Breaking Dawn is trying to sell us something else

Dear Breaking Dawn Promo stuff,

Sometimes I get the feeling you are trying to sell me more than just the movie. Like when I look at the promo pictures it feels like there’s really an underlying message or brand I’m being sold. It’s as if the Summit Marketing team got together to come up with some ideas for “brand partnerships” to create “film and corporate synergy.” Yea, I’m pretty sure the word “synergy” was used a lot… So when I saw this latest batch of promo headshots from Breaking Dawn I knew I had to be onto something…
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Poor dude who plays Caius, with every movie he loks progressively more and more like Fabio. They might as well just give him a tub of butter to hold while he’s sitting behind Aro in the Voltera, Italy scenes and help make some extra money with product placement.

Charley Bewley is like one faux hawk and guy liner fueled make up and hair session away from his own Ed Hardy ad campaign. Poor guy, it’s not like he wants a rhinestrone tiger havng sex with a Koi fish on his chest, give the guy a break folks.
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Carlisle’s not just the president, he’s also a member!

Dude, Carlisle is already winning the race for worst wig in Breaking Dawn and we haven’t even seen the film yet. YIKES.
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Sure, most of Kellan’s life has been spent looking like an outtake from International Male Catalogue but we don’t need the official promo shots reminding everyone! Though I’m pretty sure Emmett did some Internantional Male Modeling in the 80s, I don’t want to see his mesh shirt collection any times soon.

(For a good time google image search “International Male Catalogue”)
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Why does Edward ALWAYS end up looking like an Insurance salesmen/Real Estate broker/Weatherman/Boringest Person In the World??? How is it possible to make Robert Pattinson look like the dad across the street? Stop trying so hard Wardrobe Dept! We know he’s 107 years old, we’re supposed to be tricking the dumb Forks, WA townspeople not making a neon sign pointing to this guy saying “This guy could be your great grandpa not your son’s classmate!”
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Sorry Alice… Sorry Twimoms but COME ON! Though I feel this latest incarnation of Alice’s hair is probably closeted to how Stephenie describes it, it still looks like she should be loading up orange slices and Capri Suns into the mini van.
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While Emmett was busy modeling for International Male in the 80s, Jasper deciding to make some extra dough moonlighting at the local Chippendale’s club. Doing that face the entire time. Just that face, some cuffs and a g string. All night long. Try not to laugh. When Chippendale’s went belly up because of a Bachlorette party done awry Jasper made the move to modeling heinous man jewelry for Hot Topic. They already have replica Bella saint bracelets, the wedding ring and Alice’s velvet choker (!!!) why not take the next step and offer the small male contingency who loves Twilight some Jasper jewelry? I know what I’m getting The Font and White Yorkie for Christmas! Terrible  jewelry!!!

Am I the only one who feels this way about some of these promo’s? Maybe I should be hired by Summit to oversee Brand Synergy! Clearly, I have a knack for what’s happening.

Off to Chipendales!
Themoonisdown

Why do they always look so crazy? Do you guys feel the same way?

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News Dump: The one with a lotta Sundance and a lotta Renesmee

Double feature now showing!

Dear LTT-ers,

It’s time to catch up on the news that only needs a sentences worth of discussion. Yes, it’s time for another News Dump! So put on your Bella jacket and mittens cause there’s a whole lotta Sundance!

• At first I thought Elizabeth Reaser was at Sundance to promote her flick Homework, then I realized they just hired her so they could screen the movies on her huge foreFIVEhead. Dang. PS It’s Oregano!!

• In between holding still for the screenings, Elizabeth talked about Kristen and Mackenzie. Don’t bother watching, it’s everything you expect: “Kristen scared me!” and “She looks like their child!” Boom, saved you 4 minutes!

• Apparently it must be a Holy Trinity week of filming cause Charlie Bewley is ALSO at Sundance and he dropped this awesome gem when asked about Renesmee:

“I imagine if Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had a kid it’d be like this grungy…awkward and shy kind of thing,” jokes Charlie Bewley, who plays Demetri in the vampire movie franchise.

Dare to NAIR ladies

• I’m sure it’s a BIG DEAL that artist Richard Phillips included Rob, Kristen and Dakota on his “Most Wanted” list and created pop images of them but I’m not so sure the girls appreciate the weird shadows on their upper lips that look oddly like mustaches.

• WHO wasn’t at Sundance? Chaske Spencer ALSO dropped by the gifting suites to debut his new hair and announce he joined Fall Out Boy and will be quitting BD and touring this spring with the band. Then he bequeathed the role of Sam back to Solomon Trimble who clocked out at Home Depot and jumped on Cathi Hardi’s private jet for Sundance. Free shiz it free shiz however you get it.

• Bella’s house was pulled out of storage (a Vancouver Twimom’s garage) and reconstructed over the last few days. It looks more like a Sears Siding commercial or the AFTER tornado view of Dorothy’s house in Kansas than the home of the Swans.

Things that are important to note from this video:
1. Jackson’s Jasper hair is back. The REAL Jasper hair. Like Twilight Jasper hair. We may need to get a muffin basket together for the BD hair folks
2. The 100 Monkey have a REAL, ACTUAL Tour bus???
3. In 5 years Jackson may be on Dancing with the Stars… or Dancing with the hands-y fans.
4. Who does Jackson give HJ’s to regularly at MTV that the 100 Monkeys keep showing up on this MTV videos?
5. Jackson seems to have dropped the totally over the top accent plus side mouth talking thing a bit. He must read LTT. *Hi Jacky!*
6. That one dude totally wishes he was Jackson. Sorry dude jumping around in the back who’s name I don’t know. Enjoy it while it lasts!
7. Does Jackson have one suitcase fully devoted to his WEIRD hat collection?

• If you weren’t scared about bringing Breaking Dawn to the big screen you will be after you see this fan art I dug up over at Twifans. WOAH. Someone hold me.

• BREAKING NEWS: Still no new set pictures or actual evidence that they’re doing anything in Baton Rouge. SHOCKING.

Off to the gifting suites… I mean Sundance!
Themoonisdown

Srsly how are 100 Monkeys still being featured on MTVonline on the regular? I don’t get it.I was mean about Liz’s fivehead but for reals, side sweep, am I right? What say you?

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