Chris Weitz Porn– err pom

This begins our countdown until next week when both Moon & I enter a new stage in our jobs where we can find time for each other longer than a quick “Hi FML” for 5 minutes each day. 5 days to go…

Dear LTT,

I know, I know we’ve done the Alpaca Llama thing to death. I mean, Taylor looks like a llama! There are llama farms in Forks! Haha. So funny. But as luck would have it, an anonymous LTTer (not me, but anonymous for her or his(!) dignity’s sake) had a dream in which Chris Weitz was a Pomeranian. It was one of those Princess and the Frog type of story lines in which she or he(!) kisses the pooch and it becomes the DILF (x2 almost, btw!). The catch being that after ten seconds of the most recent human kiss, he turns back into the Pomeranian. Very awkward indeed.

When she or he told me about this dream, I knew there was only one rational response. Since I’m a good friend and really love procrastinating, I felt the only thing I could do was create, say, a minimum of five mash-ups of Chrispom (which, adorably, looks a lot like Chrisporn):

After that happened and I increased the day’s happiness levels for everyone who received the Chrispom, an email thread regarding “We should do the other directors! David Slade clearly is a naked mole rat” ensued. These were the results:

As you can see, Taylor is not the only one who can be compared to a domestic and/or wild animal to bring about happiness in one’s day.

Chrispom Forever!!!

With Kind Regards,

Team Seth

In other news, Team Seth’s letter today informed me that Alpacas=Lamas. I did not know this. I might be dumb.

Remember this from the good ol’ days?

GUYS: I’m going to the Sam Bradley/Marcus Foster show tonight. Hold me! – UC xx

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47 Commented

Do we miss Cathy the Cougar?

I even chose to post this gorg picture of you. Dang, what is wrong with me!?

Dear Cathy the Cougar,

I have something to confess. I said something nice about you. I don’t know what came over me, but…. I stuck up for you. Moon likes to play devil’s advocate most of the time, but I don’t even think she was doing that when we chatted. I think her anger/bitterness/hate was real. And I normally agree, but… but…..I didn’t this time. You should do something to get on Moon’s good side- maybe send Ned Bellamy (aka Buttcrack Santa) her way with a basket of different Margarita mixes for the holidays.

Here’s how it went down: Yesterday in the comments, LTT reader Ish had a random thought:

I was thinking about how poor Cathy the cougemaster gets a rough deal from us and I suddenly realized – She actually cracked it the most. I mean, the undercurrent of sexuality (puts on tweed petticoat) but seriously, yes, NM and Eclipse were better in most things but didn’t have me getting all hot and bothered and having to sort myself afterwards. Bring back Cath! (actually not really but maybe they could ask her advice on a few things…)

and an email conversation ensued…. then I figured out how to make iTunes work again on my work computer & it happened- you know- it’s happened to all Twilight fans: We’re just minding our own business- projecting our budgets for First Quarter 2011, and we hear it- and visions of Edward Cullen come dancing in our heads:

UC: Ohhhhhhh- The Black Ghosts song from Twilight just came on my iTunes! GOSH. WHY does this movie bring up different emotions in me than the others? like.. I just got gooey in my belly
Moon: Seriously. when I watched Twilight on Thanksgiving I was like REALLY HAPPY

I barely even miss these two

UC: Moon, is it possible that we want Cathy the cougar back? Did the guys (the DILF & the short one) who did the next two movies not capture the same emotion? Like.. I want to watch Twilight again. Right now. At 3 pm in the afternoon on my work computer- think if I close my door I can download a bootleg & get away with it? I don’t feel the same way about the other movies. I don’t want to watch New Moon- I’m not even excited to watch Eclipse this weekend.. WHY!? Twilight is the WORST made- the worst acted, it had the worst wigs, but yet…. I love it more. Do I actually have to thank Cathy!?
Moon: NO. God no!! Never say that!!! And I’m actually kinda excited to finally see Eclipse again
UC: but WHYYYYY Moon? Why do we feel that way about Twilight!? And not the other movies? Wait- you’re excited to see Eclipse? I’m not. Why aren’t we exactly the same? We can’t be different. We’re UC & Moon. That’s like Bert & Ernie, Simon & Garfunkel, Lennon & McCartney or Bella & Edward……
Moon: I just am excited! I seriously can’t remember most of it. Does Chris Hansen have a cameo?
UC: I mean….maybe I’m excited.. let me see…. (thinking)…. No. Nope…I’m not….. but dang.. I’m in a Twi-gushy mood listening to this song…..
Moon: It’ll be like seeing Eclipse again for the first time
UC: Like you’re an Eclipse-virgin- A Born again virgin!!!!
Moon: I am!
UC: Ish just wrote this in an email:

“Twilight was so sensual without anything happening except for a few chaste kisses, and I bet many ladies went home from the cinema and had the need to ravish someone, even if it was the taxI driver on their way home! I didn’t get that feeling with NM or Eclipse. “

UC: I think that’s SO interesting and true- like THAT KISS!!!!! on the bed… SIGH…I think that’s why I was a little disappointed with leg hitch- even though technically it was all one could dream of in a leg hitch scene- I mean the leg was CLEARLY hitched…What else could you want? It’s exactly what we asked for….
Moon: Right.. it was hot…
UC: but… it was just…. a lot…. and sometimes.. too much- or even “just enough” is not as hot as holding back- or sexual tension. It’s expected- it’s so much hotter when it’s unexpected- or unfulfilled.
Moon: I really think it all goes back to the newness of Twilight. It wasn’t a big deal to anyone but its fans. No one knew what Rob and Kristen were like as Edward and Bella. We didn’t know how it would all look (Blue!)

