Nikki Reed invites me to write a story with her

Let's write a TOTALLY FICTIONAL story together!!

Dear Nikki Reed,

When you (or Seventeen Magazine, whatever… pesky details!) invited me to write a story with you I just KNEW I had to… I mean we all know I’m no stranger to writing FanFic.*** Not to toot my own horn but I think we all remember the Palatial Pad fic rather well. The rules state that we would write alternating chapters with you writing the first one and back and forth from there. After reading your first chapter I knew EXACTLY where this was headed, I MEAN COME OOOONNNN!!! This is essentially your ALLEGED life story circa Twilight and New Moon. So trust me when I say… I GOT THIS!

Ok, so everyone go read Nikki’s Chapter first…

A lexicon for your reading…
He = Rob Pattinson
Friends = cast mates
School = film set / real life
Lunch Room = the fabled hotel room jam sessions in Portland

… I knew I loved him, and that’s all that mattered. Sure I wasn’t the prettiest girl in the world, but he always said he liked me for that very reason, so I felt content with that. Most of the time that is. One time, I gathered the courage to sing a song in front of him in the lunch room (I had always loved singing), and he laughed and said “…that’s what’s so great about you; even though you aren’t a good singer, you’re not afraid to try.” That’s a compliment right?

This stuff is SO awkward to look at now

My Chapter-
As his words sunk in I hit him back with “That’s what’s so great about you Rob, even though you aren’t very charming, you’re not afraid to mumble your way to the top.” It had seemed mean spirited at the time especially when the entire lunch room laughed along with him including my best friend Christine. But that’s not how your bestie is supposed to treat you, right? After all she became homecoming queen because her boyfriend knew the principal who counted the ballots because of ME, she was my aunt! Christine never would have known her if not for me. What was also perplexing was Christine’s sudden interest in my secret boyfriend while she had her own and knew how much I was in love with him even though we had decided to keep it private. Oh, she was good at playing the innocent role luring him in with blinking doe eyes and stumbling over her words around him… or anyone really.

One day he finally noticed her. I could tell because he tried to use his charms and tell her stories and she quickly fell for it and all our class mates began to whisper and asked me questions… What was going on?

Oh Christine!

I couldn’t take it anymore I had to let her know this wasn’t alright. So one day while she was delivering her speech on equal rights for all couples and the legalization of pot in speech class, I’d had enough. Sure, I caused a scene and made our teachers and fellow classmates uncomfortable and it definitely alienated him because I was no longer alright with their facade of privacy. It was time I finally shouted it from the rooftops… or at least my desk. Everyone knows!

Oh, Nikki I can’t wait to see where you take this next chapter. And no, I really don’t think you care about this crap anymore cause you’re happily married and writing songs and being nice to us sites/blogs at the premiere but I defs think you should have gone with a different storyline because this just gives the crazies ammo against you and we all know they don’t need more.

Until the next chapter.. to be continued!
Themoonisdown

PS You can actually enter this contest! Someone go do it and WIN!!

**I have NEVER written fanfic… unless it was for this blog. Though I totally enjoyed every minute***
*** I didn’t ****
****I did.

Source: Seventeen Mag via JodieO

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

37 Commented

Rob and Kristen go to Couple’s Counseling… and we seek therapy

Dear Rob and Kristen,

Sometimes we get funny DM’s, like unintentionally funny DM’s especially from a funny lil site called Gossip Cop that has made it their mission to debunk celeb rumors and for whatever reason (read: traffic) they love them some Robsten. So when I got the following message:

GossipCop Feb 16, 12:55pm
CLAIM: Rob and Kristen “have entered couples counseling” ➙ http://gossipcop.com/melkq

And of course I immediately fwd-ed it to UC and said “we have to role play this!” Cause we’re not above acting the fool for this site and if that means doing a little Rob/Kristen roleplay then we’re down, cause it’s not like we haven’t done it before! So we started but then as schedules would have it UC has to leave so I was in the lurch who could I ask to role play Rob and Kristen in couple’s counseling with and not seem like a total looney tune? BROOKELOCKART that’s who! Because when you have the following convo…

Moon: hi, wanna role play rob and kristen in couples counseling with me?
Brooke: Haha sure hold on
Moon: ok  for your refrence when you’re ready the post
Brooke: okay, I haven’t roll played R and K before… so bare with me
Moon: ahaha… its weird but just BE them hahaha
Brooke: so I’ll be K i’ll let my inner kbitch out
Moon: ok, here we go… safeword if you need to 😉

after ALL that you KNOW you have a good friend if they’re willing to do the following with you…

.

