The day I realized there are flaws in Breaking Dawn Part 2

Update: Stephenie Addressed the BD Part 2 Ending on her blog (coincidence, huh?)

While we’ve only spent time gushing over BD part 2 because we thought it was a pretty darn perfect end to a pretty darn perfect saga (I mean…. except for all the things we’ve complained about over the past 4 years…) we have to share a recent letter we got because she’s NOT the only one who noticed this imperfection. This is hard though… I mean complaining about Twilight after all the #RIPTwilight we’ve gone through? Isn’t that like bad-mouthing grandpa soon after his funeral? Oh well, forgive us Grandpa (aka Stephenie & Bill & Buttcrack Santa) Also this contains SPOILERS which at this point if the ending hasn’t been spoiled for you, you must have a much fuller life than I….

Dear Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2,

So I’ve started thinking about other aspects of the movie, now that I’m starting to relax and breathe again after that shock of the sight of Carlisle beheaded (oh, right, SPOILER ALERT…. how long until you don’t need to say that any longer? A week? A month? Until it’s out of theaters?).

SPOILER ALERT: This happens

Anyway, earlier today something dawned on me (albeit, I’m a little disappointed in myself for not realizing this sooner, but, you know, Carlisle, Seth, Jasper DEAD… yeah, that’s a lot to get past) and I’ve decided that we need to sit down and have a chat about Alice. Specifically her visions.

But first, let me get something straight; Alice can’t see werewolves… right? And… Alice can’t see Nessie… correct? And this is true, not just in the books, but in the movies, right?

Yeah. I thought so.

So, why do I ask? Well, I was wondering how is it that Alice would see things about Jacob and Renesmee. Like the fact that they would need passports?

Okay, okay, that one I can see you talking your way out of that it was just a precaution, that she didn’t know, but knew that she had to give the best possible chance of Nessie surviving even if the rest of them were doomed and it was just a slim chance, she was still going to take it. Fine.

“Are you turned on?” “Yeah… I can see the wolves now…!”

But then, tell me, how did Alice see Jacob and Nessie running away and Jacob slaughtering that vamp chasing them without slowing down his full-on sprint if she can’t see either of them? Because that was part of her vision Aro saw. Or if you’re going to argue that we (the audience) wouldn’t have believed that they would have been able to flee un-chased, or that it made for good dramatic effect and suspense (and then relief knowing they got away safely). Fine.

But how did Alice see the whole fight to Aro’s death if the wolves were there? Didn’t the wolves involvement with the fight in Eclipse against the newborns cause her to go blind? Wouldn’t that mean that Alice wouldn’t have been able to see anything about the standoff with the Volturi the moment that the wolves were involved? Or did Alice work on her ability to see around her blind spots and get really good at it. But then, how did she see Seth dying? Or Leah?

Or was there something that happened when Nessie was born that no longer blinded Alice? Or maybe the weremagic of Jacob imprinting on Renesmee unclouded her vision of both werewolves and half-vamps? Hallelujah! Alice is cured! The link was made between wolf human and vamp and now she could see them all. Maybe it was supposed to have made the movie, but was cut out during editing and was therefore never explained to us that in the movie version, Alice can now see those half-breeds.

That has to be it, because how else could Alice have seen that vision of Edward, Bella, Jacob and Renesmee all together after little Nessie is “all growed up”, assuring Edward know that his whole family would have a happily ever after?

Oh, I’m not complaining. I still think the twist was pure genius and wouldn’t have you change it, nor would I take back the blissfully happy vision Alice has at the end of the film of the 4 of them, the picture of a perfect, happy family.

I’m simply curious.

Mind still blown from BDII,
TeamJacobEdward

Hmmm….. since I’m the world’s worst Twilight fan, did Stephenie ever address how Alice knew Nessie & Jake would need passports in the book? Do we know HOW Alice can suddenly see things where the wolves are involved? Or is this just the magic of Hollywood (and prayers from Stephenie that we all forget about that teeny tiny detail from the books?)

Do you care? Does it matter to you?

PS: In case you wonder what I think… I don’t care. I want to be entertained by a story I love and characters I love. And I was!)

