Take out your party hats, it’s LTT’s 3rd Anniversary!

There are no videos in the post, so you can just mute your computer today! HOORAY!

Dear Unintendedchoice, Themoonisdown and LTTers,

Never trust a girl with crazy eyes, nor let her blog

I know what you must be thinking: who let Brookelockart get control of the blog? After deciding that I wanted to throw a surprise blog party, I spent the last two weeks cracking passwords (hint: has to do with Robsten, magicness and Bella’s birthday). So folks, spike your coffee and raise a glass to three fabulous years of laughter, tears and images that will never leave you (two words: Snail Penis).

As part of the anniversary surprise, I reached out to regulars and some old time friends who jumped at the chance to reminisce about our favorite LTT posts (I may have also promised some punch and pie.)

Please introduce yourselves and when did you start reading LTT/LTR?

Read_or_sleep: Summer 2009
Cazza: March 2009
PlaneFriend: Reading Since: About 5 seconds after this post. When I saw Stephenie was going to have fansites interview her, I decided to go looking at the fansites. All the others I just glanced at, read a page or two, and never went back to again. Within days, I was reading most of the LTT backlogs…realized I knew UC a few weeks later, started writing for y’all occasionally, and the rest in history.
Stacey: March 2010
LonestarKendall: March 2009
Rachel B, formerly GriffsSayWhat: Winter 2009
Alice_NaA  – Bella_NaA : A  long long time ago, when palatial pads and hot pocket fortresses where yet to be built, Summit was not to blame, TomStu still shaved, Bobbygee shared his wisdom, AmanDUH  was working her living room corners, the Pattinson pants were in style, and Oregano was not just an Italian herb.
superhumanmoron: January 2009
MrsKowski: I’ve been reading since March of 2009. The post that started it all for me was the “This is how you found us? Vol. 2”  it was linked on NewMoonMovie.org – my world has not been the same since I made the decision to click on that link.
Snowwhitedrifted: January 2010
Janetrigs: February 2009
Allryans: April 2009, actually since THIS post.
Operarose: August 2009
TeamSeth: September 16, 2009

Well, I guess this is what happens with an open ended question. For the record, I’ve been reading since March 2009.

We know that LTT gave laugh lines to Stephenie Meyer, what posts made you screen spray your drink while reading?

worse when it comes out your nose

PlaneFriend: I laughed so hard while reading this post that I flatout cried, no joke. I mean, Barbies in lingerie? Blacking out a Barbie’s girl parts? Flipping hilarious.
Stacey: This is an old one, but one of the first that I read that made me laugh so hard that it woke up the baby I was nursing at 2 A.M and made him start crying. So while that won’t help me win mother of the year, that post did bring some fun at actually being awake at 2 A.M.
Rachel B: I really loved seeing all the funny stuff people thought up for this contest, even though I was not creative enough to think of anything!  And, at the time the “imma let you finish” was ALL the rage!!
Bella_NaA: Oooh, the Imma-contest. Endless fun we had with that one. There were some really, REALLY good entries, including the one that Gil Birmingham ended up tweeting about!
Mrskowski: I think a memorable screen spray post was the “Ok …we gotta discuss it …it’s time” post – can you believe I’d never seen Last Tango in Paris before this post? …I could have probably answered this same question with any LTT Mailbag post or any My Twilight Confessions post as well – I die at all of them.
SWD: Breaking dawn Barbies
Janetrigs: The epic Calliope (@CalliopeBlabs) , UC and Moon Break Down of the New Moon trailer and we learned that Tweed is indeed Serious.
Operarose: Any of the posts with responses to letters LTT received from Twi fans who thought to the cast or Stephenie. I love the equal parts biting sarcasm, snark and sometimes sweetness involved in UC & Moon’s responses to the rather confused fans. Example

Cry Baby

Those certainly bring back lots of memories, also some inappropriate laughing at work. On the flip side, which post made you cry more than Eric Yorkie in New Moon?

