If not you, Twilight. It’s me…

(While I’m away in Kenya for 2 weeks (TWO WEEKS! AH!!!) we’ll be featuring past letters writers as well as new ones and today we have a newbie: KSiggy2010 writing a break up letter. NOOOO say it ain’t so! xo,moon)

uh ooooohhh

Dear Twilight,

We have to talk. No, please don’t cry. It’s all going to be okay. We’ve been together for a year and a half now, and it was a fun time. But I think I may be over. It’s not you, it’s me. I was young and naïve when we first got together, but now things are going to be changing. I start college in the fall and I don’t want to do the long distance thing. I’m sorry but I’m going to have to let you go. Don’t cry! If you start crying, I’ll start crying. But it won’t change anything.

Remember all the good times we’ve had. Like the time my mother *50 year old cougar* and I went to see the 100 monkeys…twice. This was back in May ’09 when he was still hott, without his catfish facial hair and side talking. That was a good time, we got to see Philadelphia and the skeezy parts of Allentown. That was my first time, the popping of my Twilight cast cherry.

My second time was better than my first; it went much smoother and was relatively painless. My mother booked two bus tickets to go into NYC to see Tim Burton’s exhibit at the MOMA. Coincidentally, Rob’s Remember Me premiere was also going on…totally didn’t plan that *wink* So I obsessively checked Twitter  to see what was going down and got my wristband and chilled till the epicness of the movie premiere began. We stood in line for hours on end, but then Rob came *twss* over in his hobo greatness, with his unwashed hair, and his two button downs. It was hard *twss* to believe that this man could be even more attractive in person, but he was. Then some chick was there with a greasy black mullelephant. She didn’t come over and there may have been some *bitchfacing* going down on my side.

I don't want you to come... to college with me...

There are so many other things that happened through our Twilight relationship. I cannot see a group of bears or wolves without yelling “They are NOT bears!” whilst pointing and jumping. That can get you some strange looks in a toy store, and maybe a special hug from the security guards. Whenever someone offers me a grape lollipop, I have to say, “Purple’s cool”. I can’t go to TGI Fridays and watch people drink an Ultimate Margarita while Van Morrison croons “Wild Nights” on April 9^th and not think about, you, Twilight *this really did happen and it blew my mind*.

I cannot go into my dorm room in September with my New Moon AND Eclipse full size Edwards, pocket Edward, my photo albums, and fanfiction binders. I think it’s time we take a break. Maybe we can get together when I’m home for breaks? I’m sure my mother would be willing to entertain you. So Twilight, it’s not you, it’s me. But believe me I’ll be there cringing when you bring us Breaking Dawn.

You’ll always be in my heart,
KSiggy2010

Oh KSiggy don’t let our love die! NOOOO. I think you can have the best of both worlds, college AND Twilight. It’s all about the balance and leaving those cardboard standups at home. Oh and don’t pass up an opportunity to go out with friends, party or meet people for staying in your room and doing Twilight stuff. It will always be there! College will not! Have fun and let’s all give KSiggy2010 some college advice… can we really have the best of both worlds or will we all inevitably “grow out” of this stage?

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

103 Commented

Open Weekend Post: Hosted by Kellan & his mom talking about mammograms!

Dear Kellan-

Oh sweet heavens. I can’t make it through 5 seconds without having to stop the video because I’m laughing or cringing so hard. This is like watching you and your mom talk about the “birds and the bees” for the first time back in grade school, or junior high or whatever your sensible christian parents thought was a proper age. Of course it was started, interjected and ended with “but you should wait for the mate that’s right from God” (I don’t want it, want it, I don’t want it! sing it with me!). Only this time it’s like you’re the parent telling your lovely mother about breast self exams and then when you say “have you gotten tested lately?” It sounds like your mom may be a bit of a good times gal who’s in need of services from the free clinic.

Then there was talk of pap smears and yearly exams and I had to run screaming from the room because my parent embarrassment level was higher than when my mom used to drop me off at my friends and yell “make good choices” out the window as she drove away. But luckily I made it back in time for you to say you ‘did it’ with you mom and we should all ‘do it’ with our moms and ‘do it’ with other moms! Cause I’m a mother lover, you’re a mother lover we should ef each other’s mothers… ok, maybe that last part was an SNL Digital Short but STILL. KELLAN, COME ON!!! Stop with the PBS After School Specialness of this PSA.

2nd hand embarrassed but love your boobs!
Themoonisdown

PS But seriously folks, all joking aside Kellan and his mom are totes right, feel yourself up regularly and get felt up by a professional regularly! Love your boobs, because Kellan and his mom said so!! Hey, just think of Kellan telling you to ‘do it’ while you’re getting your boob smashed in the mammogram machine, it’ll make it almost half enjoyable. Not.

PPS I (moon) will be at TwiCon/Eclipse Con today so I will be live tweeting all the craziness from what I’ve already dubbed #CrazyCon so make sure you’re following me as I 2nd hand embarrass myself and see the nuttiness. Oh and the holy trinity… ya know, those guys.

More info on Kellan’s boob group: Men for Women Now

Did you make it through the video without hitting pause? Big ups to Kellan for not laughing TOO hard through this. And feel your boobs up cause it’s important!