PPS: Around the Thanksgiving table when we were asked what we were thankful for, #1 I said Mr. Choice for putting up with me & vampires for 4 years. #2 I said Moon because she’s the world’s best Moon and #3 I said you. Yes you. I told my Grandpa and everything…. xo UC

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A letter to Robsten from a (sorta) outsider

When I read this letter from LTT (and real life friend) Plane Friend I thought “HOW INTERESTING!” Here is the Plane Friend– an LTT reader, a Twilight fan and yet such an outsider to the Robsten-Nonsten drama. She is aware that it exists, of course. She is aware of the “scandal” (how can you MISS it?) but it kinda ends there. She is actually under the impression that no one cares. Like… a normal person.. GASP! And so today I share a letter about Robsten from someone with an outsiders perspective:

I don’t care about this AMAZING fanart

Dear Robsten,

Let me be perfectly clear about something before I begin: I DON’T care about your personal lives. Truly. Unless one of you had died before the last movie had been made, no news about the two of you would have ever made it high on my radar. (Ok, that’s not completely true. Kristen, if you’d been openly dating Rob and then you’d ditched him for Taylor and his gorgeous muscles…that would have made me laugh over the irony).

That said, being a Twilight fan (who loves LTT and misses the days when we were all more frequent posters/commenters etc.), I couldn’t help but be aware of this latest scandal. And it’s amused me a lot. Trampire? Hilarious! (Uncalled for, of course, because it’s a rare Hollywood-type who isn’t cheating, divorcing, or generally being a whore, but still, hilarious).

I know that way back in 2010, UC & Moon speculated that your relationship was a publicity stunt. I have to admit that now that I’m thinking of the two of you at all, here in 2012, I’m convinced that’s what it is.

I don’t think Robsten actually exists—or ever existed. I think the two of you, a horny Cathi Hardi, a brilliant publicist, or just a drunken Buttcrack Santa came up with the idea during the filming of the first movie. It struck everyone as the best way to promote the movies and propel you both into stardom. I mean, seriously, it was smart play. Teenage girls already loved Twilight. You could easily get them in an uproar over two attractive actors dating each other. And after all the media hype when Suri Cruise was born without a picture of her anywhere to be had, someone latched onto the idea of how easy that would be to replicate in a dating situation. Are they dating? Aren’t they dating? Did someone spot you together? Will you kiss at the MTV awards or not? And so, I speculate, the “relationship” began.

Unfortunately for both of you, it’s lasted a looooong time. You were kinda trapped into continuing it, because it was tied to the success of your careers as well as the whole Twilight franchise. And, I hypothesize, you just got used to it. It didn’t hurt that you were both getting paid butt-loads of money to continue the whole ruse.

And then, I think, something truly horrifying happened. The hype died out. Suddenly, most people didn’t care if you were together or not. Twilight fervor has started to wane in favor of The Hunger Games (and, for the teens/20-30somethings who actually read as well as watch movies, for Divergent, Matched, and other great YA series).

So you tried to come out of the non-gay closet. You got spotted together, kissing!

I also don’t care about THIS normal fan art

Still, no one really cared. You’d gotten used to the publicity, Rob had a movie coming out, you want a good showing for the last movie, so everyone started scheming about how to get the media to pay attention to you both again.

So, of course, the best way to do that was to have someone cheat. Rob couldn’t do it—after all, too many crazies are convinced he really is Edward (who would NEVER cheat). And since Bella had her moment of being an unfaithful hussy in Eclipse, that task fell to Kristen.

Now KStew, I don’t know if you actually were involved in any sort of fling with the married director or if he, too, just wanted his moment in the spotlight. Either way, I’d advise against messing with married men. The “trampire” label isn’t entirely unfair, after all. And, you know, we’d all like to see you get married and pregnant someday—if only to get the vision of you as Bella knocked up with the life sucking monster out of our heads. (And because we’d love to see you weigh more than 10 pounds. It would make all of us mothers feel better about ourselves).

Personally, I have to say that the best part about being a non-believer/carer of whether or not Robsten exists AND being firmly rooted in a reality in which I don’t equate your relationship with Bella and Edward’s is a good place to be. Bookward and Bookella will live forever happily ever after in my head, and I’ll enjoy watching that play out on the big screen in November. And whatever publicity stunt the two of you pull from now on probably barely merit a passing glance from me when I see the tabloids in the grocery store.

Although if it’s been a few more years and you’re looking for ideas that would create another frenzy, I suggest this: fall completely off the face of the earth for 6-9 months. Reappear with stories of spending time on your own private island. And get an accessory: a daughter (biological or adopted) that you’ve named Renesmee.

Love from the amused,

Plane Friend

So…. are you “in the dark” like Plane friend? What do you think? 

[Robsten Fan art 1 Robsten Fan art 2]

15 Commented

Stop reporting me to the FBI

It’s been awhile since Kristen has heard from anyone at LTT, so today we’re fixing that!