Read_or_sleep: I have nothing coming up from memory.  Obviously I am a cruel, heartless person.
PlaneFriend: This post because I want to read a Leah sequel THAT badly. Truly, I have a ridiculous affinity for Leah. I want to get inside her head. I want to see her puke over the pedophile Jake-Nessie imprinting. I want her to fall for someone other than Sam!
Lonestarkendall: Just another example of how Twi brought us LTT/LTRs together across the country, supporting one another and making us laugh.
Alice_NaA: Don’t remember the exact post, but at the time of our twidiction high, every post reminding us that the twilight-period will come to an end, made us sad.
Bella_NaA: And now, every post that reminds us how LTT has become so much more than a funny blog about Twilight but also a place where we have made new friends!
SHM: I can’t think of one in particular.  Usually the ones that talk about all the friendships made through LTT.  And we all sing “Friends are Friends Forever”.
MrsKowski: it’s a toss up between “Twilight Moments that have shaped us” and about Leghitch2010
SWD: Well, this one was emotional for me, because I did the shirts. It’s AWESOME to see them on you all!!
Janetrigs: Freya describes how we all feel, in that LTR/LTT has brought us all together as friends.
Operarose: MidnightCyn’s story. Probably one of the most unforgettable stories I’ve ever read, anywhere, period. I was so inspired that Twilight helped distract her from a difficult time in her life.
TeamSeth: Same post as above.  This is one of the first posts I read, and I thought every Thursday was a tear jerker (due to post title). Luckily that wasn’t the case, but this will always be the most teardrops are fallin’ down my cheek post and same goes for its comments. But what makes it even more tear-jerker to look back on is that Cyndi DID go see New Moon, even though she didn’t think it was a possibility.

Continue…

47 Commented

New Moon music and major props to Chris Weitz

I wish I had on my yellow pants

Dear Chris Weitz,

A few weeks back Moon had her chance to gush over you and THEN got to meet you and shake your hand at the Billboard music event. We’ve been sharing with the world (aka the followers on twitter) daily what a DILF we think you are and then in true LTT fashion, because nothing is sacred to us, we totes went and made fun of your horrible, awful, your “wife probably called you the minute the first picture leaked and demanded you remove them”, yellow pants. We feel bad. Because in watching all the interviews with you this week, and seeing you tweet about your “yellow pants committing suicide,” we feel like you may be aware of LTT and may have “heard” us poke fun of the awfulness of the pants.  We’re not sorry we said it, cause those pants deserve to burn, but we want to reassure you that you’re still our favy Twi DILF.

A few weeks back, when Moon was off somewhere crafting yet another plan to do yet another Twilight/Rob related thing to make everyone jealous, Calliope and I got to talking about the New Moon Soundtrack you and…. well, you’ll see

“I’m loving it”

Calliope: are you loving soundtrack?
UC: loving– I’m on my first listen right now!
Calliope: samies
UC: i may have switched to bon iver being my fav. i mean.. lykke li = amazing. but it’s bon iver. and i love him but then the grizzly bear…jeez..and this is what I’ve decided. (i shall tell Chris Weitz in a letter soon) New Moon LOOKS amazing; New Moon SOUNDS amazing; New Moon is a GREAT story, so as long as the acting is AMAZING, the movie will be AWESOME- it all falls on their acting and well….we’ll see
Calliope: yep. i think Kristen will be much more believable as Bella here. I think Weitz was the proper director for her… Hardi was too all over the place
UC: I hope! and Rob better not suck it (cuz sometimes he does) Hardi is crazy balls
Calliope: the puppy’s acting is also up for consideration
UC: Yes.. the puppy better lower his voice. Dude.. WTF is this Lupe Fiasco bonus track on the soundtrack? Omg… I’m dying. I will stop it and never listen again
Calliope: if rob’s acting sucks I’m blaming it on the apparition effect
UC: let’s just blame anything wrong with it on Hardi

