The New York Post focuses on the important things in their articles about Twilight Fan Fiction

Hey Girl (whatcha’ doin’…?) You’re gonna wanna catch up on the controversy of the Twi Fan fiction being published for real and then read this New York Post article before starting this Part 1 of 3 written by a few anonymous fans:

NYP- we could've told you how hot Twi Fan Fiction makes women YEARS ago #oldnews

Dear New York Post,

So I was emailed this article today. You know the one, don’t act coy. You probably think this is about the metric crap-ton of TMI you made us all wade through to get to anything relevant, and granted, sure I now know way too much about random strangers’ sex lives, and thanks for that, really, because everyone knows you can’t possibly promote explore a work of erotic fiction without stressing again and again and again and again how absolutely horny your subjects are.

No, that wasn’t gratuitous at all.

It’s just that I’m a little confused how a journalist is capable of asking women how horny a book has made them, and capable of hearing about it at length, and capable of actually publishing it, and yet said journalist somehow has a difficult time finding out that said work of fiction originated as a fanwork.

Especially when such upstanding journalists have information such as this at their disposal:

In the fall of 2009, she was just another “obsessed” “Twilight” devotee posting BDSM-themed fan fiction online.

Well, to be fair, that’s maybe not much to go on. You have an author, E.L. James, who used to be involved in fanfiction. It’s not like you could just put that into Google and—


Yeah so, it probably would have been kind of smart to inform your readers that those books they’re shelling out ridiculous amounts of money for is actually the former Twilight fanfiction “Master of the Universe” and can be found online anywhere, anytime, as a pretty exact carbon copy (except the characters’ names). You could have mentioned that all this “success” should really be credited to Stephenie Meyer and the Twilight fanbase, seeing as, without us, this novel would have never been published in the first place.

But no. Apparently, this is not relevant information to your reader, and I get that, I do.

Who on earth would want to read about the exploration of any of the following topics relevant to this story?

  • FanFiction and the Vanity-Publishing Industry
  • Ethics and Literature
  • IP Copyright Laws and How to Completely Ignore Their Existence
  • Offensive Misrepresentations of BDSM Lifestyles
  • Stephenie Meyer Pays Your Bills
  • How the Internet Exposes Plagiarism
  • One time E.L. James Kind of Wrote a Novel and Three Times She Didn’t Actually Bother

You know what we really want to read about!

  • How BDSM makes women like super horny and stuff.

Excellent choice there. The only thing that made this article even more empowering to the very audience you were attempting to target was:

He’s not the only man looking to capitalize on the trilogy.

“A guy friend of mine said he wanted to form a business looking for girls who have ‘just finished the book, before they cool off,’ ” says Brod. 

So… that happened. And thanks for publishing for this, especially, as we all know by now that any journalistic exploration of Twilight and girls and girls liking Twilight and girls enjoying sex or any kink at all, just isn’t complete without a couple creepy dudes being quoted as stressing their desire to capitalize on it in the skeeviest fashion imaginable.

Instead of tackling a very controversial and significant topic, you chose to emphasize women’s sexuality, and you didn’t even do that right? I wish I were more surprised, but frankly terrible journalists made females lose faith in media long before Snow E. Queen L. Icy James Dragon discovered the secret to becoming a real writer:

Step 1. Write Edward and Bella having a lot of bad sex.
Step 2. Wait until it gets popular in the Twilight community.
Step 3. ???
Step 4. Profit!

The only thing worse than seeing the media fawn over what a complete success story this truthfully badly written series has become, is that you completely fail to mention the source of the popularity, and maybe in  some cases, completely sweep it under the rug. This series isn’t successful because E.L. James is an amazing writer; I think this has been established, even in your coverage. And, news flash: it isn’t even successful because it’s got a lot of sex and offensive misrepresentations of kink.

Let’s not shit ourselves here.

This series is successful because it was introduced to an existing, flourishing audience under the false pretense of a peer to peer relationship with a community devoted to Twilight, Stephenie Meyer, and Edward and Bella—definitely not because E.L. James wrote something so magnificent that all us sex-starved women can’t help ourselves.

To be continued….
Fandom Anonymous

Oh so what do YOU think?

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145 Commented

Fan Fiction gets published: Brookelockart breaks it down

Hey LTTers.. this week some gossip was released about a fan fic that was popular. And since the last fan fic I read (and never finished) had something to do with cookies, I brought in the big guns for their expertise:

Dear Twilight Fandom,

The twitters were a buzz on Monday with the news of former fandom “author,” SnowQueens IceDragon E.L. James  getting a possible Hollywood development deal for her Fan fiction, Master of the Universe Fifty Shades of Grey.

