The Font writes a letter to the universe

Gone FIshin'While we do the “mans” job and Go Fishin’, The Font from the LTT Podcast does a girlie thing & writes an LTT

Oh hey there internet!

It’s The Font, your favorite Twi-misanthrope. So listen. Moon left the country or something. And because I am part of the LTT family, I am legally required to write some sort of letter. It’s true. It’s in the bylaws.

But here’s the thing internet. I really don’t like Twilight that much. I mean, I don’t know if you know this, but it’s pretty much for girls. Seri

SO! In honor of Moon’s vacation to wherever she is (Thailand? Rhode Island?), I am going to write a list of things that would make Twilight more awesome.

Let's not talk & just sparkle

1)  Vampire Hunters.

Think about it! How much more awesome would everything be if when Edward and Bella are whining about how sparkly they are or whatever, a bunch of dudes show up with flaming crossbows! And then Jacob has to choose between letting Edward get super-murdered and saving the man his favorite lady loves! Oh hey look! Actual conflict!

Or what if they killed one of Edward’s friends, and somehow Bella was responsible? Also, could you kill these guys if they’re trying to kill you? What is the moral code of a soulless vampire?

Hey look! Conflict again!

2)  Way More Murders.

Seriously.  Everyone survives these books. It is a VAMPIRE versus a WEREWOLF. And they are teenagers! With all the hormones! If I had super strength and/or crazy murderous killing powers at 16, and some vampire was trying to take my lady, shit would be ON like Donkey Kong!

And that’s not to say anything about all the killer vampires trying to murder Bella all the time. None of them were like, oh, why don’t I kill her parents and shake her shit up! Bella would probably be dumb enough to go to the funeral. Murder  central!

Now that's funny!

3)  More comedy.

No one says anything funny in any of this.  Think of a funny thing in these books. Seriously. I dare you. I mean, you can say funny things ABOUT Twilight. (Some might say you could write an entire blog about it.)  But like, couldn’t Jacob be funny?  I mean, there is some comedy in the fact that he is a werewolf, right?  Like, no one ever turned into a werewolf and messed with people just for kicks?  I mean, that would pretty much be the greatest locker room prank ever.

Okay listen.  I am sorry for making fun of the thing that you guys love.  I know I do it all the time.  But I had to write a letter!  They made me.  I still love you, internet.  Even if I am weirdly distant.

Seriously, don’t murder me.

The Font

The Font is so paranoid. So what do you think? Does he have some good suggestions? Or are they as lame as his paranoia? Obviously he doesn’t share our views- but what about the views of the guys in YOUR life!?

Please love Moon & think of her while she’s gone!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Return to Monday Funnies: Bella & The Beast and some teen boy humor

Dear LTT-ers,

Since it’s most folks first Monday back from the Holidays I thought we could all use a good laugh and since there’s pretty much nothing new in the Twilight world let’s have a few laughs shall we…

Bella and the Beast – Someone mashed up Beauty and the Beast and Twilight and it pretty much kills. Too bad they didn’t make Mrs. Potts as Alice.

Way to jump on the Twi train a bit late but still… Guermo from Jimmy Kimmel Live talk show takes a turn as everyone’s favorite Vampire.

This totally appealed to the 13yr old boy inside me. YOUR MOM!

Follow the jump for more laughs

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Taylor Lautner on SNL… what shall we say…

Wait, I think I see a funny skit over there...

Dear Taylor,

Now you know I love ya something fierce (most days) and think of you and Taylor Swift as my own personal Disney Prince and Princess but when the nicest thing I can say about SNL is that you really can rock a wig… that’s probably not good. Now, before I get more than my daily share of hate mail I gotta say there were a couple shining moments in your episode of SNL…

  • Your opening monologue! Showing the VMA clip where you just stood there doing nothing while Kanye trampled all over your sweeties moment was all kinds of hilarious

[vodpod id=Groupvideo.4202356&w=425&h=350&fv=]
round house kick…

  • Those pre-roll photos they show of the host before the skit. Those were HOT sauce and should be added to some museum for creepy women older than you to enjoy

Oh hey hey heeeeey!

  • The wigs. How is it that you can pull off a blond wig, a floppy McDonalds arches mid 90s wig, an emo wig and a freaking crimped and braided teenage girl wig? Does it worry you any that compared to most other teenage boys you look pretty natural in  long girly hair? And most importantly does it worry you that a TV show has access to better wigs than a movie with a multi-million dollar budget has?

Nice rack!

See what else was win, what sucked and what certain red head country star made a cameo after the cut

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Best New Moon review EVER! LOL cats, 3 wolf moon, it has it all!

Dear LTT-ers,

Remember how we said we were going to stop beating a dead horse by reviewing the crap out of New Moon?! Well, JUST KIDDING! Actually this is a review done entirely in LOL cats so that alone means it’s the best review ever…

A Preview…

Just wait till they get to the Volturi cats! And the Wolfpack. DIED! Enjoy the rest of the New Moon review here at Microsuede

Enjoy your Saturday!

Love LOL cats? Hate LOL cats? Do you can has cheezburger?

Thanks Katelin for sharing and to Microsuede for making us LOL!

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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And even MORE Imma contest entries!

Dear Imma contest entrants and LTT-ers,

I know what you’re thinking “Wow, UC & Moon are SO lazy. They took advantage of the “Imma enter a Twilight contest contest” entries & have now posted them THREE days in a row as an excuse for a break from blogging.” And you would be right. We did this. Because bloggers are people too. And sometimes we get busy & need a break. Plus we’re lazy.

Since there were SO many good entries and since only two special folks could win AND since  we just happened to create fake categories that just happen to fit perfectly with some of the entries we’ve created fake prizes to show you just how much we love you. Cause we care. Sometimes.

Time for the funny…

Best entry featuring an American more popular in Germany than his home country

Kendall – You win the complete series of Baywatch on DVD and a private performance of “Hooked on a Feeling” by the Hoff himself! Lucky.

Best entry featuring an infomercial host who’s now in jail

JodieO – you win a free palm reading session with Jackson. He may not really be able to read palms but he definitely see’s a 100 Monkeys concert in your future

Follow the cut to see more entries!

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