Marry Me

UC: Seriously.. did you see that picture of Chris Weitz in the studio that @twilight tweeted? He has adorable sticking out ears! I would marry him if I weren’t already married. I’d walk right up to the studio where he’s been working day and night and say.. hey Chris marry me. I’d wear something slutty..
Calliope: oh. mae. gawd. listening to that lupe song now.
UC: TURN IT OFF- I will delete it from my iTunes, I mean it. I skipped over the opera too- i can’t handle it after indie amazingness
Calliope: Okay, I skipped to “the Meadow.” OMG i heart Weitz. I want to send him a gift basket to thank him for what he’s done with new moon, but not a cheesy fruit gift basket…like a serious thoughtful gift basket
UC: yes! let’s ponder this What would it include?
Calliope: An inspirational quote book (Because he’s sensitive and would totally get it)
UC: perhaps a mix tape too.. Champagne..chocolate..book of poetry- all the things we’d need, just in case he decided to take me up on my offer to ‘thank him’
Calliope: when I was in B&N yesterday possibly scanning the racks for one of the bazillion twi-gang covers I know I’m gonna buy, I saw a journal with “stay calm and carry on” on it… and I LEGIT wanted to buy it for him. I’d Etsy him a dartboard with the studio heads responsible for Golden Compass (plus one with Nicole Kidman’s face on it because her excessive use of Botox had to have had something to do with why it tanked, as well.)
UC: Perhaps we could also use a Rachelle pillow? Since he was the last to use her?

We talk football (seriously) after the jump! Continue…

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The IMportant questions about Twilight

Dear Stephenie Meyer,

We recent shared some of the letters we receive from LTT/LTR readers, and they’re pretty crazy. I can’t even begin to imagine what the letters you receive are like. Okay, maybe I can. For example, we received THIS letter from “skipped elementary school grammar class in NY” that was addressed to YOU the other day. (here are a few excerpts)

You see I feel kind of cheated where Jacob BLack’s roll is concern.  I no this makes no sense to you. In Breaking Dawn you did write that Jacob and Renesmee was imprinted on each other. But then you add Nahual to the mix. I so cherish the moment you wrote that Jacob imprinted on Renesmee. Because I really, really felt his pain for his love for Bella. At the end of the book I felt kind of cheated. All your fans got to see Bella and Edward love story ending in a fairy tale ending. But I didn’t feel that way about Jacob. See Renesmee is still a little girl. So Jacob only see her as a child he loves and has to protect. WHAT ABOUT THEIR LOVE STORY. But I have mixed feeling because you add NAhual in the picture and now I think Jacob might not find his shoreline after all. Maybe he never finds his love and his holes never get filled. POOR JACOB. So please if you don’t mind do you think in the near future you would write a book on Jacob and add Leah to that too, how she too found her love or a better life.

This brings me to today’s topic: The important questions about Twilight.

Didn't you used to sorta be a dude?

1. Whatever happened to Leah? The girl who skipped grammar class in elementary school brings up a good point. What about Leah? What’s HER story? I feel as though she was really cheated as a character. She lost Sam; she turns into a smelly dog at will; she runs around with a pack of boys and can’t get mani/pedis with the girls on the weekends. Where is HER happy ending? At least turn her into a lesbian citing her abhorrence of men since Sam hurt her so badly. It would explain how she can fit in with the boys so easily. Plus she could end up with Eric Yorkie after he undergoes a sex change operation.

Not all the e-mails we get are for you, Rob or from crazy people. Larissa sent us one recently that brings us to question #2

2. Do Vampires masturbate? Larissa says:

Well I stumbled upon your website and absolutely love it…its nice to know that i am not the only twisted twilighter in the world…but my obsessive thoughts over the question ” Do vampires masturbate” seriously has me worried …i cannot get the mental image of Emmet rubbing one out and Edward indulged in his thoughts out of my head…this makes me a very sick sad person and im ok with that

You’re not sick, Larissa. You’re normal. Let’s say it all together people: “That’s Normal.” I asked around to my peeps to see what they thought. I heard a chorus of resounding “Yes of COURSE he masturbates.” And I have to agree. If he’s able to get it up an’ at ’em enough to produce a child/half-puppy/half-leech, he’s definitely jerkin’ the gherkin from time to time. And this brings up the very important question, Stephenie: who did he think of before Bella came into his life? Does the Vampire world have their own porn scene & he keeps a copy of Turn of the century sluts stored in his piano bench?