According the the article posted on Publishers Weekly:

“One of the things Hollywood scouts are buzzing about coming off the holidays is, surprisingly, an erotica series by a British TV executive which  has garnered strong word-of-mouth via GoodReads and other fan sites. An insider said the series, called Fifty Shades of Grey (which is also the title of the first book), is “being compared to Nine and a Half Weeks” and is making the rounds among producers in Los Angeles. Author E.L. James published the books without an agent through a small former writers community called The Writer’s Coffee Shop, and told PW she has sold approximately 30,000 copies since releasing the first book in May, 2011.

James is represented by film British film and TV agent Valerie Hoskins and, still, does not have a literary agent. Hoskins confirmed that there is “huge buzz” on the books, largely from American producers and, now, from a few larger American publishers. The books are out in trade paper and e-book, and available through a number of outlets, including the Kindle store. The series, which is set in the U.S., follows a woman named Anastasia Steele, who is studying literature, and who becomes romantically (and sexually) entangled with an entrepreneur named Christian Grey.”

While I wish Publishers Weekly would do a little more than just publish a Press Release without doing any due diligence to insider sources, there are still some highly disturbing facts. How is it possible that James is publishing FAN FICTION? Now, I never read MotU for my own reasons (I heard it sucked), but I wanted to understand the background of the story and the similarities between James’ Bella Ana and Edward Christian.

I gathered @pinkFluffgirl and @allryans to chat about this fandom drama.

Sam gets his own movie on Lifetime

Brooke: I’d like to start off by saying that i have New Moon on in the back ground. So if I occasionally space out, I’m swooning over the stache

Fluff: lol

Allryans: Not the stache. The SamFlab

Fluff: samflab. they should write fic about sam, then sell it to lifetime. that’d make for some compelling shit

Brooke: I’m sure in person, it’s just a little bloaty, but then you have Alex there with his washboard glory

Fluff: Getting Rid of The Bloat: Sam’s Story

Allryans: How Emily came to love Sam’ Spare Tire, a haiku by Leah Clearwater

Brooke: diuretics of death, the Sam Story

Allryans IS nice.

Fluff: Can I also say the next person who calls me “mean” is gonna GET mean. I swear to God. I want to bitchslap these delusional idiots

Allryans: I saw the word “vicious” today. WAH WAA

Brooke: hahah, I either ignored all that or was in a meeting. I think no one calls me mean to my face anymore

Fluff: [name deleted] tweeted “my mama said if you don’t have something nice to say, shut your mouth or I’ll shut it for you.” LMAO REally? Bring it bitch.

Allryans: Mockery is not meanness. It’s flattery, dontchaknow

Fluff: This whole thing is like the David Koresh of the fic world

Brooke: *heartichoke* Bella just told Edward he won’t stay with her any other way. Why does that get me, EVERY TIME?

Fluff: You wanted me to be human OMG sad

Allryans: Cause KStew actually did super well right then. SEE? I CAN BE NICE

Fluff: she will ROCK IT as Fifty’s Bella

Allryans: ANASTASIA. Get it right

Fluff: I mean OMG. And when I think crazy, sexually abused crackbaby Dominant I think ROBERT PATTINSON

Crazy fans always ruin it for the rest of us

Here’s what we could look “forward” to (if it were up to her fans)


Brooke: so have either of you read Masters of the Universe?

Fluff: yes

Allryans: I actually saw a thread on Goodreads today asking about casting for the book. They all wanted Wetworth Miller for 50

Fluff: LMFAO hahahahahahahha. This isn’t Prison Break. God bless that cult.

Brooke: so, i suppose this story came out and I was too loyal to the sub, or was in my Vamp fan fic only phase

Allryans: I’ve read BOTH MoTU and 50 Shades of Grey (but not the sequels, I have standards)

Fluff: To be perfectly honest, I LOVED MotU at first.

Allryans: Me too.

Brooke: but then i heard the author of MOTU was a piece of work and I couldn’t start it

Fluff: It was great. Then she just couldnt let Edward be fucked up. He had to be F U C K E D UP.

Allryans: I started it pretty early on, before she had a persona at all. I think it was about 25 chapters in, and updating really regularly when I started it.  Suddenly the thread on Twilighted got out of control with theories and followers and talking ALL DAY long. That’s where the Bunker Babes and the Cult of Icy began. And I started slowly backing away.

