Where’s Daniel "Big Daddy" Lautner?

Dear Taylor,

Where the HALE is your dad?! Every time a new photo of you comes out of you at an airport or running around town I hold my breath as I scroll through each image just waiting to see Bid Daddy’s face among them. Preferably off to the side, holding a to-go box wearing an XXXL polo shirt and some dad pants but alas he’s no where to be found. He’s been missing in action for weeks, maybe even a month since we last saw the man we’ve all come to know and love and refer to affectionately as Big Daddy.

Hmmmm filet o fish

Where could be be? Did he get stuck in Rob’s old hotel room jail cell? Was Summit jealous of the coverage Big Daddy was getting from paps so they threw him in the same cell Rob was in for almost a month? Is Big Daddy jealous of Taylor Swift and all the face time she’s been getting with YOU? I mean, you took her to Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse and didn’t take Big Daddy? That’s blasphemy! They serve red meat there! I would be hurt too. I’ve even started searching every McDonald’s in the Los Angeles area looking for a cuddly dad in a corner self soothing with a Filet-o-Fish while you’re out on the town with the other half of Swiftner, but he’s no where to be found! It’s as if he never existed! Tell him to stop taking Edward’s words so literally. I can’t take this anymore!

And now you’re off gallivanting through foreign countries with KStew with NO parental guidance? Is Big Daddy sitting at home in his easy chair when the newscaster says “It’s 10PM do you know when your children are?” and NOT KNOW where you are?! I shudder to think.

I’m worried Taylor! Please tell me Daniel “Big Daddy” Lautner is ok.

It’s 10PM do you know where your Big Daddy is?
Themoonisdown

Oh and Dear Kristen,

Nice outfits! No, I’m serious, I swear!

Thank god for press tours! Oh and wanna share shoes?

<3 sometimes,
moon

What say you? is Big Daddy MIA? Where is he? And do you heart or hate KStew’s look in Mexico?

Find Big Daddy at The Forum
Rob’s doing something over at LTR
November’s a crazy month TV wise, Jena has put together a handy dandy viewing guide over the at forum! Set your DVR’s now!

181 Commented

This is how you found us? Vol. 4

f-a-k-e l-e-s-b-i-a-n-s

Dear LTT/LTR’ers and googlers-

My how time flies! It’s already June and we missed one of our favorite reoccuring posts: “This is how you found us?!” in May. For those of us just joining in on the fun, WordPress (our blog program) allows you to see handy dandy stuff like numbers of visitors, which post is the most popular and what terms people searched for when they found our site. When we found this feature we would laugh so hard at some of the terms we knew we had to share them with you awesome readers! And May did NOT dissappoint, seriously these are some of the best we’ve seen. So without further adieu… This Is How You Found Us??!!

Where robert pattinson hangs out – You want to know my address? Or the 24hr taco joint down the street from his hotel?

Twlight edward eyes pillow case – It’s creepy trust me, but also totally awesome to scare your visiting co-blogger with when they wake up!

The Tuck Pattinson – is this Rob’s new nickname? Forget spunk ransom, it’s now officially Robert “The Tuck” Pattinson

Abstinence – Well, you’ve come to the right place… we’re totally saving ourselves for our wedding night with Robert Pattinson… and Jackson Rathbone… and Kellan Lutz… aaaannnddd… ok well maybe abstinence isn’t the term…

Buy Pattinsons wardrobe – this will cost you all of 4.75, to get his look all you need is whatever you wore in 9th grade and then access to either a Goodwill thrift store or movie Wardrobe dept. for a couple extra holey tshirts every 6 months. (This might be in my favorite top 5 things anyone’s every googled and found us! What else can you say about the genius of this?)

Robert Pattinson birthday gift from Kellan – I’m guessing either a personalized copy of The Purpose Driven Life signed by Rick Warren, or an ex-small purple wifebeater

Wig for new moon – NOT THIS ONE! If this is your New Moon Hair Dept, we are NOT happy. FYI

What is robert pattinson doing for his birthday – Well besides us, maybe about 29 shots of Jameson, smoke a whole pack and then hide in his room from you freaks.

www.jet-porno.ru – is this some kinky mile-high club shiz?? (check it at your own risk i have NO idea what that is)

funny lesbian birthday wishes – I’m not sure but maybe we can ask KStew and NReed for some ideas? Unless they’re not talking to each other now since that whole messy faux break up we’ve created in our minds happened.

Buttcrack school – Dude, Buttcrack Santa is teaching? Where do I sign up? Prof. Santa!

