Twilosophy: Eclipse vs. New Moon

Dear Twilosophy class,

Remember Eclipse? That movie that came out in June? And then was re-released this weekend to “celebrate” Bella’s birthday- aka Summit was disappointed with their box office results because they expected to blow New Moon out of the water and they didn’t? Oh yeah….. That movie.

I’ve been thinking about Eclipse a lot lately. Well, since I heard about the re-released in theaters for Bella’s birthday. I considered going to see it again. By “considered” I mean I laid in bed with my phone right after reading the news in my email & thought, “Maybe I should go” before falling back to sleep, never considering it again.

There’s been some talk around town (aka this 1 blog I read) about why Breaking Dawn Part 1 and Part 2 are releasing a year apart. And I think it’s pretty obvious: There was a year between Twilight & New Moon. And New Moon kicked ASSSSSSSSSS money-wise. When Eclipse came out 7 months later? The opening weekend was down almost HALF (and kids were out of school!) and while it hasn’t been out as long as New Moon, it hasn’t grossed as much. And it probably should have grossed more seeing as the popularity of the saga has only grown. Not that $672,498,560 world-wide gross is a bad thing. I mean I’d take that if I had to.

But the lack of Eclipse “success” makes me feel either worse or better about what I’m about to confess.  I am part of the reason for Eclipse not doing as well as New Moon. Yes, dear LTT readers, I only saw Eclipse two times. I feel bad because because of me, they lost $42.00 ($10.50 x 4). My waist is happy because I consumed 2,520 less calories in the form of popcorn (630 x 4- that’s for real. for a SMALL. I looked it up. BLOG RESEARCH RULES!) But I also feel good because it wasn’t just me who saw Eclipse less. Obviously due to the smaller numbers, the fandom overall did too.

I got thinking about why I didn’t see Eclipse 4 times like I did Twilight and 6 times like I did New Moon. This is what I came up with:

My Kung Fu isn't as strong as I let you think...

Harry Clearwater’s Kung Fu really isn’t that strong

And what I mean is…. the jokes weren’t as funny. Sure, sure – that’s a good thing for Mel Mel Rosenburg who finally wrote a semi not 2nd-hand embarrassing script, but it’s a sad thing for my funny bone- and for yours. I mean- you know what I’m talking about. How many times can we make Mike Newton fat jokes & talk about Charlie Swan’s obvious new-found virginity? If I make one more crack about the eyebrows in this film I think someone might murder me.

There’s such a thing as too much Rob

GASP! I know! I said it. And I don’t really mean it. I could never have too much of that Motha Truckn’ Brit, but it is possible that the Twilight saga, the actors & the story were just too overexposed. Despite the fact that we HATE waiting for the next installment in our beloved story, maybe not waiting as long means we’re not as engaged. We went from New Moon filming to Remember Me filming to movies about Mullets & lesbians to Eclipse filming to NEW MOON then LET DOWN after New Moon then Bel Ami, whatever teen drama/chick flick Taylor filmed once or twice and then ANTICIPATION of Eclipse then finally, ECLIPSE!

The Leg Hitch really wasn’t that good

But when I re-read Eclipse & read that scene, it’s good once again. Why? Because in the book it’s the Bella & Edward of my mind- before I knew who the actors playing them were. And, well, if I’m honest, I’m Bella. And Edward is leg hitching ME. When I watch the scene in the movie, it’s so glaringly obvious that Rob Pattinson aka Edward Cullen is not Leg Hitching ME. Sadface.

You call this boring!?

The minute Tay-Tay turned 18, he got boring

It’s not funny to joke about Chris Hansen anymore- unless we talk about Boo-Boo Stewart and that’s just BLEH. I wish Taylor was forever 17! He was so much more interesting then. At least not be legally allowed to like him gave me a reason to try. And now that I could jump his bones all I want if I had a desire (bleh), I have no interest. So love triangle between Edward, Bella & Taylor Lautner? No thanks.

That’s all I can come up with. And I know I’m not alone. Moon is worse than me- she saw Eclipse 1 and 3/4 times (missed the first bit of her second showing!) and obviously someone else hasn’t seen Eclipse as much as they did New Moon since the box office numbers don’t lie. What is it!? Why is a movie that was so obviously better made, and not to mention my favorite book, so much less desirable than the others?

Andddd Discuss!