I could be your new mommy, UC!

UC: Awwww- I even miss the blue!
Moon: and the fandom wasn’t full on coocoo bananas like they are now
UC: Totally true. So does Cathy the Cougar get ANY of the credit?
Moon: Sure, she gets some, I mean, she made the movie. Like she (with the help of a lot of people) got it ON the screen
UC: Why do I sound like I have some sort of sympathy for her? I need to look at some pictures- remember that she reminds me of my dad’s ex fiancee
Moon: yea you need to watch ONE interview with her and get the hate back

But I didn’t. In fact, I did the opposite. Well, if you consider the opposite to be: leaving work, going home, going to yoga class & thinking about YOUR original Twilight anytime the instruction said “say your mantra to get through the pain.” So it’s not a video montage featuring your epic hairstyles. It’s not a proclamation to the Twilight world that YOU are the originator of Robsten, but it’s a close second. I thought of you during the downward dog. And if that’s not a 180 from my usual dreams of secretly videotaping getting you drunk on watermelon margs while getting you to spill about Nikki Reed/Mike Arangano/K Stew gossip, then I don’t know what is!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

So what do you think? Do you feel a different connection to Twilight than you do the other movies? Do you think it’s Cathy the Cougar’s craziness? Do you wish you could knock one or 12 back with her at a neighborhood Applebees? How much does “Little Red Riding Hood” look exactly like Twilight? Did I get off topic?

Ps: We know change is hard, but we changed our comments. And the change is here to stay b/c Moon & I love it & we’re the bosses 🙂 Best thing to do is register yourself a Disqus account (the second option on the left when you sign in to comment) and use the same email address you used before- it will either automatically pick your own avatar (if you uploaded one before) or give you the option to do so. Otherwise you get an apple. And yes, it looks as though Disqus does NOT have an option for thumbsdowning. Which is sadtimes for the haters & janetrigs. 🙁

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178 Commented

News Dump, All the Twilight news fit to print: Breaking Dawn and it’s newbies

Just one of the 9823489234 photoshoots this girls been in. Clearly, Alice chose this tophat

Dear LTT-ers

Remember when we started talking about the newbies and the cat and the Ice Truck Killer who were cast in Breaking Dawn? Well, there’s like a butt ton more and we can’t even be bothered with learning them all until they’re seen out with one of the holy trinity at a 100 Monkeys concert and they’re caught in a lurid embrace with a LOD fan club member. BUUTTT there’s a lot of news out about them right now so it’s time for a round of a News Dumo, where we round up all the news they’re in and bring it to you here in one place… with our LTT spin of course!

• Who hired an escape convict to play a wolfpack member? Hide yo children.

• Is this dude hot? I can’t figure it out… yes…. no???? yes??? Maybe in that boy in your 10th grade homeroom kind of way? Also wtf does Peter do? Man, I need to brush up on my Breaking Dawn trivia.

• Remember when Rob had a mullet in that made for TV movie “Ring of Nibelungs?” Why do I get the feeling she was an extra?

• The fact that this photo was taken like minutes from my house makes me want to punch someone. Thanks for the warning David Slade.

• Rob and Kristen are gonna have fake sex in Brazil. Start planning your South American vacations now, Robsteners!!! (if you just added Brazil to your travel website alerts after reading this, you’re on “The List”)

• Ok, he’s not a newbie but we can always use some Robert Pattinson, with a director talking about some school holiday we don’t understand, in our lives

So which of these newbies should we care about enough to start following? Which Vamp witnesses have a big part in the story? And should we start rereading Breaking Dawn together?

Happy Monday!
Themoonisdown

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99 Commented

Well when you put it that way…

Dear Twilight,

We love you. A lot. Like A-LOT A-LOT. You know this and we’ve accepted your idiosyncrasies and your quirks and like any good, mature relationship, they only make us love you more. Especially when the movie versions add in totally dumb ones. (shhhh those are our favorites!) But as you know people like to make fun of you and even though we try sometimes it’s hard to explain why you’re so great when people like to focus on the absurd. But they do make great videos. Like this…

“Jacob” kinda has that alpaca look about him, no?

David Slade blew the roof off Eclipse and made even some of the crazy stuff seem totally plausible so what about Breaking Dawn? We KNOW Bill Condon’s got his work cut out for him. Renesmee, births, cottages by the creek, yada yada yada I wonder if he got the cliff’s notes version like this…

Weeeellll when you put it like that…

Plasma TV and AWESOME DVD collection. Maybe these folks should write the script? They know the important stuff.

