Who are all these new people?! Volurti and Twitter don’t mix

Beller is alive!! And so are all these other Vampires I don't know...

Dear LTT-ers,

Remember when we didn’t know who the guys in the Wolfpack were or who Harry was? And we call them stuff like Nerdy Wolf and Australian dude? Well while I was away it seems like anyone who has ever been cast as a vampire came out to play in the public eye. While I was trying to catch up in the weeks of twi-news I missed, I kept saying WHO is that?! WHO is this?! That albino dude is in Breaking Dawn? So I think it’s time we catch up with the newbs (the ones I care about at least) and give them a little run down on how shiz works around these Twilight parts…

Something's not right here, right???

Vladamir, The albino guy – aka Noel Fisher
I have a lot of questions for this guy… is it bleached? Was he born this way (ain’t no other way)? I thought the Romanian Vamps were HELLA old and creep sauce looking. He may be a tad creeper but he looks 16. More just learning to drive and hide my back-ne then dark forces of the underworld.

Stefan (not Urkel) – aka Guri Weinberg
This dude went on and on about playing some big prank on the set of BD and while I enjoy a good “Go Fuck Yourself” as much as the next person, when I hear “prank” and “Breaking Dawn” in the same sentence I’m hoping some switched out Bella’s cup of fake blood for the REAL thing… or at least have Bill Condon to ask the wolfpack to not rely on CGI but to really bust naked out of their clothes and phase, with a straight face.

Srsly yall, The Pacific, Rami Malek get on this train!

Benjamin, Egyptian Vamp – aka Rami Malek
He’s pretty much the only new Vamp I really care about because he was kick ass in The Pacific, looked freaking cute with his long board in Larry Crowne but really I like him because I saw him on my way to Target a few weeks ago in his black Prius wearing one of those pork pie hats and any vamp who loves the earth and tiny hats is fine by me.

Eleazar – aka Christian Camargo
Clearly, Dexter’s brother is the only other new Vamp I really care about. Too bad his name is Eleazar and not Brian/Rudy the Ice Truck Killer… but I think I’ve waxed eloquently on this topic before.

They all seem to be starting Twitter accounts and tweeting each other and the fans like they’ve been around for decades, even telling Twihards if they’re a REAL fan they’ll follow Volturi Guard number whoever decided to join the twittersphere that week. Um no, actually I am a real fan but I only need one Tinsel Korey tweeting misspelled missives about the end of the world in my feed. One love yall! One of these is more than enough! THANKS!

Do they really think we believe them about being a true fan? Do we care? NO! Have they ever asked Stephenie Meyer to play “Fuck/Kill/Marry” with her own characters? I THINK NOT! And THAT’S how you do it Twilight Vampire newbies… a late welcome to the ‘hood from us.

Runs with Vampires… or something,
Themoonisdown

Do you feel as confused as I am about all these new people? Should I have flashed Rami Malek in his Prius? Yes? know, missed opportunity. And are you a real fan? Enough to follow all these yahoos on Twitter?

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69 Commented

Denali Coven is cast and The Ice Truck Killer strikes again!

Don't tell anyone Dexter but I'm going to be in Breaking Dawn and when they're not looking, I'm going to kill them all!

Dear Breaking Dawn (I still can’t believe I’m writing to you now. WOW, we’ve come a long way),

BUT ANYWAY…

When casting news about the Denali clan hit the nets yesterday I had one response: THE ICE TRUCK KILLER is Eleazar?! And who the hale is Eleazar again?

Yes, for those of you who haven’t seen Dexter Season 1 I just spoiled it for you but seriously, if you haven’t seen it before you should. So of course I couldn’t remember who the heck Eleazar was and I thought if he’s been played by The Ice Truck Killer aka Christian Camargo than Eleazar must be a real creep, cause TITK (yup, we need an acronym already) is a total creep sandwich to the max. I’m going to spend the entire movie wondering if Deb will get away this time or if Dexter will figure out that Vampire’s don’t leave blood spatter patterns you can decifer. Ok, you all might just want to go ahead and add Season 1 of Dexter to your Netflix queue now because I will be referring to him as The Ice Truck Killer/Brian for the rest of eternity. Sorry Christian Camargo. Oh and welcome!

As far as the other folks, here’s who I care about…

This is the chick who makes a move on Edward in Midnight Sun... RIGHT

MyAnna Buring – Tanya

Ok, is it just me or does she look like a cat woman? This casting must sting a bit for AnnaLynn since she’s had the look cornered for the last year. Poor thing, have Kellan get you a mammogram to make up for losing this part. Google also says she was in something called “Lesbian Vampire Killers.” Now, if Bill Condon liked the ladies I’d day he might have been doing some in depth “research” before the casting but since he likes the fellas, I’m gonna have to say Rob and TomStu had a hand in this one.

Girls gotten some mad hate on the interwebs already. I wonder if this is how Rob felt when it was announced he was Edward. Or maybe more accurately, I wonder if this is how Clare felt since Rob was probably too busy being drunk to care what 20 (it was only 20 back then) Twilight nerds on the internet thought of him.

.

Oh hey, I'm Brooke... I mean the slut who darted Ryan Gosling... no wait, I'm Kate

Casey LeBow – Kate

Besides having a striking resemblance to a one BrookeLockart (but with blond hair) this girl is rumored to have been Ryan Gosling’s spring fling and for that we want to give her a high five but we’re too blinded by our own jealous rage to do it. I’m sure she understands.

.

Samantha the American Girl Doll – Renesmee

Seriously, this is Renesmee

SIKE! (i wish). Word on the street is that Mackenzie Foy has been cast as Renesmee but I’m sure Summit has something up their sleeve to roll out the love child of Edward and Bella. So we’ll wait till we get the word from them before we come up with some more random shiz about her! But seriously, Samantha the American Doll, am I right?

I gotta say I’m excited to see how this all plays out what with the cat woman making the moves on Edward and BrookeLockart sneaking her way into the movie and them agreeing that Renesmee can only be played by a doll in a little hat and agreeing with us that BD needed a little action so they brought over the Ice Truck Killer from Dexter to make things interesting. Who wouldn’t watch this movie?!

412 Days!

Themoonisdown

For your googling pleasure here’s the rest: Carmen: Mia Maestro and Maggie Grace as Irina

SOOOOOoooooo feels like we’re finally heating up again in the twidom… slowly, they don’t want us to boil over before filming even begins, but what do you think??!! Agree/Disagree? Sad AnnaLynn got passed over as Tanya the catlady?

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