Love,
UnintendedChoice

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Twilight Eats the month of June Part 2

Dear Month of June,

Last week I started talking about where you went and while I wrote about it, another month passed by- or so it seemed. Turns out the month was SO big that I had to split it into Two parts. This is part 2! Make sure you check out part 1 if you haven’t yet!

We last left off when Jackson when eye f*cking me, the Twilight SUPERFAN (Oh, did I fail to mention the eye F*cking. It was ON bigtime. AND I was all for it cause he was hot. 5’8″ tall, but hot) Don’t worry if you feel like you’re in the 60s during these pictures. This was actually in 2010…

Before I left for LA, I got my first UPS delivery at my new apartment. It was a Box of Crap from Stephenie. Stephenie sent us home with a duffel bag full of crap from the interview, but this was a BOX of crap. And it was filled with amazingness: Twi-Shirts from Nordstrom, make-up, books, an Edward DUVET cover, lap top skins, iPhone covers, New Moon Scene-it. You name it, we got it (No, Rob wasn’t in there).

#LEGHITCH2010

Finally! It was here! First thing on the agenda, a meeting of the “Espilce Accountability Partners”

I sat there for about 30 minutes before I had the balls to ask someone what in the hell that meant. I’ll wait until you figure it out: Got it!? Thank Obird & Janetrigs for that brilliance!

Then, it was time for CARNE ASADAS and our LTT House-Party! Yes we went deep into the lair & invited everyone from #LEGHITCH2010 plus anyone in the LA area to Moon’s house for a big Mexican-food themed party. It wouldn’t have happened with KrazyKidd and her KRAZY skills at getting us a deal on bags of meat at Mexican markets!! We featured a vodka concoction made by Mr. Choice that he somehow turned red & named, “Bella’s Blood,” 6 pitchers of Sangria brought by a girl who doesn’t even drink, an LTT cake brought by Brookelockart:

Custom cookies brought by @lonestarkendall

(Why, yes those are jorts, Ranier beer, a peacoat & a bed with gold brocade bedding)

THEN WE MET JORDAN THE UNICORN (who hugs better than anyone EVER- psst for you newbies- Jordan is our first Unicorn EVER)

We made EVERYONE wear Name tags

We rule

There was also a cake that said OLE- you know.. it was Mexican night! Plus we featured some LTT Trivia and gave away prizes (holla big bags/boxes of crap from Stephenie Meyer!) where Jordan the Unicorn got the question correct that we thought to be the hardest of the evening (The Date LTT started: 12/8/08!)

So very much more after the jump! Continue…

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Eclipse, It’s FINALLY HERE!!! But first it all begins with a choice!

It all begins with the choice to use this image one more time

Dear LTT-ers

We’re finally here… tonight we will see Eclipse for the first time and we’ll get to see if it’s everything we thought it would be, if the drama was worth it, if the wigs inch down their foreheads during fight scenes, if Jacob really is 108 in that sleeping bag and most importantly we get to find out what the new stuff is we’ll be talking about till the next movie. Who’s the new Buttcrack Santa? Will there be any “little bottles” or “They’re not bears?”

But before we get to all that we have to make some choices… you won’t get it all and we’re remembering to “accept it now” but there are a few things you can control like how much butter you put on your popcorn or whether you wear your LTT/LTR shirt or your Bella costume to the movie… let’s take a look at the choices you can control

It all begins with a choice… what will you choose?

• To see Eclipse OR not (DUH)

• Small OR Extra Large Popcorn (with refills?)

• Scream out loud when Edward makes his 1st appearance OR silently clutch your Eclipse themed popcorn container (you got the Extra Large special edition container, duh) holding on to that last shred of dignity?

• When the Leghitch scene happens will your leg raise of it’s own volition in a mock leg hitching motion OR will you come prepared with a Team Switzerland sweatshirt you will tie to each armrest to fashion a seat belt or sorts to restrain yourself from making any hitching movements?

After you've finished the popcorn this can be used to relieve your bladder

• Leave in the middle of the tent scene to hit the potty because in addition to that special edition popcorn container you’re also double fisting Diet Coke (with a splash of rum from your LTT flask) in special edition cups  OR use your new found bladder control because of the Kegel exercises you’ve been practicing in your office chair for the last 7 months since you had the same problem during the Volturi show down in New Moon?