Oh Twilight, we still love you! Even besides your incessant talk of glowering and Bella’s pregnant foods being eggs and cups of blood instead of ice cream and pickles. We wouldn’t trade you for anything, for realz.

Happy Labor Day!
Themoonisdown

Happy Labor Day to all the folks in the states. Yes, another holiday where we grill stuff and hang out in pools and what not trying to hold on to the last bit of summer. So enjoy your day off and we’ll see you back here this week!

Special Thanks to Mandy and Bea for sending us the videos!Have an idea and want to write a letter while we’re grilling today? Saw a video, a picture, or a news story we need to see? Send it in! DO IT!

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32 Commented

Where are they now? All our old favorites edition!

Dear LTT-ers,

Anytime I hear Lady Gaga’s song “Pokerface” I inevitably think of AmanDUH and I get sad. She was a legend in her own time and then deleted her YouTube account before we barely knew her. Well we KNEW her kitchen and her hallway with the bed sheet strung up and we DEFINITELY knew her “special” husband she made dress us as Edward in their backyard but we didn’t get to see her mature into her artistry. And that got me thinking about all our other old Twilight favorites that we loved and talked about so much… what are they doing now? Are they happy? Do they think back on us and Twilight with fond memories?

So I decided to do a little research and see what our old pals are up to.

How I’ll always think of Michael

Oregano – Michael Angarano will ALWAYS be the Young William in Almost Famous and for that I will always love him and I truly have high hopes that he will or maybe has escaped the Kristen/Robsten nonsense he was aparty too. I heard some rumors of him and Emma Roberts being an item and that would account for the frosty exchange between Rob and Emma on Leno but I don’t care enough to research this. So I’ll take the easy route… from the looks of IMDB he is busy like a bee, but not too much to pace in front of my favorite coffee shop a few weeks ago. My friends had to restrain me from asking what REALLY happened and what Cathi is REALLY like and if Nikki was REALLY involved in the whole final breakdown and if he can get me Patrick Fugit, Zooey Deschanel and Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s numbers.

Catherine Hardwicke – Besides being asked to make appearances at all TGIFriday’s grand openings in the continental US because she’s such a huge supporter of the chain restaurant our dear Jamaican vacation loving cougar is directing movies again! With Billy Burke as a character in her new period piece movie, Red Ridinghood, I wonder if she’ll make him grow a killer pornstache or walk around with a sword in one hand and a can of Vitamin R in the other. Whatever it is we know she’s already got the Lukas Haas/Amanda Seyfried audition tape from her groovy bedroom in Venice Beach on LOCKDOWN.

Sage – Formerly of super group Sage and the Dills. Ok, maybe not super group. But according to Nikki Reed herself she directed Sage’s video for a song which I’m sure I don’t care about but features Nikki’s “friend” Johnny Flynn. Why, Johnny WHY?!

AmanDUH – Oh Amanduh… where for art thou AmandUH?! You made us love you with your renditions of songs from the Twilight soundtrack, your dramatic reading of chapters from Twilight and who can forget the music video you did with your special Husband? We miss you! Where did you go? I did some light googling and found our girl is STILL at it only she runs her own fansite… HER own fansite the Amadah fansite and has like 5 youtube accounts. And I’m sad to report I think she may have left “Special Edward” and the kids in that apartment, changed her name and is now a porn star with a guido looking boyfriend. Maybe. These are my conclusions after my google research.

(if someone can figure out wtf that black line over her lip is, I’ll give you an award)
She’s also decided to honor The Runaways and obviously Kristen’s portrayal of Joan Jett with this stunning hair and makeup job. Though NOT a mullet (amateur!) she does have the pleather painted on! ALL HAIL AMANDUH! She’s back… or at least until she finds out I embedded her video here.

All my fave DILF moments, minus the orange pants

Chris Weitz – The man, the DILF, the legend. He made it alright for us to hope for something better than the Twilight movie. Under his careful guidance and sexy scarves we dared to hope for better FX, better wigs and NO spider monkeys. We got 2 of the 3. And we’re forever grateful. Chris paved the way for David Slade to take the reins and OWN Eclipse HARD. We can now only cross our fingers for Bill Condon’s vision for Breaking Dawn and thank Chris Weitz for paving the way. But what is our ol lover up to these days? He famously said he was going to retire after he finished “The Gardener” but by the looks of his IMDB he’s looking sexy as hale AND he’s linked to FOUR new projects that are “in development.” One of these is officially the best movie ever based on it’s title: “Another Bullshit Night in Suck City.” Whatever Chris Weitz ends up doing I’ll always want to give him a hug for making New Moon.

Where will the Bananager and David Slade and Xaiver Samuel end up and all our other latest favorites? Do we think anyone will end up on a future season of Celebrity Rehab? Here’s hoping not unless they have Rehab for an addiction to chain restaurant Italian food. Ahem.

Off to watch a billion AmanDUH  videos!
Themoonisdown

Who do you miss or wonder what ever happen to them? What happened to Buttcrack Santa? Has anyone ever actually been to Sage show?

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78 Commented