Our internet game is ridiculous: LTR, The Forum, Twitter, The Store

31 Commented

Twilosophy: Charlie & Renee – a parenting cop out?

Dear Twilosophy Majors,

My good pal nopaperkg has just recently begun reading Breaking Dawn and on our road trip back from the holiday break she turned on her copy of the Breaking Dawn audiobook. While the audiobook version is a whole ‘nother post for a different day suffice it to say it got me thinking again about the saga through new eyes. Something about hearing a woman imitating a man’s voice or maybe hearing the only book in the saga I’ve read once being dramatically read to me gave it new life. And it brought up some of my old questions I had that started back in the Twilight book. We listened to the chapter of Breaking Dawn where Charlie sees Bella for the first time since she’s been changed into a Vampire. He tells Bella that the less he knows the better. And so that got me to thinking…

Is Charlie’s (and for that matter Renee’s) parenting style a cop out? Now obviously, I’m not a parent, and who knows if I ever will be one, but I know from having a couple of really good parents of my own that none of this shiz Bella tries to pull would NEVER have flown. The “less I know, the better” would NOT have happened in my house. Especially if I supposedly came down with some tropical disease on my honeymoon that required me to go to the center of disease control. RIGHT. My mom would have beat me to the center before I ever got there. And the whole Renesmee is our maybe daughter/maybe niece who grows at an unnatural rate and has a betrothed that is a werewolf on the side. Nope, don’t want to know anything about it, TMI! YEA RIGHT.

Hey baby, I'll maybe see you in 2 years when you graduate. Oh wait, I won't.

Let’s take it back to New Moon. Had my boyfriend dumped me and left me in the woods which would lead me into a downward depression spiral my mom would have been on the first plane out. Especially if months went by where I became a zombie with night terrors and a penchant for dangerous after school activities. Is Charlie not sharing the whole truth with Renee? Is she too busy in Jacksonville with Phil the minor league baseball player to care about her child who is hurting?

Read more Twilosophy after the jump
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173 Commented

AmandDUH's at it again – Decode!!

Dear LTT-ers, train wreck lovers and video enthusiasts,

Our dear dear Twimom video vixen AmanDUh is at it again! And yes she’s gone back to covering songs and wouldn’t you know this time it’s Decode by Paramore. I about jumped out of my chair when I got the notification she had updated and she doesn’t let us down!

Looks like AmanDUH’s invested in a make up artist for this video. Yup she got eyeliner and what I can only assume is a  tear drop “tattoo” on her cheek. Now where I’m from that means something quite different that being sad. Thats just straight gangsta! Did she get in a prison gang fight at the ladies penitentury and kill one of her homies? DAAAYUM Amanduh’s hardcore! I better watch my back, she’s libel to cuttabitch. But really, I’m just glad she brought back “special” Edward for this video, I was beginning to miss him and his hairline.

Enjoy! And uh don’t turn up the volume too loud she hits a few notes that only dogs will be able to hear.

How did we get herAH?
Themoonisdown

-UC dazzles us with some Rob goodness over at Letters to Rob
– create your own video and post it at the forum so we can all laugh!

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Where are you Nikki Reed?

Have you seen this girl?

Dear Nikki,

Monday when I was writing that post about Drunk emailing and how much would it cost to get a Twi star at your party, I was reviewing the list and kept wondering who I left out and then it dawned on me: I left out YOU! And so that’s why I wrote “Nikki – WHO?” Cause seriously girl where the h-word are you?! I’m kind of actually doing a Mom Moon and worrying about you and where you’ve been and how you’re doing. If I wanted to pull a real Mom Moon I’d start calling the LAPD, and area LA Hospitals to see if you’ve turned up. Cause it’s July 14th at 5am in Los Angeles, “Do you know where your Nikki Reed is?” Cause I sure as crap don’t.

So of course it got me thinking… where in the world could you be? And what are you doing? I checked IMDB and the only thing you have current is in pre-pro and that’s K-11 and we KNOW that ain’t filming right now and it might even be up in the air if you’re even still in it, especially if that whole KStew falling out rumor is true.

So then I checked to see if you have any fansites cause if anyone knows what’s up with Twi stars it’s their fans! Can I get an amen? And I find out no one’s updated in about a week. That isn’t good news. Then I hit Twitter, cause that’s all the latest and greatest and guess what all (read 2) fan twitters hadn’t updated in days either. Not even your FAKE twitter counterpart has cared enough to tweet about your fake goings on in over a week!

So it’s left me only a couple options as to where you’ve been…

• You were driving to LAX one day, took and wrong turn and got lost in south central LA and were jumped into one of the local gangs… crips or bloods? I’d say crips cause you look better in blue than red. If this is true call us maybe we can initiate a trade off with the crips. You for Justin Chon or maybe they want someone beefier like Christian Serratos?

• You’ve become a hermit spending all your time online at Nike.com designing more ridiculous neon high top sneakers than you know what to do with. My advice? Trash them all and get a nice pair of ballet flats.

• This whole Oregano thing is true and you’ve chosen him over KStew. WOW if that’s true I really want the dish! Give me the gossip now! And so you two are hanging out at Cathy’s house, smoking up and worming your way into whatever movie she’s doing next. I wish I knew Cathy, I’d love to be an actress.

Take the cut to find out what Nikki’s REALLY been up to. TRUST it’s SOOO good!
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