A suit and cocktail dress? Wow, this is some classy counseling

Therapist: So Rob you called me to set up with appointment and it’s great you’re being proactive about your relationship, but let’s start with kristen… why dont you tell me why we’re here
Kristen: We are here because he can’t live in the moment. I am in the here and now. Rob’s caught up in the yet to be and he’s holding out sex.
Rob: But kristen, I just want us to be exclusive and committed and you cant seem to give me that i just want to tell the world about us! why won’t you let me?!
Kristen: I don’t need to justify what I may or may not feel to the world i bake you loquat pies, isn’t that enough?
Rob: but if you’re not officially with Rob you could be with anyone! you could leave me for someone else
Kristen: Who would I be dating? We’ve been filming all this time.
Rob: Michael Oregano… there’s HISTORY a Jonas brother! TAYLOR LAUTNER you guys are close!
Kristen: See, Dr. Therapist, THIS is why we are here. this is ridiculous. The only Jonas Brother left is like 15 and if I’m going that young I might as well snag the Biebs. I don’t conform to what society tells us relationships are supposed to be.
Therapist: what’s this i hear about a Tom Sturridge? is he an interloper?
Rob: NO NO!!! he’s my friend he’s been there forever. He lets me show more PDA with him than Kristen does! Maybe I should be worried about Tom and Kristen they were shooting a movie together
Kristen: Tom’s fun. He’s less serious then some people I know.

Rob: SERIOUS?! ME?! i’m JUMPING ROB for pete’s sake whats not fun about me?!
Kristen: GAH. UGH. *bitchface*
Rob: i wear the same shirt every day! i play a vampire, i joke about body odor to strangers! I’M FUN! I’m giving you all the fun you can handle! And i havent even gotten the board games out yet!
Kristen: Rob, you won’t leave my side. You upset my director in Montreal. How am I supposed to be taken as serious when you live up my ass?
Rob: NO I DIDNT!!! he was just jealous of my beasite boys shirt and besides it was “MOANtreal” if i remember correctly… if i can please you in the bedroom why wont you let me in public?
Kristen: chuckles
Rob: you let Oregano please you in public, in VANCOUVER!
Kristen: I was high.
Therapist: Yes, kristen why dont you like PDA?
Kristen: It’s not that I don’t like PDA, But .. well, fine… sometimes there are small pieces of hot pocket left in Rob’s teeth after lunch and.. just… ew
Rob: WHAT?! i brought us to couples counseling because you don’t like broccoli cheese? I thought you liked 3 cheese pizza!i stick with you when you wear that same shirt every day
Kristen: that is so different- i do not wear it in my MOUTH

We learn what Rob’s love languages are and whether he’s really ready to get married after the jump
Continue…

100 Commented

Breaking it Down: JoeAshley??

Dear UC & Moon,

I have been a fan of your blogs for almost two years now. You ladies are AMAZING!!! Although, I hate to admit, I am a total fan fail. I don’t comment on posts, I tried to join the forum but that only lasted 3 days (Fuck Me Fridays should come with a warning label-but I did manage to score Buttcrack Santa status in those few short days), and I have only emailed you twice during our relationship together (if I remember correctly, I actually admitted to you I sexually harassed my boss…please don’t talk to his lawyer if he calls). But I credit you with so much in my real life – I found a place where I could go to escape when I needed to take a break from RL, by reading (lurking) your sites I found the strength and courage to make a HUGE move this year professionally and personally, and you have ALWAYS allowed me to start each and every day with a smile (well until you pulled that “we are only posting 3 or 4 times a week shizz). In my eyes, everything you ladies do is FABULOUS and you are Blog Goddesses!!!

Until now…..

