerdish glasses” and “be slightly taller than your gay boyfriend, so if you’re ever tempted to kiss him, it will be extremely awkward.” Words to live by, ladies.


There's an app for that

• Kristen Stewart’s Bitchface!

A photo editing app, this one will slap a mildly uncomfortable grimace or a wryly sardonic raised eyebrow on the faces of your family and friends. Imagine the hilarity of showing off your family reunion photos, with everyone from Aunt Gladys to cousin Earl to Granny Marie with matching bitchfaces! Or the fun of sending a sexy bitchface photo to your Stew-lovin’ boyfriend or husband! You can also buy bonus effects from the app store, such as “awkward feet” and “flipping the bird.” You can also buy the “Copstache” effect for an additional .99 cents. Fun for the whole family!

• Kellan Lutz’s Protein Calculator and Modeling Tips

How much protein is in a ziplock bag of hard-boiled eggs? Kellan Lutz knows! And now he’s bringing those secrets to you! Just type in the name of the food you’re going to eat and the calculator lets you know how much protein is in your meal! This app also offers tips on how to look your best at a photoshoot (“Take off your shirt, but not if you’re flabby,” “Oil up your muscles, maybe even with real crude oil,” “carry a manly prop, like an axe or a wrench” “use a sock”). Kellan’s voice offers encouraging phrases when you fall behind on protein consumption. Hear him say “You can do it!” “No, really dude, you can do it!” “For real, you’re awesome, and can do it!”

(Side note: I think my gay boyfriend has already downloaded this app. But he uses the encouraging phrases for “recreational” use, if you know what I mean.)


There's an app for this

• Dress Me Up Taylor Lautner

In the style of virtual paper dolls, you can dress Taylor up, or dress him down! With a plethora of black suits and skinny ties, he’s ready for a premiere, night on the town, a press junket, an awards show, or just a quiet night at home. Also included: track pants, basketball shorts, karate outfit, and a variety of pop and Disney stars for accessories.

• Nikki Reed’s Does the Carpet Match the Drapes?

Well, we all know the eyebrows didn’t match the hair. In this fun matching game, make Nikki’s sartorial selections for her! Match curly red with long straight blonde. Black and bald? Or bald and black? You make the call! Points for the most attractive coiffure, both north and south, will win you bragging rights with your friends!

• Michael Sheen’s Intimidating Evil Laugh

Much like the vuvuzela app, this app doesn’t do much. It just repeats Michael Sheen’s amazing New Moon laugh over and over again. Frighten pets, annoy your friends!

• Xavier Samuel is Hot

This app offers a daily photo of Xavier Samuel to remind us of his hotness. That’s all. Do you really need more?


There's an app to remind you!

• Solomon Trimble was in Twilight

This app synchs with your calendar. Once a day, every day, at a randomly chosen time, an alert will pop up to remind you that once upon a time, Solomon Trimble was in Twilight. Seriously. He was an original Wolfpack member. And don’t you forget it!

• Buttcrack Santa Sings the Blues
  Since he couldn’t get an album deal, Buttcrack Santa now does a podcast. Accompanied only by his lonely blues guitar, he sings his original tunes with such catchy names as Animal Attack!, Hot Girls Suck (Your Blood, Not Anything Good), and Don’t Rock the Boat (There are Vampires Inside).

• Dakota Fanning Countdown Clock (AKA “The New Legal In Georgia”)

Most Twi-related crap is marketed for the females; this one is for the gentlemen. As advertised, this app will count down until February 23, 2012. The Runaways was very confusing for some gentlemen, thanks to Dakota and Kristen and their kissing, so in case a reminder is needed, this app is here to help!

Be watching your App Store for these and other fabulous Twilight releases, coming soon! Remember: TWILIGHT: There’s an app for that!

Love,
Freya

There’s an app for how awesome our vacation letter writers are! Make sure you’re following them and show your love!

What app would Big Daddy have? How about David Slade? What kind of app do WE here at LTT/LTR need?

And don’t forget to participate in While Moon was Gone!

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114 Commented