Buttcrack Santa writes US a letter!

*Here’s a first! Buttcrack Santa himself (non canon character infamously in the Twilight movie) has written us a little letter and you might be surprised that he’s alive and well and terrorizing little children this Christmas… he wants to share a little bit with you. Enjoy!*

My idea of a good night

Dear LTT readers and my loyal Buttcrack Santa Fans,

It’s a widely circulated rumor that I died in Twilight the movie at the hands of those jerkoff nomadic vampaires who jacked up my boat when in reality they just took my shit and then left me in that super sketchy boat marina while they went to find those losers the Cullens who as it turns out were playing BASEBALL in some field. And here’s a little secret for you, those Cullen kids, they’re VAMPIRES like those other jerkoffs. Vampires playing baseball? What the ef is that about? So now that I escaped their evil clutches and I have a new lease on life I spend my free days doing whatever I please… somedays I go fishing, somedays I sneak up on Cora, the waitress, and watch her through her apartment window while she’s getting ready for work, other days I dream about the diner’s steak and cobbler and still other days I hang out with “the boys” in Port Angeles since apparently that’s where you go for cheap booze and loose women… or just lost high school girls, either or.
c

Merry frickin' Christmas!

So since no one really knows what the HALE I do for a living and it IS that time of year again, I’m back at my most favorite job in the world. Yes folks, it’s Christmas time so I’m reprising my most famous role as Forks’ own creep-o store Santa. Affectionately known to you all as: Buttcrack Santa, who some believe says inappropriate things to the kids and may or may not have given underage children little bottles of alcohol instead of those crusty ol candy canes. Tell me, who wants some broke ass candy cane when you can have a little bottle of Peppermint Schnapps? That’s a big DUH right there. Booze and cruise, yall! A shot of Schnapps for the kiddo’s will make that hellacious shopping trip so much better for the parents. So you see I’m doing them a favor. They should be thanking me instead of trying to get me fired. Ungrateful jerks. I may just have to report them to the REAL Santa as “naughty.” See if they like those lump of coals in their stocking instead of a fishing pole or perhaps a… LITTLE BOTTLE?!

Take the cut to read the rest and see Buttcrack Santa’s Christmas Card to you!
Continue…

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Moon is so thankful – Happy Thanksgiving to the Twilight fandom!

Dear Twilight and LTT/LTR-ers

About 3 things I was absolutely positive: First I was a vampire blogger with the best co-blogger around. Second, there was part of us — and I didn’t know how snarky that part might be — that thirsted to blog about Rob and twilight every day for a year. And third, I was unconditionally and irrevocably thankful for  you all!

Thankful for their magic-ness (you can't even make this stuff up!)

Today in the states we celebrate Thanksgiving, a day we take off to sit back and remember all that we have to be thankful for. Of couse I could make a list a mile long that includes stuff like Stephenie Meyer (duh), the holy trinity, big daddy, buttcrack santa, jorts, little bottles, “you’re alive!” “animal attacks,” Cullen smiles, twi moms, Cee Dubs and his orange pants, the wietz’ genius, and this great community we have right here at LTT/LTR but you know that already. So we’re taking today to remember our family, friends, and all our blessings and that just happens to include you all and the Twilight world!

You don’t have to live in the states to participate for the rest of the week/end we will be featuring letters and tweets of thanks on LTT and LTR as UC and I take a mini break to refuel and reflect. If you’d like to tell us what you’re thankful for email us a letter, a sentence, a thought or tweet us your thanks!

I hope whether you’re near or far (wherever you are) that you know today we’re thankful for YOU and appreciate all our readers and now friends!

Happy Thanksgiving!
Themoonisdown

What are you thankful for? Take a second to share with us in the comments! Don’t live in the states? Do you have a holiday similar to thanksgiving?

Our internet game is ridiculous: The Forum, LTR, Twitter

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