Brooke: so, was it the author, the story, or her cult fans?

Fluff: and her bella had shit for a backbone. And her wording KILLED me. I’m not into BDSM much but I think it’s disgusting to call spanking ‘beating ass’, Where I’m from beating ass means getting your ass whooped because you are fighting. NOT some love taps in bed.

Brooke: I’ve heard from others that the writing was crappy.

Fluff: the author was FINE until she gained a following.

Brooke: they all played into her evil plan

Allryans: Icy was probably overwhelmed with the attention in the beginning. Then her ego inflated.

Edward’s Mom is a crackwhore

Fluff: My biggest thing was the British-isms when Edward and Bella lived in the PNW. Like it’s not hard to know a billionaire WOULDN’T drink BudLight. Shit, in my teen days where we drank what we got our hands on, we still had better taste.

Allryans: It’s fic. We don’t read it because it’s renewing our minds with it’s literary breakthroughs. Of course it’s got …. problems … like a million … ellipses … for instance. And Bella is the most indecisive, spineless, insecure version of herself that I’ve ever seen.

Fluff: Bella wore ‘vests’ and dressing gowns. The story was compelling until she just kept throwing HORRIBLE things at the characters. I mean Edward’s mom? She was a crackwhore. And it came out that he liked to ‘beat Bella’s ass’ because Bella looked like his birth mother. I mean WHAT THE WHAT?

Allryans: But it was intriguing, we were all talking about it together (which is the main reason why fic is fun for me) and to be honest, there were aspects of her Edward that were beyond awesome. I can’t remember what they are right now, but that’s because she ruined him in the end.

Allryans: While there are fics out there that are very well written, fics I”m proud to have read and reviewed, this one was PURE ENTERTAINMENT.

Brooke: nothing wrong with that!

Allryans: I ignored all the things that annoyed me, and read it for the story. THEN THE STORY GOT WHACK YO. AND THEN ICY AND HER FOLLOWERS GOT WHACK.

Allryans: I mean, she threw every single villain from the Twiverse out there. There was Mrs Robinson, Lauren, James, Jacob.  I remember when the “ghost girl” showed up it was one of the first times I said – wtf is she doing with this story? How much can happen to one couple in a two week time period? Her friend is still in the goddamned Bahamas for chrissake.

Brooke: Dear lord, sounds like they were whipping the shark in every chapter


Allryans: JOKE LANDED!

Brooke: (<—dork)

Allryans: There was something every chapter. Usually it was Bella and Edward start to argue and Edward stops her complaining with sex.

Much MUCH More after the jump! Continue…

186 Commented

For Your Consideration… Twilight Fan Fic dramatic reading posibilities

Dear LTT-ers,

They’re at it again, first Michael Sheen had his way with Unexpected Circumstance and now VH1 has Elizabeth Reaser reading from A Pair of Emerald Earrings. If we had access to these cast members and had no shame and no embarrassment we’d totally ask them to do the same thing. Who cares about their new movie or some dumb story from the set of Breaking Dawn about how Rob really loves fruity pebbles that we’ll hear a billion times, I wanna hear the cast of Twilight saying things like spank and hot and maybe do a little heavy breathing. It’s called method people, DO IT.

Watching this is giving me Vietnam style flashbacks from when UC and I tried to do a dramatic reading of Tara Sue Me’s The Dom and I scared myself so much with the Lucifer meets 10 packs a day chain smoker voice I created for “Domward” that I thought I was gonna flog myself at one point just for flubbing my own lines. Thank god this has never seen the light of day. Also my vocal chords have never recovered.

Since VH1 seems to be doing the Lord’s work and because we love Kate,  I have a few requests for their next Twi-star reads fanfic edition…

For Your Consideration…

Domward, Darkward, Blissward, Fightward, Tattward... yup, these all sound like me!

Robert Pattinson reading… The Office – I think he’d really get into the ripping and being called the “Beautiful Bastard”

Kristen Stewart reading… The Sub – Maybe next time UC and I attempt to tackle this one Kristen can  join in… we just want to hear her read THE part… you know the one.

Runner up – KStew reading Wide Awake where she talks about “Unicorns.” Yup.

2nd Runner Up – Clipped Wings and Inked Armour

Jackson Rathbone reading… pretty much anything as long as he does it out of the side of his mouth in that weird affected country voice he’s conjured up for himself. But since the Jasper FF fanatics seem to prefer him in a slash situation,  may we suggest “Tight End” for the sole reason that I (and some friends) NEED to hear him say “I meant what I said in that text…” And maybe a “welcome to Rathbonia!!” thrown in for good measure.