Dear Kristen Stewart,

I do not want to kill you. I also have no plans to throw rotten tomatoes at you, deliberately write on your face with a sharpie, or show up at any premier so I may hurl abusive language at you.

Ok, maybe I should back up. It is my understanding that you make a habit of reading blogs and visiting sites about yourself. If this is true, then you have probably seen my photo. I’m not going to post it here as the other innocent people in the photo with me have been abused enough across the internet. So please accept this artist’s recreation. I’m the chubby redhead down front:

(PS: You've seen this image with the "breast feeding boy" superimposed in it, right? Big Laughs)

Despite the fact that this photo was taken over two years ago some people will not let it go and they continue to hold up my photo as the face of all that is evil and wrong in the world of Kristen Stewart.

Does it count as abuse when I shout "FIX YOUR SKIRT! Everyone can see your business!"?

I’m not going to sit here and claim to be your biggest fan or try to suck up to you or any such thing because I have no reason to lie to you. The simple truth is, I’m not a fan. I don’t say that to hurt your feelings. It’s just one opinion amongst the millions, but somehow the fact that I don’t want to get down and kiss your Louboutins means to some people that I am a physical danger to you. This could not be farther from the truth. I don’t always understand your personal choices, and I seriously think you should consider having someone help you pick out formal dresses, but these are trifles and certainly aren’t enough to get me to seek you out to do you harm.

I have tried explaining this to ‘fans’ who insist on posting my photo all over the web, but my protestations have fallen on deaf ears. Or blind eyes. Or whatever the heck it is when I type out a plea that goes something like “Please do not post that photo. It is not affiliated with any website. To my knowledge none of the people in that photo have ever threatened the well-being of any actress and are actually quite nice people.” and they respond with “What photo? I don’t know what you are talking about…. LOOK AT THIS PHOTO OF THE HATERRZZZZZZ ZOMG THEY ARE SO SMELLY AND MEAN AND THEY DRESS FUNNY!”

Body tackle, boob grab, I'll take one (or several) for the team.

It has been rumored that my photo has been sent to your security team and possibly the FBI (and if they would like to monitor my Twitter account they should stop opening accounts with avi’s of boobs because I automatically block those). In response to this rumor I just wanted to go on the record to say that although I don’t enjoy your work I’m sure you are a lovely girl (when you aren’t telling people to freeze to death or blaming your faults on your teachers) and that if I ever saw you on the street I would be as polite and pleasant as I am to all strangers. Which is to say, I would probably mumble hello, and then fumble with my phone in a socially awkward way and pretend there was something really important that I had to look at.

I do understand though, that it is the job of your security team to protect you from harm, so I will feel no ill-will towards you if Hottie Bodyguard needs to pin me to the ground. And if in my confusion I start to get up and he needs to pin me again, that’s fine by me. The man has a job to do.

Love,

Sincerely,

JodieO

What do you think about Kristen’s hoo-ha up above? How about her Beyonce-knock off dress at the SWATH premiere? How hot is that bodyguard? Ugh… am I forgetting any questions?

We promised a giveaway, and a giveaway we are having!!! The winner of our very special Guri/LTT tote bag is:

Congrats BeeDee! Email us at letterstotwilight@gmail.com & we’ll get your tote out to you!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

38 Commented

The Twilight Games

Two Bad Ass Bitches of Fiction. Well, sorta

Dear Twilight,

This past weekend I read an article in the Sunday paper about the chick who plays Katniss and the guy who plays Peeta in The Hunger Games (yes, yes, they have real, actual names, I know, Jennifer something and um, someone… sorry, I’m writing this over lunch because I have ZERO time so I’m not going to look it up) as they were here at the Mall of America causing a hullabaloo with the masses. In the article, there was this emphasis on how huge, no, HUGE The Hunger Games was and the movie already is, especially since it hasn’t even hit theaters yet.

It got me thinking… Shouldn’t Stephenie Meyers, at the very least, get some sort of credit / recognition/ nod for jump starting this series into success? I honestly don’t think that The Hunger Games would be quite the ginormous thing it is without her recommendation of the books starting right when The Hunger Games first came out.

I hear your gasps. Your “boos” your “hisses” and your “nays” (yep, we have those who go old school and still prefer to show their disagreement with nay saying).

But think about it; how did you find out about The Hunger Games? I’m guessing that the large majority of you found out about and/or read The Hunger Games because of Twilight in some way, shape or form. Right?