I am disappointed in you. There I’ve said it. I feel like the little girl who has held her daddy up on a pedestal and then at the age of 13 attends a junior high Alcohol and Drug Awareness program only to come away with the realization that daddy is always in a good mood for a reason.

Allow me to explain. I feel as though you have missed an opportunity to break-it down. I have totally been cheated of a breaking it down post!!! Perhaps, Rob’s shenanigans have had you overwhelmed and busy (Road Trip, London, and the beard-yep he’s been a busy boy *insert sarcasm link here*). Well, since you ladies have had your hands full and completely overlooked the most important news in the TwiFandom since Nikki caught a VD from Paris (I know it is true because you ladies would never spread untrue or disparaging remarks about Lady Reed- yep *insert sarcasm link* again), I will take over and break it down myself cause my daddy always told me if you want something done you have to do it yourself. Yep, he said this every time my mom came home from the grocery store without a case of Michelob.

Breaking It Down (kinda) – JoeAshley

A JoBro couldn’t possibly know how to handle this!!!

I had heard rumblings of Ashley Green being wooed by Joe Jonas (seriously?). Like so many others I dismissed this as just another Perez Hilton ecstasy induced delusion.

Then a picture was released of the two of them actually together. I decided this definitely needed further investigation so I immediately went the experts – LTT. If there was any truth to these nasty rumors about Ashley, the fab duo of UC and Moon would surely have a post about it. NOTHING. So I dismissed this as just a business luncheon between Ms. Green and Mr. Jonas to discuss their upcoming movie “Camp Rock 7” in which Ashley will be starring as the camp counselor in charge of body paintings.

Then a week later yet another pic was posted of Ashley attending a JoBro concert?? This from the same girl who attended the Kings of Leon concert??? I was so confused and out of sorts that I again sought the wisdom of the pros at LTT. And once again…NADA. So I rationalized – she was just in town with nothing/no one better to do so she decided attending would be a good way to build a great working relation with her soon-to-be costar.

Just when I thought this whole thing was over and done and the day glow paint on my daughter’s homemade “Camp Rock 7” tee was dry (don’t judge-those HotTopic shirts are expensive and I’m a single mom on a budget), THE KISS HAPPENED (I mean it kinda looked like a kiss). I thought to myself that this could NOT be happening! I mean this is the same girl that played Tonsil Hockey with CHASE “EFF ME HARD” CRAWFORD and apparently came[out] on top. Now she is sharing chaste pecks with Joe “Eyebrow” Jonas? These things just don’t exist…not in my world.

And again, I went to LTT expecting a complete, honest, and accurate breakdown of the events. SILENCE!!! Once again the goddesses had let me down by not breaking down. And again I was forced to come up with my own convoluted excuse of what was going on with our girl Ashley. I decided that Ashley is so smoking hot that she was going to prove that she can nail anyone anywhere (cause that’s what I would do if I were her). She wanted to be the one to strip Joe of that purity ring. She was going to deflower this 22 year old virgin and then wear a t-shirt saying “Yeah I tapped that”.

Just when I thought I couldn’t take any more in this the Joashley saga, something appeared like a gift from the paparazzi gods (since the goddesses from LTT weren’t delivering the goods). With this one picture, the explanation I had so long been searching for (and did I mention, unable to find on LTT??) was revealed to me…..

Ashley, my Ashley, has crossed over to the dark side….she has been brainwashed by Disney. In her new Disney contract, it states they will employ any means necessary to clean up her image. Thus, implementing project “Extreme Makeover-Slutty Image Edition”. Purity ring wearing, non-manscaping, boyfriend? Check. Disney Starlet BFF? Check, Check.

Ash…is that you baby???

So there you have it. Cause I know EVERYONE is anxiously awaiting the scoop (yeah another *insert sarcasm button* required). Even Jackson is so confused he doesn’t know rather to wind his butt or scratch his watch….

Ash…is that you baby???

Whew…I’m glad that is finally done! So I forgive you this time, UC and Moon. I know I shouldn’t expect you to be in all places at all times. I shouldn’t hold you on the pedestal that I do….after all there is a WHOLE LOTTA booze down here to share. I love you guys!!!!!