Ha, we know what you're REALLY reading

Kellan Lutz reading….Volition since we think he probably can’t do an Irish accent and it’d be awesome to hear him try (and fail) to be sexy.

Taylor Lautner reading… Any Edward/Jacob slash pairing because the whole time they could just intercut the clip of Rob kissing Taylor at the MTV Movie Awards. Presto 8 zillion views!

Peter Facinelli reading… Emancipation Proclamation. Peter as the mafioso Dad with the human trafficking? Cue the tears. Or for the more… “adventurous” reader how about HB: CEO of Skeky Flies the Friendly Skies? Carlisle in a menage a trois with Bella and Rosalie then Bella find outs Carlisle is her dad’s boyf? AWKWARD!!

And with Chaske Spencer’s Barry White-esque voice he could read anything… so maybe find some weird Billy/Charlie/Sue fetish stuff. That’d be awesome.

As exciting as our misguided attempt to read The Dom was, these dramatic readings by actual cast members is SO beyond classic I can’t even. If I had the power and connections, I’d have the cast members tackle dramatic readings of Tweets next… HINT HINT. I have a folder over flowing with the best and most embarrassing VH1, hit me up you know the addy!

TGIF and a beautiful bastard for everyone!

This post was only possible with liberal amounts of help from BrookeLockart, TXLiLi, VixinCali, VeddersGirl because I know about like 3 of these fics… and according to BL they’re “way old.” THANKS!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store


63 Commented

Tonight on a very special “To Catch a Predator”…

Dear Taylor Lautner lovers, counting down the days until he turns 18 (56),

What would happen if you had the opportunity to meet up with Taylor Lautner? Sarah (comment name SEM) shared with us a story of one lucky woman who did just that or so she thought…Call it fan fiction; call it a work of art; call it so realistic it’s a bit disturbing; We just call it EPICNESS (and hope you don’t call Chris Hansen on us).

To Catch a Predator

I arrived at the nondescript little house around 4 p.m. As I pulled my generic automobile into the driveway, I noticed I was shaking a little. Did I have a sense of foreboding? Did I suspect what trouble lay around the bend? Was I just super-uber excited about getting to meet Taylor Lautner?

It’s hard to say. Sure, like any red-blooded woman I was thrilled about meeting the sexier half of Swiftner. But if I was being honest with myself, I did find it a little odd that I had met Taylor in a chat room a few weeks ago and was meeting him in person in what amounted to BFE, Middle America. It didn’t seem logical that Taylor would live anywhere near there, but I figured with his money he might have properties all over the place. And it did have its charms. It was the kind of small town you’d see in a typical 1950s filmstrip about wholesomeness.

But I didn’t feel wholesome. Who knows why. Maybe it was because I was meeting him for the first time at his home instead of in a public place. Maybe I was experiencing a sort of compulsory nervousness that accompanies all first dates. Or maybe it was the fact that the instant messages I had been sending the as-yet-underaged for the last 6 weeks had been categorically debauched. Whatever it was, I was uneasy.

My jitters caused me to drop my tote bag on the way to the door. I told myself to get a grip. He’s just another guy. He’s probably nervous too. I rapped lightly on the door. There was no answer. I knocked a little harder. Nothing. What, does he think I can just use some tree limbs like the uneven parallel bars and then ricochet off the side of his house directly into his bedroom? I’m fast, but I’m not that fast. Finally I heard a young man’s voice from inside the house.

“It’s open. Just come on in.”

Okay, he’s not even gonna come to the door. I know he’s underaged, but he’s old enough to know what bad manners that is…

I opened the door and slowly stepped across the threshold. I didn’t immediately observe anything out of the ordinary, though the décor was admittedly Spartan. Perhaps he had just recently moved in. Hanging in the hallway was a portrait of Taylor with what appeared to be a grandparent. He’s sentimental… That’s hott.

Looking for Taylor, I stepped into the kitchen. The plain pine cabinets, beige linoleum floor, and outdated appliances made the room appear dour despite the light color palette. In the center of the room was a plain pine island surrounded by wooden stools. Something about this house, especially this room, was familiar, but I couldn’t pinpoint where I might have seen it.

Just then he called out from a room farther back down the hallway: “I’m just gonna throw a load of towels into the washer. I’ll be right out.”

This isn’t right… Something is very wrong. Why hasn’t he come out to say hi? Why is he doing laundry when he should be doing me? Why did that picture of he and his grandmother look like someone cut out one of Taylor’s magazine covers and grafted it onto the picture that came with the frame?