Katniss. Shooting Beller & Edward

Personally, I asked for The Hunger Games as a gift with the blind recommendation from Stephenie on her site (then thought I was crazy to own a book by blind recommendation after I read the coverlet… and again when I read the first few pages). Of course I did pick the book back up months later, forcing myself to give it “the old college try” (since I did already own it and all) and found, not much further into it, I was hooked. But there was probably no way, without SM’s glowing, “I couldn’t put this book down, I even brought it with me out to eat so I could keep reading”* recommendation, that I would have been sitting here, stoked about the movie (finally) coming out since I read the first book shortly after it first came out.

I am by no means saying that The Hunger Games wouldn’t have been popular. It probably would have ended up pretty big anyway. But this epic cultural phenomenon that it is before the first movie is even out? I really don’t think so. At least not yet. Without Stephenie, I think the books/movies probably would have grown like Twilight did after its first movie came about… organically.

I mean, I personally am responsible for about 20 people first hearing about The Hunger Games from me and either borrowing the book(s) from me or buying them themselves and/or for their kids. And I know that many of them have recommended them to others. All because Stephenie said she couldn’t put the book down.

So, if no one else has given Stephenie a nod for this, I will; look what you helped spawn Stephenie!

What do you think? Do you agree? Is Twilight/Stephenie responsible for you getting hooked on The Hunger Games? How about other things? Percy Jackson? Volvos? Little bottles? Jorts? Purple bedding?

TeamJacobEdward

*This is a paraphrase from memory and not a direct quote from Stephenie Meyer

I loved this letter. And thought it was QUITE TIMELY as The Hunger Games is now OUT World-wide (right? Y’all have it over across the big pond?) I didn’t read HG after reading about it on Stephenie’s website (but I remember seeing it) but it WAS through a recommendation from a friend I met right here on LTT. So Thank you, Stephenie! You owe me $11.50 if the movie sucks tonight.

After the jump, another quick Twilight-Hunger Games thought! Continue…

67 Commented

Twilight: Life Ruiner. Life Enhancer.

You'll never say spaghetti again

Dear Twilight,

I love you. No, seriously, I do. You make my life better, or at least more absurd, and that’s kind of the same thing.

With you in my life, I don’t need to make spaghetti. I can make “Italiano!” When the kids make a mess, I get to break out my best Esme Cullen voice: “Clean up this mess! *snap* Now.” And then turn away and giggle. (thanks, Esme!)

With you, when the Boring Relatives drag us to Olive Garden, I can tune out the awful food and 40 different renditions of waiters singing “Happy Birthday” by constantly scanning for Big Daddy.

Even putting on lip gloss is more fun, because Tarte makes a shade called Twilight.

What would Edward wear? (Actually probably not this since it's not sleeveless or beige)

I just bought Mr. Slut a Land’s End shirt because it was Twilight Purple.

What other cultural phenomena lets you giggle at menswear? Hunger Games? The Beatles? I don’t think so.

With you, dear Twilight, headboards are funny. Feathers are funny. BEARS are Funny.  Pathetic liquor store holiday displays of tiny plastic bottles of Jim Beam in a stocking. Hot Pockets. Meat Patties. Seat Belts (“You should put on YOUR seat belt!”).

So, Twilight, with all sincerity, thank you. Look after my heart—I’ve left it with you. Except you are with me all the time, so, you know. It works out.

Love and kisses on marble smooth lips,

MarbleNutSlut

Aww thanks MarbleNutSlut! I miss these Twilight things that haunt us everywhere– let’s see what can I add. Well, apples… Stephenie & her illustrator have ruined life for all apple lovers for forever. Not to mention life for teachers. You can’t teach youngsters when they give you an apple as a gift and all you can think of is that cafeteria scene in Twilight with Robward, his dark lipstain & the apple. You just can’t.

Oh, Leg-hitches– forget it… The other night in bed I hitched my leg around Mr. Choice’s & just lost it in giggles. And I couldn’t even tell him why. Because we all know that bringing up Twilight in bed is a big no-no. After this long I’m lucky if I can bring it up out of bed!

*BEARS. See how in my intro I said today would have been another bare Friday without MarbleNutSlut? WELL, originally I wrote “bear” instead of bare. And I’m pretty great at grammar. But… I’m just so used to writing about bears here on LTT (we really did do it ALL the time.) that I almost made that mistake. Thanks, Twilight, for taking over the bears in my life! xo, UC

Okay what do YOU have to add? Share in the comments!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

109 Commented