• Decide whether you’re going to stay up after the midnight screening to write us a letter begging us to start LTX: Letters to Xavier OR will you compose your own first letter to Xavier on your blackberry/iphone/toilet paper with Eclipse pen while staying for your 2nd screening of Eclipse at 3AM?

• If your theater does not have assigned seating will you mentally choose which 13 year old Team Jacob fans you’ll be most likely to elbow in the face to get past them and into the theater first OR which Twimoms you can trick by yelling “EDWARD’S HERE!” while pointing to the front door to cause a diversion so you can run into the theater first all in a quest for those coveted middle-of-the-theater seats?

To burn OR use as a device to trip Twihards?

You see getting to the theater is the easy choice, you already bought those tickets months ago, but it’s after you get there that the real decisions need to be made. What WILL you choose when that annoying Radio DJ, sent by his bosses at the station to interview “crazy Twihards,” asks you whether you’re Team Jacob or Team Edward. Will you slap him with your Eclipse handbag from Etsy or will you punch him in the throat and pirate the airwaves playing only Robert Pattinson’s music till someone from the theater comes and drags you away with promises of a free Eclipse in IMAX tshirt in XXXXXXXXL? See these are the things you need to think through before you get to the theater tonight.

Happy Eclipse Day!!!!
Themoonisdown & UnintendedChoice

What choices will you be making tonight? Add your answers and other choices we should be prepared for tonight as we watch Eclipse FOR THE FIRST TIME!!! Ok, so I’m getting really excited now!

BUSINESS TIME!

Guesstimate Opening Weekend – Just like with New Moon we’re making another guess for opening weekend box office totals. And just like last time whoever loses has to write a special love letter to a person of YOUR choosing…  Whoever guesses the closest without going over will win reprieve from writing a love letter and bragging rights till Breaking Dawn 1 (can you believe we’re saying that?) comes out and the LOSER will be shamed in public and forced to gush on the blog to your chosen love letter recipient. WHO will it be this time? Since UC lost lost time and had to write a love letter to Cathy Hardi we’ll take her out of the running…

UC’s Guess- 134 million
Moon’s Guess – 155 million

It all begins with a choice…

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Ashley meets David Slade and he gives us something to smile about!

(Because “The Man” won’t just let me be great and blog for a living I was off working when my good pal Ashley (and our friends Allison and Kim from Twifans) got to meet David Slade at a special signing in Burbank last Saturday. Ashley tells the tale and has a special greeting for you all from David!)

WTF's a leghitch?!

Dear LTT/LTR readers and 2010 #Leghitchers,

This has been a VERY exciting week in the Twilight world, hasn’t it? It seems as though the excitement and LUCK keeps escalating as we get closer to the release of Eclipse. Last week Moonie and I saw Rob on Leno and then had the pleasure of meeting his lovely parents, Dick and Clare, after wards. And just 6 days ago, Moon and UC were getting the lowdown and discussing Twi-secrets with the Goddess herself Stephenie Meyer over some hand-dipped “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob” chocolate strawberries for 4 HOURS. Very dream-like indeed.

And on Sunday, I had the pleasure of meeting my FAVORITE director of the series yet, David Slade.
He did a signing in Burbank, CA at a small store “Dark Delicacies”.  I arrived and to my relief did NOT see 200 people waiting and standing in line. I ran into the lovely ladies over at http://www.TWIFANS.com and about 30 other people. He was signing Eclipse posters for everyone!

As I approached the signing table, I introduced myself and said that I’m associated with “Letters to Twilight”.com and shook his hand. (He was just as nice and lovely as I had expected him to be.) I told him how grateful the fans were that he kept in contact with us VIA Twitter during the whole movie-making process.
Some questions I had answered:

Ash: “What was one of your favorite moments during filming?”
David: “The garage scene between Jacob and Bella. I just really liked it.”
Ash: “What’s one cinematographic thing we can watch for in the movie? Was there something visually striking that you were really happy with that we should look for?”
David: “I’m going to leave that up to you guys to figure out.”

Our friends at Twifans took a video of David talking and answering more questions.
WARNING. There are SOME Eclipse spoilers:

(editor note: I LOVE these girls!!)