"It's leftover mountain lion, but we'll tell her it's chicken. Capiche?"

3. What is Carlisle chopping in the kitchen in Twilight the movie? Seriously. This has bothered me for almost an entire year. It has kept me up at night. I even asked the question on WikiAnswers (my favorite place for very accurate answers to questions. Did you see how spot on they are with questions about Rob?) And someone said it’s chorizo. HOW DO THEY KNOW THIS!? I thought we were friends, Steph. Or did you stop reading LTT when you saw Moon posted that guy who came on a chat with LTT girls and stripped? I told her you wouldn’t be fooled in thinking that was Rob. I wish you could tell me whether it’s chorizo or salami that Carlisle is cutting. This is very important

BobbyGee, skip the following question:

You heard right. I want THIS down THERE

4. What about the body hair? You know that when Alice, Rose & Esme were changed, the times were different. It wasn’t seen as inappropriate for a woman to sport a big bush (yeah, I mean what I just said). Okay, if the woman was walking down the street, maybe that would be inappropriate, but in private, under the undergarments, bushes were a-okay. But that’s not exactly the style anymore. So what do they do? I can’t imagine trendy Alice & perfect Rosalie would let it grow all wild & crazy. If they shave or wax, doesn’t it grow back? Does it even go away when they try to get rid of it? Maybe, if they have to live with it, they just dress it up. I have a friend who goes orange for Halloween. What’s Emmett’s favorite color? Does Rose surprise him from time to time? Does Alice sport an “Army Green” in honor of Jasper? You know what would REALLY be cool? If they all got the Cullen Crest dyed down there. That’s commitment to family.

BobbyGee you may proceed:

I know you get asked a lot of questions, all the time, Steph, but these questions are really weighing on me. Does Edward stick out his tongue when around his brother and say “nah na na na nah nah” because HIS wife’s hair “down there” is hip with the times? What type of Italian meat did Carlisle get to cut in his kitchen for the first time? What pornographic magazines are out for the men in the Cullen family to enjoy when their wives are out getting their Cullen Crest’s redyed? And what about poor, poor Leah? Where’s her fairy tale ending?

Inquiring minds NEED to know,
UnintendedChoice

What other REALLY IMPORTANT, burning questions do you have about Twilight? Share them in the comments!

And check out my favorite kind of email we receive after the jump! Continue…

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New Moon Trailer – Breaking it Down! And ordering a Sleep Number Bed

Dear LTT-ers,

You know one of our favorite things to do is ramble on about Twilight and Rob and have extended chats about everything in the twi-world which we dubbed “Breaking it down Vanity Fair style” in homage to our very first chat of this nature that spurred the creation of this blog. SOOOO when the new trailer came out Sunday night and after many folks requested we break it down, here we are BREAKIN’ IT DOWN for you! And as usual it devolves into a chat about something completely different but yet oddly related to Twilight. So since this is a loooong one… grab a cocktail (or a diet coke) and settle in as UC, Calli and I break this shiz down!

UGGGGhhh uuhhh AHHH!!
Themoonisdown

(refresh yo memory… as if you need it)

Wait, Carlisle is HOW old??