Follow the cut for more hilarious, scary and just plain weird googles! Trust me it just keeps getting better!
Continue…

43 Commented

Birthday Wishes for Robert Pattinson from the Twilight crew

Dear Rob,

Yes. We realize there is an entire site dedicated to you (LetterstoRob, holla) but today is ALL about YOU! It is your birthday, afterall! So happy birthday from us, UC & Moon. We’re just popping in here quickly to tell you we collected birthday wishes or gifts from your favorite castmates from The Twilight Saga. And boy are they awesome! We hope you enjoy them!

Love,
UC & Moon

PS don’t forget to check out the party at the forum in YOUR honor and the very special edition of Letters to Rob!

this could be YOU rob! (click to enlarge! trust!)

Jackson Rathbone
For your birthday, you get to spend some time in the Banana suit that randomly travels around with my band, 100Monkeys. Don’t question the reason for the banana. Just jump in the suit and have a good time. Oh, and try not to sweat too much. That thing is a bitch to wash so we haven’t done it, ever. But don’t worry- we bought it only slightly used and it’s been around since ’92, so it’s good quality. Happy birthday, banana man!

Kellan Lutz

Friends are friends forever if the Lord's the Lord of them

Today, Rob, I am burdened with prayer for you. I committ, as your accountability partner, to spend at least one hour in constant prayer for you today. I will pray for a variety things such as your inability to get over Kristen, your smoking habit, for your protection from the Pattinson Pants & Pattinson Tattoo ladies and that you will find the strength to do the necessary exercises to obtain a 6 pack such as mine. I’d also love to go clubbing with you later, if you’re up for it. I met some smokin’ hot ladies in Hollywood last night that I bet we can witness to, ifyouknowwhatimsaying (wink wink!). Prayin’ that it’s a kick-ass birthday, man!

Eat your heart out Rob!

Ashley Greene

Rob, it’s clear to me that you need another $103 LNA zip-up hoodie so I’m gonna take you to Kitson to get one! It’s on me.. No, no no, I don’t want you paying. Oh fine, you can contribute your budgeted amount for a hoodie. What’s that $40 or $50..? Oh… three dollars? Are you kidding me? Robbie, I think they charge more than that to walk in the door at Kitson…. Oh well, Happy Birthday anyway you cheap-ass friend. Oh and seriously you like THOSE girls more than me?? Hummmppphh. Maybe I should get you a brain and a pair of eyeballs for your birthday instead of a hoodie.
XO

Hair hair haaaair, long beautiful hair!

Rachelle Lefevre

Hey Rob, as we all know one of the main things you’re known for is your hair. I mean remember all the hoopla in December when you cut it off? Or all the questions on the Twilight press junket about your hair and how you never wash it and how it has a life of it’s own? Yea, well we all remember it very well cause we were asked non stop about it. Thanks. So for your birthday I’m going to give you free hair tips since mine is so faboo. I’m also going to teach you how to wash it every few days so people will stop asking that question! I’ll also introduce you to this awesome dry shampoo that you spray into your hair to soak up the grease. It’s a gift

Forget those little girls Rob... grrrr!

from God himself. And then I’ll let you let me scratch your head and massage your hair follicles to encourage growth. What? You’ve never heard of that? Just go with it babe. Trust me.

Elizabeth Reaser

Rob, I saw how you were looking at me during the Vanity Fair photoshoot. You couldn’t keep your eyes off me, if I do say so myself. So for your birthday I’m going to teach you the ways of a real mature woman! Forget these GIRLS… I’ll show you ALL the tricks you’ll ever need and then leave you wanting more you’ll be prepared for your future girlfriends.

M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E!! (click to enlarge)

Taylor Lautner

Hey man, it’s a big day for you and I know you have to juggle a lot what with you “being” Edward and all the crazy fans who follow you to your hotel and trying to put off the fact that everyone thinks you and Kristen are bumping uglies. Let me give you a pointer: get with a Disney girl and walk around with umbrellas and hug in the rain. Everyone will be too blinded by the cuteness to ever care or think to care about you two doing da nasty. TRUST.

Oh and Selena told me to tell you she’ll let you know what happens at the end of this season of Wizards of Waverly Place if you’ll autograph her Edward body glitter container.

Some Enchanted Evening. Prom: 1990never

Stephenie Meyer

Rob for your birthday I want to rewrite Breaking Dawn so that Bella chooses Jacob and you Edward realizes his mistake and he actually marries Ms. Stephenie Meyer Cope, the older more mature woman in Twilight and you take her off to Isle Esme. I’m also going to rewrite the part where you Edward takes my Ms. Cope’s hand and pulls her DEEPER into the water… to read more like my actual NC-17 dream that I had about how the honeymoon REALLY went down. So if you’ll fly down to Phoenix this weekend we can just run through a couple positions ideas I’ve come up with and see what works and what doesn’t. You’ll glower and I’ll show my chagrin and it’ll be awesome! This is really going to be AVN Oscar Awards worthy! I can’t wait!!!

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