Also somewhere in the conversation I told him how grateful we were for the “Leg hitch” scene and that we have a block of 30 seats reserved at the Arclight for the midnight showing–and that our Twitter group is the 2010 #Leghitchers. He was VERY impressed at that number of fans we have flying in and thought it was a very clever idea for Twitter to have a group like that. He also said that the Arclight has the BEST quality movie reel possible. So, of course, ladies, David Slade sends his love to the #Leghitchers:

(click to enlarge this epicness)

Are you prepared for the movie release? I’ve got my jorts packed!

Love and Leghitches,
Ashley aka @paleochicksdigs

LOVE IT!!! David’s debonair meets cheeky expression and the fact that our official LTT screening of Eclipse will feature the BEST print of the movie out there according to David Slade! So much win, Ashley thank you for reporting live from the scene of Dark Delicacies, which sounds like a weird Occultist shop meets grocery store. Please tell me they had Team David chocolate covered strawberries for all the guests that day! What are you most excited to see in Eclipse? What about David Slade makes you excited or scared for Eclipse??

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

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Managing my Eclipse Expectations

Dear Eclipse,

Today I looked over at my custom-made Rob Pattinson calendar (this picture with the days of the month scribbled on it) and nearly had a heart-attack. YOU ARE RELEASED IN THE THEATERS A WEEK FROM TODAY!? What!? When did that happen? Last thing I remember you were still being filmed & our #LegHitch 2010 trip was 13 months away and @JanetRigs already had a color-coded spreadsheet & her hotel booked and restaurant reservations for the night of your release. Seven days from this very moment I will have seen you!? I need to slow down a second and manage my expectations because right now they are out of control.

We know a ton of people who have already seen the movie. We have heard specific details about what we’ve dubbed the “Leg-Hitch” scene While I know more details than I’d like I still haven’t had 100% confirmation that Edward’s ‘hand curved around my elbow, moving slowly down my arm, across my ribs and over my waist, tracing along my hip and down my leg, around my knee. He paused there, his hand curling around my calf. He pulled my leg up suddenly, hitching it around his hip.’ But he better. That’s all I’m saying. Or else, David Slade. OR ELSE. Plus Stephenie talked Eclipse details when we interviewed her last week (Sorry- not allowed to repeat them until AFTER the movie is released) and while she’d occasionally say “SPOILER” and nod for us & the gals from TwilightSeriesTheories to cover our ears, I was still thinking about how the words “jorts” came out of her mouth when we first met and forgot where my ears were. So needless to say, I’ve heard a LOT about this movie. And most everything I’ve heard has been good. Like “This is the best movie out of the three BY FAR” good and “There are no cheesy lines” good. But let’s start with that because after being a Twi-lover for so long, my expectations have changed and:

There better be cheesy lines

You remember how much I wanted Chris Weitz to incorporate a character like Buttcrack Santa in New Moon? I even created Tequila Tomas for him. It would have been so simple- plus Forks could use that diversity- all that green grass & gardens but no experienced gardener? Tragedy. But whatever, Chris… you didn’t listen to me. And New Moon was lacking that random character that made us (and Stephenie) really confused. However, what New Moon wasn’t lacking was cheesy lines. I’d even say that the lines we came away with from New Moon stuck more than in Twilight. I mean, “They’re NOT Bears” “FACEPUNCH” and “Let’s DO This!?” How many times a day do YOU say them? I say them at least 12 times, plus @Brookelockart still consistantly texts me an audio clip of “They’re Not Bears” randomly late at night.

Let’s Do This: [audio:http://letterstotwilight.com/music/theyarenotbears.mp3]

I have HIGH expectations of what Eclipse might bring. I’m envisioning Edward whispering “Leg Hitch Me” to Bella in school the first day back after he almost gives in on the bed. And then Bella faints in the middle of Geometry class, which is a shame because she was about to win the golden triangle for being the biggest math nerd!

Then wouldn’t it be awesome if, as Bree runs to the clearing from the forest she’s screaming FREE FRED at the top of her lungs!? Who cares that it doesn’t make any sense. Since when do Twilight jokes make sense? Anyone remember Buttcrack Santa’s “little bottles?” Right..

And I feel like New Moon played ‘just the tip’ with Quil Clout Lay. IT was only said ONCE? What is Jacob? A pansy? Tell that girl you love her ALL.THE.TIME, dude. How do you think Edward got her? By riding dirt bikes & wearing jorts? NO. I’d like the tent scene to be full of moments where the camera pans to Jacob, brushing a strand of wig-covered mullet hair from Bella’s forehead, whispering “Quil Clout Lay. No seriously, I really “Quil Clout Lay” you”

Man, I’m good. I should really make movies

What's that, Aunt Susie? A thing-a-ma-bob from the future?

