Denali Coven is cast and The Ice Truck Killer strikes again!

Don't tell anyone Dexter but I'm going to be in Breaking Dawn and when they're not looking, I'm going to kill them all!

Dear Breaking Dawn (I still can’t believe I’m writing to you now. WOW, we’ve come a long way),

BUT ANYWAY…

When casting news about the Denali clan hit the nets yesterday I had one response: THE ICE TRUCK KILLER is Eleazar?! And who the hale is Eleazar again?

Yes, for those of you who haven’t seen Dexter Season 1 I just spoiled it for you but seriously, if you haven’t seen it before you should. So of course I couldn’t remember who the heck Eleazar was and I thought if he’s been played by The Ice Truck Killer aka Christian Camargo than Eleazar must be a real creep, cause TITK (yup, we need an acronym already) is a total creep sandwich to the max. I’m going to spend the entire movie wondering if Deb will get away this time or if Dexter will figure out that Vampire’s don’t leave blood spatter patterns you can decifer. Ok, you all might just want to go ahead and add Season 1 of Dexter to your Netflix queue now because I will be referring to him as The Ice Truck Killer/Brian for the rest of eternity. Sorry Christian Camargo. Oh and welcome!

As far as the other folks, here’s who I care about…

This is the chick who makes a move on Edward in Midnight Sun... RIGHT

MyAnna Buring – Tanya

Ok, is it just me or does she look like a cat woman? This casting must sting a bit for AnnaLynn since she’s had the look cornered for the last year. Poor thing, have Kellan get you a mammogram to make up for losing this part. Google also says she was in something called “Lesbian Vampire Killers.” Now, if Bill Condon liked the ladies I’d day he might have been doing some in depth “research” before the casting but since he likes the fellas, I’m gonna have to say Rob and TomStu had a hand in this one.

Girls gotten some mad hate on the interwebs already. I wonder if this is how Rob felt when it was announced he was Edward. Or maybe more accurately, I wonder if this is how Clare felt since Rob was probably too busy being drunk to care what 20 (it was only 20 back then) Twilight nerds on the internet thought of him.

.

Oh hey, I'm Brooke... I mean the slut who darted Ryan Gosling... no wait, I'm Kate

Casey LeBow – Kate

Besides having a striking resemblance to a one BrookeLockart (but with blond hair) this girl is rumored to have been Ryan Gosling’s spring fling and for that we want to give her a high five but we’re too blinded by our own jealous rage to do it. I’m sure she understands.

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Samantha the American Girl Doll – Renesmee

Seriously, this is Renesmee

SIKE! (i wish). Word on the street is that Mackenzie Foy has been cast as Renesmee but I’m sure Summit has something up their sleeve to roll out the love child of Edward and Bella. So we’ll wait till we get the word from them before we come up with some more random shiz about her! But seriously, Samantha the American Doll, am I right?

I gotta say I’m excited to see how this all plays out what with the cat woman making the moves on Edward and BrookeLockart sneaking her way into the movie and them agreeing that Renesmee can only be played by a doll in a little hat and agreeing with us that BD needed a little action so they brought over the Ice Truck Killer from Dexter to make things interesting. Who wouldn’t watch this movie?!

412 Days!

Themoonisdown

For your googling pleasure here’s the rest: Carmen: Mia Maestro and Maggie Grace as Irina

SOOOOOoooooo feels like we’re finally heating up again in the twidom… slowly, they don’t want us to boil over before filming even begins, but what do you think??!! Agree/Disagree? Sad AnnaLynn got passed over as Tanya the catlady?

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Breaking Down Renesmee, porcelain dolls and our twifan card

Dear Breaking Dawn film makers,

There’s been tons of rumors about the new movie with most of them about who will be cast as Reneesme Carlie Cullen. Oh yea full name, who’s the twifan now?! But anyway it’s a big thing to cast, I mean this is the spawn of Edward and Bella, the fruit of their… ahem… love, the final WTF moment of the saga so it better be good. There’s a lot riding on this, so when news of one of the rumored girls testing for Renesmee started heating up UC and I knew it was time to break it down…

The one where we think Renesmee is pint sized

The spawn of Edward & Bella???

Moon: ok some renessssmeeeee….. so tons of gossip out there about who will be cast as renesme some actors daughter and now a 9 yr old with huge eyes. so what do you think? initial thoughts
UC: initial thoughts is maybe I’m the ONLy one who ended BDawn thinking renesmee looked no more than 3- MAYBE 4 max
Moon: yea i thought she was small like toddler/4-5 age but talked like an adult or acted older
UC: and i’m interested to see how Kristen acts the part in the script that says “Bella’s eyes grow wide as she realizes the child that burst from her abdomen 3 months earlier is now ready for the 3rd grade & loves to eat spaghettios” think she can pull it off? Is there a stutter for that (da dum ching)

Yea, I pretty much imagined Renesmee as the Samantha the American Girl Doll (hat and all)

Moon: i even had this weird image of her in like victorian type clothes like a porcelain doll, with a little hat and curls on the back of Bella and Jacob
UC: ME too.. and curly hair
Moon: like the idea doesnt really even compute. but theyre saying they’re going to use some benjamin buttons shit to use the face of the girl on a toddlers body
UC: right.. WHY? why not just use a toddler? they act on those Oscar Meyer Weiner commercials
Moon: well it’s hard for a toddler to act older i think thats the reasoning behind it like they need an older child who can interact in an older way but the look of a little kid
UC: yeah, I get it. But I WANT YELLOW KITCHEN CUPBOARDS DAMNIT
Moon: HAHAHAA dont we all. “accept it now!”