At that moment he uttered the words that I immediately recognized as the harbingers of disaster:

“I made some sweet tea. Go ahead and pour yourself a glass. I’ll be right out.”

I realized instantly why the house was so familiar. About 3 things I was absolutely positive. First, I had not been corresponding with the real Taycob. Second, a part of my online conversations – and I didn’t know how large a part – were going to be exposed on network television. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably busted.

Uh oh. Who caught her? Read on after the jump! Continue…

126 Commented

Waiting in line for New Moon premiere? Get your helpful tips here!


4 days of hell start here

Dear LTTers,

Yesterday morning we were told a super big secret that 13 people were already in line for the New Moon premiere. Then the news leaked on Twitter and suddenly it wasn’t a secret anymore. Did you just panic because you have plans tonight and didn’t set aside time to glue your eyes to your laptop while you watch a live stream of the red carpet? Don’t worry you still have a few days. Yes, that’s right, because the premiere isn’t tonight, but it’s Monday night. Yep. Those who got in line yesterday are there 4 days in advance. Those who will get in line today will be there 3 days early. Tomorrow… 2 days. Sunday 1 day… etc.

It turns out that the first group of people are line are the gals from and Okay, they both run Twilight fansites, I get why they want to be up close and personal on the red carpet. They want to get first-hand accounts and interviews and videos for their readers. That’s really nice. I can hear your questions now, “UC- aren’t you changing your flight and flying out tonight instead of waiting until Sunday so that you and Moon can get in line and be sure to get us an exclusive interview with Solomon Trimble (who I bet is the 3rd person in line behind Twifans & CBA) and catch the action when Cathy Hardi tries to sneak past security and onto the red carpet?” Uh, no. We’re not going to be doing that. We love you and all, and while a one-on-one with Solomon would be great and we could potential make our dream come true if we see HIM on the red carpet (our dream being a UC & Moon sandwich with Big Daddy Lautner in the middle), we value sleep in a comfy bed and protection from crazy Twihards & tweens more than spending 4 days in the hot sun then cold nights on a deflating air mattress while suffering from the Urinary Tract Infection (UTI) that we’d get because we’d have to hold our pee for four days all the while one person stays awake to protect us from the non-rob hobos that roam the streets of Westwood, CA.


Cardboard cut out of Jacob. Check. Cranberry Juice. Check

So while we’re not going to be there many people are. I’d venture to say that by tonight, there will be a good 100-200 people in line. 45 of them will be Solomon Trimble’s closest friends and family, but they still count. And since the 4 day waiters (Hey Kim & Allison!) probably got bored 5 minutes after their tent was set up and their coffee was gone (regretting that Venti cafe latte now, huh?), I’ve compiled a list entitled “Things to do while we wait for a opportunity to see Kristen Stewart’s bare breasts in a new sexy dress and cross our fingers that Rob may or may not look our way for 2.5 milliseconds 4 days from now on the New Moon premiere red carpet” to help ease the boredom a bit:

  • Play the FanFiction game: Someone reads out loud from a famous fic like The Office or Wide Awake and you take turns acting out scenes with cardboard Edward. Since there is a New Moon Cardboard Ed & a Twi version, it’ll be like he changed clothes (unlike you who is stuck in the same thing for four days).
  • Transcribe New Moon by hand into a leather-bound notebook as a gift to Rob since it’s his favorite book. Get Solomon to sign it.
  • Knit something for Rob in hopes that it will be better than anything Kristen has knit for him
  • Comb the dictionary for every word you believe could be used to describe Rob
  • Paint your nails so that each finger has a detailed picture of a cast member- Edward-Bella-Jacob-Alice-Charlie-The Wolves- The Cullens-the Humans-The Volturi- The bad Vamps- 10!
  • Reorganize your entire Itunes library into Rob or New Moon appropriate categories. “Songs that make me think of Rob.” “Songs that make me hate Kristen.” “Songs that make me wish Solomon Trimble was in the 2nd movie” OR “Songs that make me wish Solmon Trimble would move ahead of me in line and hit on the girl over there.” You could also change all the genres around. Examples: Instead of “Rock” it could be “Songs I wanna eff Rob to.” Instead of “Indie ballads” it could be “Songs I played the day I finally believed that Rob was actually dating Kristen.” Instead of “Garage band music” it could be “Bands that are horrible but still better than 100 monkeys”

After the jump, check out what people on Twitter said THEY would add to the list! Continue…

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