I’d like Bella to get a cell phone

And I don’t mean a Native American boy, in wolf form, trailing her around all day long. I mean like something nice- maybe a Nokia, or a Motorola100. Hey, I’d even be happy if for one day they let Kristen borrow Rob’s Jitterbug phone for a scene, just so they can prove that the Twilight saga is, in fact, set in present day and not the early 90s like one would think by the extraordinary amount of flannel worn by the characters.

A wolf needs to utter the term “jorts”

And if that doesn’t happen then I want my money back. Or I at least want to be reimbursed for the cost of the puffy paint I used to write “THESE ARE COMMEMORATIVE JORTS TO CELEBRATE THE TERM BEING USED IN ECLIPSE” and perhaps something extra for my husband who was pretty pissed when I cut up his fav pair of jeans..

I’d really like someone to “BING” something

Click that

Remember how, in the book, Edward leaves Bella to talk to Jasper & see if it’s safe for him to stay out of the fight? Maybe he can’t find Jasper, so, being the 109 year old he is, he turns on his trusty Compaq and loads up BING.com and BINGS “Can vampires and werewolves win a fight against Newborns if I sit out and instead cock-block my girlfriend and all of those watching my story?” I really want this to happen so that I make fun of Summit for being the type of company that would so obtrusively throw BING into one of their movies. Burger King crowns, check, BING, check check, Bubble wrap from UPS, triple check (Hey you KNOW it could happen!)

GAH there is so much I want: The Leg Hitch; the leg hitch to turn into full on getting it on; for there to be no 12 year olds in my theater so I can enjoy the getting it on; For my belly to have room for a whole bucket of popcorn at 12 am; for the tent scene to be as tension-filled, awkward and AMAZING as it was in the book and therefore is in my head.. I haven’t been managing my expectations, guys. Stephenie said so herself the tent scene turned out BEAUTIFULLY and she’s so happy with it. What if she just said that because she’s Stephenie & she has to? What if Taylor’s voice cracks & he sounds like he’s 14 and Kristen’s wig was so bad that day they just take it off & rock the scene with the full-blown mullet or Rob’s white make-up gets all smudgy? If there’s anything I’ve learned while loving this saga is that we must have realistic expectations.

When discussing this topic for New Moon, I had some pretty brilliant things to say. I’m going to say those things again- this time relating them to Eclipse:

Let’s not go into Eclipse on opening night thinking it’s going to be like Schindler’s List. If we accept that it will more likely mirror Bring it On Again, it might be easier to love if it’s a major dud. Accept it NOW. They will NOT cover EVERY detail in the book. They have 200 minutes to bring a 25 chapter book to life. Plus they have to backtrack and include some details that Twilight & New Moon left out (like why in the world t he wolves are always shirtless. THAT’S WHERE THEY CAN SAY JORTS!) They will leave out details you feel are important and they will add details IN that you think are stupid. ACCEPT it now!

There will be things that will be cheesy. It’s Newborn Vampires, CGI and WOLVES- Big, non-existent computerized wolves. And They’re NOT Bears, so they will not look real. Cuz wolves like that don’t really exist. Accept IT now! Rob will occasionally sound British. He can’t help it. He’s British. Accept it! Kristen will stutter & blink. She learned that in when she was 13 and in Panic Room when the director yelled “Look scared” and she said “How?” and he responded “Stutter & blink!” Colors will be different. The order of events will be different. Characters will be different. Characters will be ADDED. ACCEPT it NOW! You WILL be cock-blocked like in the book. Edward and Bella don’t get it on. Rob won’t be getting naked. There fight scenes to “bring in a male audience” will be more graphic than in the book. Someone will come in costume with an Edward Manilow attached to their hip (like it’s the “Leg Hitch”), and little girls will be in the theater with their “Team Jacob” t-shirts and you will judge their mothers for allowing them to come despite their age. ACCEPT IT NOW.

Once YOU accept this and once I accept this, we will all be able to enjoy Eclipse- whether cheesy, wonderful, funny, REALLY good or completely horrible. So, LET’S DO THIS together!

Quil Clout Lay,
UnintendedChoice

So where are you? High expectations? Reasonable? What do YOU except to see from Eclipse?

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