The one where we lose our fancard
Moon: all i can think about is rob and kristen interacting with this girl like WHAT is that gonna be like??
UC: I cannot IMAGINE!!!! i can’t remember- are there many scenes with the 3 of them? Can Stephenie write one in quick- family hunting trip? NO jacob? just the 3~?
Moon: yea the whole happy little family in the cottage and before the whole witness scene wait didnt they have a family hunting trip isnt that what irina sees?
UC: ohhh yes! I can’t remember is Jake is around the corner

REVOKED!

Moon: cue our twifan card being taken away from stephenie herself
UC: I mean… IMAGINE that for a second Cute 9 year old, blood on her chin Rob…. blood on his chin. and his shirt Kristen chomping down on a deer i mean… it wasn’t that ridiculous when I READ it but that’s RIDICULOUS!
Moon: right how is all this going to look?! have we not learned to TRUST yet?! i mean we worried about taylor and Kristen in NM we worried about the leg hitch and they’ve taken care of us but id be lying if i wasnt worried A LOT about BD
UC: A LOT
Moon: the birth, the baby, the hunting
UC: the sex- I mean….. what if we have a ton of nonstens in our theater? Do you think we’ll be safe? should we hire bodyguards?
Moon: dude we get that they’re together, we also dont care and we also get that theyre ACTORS i hope and i dont hope it’s awkward as hale
UC: i know…. b/c if it is, it’s because they’re thinking “omg this is awkward cuz we do this in real life- rob just broke the headboard LAST NIGHT- but that’s b/c it was Ikea and I got it when I was 10” he and TomStu were jumping on the bed You know what I hope?
Moon: what do you hope?

BOOBS

The one where we love kids
UC: I hope that when we watch it… we see Bella & Edward- just as we imagined them when we read BD for the first time I hope I forget it’s Rob & Kristen because as fun as being “involved” in their stars lives is (without their knowledge moohahaha – creeper) it’s quite possibly ruined the characters for me Can we really look at Edward & not think “He eat Hot Pockets”? Can we see Mike Newton & not think “Boobs?” And briging it back to Renessmee- can I see her on screen & not think “bitch is too old” Also… can I call a 9 year old a “bitch?” Cause I don’t think I can…
Moon: you called a 9 yr old a bitch…….. welcome to LTT world slut! heeeeey!!!!!!
UC: haha, we love jokes about kids.
Moon: ps but seriously, how in the HALE do you spell renesmee?!

So film makers can you see what we’re worried about and what we’re counting down the days till BD for? So make it good, we’re already regrouping our prayer chain to begin “praying and fasting for Breaking Dawn” again. Just so you know…

Renessme/Reneeseme/Renesmee/Renneesmee?
Themoonisdown

PS we dont hate kids, so don’t even try it.

So what will it be? WHO will it be and what did YOU think Renesmee looked like when you first read Breaking Dawn??

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Newest Twilight Saga Cast Members: Moon and UC. Why not?!

Dear Eclipse/Breaking Dawn Casting Directors, David Slade and whatever director ends up getting saddled with BD,

With all the news about the recent casting announcements and rumors swirling regarding who’s going to play who I’d like to formally toss my hat into the ring. Yes, I Moon Last Name Withheld would like to be in your movie(s). Besides the obvious: I don’t have an agent, a manager, a resume, a head shot or any serious acting skills beyond a couple school and church productions (oh and a very amazing video about wearing your seat belt shot for our 9th grade Safety Ed class), why not me? And why not UC while we’re at it? Remember when she begged to be Emily then Tanya? Come on!

You’ve recently cast Leah who wears a scarf over her boobs, some kid named BOO BOO for goodness sake and about every slut with a head shot around the world is starting a rumor that she will be Tanya. And now some chick from Germany who won a reality show contest is going to play Vera, Rosalie’s friend. So why not us? Here’s my pitch:

We can do slutty! Sorta.

We’re random unknowns with questionable skills, so we fit in with the folks you’ve already cast. We can wear scarved around our awesome racks and come up with an odd name for ourselves. How about Moon-Moon and UC baby? And I’m sure if given the chance we’d kick ass on a reality show, especially a reality show where the prize is a role in a Twi-movie. Our confessionals/Diary room footage would be worth it alone!

For the studio and production: A plus for the marketing side is that we even have a couple followers who might be interested if we actually made it into a twi film! We could rally our total rad troops to spread the word about how great Volturi gaurd #4 and Random Witness #23 are! And really, choosing us as your newest cast members would be a savings since we’re already pale,  so there’s no need for make up to airbrush on us, and no need for wigs since we have luscious locks and a coupon to the costume supply shop if one of us gets attacked by a random girl with a mullet and a pair of scissors. Heck, you could pay us in kisses from Rob and gift cards to Pink Berry.

Our joint headshot

So won’t you find it in your heart and scripts to cast us as Hiker who gets killed and friend of Leah #2?

After all there are no small parts only small actors!
Themoonisdown

See what good times UC has cooking over at Letters to Rob
Post your acting resume and run lines at the forum!

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