The one where Bella second guesses this whole thing…
Moon: ok burning daylight, lets hit it
Moon: i love that because cathy was so fail and didn’t include some of the volturi legend they have to do all this backtracking… “the volturi?! who’s that?! they have LAWS??” Yea you should have known that from the last book Bella.
UC: wasting chris weitz’ precious time
Calliope: she’s all like HOLD UP BACKUP
UC: and while youre at it.. who is buttcrack santa again? This changes EVERYTHING!
Calliope: wtf didn’t you tell me about this LAST TIME
UC: I wouldn’t’ have fallen in love with you had I known about the Volturi! Carlisle is HOW OLD? Dude? I’m crushing on you’re 300something year old dad?
Moon: I’m not sure I wanna date you now Edward, is that Newton kid still down?
Calliope: I bet Edward says.. “Second thoughts bella?” all assholey on her like “TOLD YOU SO”
Calliope: she’s like … hold up… you’ve been celibate for HOW LONG
Moon: HAHAHA FOR THIS?!
UC: wait.. you eat MOUNTAIN LIONS? Ew
Moon: this changes everything! Trailer fades to black. The end
Calliope: yeah though granted, it makes more sense to discuss the volturi now, for the non-readers (all 10 of them) to have movie flow
UC: good job cathy the cougar
Calliope: but seriously. Bella needed this info LAST movie
UC: right… we really do need to worry about the 10 ppl left in the world who haven’t read
Moon: and dont forget they still have to touch on jaspers special power
UC: and they did NOTHING with the Alice story
Calliope: “wait a second,… jasper controls my emotions?!?! WTF edward… i trusted you!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
UC: So it’s Jasper that’s been making me feel that tingly feeling down there? I thought you were skilled!
Moon: so my first unicorn was all a ruse by you and your emotion altering BROTHER?! What kind of sick family is this?!
Calliope: Oh edward… clearly this is his first relationship. Edward is suck a fail boyfriend… just tells her what he wants her to hear.

Wanna see what else we talked about? Hint: Matlock, Mattresses and Afros… YUP follow the cut
Continue…

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The tassle’s worth the hassle! Twilight stars graduate

Seniors Rule, underclassmen drool! FORKS SENIORS YALL!!!

Dear Graduating Vampires, Humans and I’m sure some of the Werewolves,

We break for the weekend and you all decide to go and graduate on us. I’m a little disappointed I didn’t receive an invitation to commencement but I’ll just assume mine is lost in the mail and head over to Hallmark asap to get you all a bunch of shiz that says “Class of 2009” that you will eventually find 5 years later when you’re cleaning out our old bedroom at your parents house. Return it NOW for cash. Trust me.

Seeing the caps and gowns and fake diplomas got me thinking about when I graduated and how I loved those cheesy quotes that people used in their commencement speeches, on graduation announcements, and as the class motto so I got to thinking about which quote you guys would choose for your graduation. And here’s what I came up with…

Mike Newton
What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us  (burritos).  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Bella Swan
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did….  (so TURN me already, Edward!! GEEZ!!) ~Attributed to Mark Twain, unconfirmed

Angela Weber
Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. (Cause it always freaking rains in freaking Forks, Washington)  ~Anthony J. D’Angelo, The College Blue Book

Eric Yorkie
Excellence is not a skill.  It is an attitude  (So CHILLAX!). ~Ralph Marston

Edward Cullen
The important thing is not to stop questioning (But I hope you enjoy disappointment). ~Albert Einstein

Alice Cullen
If you think education is expensive, try ignorance! Manolo Blahniks ~Andy McIntyre

(I know, I know they didn’t graduate the same year, but just go with it…)

Rosalie Hale
Education is the best provision for old age. (So it becoming an Vampire)  ~Aristotle

Jasper Hale
There is a good reason they call these ceremonies ‘commencement exercises’. Graduation is not the end, it’s the beginning (trust me, I’ve done this like 50 times) – Orrin Hatch

Emmett Cullen
Do not follow where the path may lead.  Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail (but hopefully no scent for any murderous nomadic vampires).  ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Happy Graduation!

Education is the most powerful weapon which you can use to change the world (so is blogging about Vampires),
Themoonisdown

UC brings the awesome over at Letters to Rob
Sign Edwards yearbook in the forum!

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