TicketGirl

To TicketGirl, all our precious LTT readers, Ashley, Joe Jonas & Miley Cyrus: We need to ask your forgiveness. We forgot the cardinal rule of breaking-it-down blogging: Never ever EVER let an opportunity go by when you could make fun of the hook-ups between Twilight stars & Disney virgins. We have no excuse. We know there isn’t much we can say to make it better. We just hope you forgive us so we can move forward. We vow to never make that mistake again. In fact, we’re going to start praying for a Kellan & Demi Lovato hook up. Or Kellan and that boy from Sonny with a Chance- we’ll take either.

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

1 Commented

News on Breaking Dawn Production aka NO news on Breaking Dawn Production!

Dear Twilight and well, Breaking Dawn I suppose…

Today two posts came out referencing news behind the production of Breaking Dawn. While a few months ago we all thought making BD was a foregone conclusion and Summit was just waiting for New Moon to shatter box office records to make it official it’s been almost a month and a half since New Moon’s release and still no announcement. Since news on the twi front has been about as sparse as smiles at a KStew photoshoot, so any sort of news to come out will indefinitely make waves. But after reading both posts from the bitchtastic Ted C and a dude in his mom’s basement in North East Philly we learn… exactly… NOTHING. Why yes, it’s like a Robsten rumor… a lot of drama, a lot of words, a lot of retweets, a lot of “maybe’s” but no actual substance or truth. Someone at the LA Times spoke with producer Wyck Godrey and got this bit of totally evasive information regarding the splitting of BD into two films  “…If it’s not organic, I don’t think it will be done, and if it is, it will be…” Wow, heavy.

Breaking Dawn = tons more creepy images made by fans!

So we still don’t know if it will be made into two films (please say yes), whether Summit will hire geneticists to create a human vampire hybrid in their lair of doom (aka studio offices in Santa Monica) to play Renesmee, whether Taylor Lautner will in fact act out imprinting on a newborn baby, if Nikki Reed and KStew can patch up their differences long enough to play convincing as frenemies on screen, will Jacob and Leah spend 3/4ths of the movie running around the perimeter of the Cullen’s house “on patrol” thus reenacting the most boring parts of BD, will there be a behind the scene documentary on the making of Isle Esme which features all the “fade to black” scenes they cut out?

Sooooo many questions and ZERO answers.

Find out what we DO know about Breaking Dawn after the jump
Continue…

240 Commented

Breaking Down Swiftner aka we heart Taylor Lautner and Taylor Swift HARD!

Dear LTT-ers and Robsteners,

We so get it now! After the pictures of the Taylors (aka Swiftner) came out this week and the ensuing letters I wrote to them UC and I fangirled out (it was mostly a lot of high pitched “oh-em-geeing) half the day about Swiftner and how much we loved them. I started watching the clips commenters posted in the letters to the Taylors post and I knew I had a new addiction. Here’s UC and I breaking it down…

The one where I “come out”
Moon: I officially sound like the Swiftner version of a robsten fan*
UC hahahahahahha and i like it SO much more!
Moon Yes, it’s not nearly as annoying or annoying at ALL
UC RIGHT! just cute!
Moon dude ive SO watched like 2 videos of him at her concert in Chicago. Stop me
UC: hahahahahhahaha love it!
Moon: people are posting them in the comments. She sings 15 in the audience in front of Taylor and then comes to hug the folks where he’s sitting and when she hugs him and the crowd goes nuts. its SOOO embarrassing. im embarrassed for them. and then they do that lingering hand holding thing as she walks away. Swiftner lives folks! hahahaha
UC: awwwww!!!! sooo cute!!!!
Moon its super cute
UC dude.. that’s amazing. Send me the link to the video

Moon: OMG!!! HAHAHA its even more embarrassing from this other angle
UC: Watching! Awwww!
Moon SO CUTE!
UC he’s like “i love you” SOO cute! what if he sang? i’d die if he started singing along with her!
Moon: HAHAHAH they need to do a duet. I hope taylor has seen taylors crappy student video

Follow the cut to see us have an epiphany and plot our Swiftner love blog
Continue…

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